16. Polar Bear Signals
Chapter sixteen
Polar Bear Signals
Hands slide into the hot water covered with bubbles, covering mine and squeezing gently. “We have a dishwasher.”
Even those mild words sting like a rebuke. I press forward, my stomach uncomfortably tight against the edge of the counter. “I want to do them myself. Helps me think.”
And avoid the unfolding scenario in the living room. Liam turns me carefully, tugging my hands away from the dishes. His lips press into mine.
“I’m sorry.” He breathes his apology into my parted lips. “Seriously, Ro.”
I don’t move until he pulls away. My throat tightens. “What for?”
He hesitates. “It had to be done. But I hated it, Rosie. I don’t want to see you unhappy.”
It didn’t stop him, though. I screamed and cried and begged, and he didn’t stop it. Lauren needed it, but what I needed didn’t matter. “Seems like there’s a lot of that heading my way.”
I try to turn away, but he cages me in, careful not to touch me. My hackles rise. “Going for round two?”
Liam flinches back at my barbed tone. “You knew this was going to be hard.”
My lips firm. “Carter should have been here.”
He wouldn’t have let it happen. Not like that. Liam takes in my face, the small lines in the corner of his eyes tightening. “He said he told you about his shoulder.”
“Yeah.” And I’d wanted to talk to Liam about it, but the anger and hurt is gathered in my throat, choking off my words. I fight to pull them free. “What do we do?”
He presses his forehead to mine. “We keep the pack going, Ro. Carter needs to focus on this season, and his physio. That means you and I are going to focus on home. If you run to him every time there’s a problem, he’s going to tear himself apart trying to fix everything.”
I stiffen. “I don’t do that.”
I might do that. Liam plays with my hair, tugging some loose as he winds his fingers around it.
It makes it easier to watch his face, when he’s not looking at me.
There’s a small furrow between his eyes.
“It was you and him for a long time. I know that must be hard to shake off. But we’re a pack, Rosie.
This is a good time for us to learn to lean on each other. Carter isn’t your only alpha, baby.”
“I know that,” I whisper. But guilt flickers in my chest.
There’s an undercurrent in his voice that I can’t place. “I want you to come to me while we’re getting through this. Not him. Can you do that?”
I chew at my lip, glancing at the hall. But there’s no sign of Carter, no light above the elevator entrance signaling he’s on his way up.
“Like I said.” Liam nudges my face back to him. “He’s not your only alpha. You have to talk to me.”
He waits for my response.
“You…” I swallow. “You held me down. I was begging you, and you didn’t do anything.”
He winces. Nods. “And what would have happened if I’d let you go?”
Nothing good. His brows raise at the look on my face. “I hated doing that. But it’s done. You and I both know that Lauren needed to do that. That was a hard step, and it’s already over with. Isn’t it better to have it behind you than waiting for the moment it has to happen?”
“I don’t know,” I hedge.
“But I do.” He pulls me into him, clearly testing my reaction.
His sigh is relieved when I lean my cheek against his chest. “This is exactly what I’m saying, Ro.
Your instincts are all over the place right now, and that’s not your fault.
You can’t control them, baby. I’m your alpha.
That means you trust me to do what’s best for you, and I will.
I’ll keep this pack together, even when it’s hard.
I’m not going to hold back if it means dragging out pain for you. ”
His hand works through my hair. “Tell me you understand.”
I can see the couch from here. Jonas and Lauren are sitting on it. A few inches separate them, but his hand is resting near hers. Both of them are clearly trying not to watch us. Jonas turns his head and tries to smile, but it falters.
Lauren looks like she’s trying to burn a hole in whatever film they picked. Her hands are clenched.
“Jonas wants you with him,” Liam says quietly. I pull my head back to see his face. “He’s trying to work this out too. You can go to him, Rosie. Don’t hide away in the kitchen.”
I didn’t think it was that obvious. He cocks an eyebrow. “You hate doing the dishes.”
I do. I really do.
The tightness in my chest eases a fraction. “Okay.”
“Good.” He keeps touching me. “She’s not going to be in our rooms tonight.”
It eases a lot. I jerk back. “She’s not?”
Liam looks awkward, and I wait as the tension grows again. “Remember what I said about doing what’s best?”
Slowly, I nod.
“You said you trusted me.”
I really don’t like where this is going.
“I’m putting a bedroom ban in place.” He steadies me when I rock back. “Temporarily, for both of you. Nobody needs to be worrying about who’s sleeping where. For now at least.”
What?
It feels as if the room pushes in on me, crushing my chest. “Is this because of me? A punishment?”
He takes too long to answer. “No,” he says finally. “It’s to help you both settle with each other. And us. This way, everyone knows where they stand.”
I don’t get to be with them. I yank myself away from him, pushing my hair back. “This sure as hell feels like a punishment to me!”
