19. Alphas In The Wild #2
All of them are dressed up, except for Carter. I swing my gaze to Carter. He’s frowning at Liam. “You said you’d told her.”
“I did.” He yanks his phone free of his pocket.
“No,” Carter says slowly. My head swivels between them like I’m watching tennis. “You said you’d spoken to her at the Furnace. And she was fine.”
“Spoken to me about what?” My head is starting to hurt. “Can someone get me some wine?”
“No.” All three of them chorus, and I stare down at my pathetically empty hands.
They feel like a metaphor for my life. “You all went out for dinner. Without me?”
“Not like that.” Carter tries to turn my face towards his, but I resist until his hand drops away. “Liam?”
My eyes slide toward him. Liam folds his arms. “I thought it would be a good idea to spend some time getting to know Lauren. Without…”
He hesitates. “I… thought this would be easier.”
“Without me,” I whisper. “That’s what you meant, right? Easier without me around.”
Jonas approaches me slowly. He kneels down so he can look up at my face. “It’s not like that, Ro. It’s so we can spend time with both of you. One-on-one. It’s important.”
“Right.” I hold his gaze until he shifts in place, glancing at Liam. “So when is my fancy dinner?”
“Tonight wasn’t about you,” Liam says abruptly. Next to him, Lauren tenses in her stupid scarlet shift dress. “It was to get to know our scent-match somewhere neutral, Rosie. If you need to ask why we had to do that, take a look in the mirror.”
I suck in a breath. I think the whole room does.
“What the fuck?” Carter appears in front of me, blocking my view. “That was uncalled for. Just because you’re embarrassed that she didn’t get whatever message—”
“I didn’t send the fucking message!” His eyes widen as I peer around Carter. “I figured it would be easier to explain after. We didn’t have anything planned. I didn’t think it would be such a big fucking deal.”
I would have preferred a slap.
“You lied to me,” Lauren says sharply. She’s staring at Liam, too. “I came and asked you if you’d told Rosie, and you promised me you would before we left. You told me you had.”
“So you do like leftovers,” I mutter.
Everyone’s eyes slide to me, and I blow out my mouth like a pufferfish. “This is awkward.”
“Fuck.” Liam backs up to the couch and drops into it. He runs his hands over his face. “Ro, I’m sorry. I made a snap decision. It was wrong.”
“You can say it.” I might have to introduce more wine into my life. It helps dampen the pain of the cuts they can’t help inflicting. “I’m in the way, right? You have your scent match. Why do you even want me here?”
Shit. It doesn’t help that much. My voice breaks at the end. “I don’t matter anymore. Not to you. Right?”
Jonas opens his mouth, but Carter stops him. His voice is hard. “No. Let him answer.”
Liam’s head flinches back. “What? Of course you do. I was… I knew you’d spiral if you were on your own here, waiting for us to come back. I thought if you figured we were running late, I could explain when we got home. When I was here to help you.”
I lick my dry lips. “Well. You’re doing a brilliant job. Gold star for you.”
He flinches again. Like I’m hurting him. I look at Jonas next. “Did you think to check in? To see if I was okay?”
His face washes with crimson, staining his cheeks and ears. “Shit, Rosie.”
And then I look at Carter. And it hurts. “You couldn’t have shot me a quick message?”
His posture loosens, folded arms pulling away from his body as he takes a step toward me. “I was running late. Barely made it for the entrée.”
“At least you were there!” The words burst free, loud and pained and bouncing around this room of people who are supposed to care about me. “I’m sorry—I was late—all I know is not one of you took a minute to think about me. Not one of you.”
I can’t look at any of them. “Isn’t that what a healthy pack does? Nobody gets left behind?”
“Ro.” Carter’s voice cracks. I jump off the island and back away, putting it between us when he tries to get closer. I can see his face cracking, see the pain, but I can’t take any of his when I’m fucking overflowing with it. “Please come here, baby.”
“I’m going to bed.” I swallow. “I hope you all had a nice night.”
I hope it was worth it, because something feels broken.
Something besides me.
“We were going to…” Liam trails off. “We need to scent mark the apartment, Rosie.”
I turn away from the hall. My stomach begins to churn. “Are you for fucking real right now?”
