Chapter 17 #3
“I’m taking a breath! I’m taking lots of breaths!” Too many, probably. They didn’t seem to be doing much good.
He lowered his voice before pulling me into his arms. “Wolfe. Sweetheart. C’mere.”
“I’m fine,” I said, voice too high. “I’m good. I don’t need…”
“Coddling? I know.”
My body didn’t fight him. I sank straight into Trace’s arms, even as I was protesting that I didn’t need to, and his strong hands moved up and down my back.
Both my arms were squished between us, enough to make me feel like a little kid. But at that moment, I didn’t mind it. Trace smelled good and felt even better.
“I’m fine,” I said again, making sure my voice was more normal this time.
“Okay. But maybe I’m not.”
I took a minute to consider that. “What do you mean?”
His hands cupped the sides of my face, forcing me to meet his eyes. “I want you. For more than a hookup. I want it to mean something.”
I stared at him, wondering what he’d really said that my brain had freakishly morphed into what I wanted to hear. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
He bit back a laugh, but his eyes sparkled in a way I recognized. It meant he thought I was being adorable and amusing.
It would have pissed me off if his thumb wasn’t also tracing the bottom curve of my lip like he also wanted to do dirty things to me.
“Wolfe, baby, I’m not going to apologize for trying to avoid this until now. Moving away six years ago was the right thing to do for both of us. I’d suspected you had a crush on me, but I hadn’t thought it was serious. And I… I hadn’t let myself think of you that way back then.”
I licked my lips. “Back then?”
Trace smiled ruefully. “After that day at the river, it felt like I couldn’t stop thinking about you. And I tried.”
“Oh.” Heart in my throat, I prompted, “And… now?”
“Now, I think if we both still have feelings for each other, even after we’ve tried to stay away this long…”
“It means something,” I suggested carefully.
He nodded. “It means something.”
My heart was one of those little toys propelled by a rubber band twisted up tight and released onto a tabletop. It sputtered and skittered all over the damned place, careening for the nearest ledge to hurl itself off.
“What exactly does that mean?” I whispered.
Trace’s lips brushed mine softly. “What do you want, baby? What do you want us to be?”
My fingertips were numb from wanting. Maybe if I couldn’t feel him, I wouldn’t get overwhelmed and ask for too much.
“I want to see what it would be like if…” I clenched my back teeth before forcing the rest of the words out. “If we were together. For real.”
As soon as the words were out, I panicked. It was too much, too soon. I’d aimed too high.
So I started backtracking. “I mean, not together-together. Not when we don’t know if it would work out.
And we don’t even live in the same place!
I have thought about moving to Legacy. I mean, it’s one of my favorite places on Earth, and I always feel like I can breathe there.
But I know that’s your place. Moving there would probably be a lot.
Too much. I get it. So I guess I could stay in San Francisco, and we could—mpfh! ”
His lips crushed mine before I could get the rest of the words out. I scrambled to hold on to his shirt, grabbing the daypack straps instead and pulling him closer with them until I couldn’t breathe anymore.
When I finally pulled back to suck in oxygen, I heard Trace laugh. “You’re so fucking cute,” he said.
I tucked my forehead under his chin so he wouldn’t see how flustered I was. “Shut up. I’m trying not to be weird, and it’s making me… weird.”
“I like you weird,” Trace said, his voice vibrating against my nose. “I like you, period.”
“I brought travel Sequence,” I blurted, desperate to change the subject by reminding him I was a huge board-game dork.
He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “I adore you. And I would love to play Sequence with you. Especially since your dad isn’t here to kick both our asses.”
I exhaled and pulled back to meet his eyes. “I don’t want to put pressure on you,” I said. “Or this. Or us.”
Trace pulled back and began shrugging off the daypack. “Then we won’t. I want the same thing. Being with you. It won’t be easy at first. We’re both going to have to be honest with each other.” His eyes met mine. “Very honest.”
I felt a flare of alarm. “Yeah. I mean… yes. Obviously.”
He blew out a breath and looked up at the sky. “And I’m gonna have to figure out some magic words to tell your fathers.”
I winced.
“But for now.” He moved toward me, bracing his hands on my hips. “Let’s just…”
“Have a picnic?” I suggested with a grin.
He smiled at me before pressing a quick kiss to my lips. Then he bent and unfurled the giant beach towel that had mysteriously made its way into a load of my laundry back at the Grand Canyon. “Have a picnic.”
We settled onto a nearby patch of new grass and began unpacking the few supplies we’d brought.
Trace began telling me about his last search and rescue case.
I told him about an exciting project the foundation had worked on last year.
Then we went on to talk about Lennon’s ranch and Rosie’s love-hate relationship with it.
By the time the first hikers approached the area, we’d been talking and lounging for at least two hours. It was easy and fun, and when the other hikers struck up a conversation with us, the ease between us remained.
We spent the day like that, just enjoying each other’s company.
And when it was over, we fell into bed together, sated and exhausted after another few rounds of exploring each other’s bodies.
I didn’t take the opportunity to fuck Trace, but only because we never made it that far before both of us were coming with shaky, desperate gasps and low, lurid moans.
It was without a doubt the best day of my life, and as I drifted off, I realized it was the first day in years I’d fallen asleep knowing without a doubt that everything would still be okay in the morning.
Which was why it was such a shock when I awoke to a cold and empty bed.