He folds his arms. “Don’t go complaining to Carter about this, Rosie. I’m warning you. It’s my decision.”
And he’s not going to budge. I can see it in his face, and my heart thuds unevenly. “Not at all?”
How does that even work? “What about my nest?”
“None of us in the nest either,” he says gently. “I’ll review it after the Midwest Swing, see where we are.”
“That’s weeks away!” He’s out of his mind. There’s no way I can go six weeks without them. My cheeks heat. “You can’t be serious.”
Liam’s head tilts. “If I lift it for you, then I have to lift it for Lauren too.”
That stops me.
“You see?” He leans in and kisses my forehead as I stare at nothing. “The alternative is worse. The season will wipe us out anyway. You won’t notice much difference from normal.”
Wanna bet?
Every choice feels like the worst one. He runs a hand down my arm. “Jonas is waiting. Go on.”
At his nudge, I turn and wipe off my hands.
“I need to change out of this dress.” The words are biting. “Am I allowed to do that?”
His fingers dance up my side. “Don’t tempt me. You know I like it when you ask permission.”
But his words are too close to home for me to laugh at them.
Not tonight.
The murmuring stops when I slip back into the living room and hover awkwardly. Jonas twists his head to look, and grins. “If it isn’t the polar bear.”
I throw myself down when he pats the couch, refusing to look over at Lauren. “Say nothing about my onesie if you value your life, Hart.”
He lifts his arm, and I wriggle my way beneath it. Jonas’s fingers tickle the warm wool.
“You good?” he whispers. I only nod, forcing my eyes toward the television. I can feel Liam’s eyes on me from the chair, but he doesn’t say anything about my choice of clothing. I wonder if he can feel my silent signal. Or not so silent.
The onesie is a universal pack sign that no nookie will be taking place.
The choice is out of your hands now, buddy. The only way any knot is getting near me is through six layers of warm, white, fleeced softness. I bury myself into it, pulling the hood over my head and pulling up my feet.
Lauren clears her throat. Jonas squeezes my shoulder when I tense, silent encouragement as her voice fills the air. “Are you ready for the game tomorrow?”
“As ready as we can be,” Jonas says easily. “We’ve got a good track record with the Motors, as long as Cart’s shoulder holds up.”
“What’s wrong with his shoulder?” Lauren straightens. “Is it the same injury he had last season?”
“How do you know about that?” I barely hide the sharpness.
Lauren flushes, and Liam gives me a warning look that I catch out of the corner of my eye. “I did research before accepting the job.”
I reluctantly accept that as a reasonable answer. I shift in my chair, pressing into a watchful Jonas. “Yeah. Same injury. He’s going to be fine, though.”
Maybe if I say it enough, it’ll happen. I frown down into my hands. I didn’t get to speak to Mina today. I’m not entirely sure she isn’t avoiding me.
“Talking of which.” Jonas presses his lips to the side of my head. “I’m for bed. Early start tomorrow. Everything in hand, Ro?”
“Of course.” Or it would be, if they hadn’t flipped my world upside down. I mentally cross my fingers. “I have it handled.”
“If there’s anything I can do…” Lauren trails off at my expression. “I think I’ll turn in too. It’s been a long day.”
“For all of us.” Liam unfurls, stretching out his neck. “Good idea to get an early night in.”
I don’t move. “I’m going to wait for Carter.”
“He was meeting with Dick and the coaches to work out the changes to his schedule. Dick was running late from meeting Meridian.” Liam holds out his hand. “Bed, Rosie. He won’t be long.”
But he also won’t be coming to my room, thanks to Liam’s fantastic idea. I glare at the outstretched hand. “I’m good here.”
“Rosie.”
“Liam.” I mimic his serious tone, my heart beating faster. “Seriously. I have stuff to prep for tomorrow.”
“I’m a night prepper too.” Lauren gives me an awkward half-smile, cutting into the tension. “Guess I’ll… see you tomorrow?”
I manage to nod. Jonas vanishes down the hall behind her, and I tense until I hear the second door close.
Liam is still standing there.
I look around us exaggeratedly. “Are you waiting for a bus?”
“Are we good?” The question takes me by surprise. He perches on the end of the couch. “Seriously, Ro. No joking around. I don’t want us to go to bed pissed at each other.”
I want to ask what exactly he thinks he should be pissed about between the two of us, but my self-restraint is frankly admirable. “I’m not a hundred percent good. Today was a lot.”
Slowly, he nods. “Guess I can deal with that. Tomorrow will be better.”
“It can’t be any freaking worse,” I mutter as he disappears. When the third door closes, I feel myself relax before turning my attention to the door.
I pull my knees against my chest and listen to the silence of an apartment that doesn't sound like mine anymore.
I wake up to Liam’s silhouette pulling my bedroom door closed.
And an empty bed.