“Seriously?” Carter snaps. “Know when to leave it. Jesus.”
Lauren looks between me and Carter. “I think they’re right. Not tonight.”
“It has to be balanced,” he pushes, but he doesn’t sound stern, or pissed off. Not with her. “Things being unequal is what’s causing us issues—”
“Do you hear yourself?” I interrupt. He doesn’t look at me. “You’ve just proved exactly how equal this is going to be. And now you want to push it more?” My voice rises. “Her scent is already everywhere—”
“No, it’s not.” He gets to his feet, and I take a step back.
Liam approaches me, sweeping a hand around us.
“And you know it. This still feels like your space, Ro. Lauren is respecting your space. But it’s going to be both of yours, and we need to start moving toward that.
Dual packs work best when everything is merged—”
“So I don’t get to claim anything as mine?” The words are strangled. “Nothing? Do you know how my biology works?”
His nostrils flare out as he pinches his nose. “You’re not listening. This battle over possessions, over space—it’s making you more territorial because you’re always waiting for Lauren to take over. She’s not going to. But we need to merge our home, Ro, because it’s not just yours.”
“She already is taking over,” I yell at him. Lauren shrinks back behind Jonas. “And she’s not the one pushing it. You are.”
“I’m standing up for my scent match,” he hisses. “And I am helping you, but you’re too stubborn to see it. That is my right. We need to cut out this possessiveness—this ownership—”
“This existence.” My throat burns. “Add that one on too.”
Jonas moves in between us. “I think we all need to take a minute.”
“Nice of you to speak up,” I snap. “I was wondering where my third alpha had gone. Are your balls in his pocket, too?”
My mouth snaps shut. Fuck. Fuck.
Jonas looks like I’ve hit him between the eyes. He swallows, but he holds my eyes. “That is enough.”
“I’m sorry.” He looks away, and I reach for his hand. “I didn’t mean it, Jonas.”
He slides his hand out of my tentative grip. “But you said it.”
“Nothing is going to get solved tonight.” Carter shifts in front of me, blocking my view. “Everyone is upset. We can talk properly tomorrow.”
I’m done talking.
Keeping my distance from them all, I dart for my nest and close the door quietly behind me.
I stand in the middle of my empty nest. The wine swirls in my stomach uneasily, nausea a growing threat at the back of my throat.
Maybe they won’t follow the bedroom ban tonight.
Maybe Liam and Jonas will follow Lauren into her own bedroom. Maybe she’s built a nest already, and she’ll invite them in.
If not tonight, then soon. And I’ll have to listen as they shred whatever’s left of my shrinking heart for her comfort and her pleasure, because mine...
Mine is always going to come last.
I only vaguely hear the knock against my door. “Rosie? Can I talk to you?”
“Go away,” I gasp. I link my hands behind my head and lean forward, breathing heavily. White spots dance in front of my eyes. Everything is swimming, and woozy.
The door cracks open. There’s a sharp inhale.
“Woah. Okay. Just…breathe.” A hand brushes my back. “I need you to breathe, okay? Do you want me to get Carter? I’ll get you some water.”
The voice is female. Distressed. Floral sweetness floods my nose, floods my space, drowns me out completely.
She is erasing me. Piece by piece, taking away all the little parts of my life that matter. My alphas, my nest, my home, my life. Everyone is angry, and sharp, and everything is breaking.
And now she’s here, in my nest. Chipping away a little bit more.
“Get out,” I rasp. A damp cloth touches my neck, and I flinch away from it. “Get out, get out, get out!”
My voice raises to a scream. Until I’m screaming, over and over, and my hands are in her hair, and there’s shouting and yelling and crying. Some mine, some hers, some theirs.
Everyone is screaming. Or maybe it’s just me.
“Enough.” The roar cuts through the buzz of agony. “Let go of her.”
The whimper ripples up my throat as my fingers release their grip. I fold back, my body seeking a wall, a corner, anywhere to curl up and hide.
Hands move toward me, and my arms fling up to cover my head. The noises keep coming out. Noises that I’ve never made. Small, pained, pleading noises. My head bangs back into the wall as I curl myself up, trying to make myself as small as possible.
Small enough that I no longer exist at all.