Chapter 19 – ELLIE
ELLIE
Sleep's a joke.
Has been since the moment Kade walked out of this room looking like I'd kicked his dog instead of offered him my mouth.
I roll onto my side, staring at the window where moonlight bleeds through sheer curtains. The collar is a constant reminder that I'm not dreaming. That I really signed myself over to four twisted men who used to be my best friends.
Why didn't he fucking take it?
The question loops through my head incessantly. I was on my knees. Ready. Willing to pay whatever price they demanded of me.
And Kade just... stopped.
His hands had been shaking. I remember that. The way his fingers trembled when they reached for his belt, like he was fighting himself as much as he was fighting me.
I close my eyes and I'm back there. His body pressed against mine, the heat of him bleeding through my clothes.
The way his thumb traced my jaw like he was memorizing the shape of me.
That moment when his hand wrapped around my throat—not hurting, just there—and my entire body lit up like someone flipped a switch I didn't know existed.
My hand slides down my stomach, beneath the waistband of these sweatpants that are definitely mine but I don't remember packing. There was a lot of my shit in those dresser drawers, things I haven't seen in years, and I have no idea how they got their hands on them.
Right now, I don't give a fuck.
I'm wet. Have been since Kade put that collar on me, since his breath ghosted across my ear when he whispered you're ours now. My fingers find my clit and the first touch sends sparks up my spine.
This is so fucked up.
I'm in their house, in a room they built like a monument to everything we lost, touching myself to the thought of Kade's hand around my throat.
But my fingers keep moving anyway, circling that bundle of nerves while my mind replays every second of our encounter.
The way his gray eyes burned when he looked at me. The flex of his jaw when I challenged him. How his whole body went rigid when I dropped to my knees, like seeing me submit was both his fantasy and his worst nightmare.
Get on your knees.
The command echoes in my head, and I press harder, faster.
Imagine what would have happened if he'd followed through.
If he'd pulled his cock out and fed it to me like he wanted to.
Would he have been rough? Would he have gripped my hair and fucked my throat until I gagged, or would he have surprised me by being gentle?
The thought of the others watching makes me gasp. All four of them surrounding me while I—
My orgasm feels like a sucker punch, stealing my breath but leaving me vaguely unsatisfied and weirdly fucking confused. I bite my lip to keep from making noise as I try to crest a better wave, but a small whimper escapes anyway. My whole body trembles and then I lay flat, panting.
But not panting as much as I'd hoped I would be.
The aftermath is immediate shame and a weird sense of embarrassment, as if being in the Kings' house means they can somehow hear my thoughts.
But the release does its job. My eyelids grow heavy, the anxiety that's been choking me out finally loosening its grip. I pull the blanket up to my chin and let exhaustion drag me under.
Sleep comes easier than it has in months.