35. Ilaria
35
ILARIA
D ante has been trying to be a good sport all day but his face was revealing his annoyance as the day went on.
After I came out of the bathroom this morning showered and dressed up in a barely there silk shift dress, the leather jacket with his name over it to complete the look. He had gotten dressed in a knitted polo, black dress pants and loafers, we looked ready to take on the world together.
We shared a breakfast , just the two of us on the balcony, holding hands and exchanging kisses that were soft and chaste after the heat of the morning.
This fear of two children who had grown up following their parents rules and coming so close to breaking them all.
He kept saying he had a bunch of gifts for me and the first one was a pair of teardrop dangling Cartier earrings that made my jaw ache with how it dropped open at the diamonds. But Dante was rubbing his fingers, gently taking out my gold hoops and replacing them with the jewels he bought me.
It was possessive and I loved how he showed his feelings for me by marking me, much like I had done with the watch I gave him.
And then I got greedy.
I knew that we were meeting the Cartel that night and we were going to ditch the boys but some part of me wanted to have Dante today just to myself.
The shopping trip and spa that the girls had planned didn’t work for me and this overwhelming just desire to be with him made me dizzy.
So I asked him if we could spend the day together, just him and I. Something I was sure Becca and Sammie would try to kill me for later since we had a plan and they were the ones with a lot riding on all of this.
But I wanted to be selfish.
I wanted to just have Dante and me be in this bubble.
And he agreed so he must have felt the same sort of mania for me.
We snuck out, my friends giving me a look like they knew I was being reckless with loving him but I couldn’t rein in it. I couldn’t stop myself from being crazy for him.
We rented a car, a cute convertible and drove into the desert, just listening to music and holding hands. Stopping at a small dinner and getting milkshakes that we tasted on each other’s lips as we kissed each other like we both were sorry for something that hadn’t yet happened.
It was heartbreaking.
And then we were meeting everyone back at the hotel, changing for dinner and letting the air suddenly change between us, thick with tension and this heavy feeling as we traded time in the shower, washing the dust of the desert from our skin.
Tonight I was going to a meeting with the Cartel at a sex club.
That meant that underneath the red dress I was wearing to dinner tonight I had slid on a lace red bustier, a garter situation squeezed my thighs and I knew that I looked like I was ready to seduce any man who had an interest. In my clutch was a red lace mask to give me a sense of anonymity even though I knew that would all be blown.
For a second I stop and wonder what the fuck I am doing.
In our world the men make all the plays and the women are the ones who smile and look pretty. But tonight not only am I dragging my friends into the hell I was born and raised in but I’m making deals that Dante is going to have to live with. That my father will find out about.
They might not know the details but they’ll see the changes and I won’t be able to hide from all of this.
And Becca.
Fuck.
Poor Becca who just wanted the people to hurt like she had been now has to watch Sammie jump into the flames for her. But Sammie, she wants to destroy them from the inside and if there is one person who I feel like could take down a criminal organization single handedly it would be that demoness.
I pinch my nose, telling myself I need to get my shit together. Dante can’t suspect a thing from me.
I just need to be the mafia woman I was raised for tonight.
The spoiled girl who is being showered with birthday gifts and drinks, the brat who sneaks away.
“Do you even need me?”
My head turned at Dante’s words, the soft shock of what he was saying made me freeze, looking at him and trying to think about what was bringing this on.
He is holding a drink, dressed for tonight in a black suit, tailored and made to fit all his muscles. The white shirt looks like it’s glowing against his tan skin. He has a few gold chains, the watch he has worn since I got it for him, and a gold pinky ring that all the men in his family wear.
His hands in his pocket and even though I can’t see it I know he is counting the beads on his rosary to keep himself calm.
I sigh, taking a few steps to him and running my fingers over the collar of his jacket, wishing we could stay hidden here in the room away from everyone tonight but I know it’s impossible. I know we have to go and face this.
“Demon, sometimes it scares me how much I need you. It’s more than I’ve ever needed anyone before and I’m afraid of it. Afraid of the power you have over me.”
His eyes soften, setting down his tumbler of whiskey on the table as he wraps his arms around me, kissing my forehead in a soft gesture that makes my eyes close, holding onto him as he hugs me close.
Dante feels like the safety of home. And it terrified me that I’m so close to ruining this between us.
But it’s for my friends.
My sisters in life. And the bond I share with them matters to me.
Dante and I have a contract.
Maybe we have more brewing. Maybe this had a chance of being a love match. But with them we didn’t sign any deals. We all fell in love with our friendship and chose each other constantly.
“I would choose you.” I whisper it to Dante, my eyes brimming with tears as I let the confession come out.
He doesn’t understand what that means, doesn’t know what I’m saying to him and even I’m confused by it. But I think that if we had a choice in everything and met like normal people that he and I would still have been together.
“I’d never make you choose because I’d be there for you, no matter what.”
And in that moment I know that I love him and I need to make it through the night and tell him. I want to tell him that this arranged marriage is the best thing that ever happened to me.
Our foreheads touch, his hand rubbing between my shoulders as I cling to him, wanting all of this to end.
This closeness.
It’s real and true.
Somewhere this all changed and it went from a contract to a real relationship.
And I fell in love with him.
What the hell was I going to do?