Chapter 10
TRACE
Was Wolfe on a flirt tour of America? Because it was starting to feel that way.
“Sorry to interrupt,” I lied, stepping away from the younger man who’d barreled into me.
Wolfe’s chest lifted as he pulled in a deep breath. I held mine while waiting to see if he’d let me in.
But all he said was, “Okay.”
I exhaled and gave what I hoped was a polite smile to the man I now recognized as VotoBren. “Excuse us?”
The guy’s eyes flicked to Wolfe, who nodded and flashed him a reassuring look. “Thanks, Brennan. Good luck with Val.”
Once he left, I lifted an eyebrow at Wolfe and glanced at his passenger seat, which was swiveled to face the interior of the van where the kitchen and bed were. “Can I come in?”
Wolfe nodded, so I hopped in and took the seat, leaning for the sliding door handle to pull it closed behind me.
“Leave it open,” he said.
I glanced out to see if anyone was around to eavesdrop, but the sites were far enough apart to give us privacy.
He sat back on the edge of the bed and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He was wearing an old T-shirt, faded navy with a small pink logo on the shirtsleeve.
I recognized it from Instagram photos Wolfe had been tagged in, but I’d never seen it on him before in person.
For some reason, it made me feel the distance between us.
The six years I’d tried to have as little in-person contact with him as possible.
Our interactions had been reduced to Marian family group events and a few quick encounters that had been unavoidable. And the truth was… I missed him.
I missed Wolfe’s curiosity about the world. His deep, instinctive kindness. His insights. His easy acceptance. His playfulness, which was so similar to my own.
Lots of people could make me laugh, but few had ever made me truly, deeply happy. And very few of those—fine, one person, ever—could make my whole body relax and my spirit quiet with just the simple gift of his presence.
I’d cut myself out of his life six years ago, but I was only now realizing that in doing so, I’d cut out a part of myself, too.
And I missed him so badly my chest hurt.
“I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you in February,” I began, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees and my hands clasped together to keep from reaching for him. “It was condescending, rude… and probably very confusing, considering my actions.”
His jaw ticked as he looked down at where his hand was smoothing the rumpled cotton duvet next to his thigh.
“Not confusing. At least, not when I had a clear enough head to think about it. You said you were trying to help me get it out of my system. You didn’t actually want the kiss. It was just to prove a point.”
Little drummers banged against my sternum from the inside. “Maybe at first. A little. Yes. But…”
I hesitated, considering how much to reveal. The truth was, as soon as my lips had touched his, all the “point-proving” had gone out the window.
Before I could say anything, he interrupted.
“You weren’t into it.” He shrugged. “Not your fault.”
Wolfe pulled up his socked feet and wrapped his arms around his knees. Like he was curling in on himself. Like he was battening down the hatches to prepare for a storm.
“I…” I raked my hands through my hair. “I… liked it. The kiss. I thought that much was obvious.”
His forehead crinkled. “You did?”
“Jesus, Wolfe, yes! Couldn’t you tell? Fuck. I practically dry humped your leg.”
The edge of his lips quirked up, and his ears turned red. “Well, I did notice that much.”
I ran my clammy hands down my thighs, unsure of where I wanted this conversation to go. I still couldn’t imagine a scenario where we were together. Not when the idea of telling Derek still made my palms sweat. But I didn’t want my relationship with Wolfe to be strained anymore.
Hell, I wanted to have a relationship with him again, period.
I needed him to know I didn’t think of him as a child any longer, but that I also wanted him safe. Not because he couldn’t take care of himself, but because he was precious to me.
“I don’t want things to be like this between us,” I admitted, hearing the roughness in my voice. “You’re important to me. And I… I miss you.”
“I miss you, too,” he said softly.
The ache in my chest intensified, and I sucked in a breath. Had I really thought all the missing would be on my side of the equation? That leaving San Francisco to protect Wolfe, to let him move on from his crush, would be a pain-free experience for him?
We sat in silence for a little while, Wolfe continuing to smooth the fabric next to him and me taking sneaky looks around his van.
I noticed his journal lying on the table and felt a pang. He was still using the leather cover I’d gotten him ages ago.
Yeah, not a pain-free experience.
I cleared my throat. “You been writing any songs?”
His head snapped up. “What?”
I nodded at the journal. “It’s just, you used to write song lyrics sometimes. I wondered if you ever did that anymore.”
“Oh, uh… Sometimes. Yeah.”
“Anything you want to share? I haven’t heard you play in a long time.”
He shook his head and went back to smoothing the duvet. His cheeks were now as red as his ears, mottled and uneven. The red made his lips look even more kissable than before.
“It’s okay,” I murmured. “No pressure.”
He glanced at me quickly before returning to his task. “Aren’t you supposed to be at SERA? You’re probably getting ready for spring and summer sessions.”
