Chapter 30 Lara #2
“Look around you. Feel the energy in this sacred space. This isn’t like the world you left behind.
Out there, they sold you the greatest lie: that your feminine essence is a weakness to overcome.
But the truth—the truth is that essence is power.
A primal power. Passionate power. A power that we are here to cultivate.
To nurture and grow. Society fears this power.
That’s why they’ve convinced you to suppress it.
They’ve taught you shame. They’ve taught you to distrust your instincts.
They’ve convinced you that your greatest gift—your feminine energy—is somehow a liability.
Here, we strip away those lies.” Eden stepped down from the podium then and began to walk through the rows of women, many of them—too many—looking up at him with adoring eyes.
My jaw couldn’t have fallen farther as I watched the women eat up his words like they were forbidden fruit.
He touched the faces of some. Bent to kiss the heads of others .
. . And they were enrapt by him. Too worshipful to see the way he looked at them—like they were a buffet he’d created for no one but himself.
“This journey isn’t easy. Your conditioning runs deep.
Your ego will fight to maintain its illusions of control.
It will tell you not to trust your wild core.
To not trust the men who are here to strengthen your gifts.
Some days, you’ll want to retreat back to the comfortable prison of societal expectations.
But I make you this promise: Trust this process.
Surrender to me, and let me nurture your wild core, and in just three months, you’ll experience a level of adoration, abundance, and authentic power that most women will never know in their lifetimes. ”
Calder squeezed my elbow again. I turned as the metal gate opened, and Dr. Julia walked through it, followed by Matthew.
Both of them looked on edge. My head whipped back to the cult leader.
As soon as he saw Dr. Julia, his hand fell away from the woman he’d been admiring in front of him and he calmly strode back to the podium.
“Our evening meditation ends here. Now it’s time to go back to your rooms and reflect on your journey. On your desires. On your wild core.”
Calder nudged me again. Time to go. We quickly backtracked along the same path toward the cabins.
“Those who will have the ritual of release tonight will find your doors marked and instructions on your bed.”
I pressed my fist to my mouth, trying to swallow the urge to vomit. Calder must’ve sensed it, because as soon as we reached the cloak of trees where we’d entered the compound, he hauled me to his chest, holding me as I shook. With anger. With rage. With fear. With pain.
“I’ve got you,” Calder said, so quietly he could’ve actually just mouthed it next to my ear.
Closing my eyes, I nodded into his chest, knowing we had to go.
Calder didn’t get a chance to pull away before determined footsteps invaded the quiet around us. His arms tightened, only allowing me to turn my head and watch.
Dr. Julia entered the small clearing between the last two cabins. She looked completely different from the picture of serenity who had greeted us at the retreat.
Moments later, Adam Eden joined her. “You need to calm down, Julia. We’re safe here, my darling wife—”
Wife? Calder and I shared a look.
“Safe? What if they find him? What if that couple or Sarah sends people after us? This is your fault,” Dr. Julia returned, twisting her hair in her hands as she paced in front of him. “You were the one who wanted more when I told you it was too soon. You always want more, James—”
James! Calder’s chest swallowed my gasp and dampened the detonation of my pulse. Had James Braun become Adam Eden?
I looked to Calder for confirmation that I hadn’t imagined her slip, but his gaze didn’t stray from the other couple. In fact, he hadn’t moved a single muscle, shown any reaction to the information at all.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Adam,” Dr. Julia quickly said, her voice hushed and distinctly trembling.
“Did you do this on purpose?” Adam demanded, stepping into her path.
Dr. Julia’s hand slapped to her chest. “On purpose—”
“You know this is how the wildness works.” He clasped her face, not waiting for her to finish. “You don’t have to be jealous of them. Just like I don’t have to be jealous of Matthew—”
“Matthew and I aren’t—”
“It’s okay, Julia.” Again, he didn’t bother to hear her out. “He’s yours to have. All of them are. He can have you and I can watch . . .”
Clearly, there had been a time when that arrangement would’ve interested her, but now she turned her head away from him, seeming weary at the thought.
“I don’t think we should stay here, Adam. I think we need to leave.”
“Shh.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “We’re safe here. Protected. We don’t need to run anymore.”
“Adam—”
“Why don’t you go rest, darling.” He slid his hands to her shoulders, gently massaging them. “It’s been a stressful few days. Frustrating. And you’ve done so well. Been so strong. You deserve time to rest.”
She looked up at him. “Adam, I want you with me tonight.”
I felt the smallest twinge of guilt, intruding on what was clearly a private moment between them. But it was only for a second, and then he spoke, and guilt was replaced with something else.
“Of course.” He nodded and smiled, and for a second, she looked impossibly relieved. Right up until he said, “I’ll be with you when I’m finished with Brielle.”
My head snapped up, my gaze finding Calder’s hardened stare. I knew what he was thinking. Brielle was young. Too young. And where was she? I hadn’t seen her in the group.
“I’m your wife, Adam.” His name came out almost like an accusation.
“You are my Lilith, and they are my Eves,” he corrected.
Was the biblical reference meant as a comfort or as a threat?
An assurance that she was the first and most important, or a warning that he could banish her from the Garden if she didn’t obey?
“You know this is how my garden works, my love. I will come to you when I’m finished, and then tomorrow I will have them worship you.
Whichever of them you want to join us, you’ll have your pick. ”
Her silence didn’t deter him. I doubted much of anything deterred a narcissist.
“Maybe Tara. I know she worked well with us before. She’s been very .
. . eager to please me while you’ve been at the retreat.
” Bile rose in my throat, and it was only Calder’s hand that suddenly gripped mine that stopped me from vomiting when he added, “Or what about Rachel? She’s been very .
. . timid during her initiation, even when I have her watch me with the others.
Normally, that opens them up; it certainly did for Brielle, but everyone is different during initiation.
Some flowers take longer to bloom.” He hummed.
“Maybe she needs your feminine touch to awaken her wild core again. I know how much you enjoy cultivating the troubled ones.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling like I was sitting in the front row to my sister’s very own nightmare.
“That’s it. I’ll have Rachel brought to us after morning meditation, and we will both worship you.” Adam cupped her face and kissed her forehead, the gesture sickening. “Now, go back to our temple and rest. I’ll be there soon.”
Adam left, heading across the compound. The minimal lights on the buildings made the white of his scrubs glow. Had he picked white because it made him feel like a doctor? Like he was actually sexually healing these women by manipulating them? Or had he picked white to seem more like God?
Probably both.
All I saw was the reflection of his narcissism in the pristine facade of his abuse. Passing off cheating on his wife like it was a benefit to her. Roping her into his sexual fantasies as though they were choreographed for her pleasure.
Relationships, whether with one partner or multiple, only worked when there was a foundation of trust. It was obvious Dr. Julia’s trust in her husband had loosened. Meanwhile, Adam Eden was twisting its slack around her neck.
Calder kept still—and kept me still—waiting for Dr. Julia to leave, but instead, her head turned as Matthew appeared from the shadows, his voice haunting.
“You deserve better, Julia.”
“Don’t start with me, Matthew,” she begged, more tired than anything. “Not tonight.”
“Tell me what I can do.”
“Just find him, Matthew. Just find him,” she asked and then turned and walked away.
Who was “him”?
Calder released me, and I looked up at him in horror. By now, they had to have realized we’d given them fake names and hadn’t left our IDs in our locker. Were they looking for us? Was she talking about Calder?
The question—like so many others—plagued me during the silent trek back to our campsite.