I forced myself to go along with the stilted conversation, wondering if it was simply a matter of putting in the time and small talk before the two of us would feel more comfortable with each other again.
So I told him about my recent SaR cohorts, about the lost snowmobiler in Yellowstone, and how Foster’s tracking dog, Chickie, had been improving by leaps and bounds after a winter of training attention.
Wolfe told me about his recent work at the foundation.
Projects he’d been excited to fund and beneficial partnerships he and Jude had created that would help expand the foundation’s reach for years to come.
Even if it wasn’t his dream job, he seemed satisfied with the work he’d been doing there, despite Derek and Jude’s fears.
We talked about the Marians, catching up on everyone’s lives, since I knew more about the Legacy crew, and he knew more about the others.
Over the span of two hours, Wolfe began to relax. His legs straightened out again, and his body flopped sideways to lie on a pillow.
He’d offered me a cup of coffee from his little pod machine, then pulled out some of the same pastries I’d picked up at the local market.
I ended up kicking off my shoes and propping my feet up on the bench next to me, picking the paper cover off a muffin while telling him about my trip up from Joshua Tree.
He frowned. “You found me from social media posts? How? I haven’t even been posting to my personal account.”
The wording of that was strange, as if he had more than a personal account, but instead of focusing on it, I explained how I’d used the Joshua Tree boondocking tags to find him.
“That’s creepy, Trace,” he said, smiling in a way that took any sting out of the accusation.
I shrugged. “It’s what I do.”
He rolled his eyes and crumpled his paper towel, shooting it at the small wastebasket near me and missing. “I hope my dads are paying you well, at least.”
I was in the middle of correcting his missed trash shot when I glanced up at him, fully offended. “You can’t be serious.”
He looked confused. “What?”
“I didn’t come looking for you as a job, Wolfe. Fuck. I came because I was worried.”
His hand waved dismissively. “Whatever.”
I straightened from the wastebasket and stepped closer to him, reaching for his face to tilt it up until he was forced to meet my eyes. The warmth of his skin was like a drug, sucking me into a strange, soft kind of haze.
“Not whatever,” I said through gritted teeth. “I was fucking worried about you. Because I care about you. I need you to be okay. Do you get that?”
I resisted the urge to swipe a thumb over his full lower lip, to disengage it from where it was pinned under a tooth.
Wolfe’s inky-black lashes fluttered over his cheek before he opened his eyes to meet mine again. “I am okay,” he breathed. “Just lost track of time. Forgot to check in with Rosie.”
I held his face in one hand while bringing up the other to smooth his messy locks off his forehead. “You’re important to me,” I confessed too softly.
He blinked again, like he was the one being drugged this time. “Trace. Please.”
My cock was already swelling. Probably had been the entire time we’d been talking. “I want to kiss you again so fucking badly,” I croaked, forcing myself to let go of him, to step back. “I’m sorry.”
Before I could move out of reach, Wolfe grabbed my wrist and yanked me forward. “Stop goddamn apologizing and just do it.”
I stumbled over the cursed wastebasket, accidentally kicking it against the cabinet with a bang and falling forward into Wolfe. He guided my face to his, and then we were kissing again.
I wasn’t strong enough for this. The taste of him, the feel of him… the fucking intoxicating scent of him were enough to ruin any rational thought I’d ever possessed. How was I supposed to deny myself something so tempting when it was offering itself up on a fucking platter?
So I folded.
I reached for his face and kissed him back, hard. Then I kneed up onto the bed and pushed him back into the blankets as I laid part of my weight on him.
He let out a breathy moan as he reached around me and shoved his hands up my shirt to feel my bare back.
As soon as the edge of my shirt lifted, I felt the cool breeze from outside, enough to remind me of the open van door.
“Wait,” I murmured against his lips. I pulled back to climb off him, just long enough to close the van door, but he misinterpreted it.
“Please don’t leave again!” His voice sounded desperate, anguished.
As soon as I slammed the door closed, I moved back, making shushing noises and reassuring him. “Baby, I’m not leaving. I’m right here.”
I climbed on the bed and propped myself over him again, hating the distress in his eyes. “I’m right here,” I repeated, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “Right here.” Another kiss to his cheek. “Not leaving.” One to his forehead.
Wolfe blew out a shaky breath. “You don’t need to make any promises, Trace. Just… just don’t go right now. Okay? I don’t want you to go.”
Fuck, he was so sweet. So incredibly vulnerable. The man had never been able to hide his emotions from me, and right now, they were clear as day.
“I’m not leaving,” I said again, but I held myself back from adding the word promise.
Instead, I kissed him once more, ignoring the screaming warning sirens blaring in my head.
I could only be strong for so long. And apparently, my strength had finally run out.