28. Ellie
Ellie
Idon't remember the drive home.
I don't remember leaving the hospital either, really, except for the fact that my hand wouldn't let go of my mother's until a nurse gently pried my fingers loose and told me visiting hours would resume at eight.
I remember the ugly lights and the steady beep of machines, and then I remember nothing until the car stops and Kade's hand lands on my knee.
"You need to sleep," he says.
"I need to be there when she wakes up."
"She's in a medically induced coma, Princess. She's not waking up today."
The words hit somewhere in the hollow space behind my ribs and rattle around.
I know he's right. I know the doctor explained all of this, that they're keeping her under to let her body recover, that the next forty-eight hours are critical but not in the way that requires me to sit in a plastic chair counting the beeps of her heart monitor.
I know.
I can't make myself give a shit about knowing.
Kade's hand squeezes my knee once, then retreats. "Come inside. Eat something. Sleep. I'll take you back in the morning."
I don't have the energy to argue. I don't have the energy for anything except putting one foot in front of the other as I climb out of the car and walk toward the front door.
Jinx is on me the second I cross the threshold.
"Oh thank God." His arms wrap around me before I can react, pulling me into a fierce hug. He's wearing an oversized sweater that smells like pancake batter even though it's after midnight. "Cy told me what happened. Are you okay? That's a stupid question, of course you're not okay, but are you—"
"Jinx." I press my face into his shoulder and let myself sag. "I'm here."
"Yeah," he murmurs, carding his fingers through my hair. "You are."
Behind him, Cyrus emerges from the kitchen with his laptop under one arm and a piping hot mug of something in his other hand. His eyes find mine over Jinx's shoulder, his eyebrows pinching like when he checked my vitals throughout my stint in homegrown involuntary rehab.
"Where's Tank?" I ask.
"Watching Todd." Jinx pulls back but keeps his hands on my shoulders, seemingly afraid I'll tip over if he lets go completely.
Kade moves past us toward the kitchen, rolling his neck. "I'm going to relieve him."
"I can go." Cyrus sets his mug on the side table. "You've been up all night, too."
"I'm too wired to sleep." Kade pauses at the edge of the hallway, his back still to us. His shoulders are tense under the ruined tuxedo jacket. He stands there for a second too long as he looks at me and I can tell he wants to say something else.
Then he walks out instead and the door falls shut behind him.
"Sooo," Jinx says slowly, "I take it that's still awkward?"
If I had it in me to laugh, I would. "I'll take awkward over overtly hostile."
"That's the spirit." He steers me toward the kitchen with one hand at my back. "Come on. I made food when Kade texted you were on the way. Midnight pancakes are healing."
"I'm not hungry."
"All the more reason to eat something because I know you didn't at the hospital."
He's right. I'm not sure if he knows because Kade told him or he can just tell, but he's right either way.
The kitchen is warm and bright, such a contrast to the sterile ICU that it gives me whiplash. Sure enough, there's a plate waiting for me on the kitchen island. Pancakes, scrambled eggs, toast, and a pile of fresh berries.
I'm not hungry mentally, because my mind is still in that hospital room, but my stomach growls as if to remind me I'm still inhabiting a body, even if it feels like my soul is hovering somewhere near it.
Cyrus pulls out a stool for me and I sink onto it, only just realizing how my legs have gone to jelly. Jinx unwraps the plate and slides it in front of me, then leans on the counter across from me, watching expectantly.
"Eat," he says. "Then talk. Or talk while you eat. I'm not picky."
I pick up a piece of toast and take a bite, chewing mechanically while Cyrus and Jinx watch me as worriedly as we all used to watch that baby bird.
"The doctors said..." My voice breaks on the first try, so I give it another go.
"Liver damage. Kidney damage. They won't know the full extent until she's stable enough to run more extensive tests.
She's been on…" My voice cracks again, the motherfucker.
"She's been on everything. Shit even I didn't know she was on. "
Cyrus moves behind me and I feel his hands settle on my shoulders, warm and steady, even though he doesn't say anything.
"They induced the coma to give her body time to recover," I continue. "But even if she makes it through this, she's going to need intensive treatment, and obviously a shit-ton of rehab."
"She'll get it," Cyrus says. His thumbs press expertly into the knots at the base of my neck. "Whatever she needs, we'll make it happen."
"She can't go back to that house." The words come out shrill and panicked as my brain starts working again.
The entire time I was in the hospital, it was like it just stalled and I couldn't see or process anything but the lights and the beeping and the sight of my mother lying in that bed looking like a ghost. Which I guess she has for a lot longer than I wanted to admit.
"When she wakes up, she can't go back to him.
He'll kill her. If not with his hands, then with the drugs. "
"She won't have to," Cyrus says firmly. "He's not going to have the chance to lay a finger on either of you ever again."
I twist on the stool to look at him. "What?"
Cyrus's hands slide from my shoulders to my waist, and he lifts me off the stool and settles me onto his lap.
"We have a lead on Todd," he says, his chin resting on the top of my head. "We're waiting for the right time to act, but I promise you, by the time she's out of rehab, Todd isn't going to be a concern."
"What kind of lead?" I ask warily.
Jinx glances at Cyrus.
"I found his hidden accounts," Cyrus says.
"Wire transfers, routing numbers, his whole network.
More than enough to frame Southside for his murder.
When we take Todd out, it'll look like a deal gone bad.
Gang violence, ugly enough that the right people will want to sweep the whole thing under the rug if they're smart. "
I let myself process his words slowly. No more Todd. That's the entire reason I walked into the Kings's lair in the first place. But it hits me only now that it's actually happening, I never truly believed it was possible.
A life without Todd's shadow hanging over us constantly? Without having to calculate every word, every breath in his presence, knowing there will be consequences for even the slightest misstep?
It sounds too easy.
Nothing in my life has ever been easy.
"There's something else," Jinx says quietly. "We found something in his office."
Cyrus's arms tighten around my waist. "Jinx… not the right time."
"Tell me." I push against his grip until I can see Jinx's face. "Whatever it is, I want to know."
Another look goes between them. Jinx runs a hand through his hair, tugging at the ends like he does when he's nervous.
"We found letters," he says. "In Todd's office desk, hidden away in a locked drawer."
"Letters?" I frown. "What kind of letters?"
"The ones we wrote to you years ago," He swallows hard. "We always wondered why you never replied, except for the one. But now we know you didn't even get them."
The words don't make sense at first. They just bounce around inside my skull.
Letters.
They sent me letters, and… they think I didn't respond to them?
"He kept them?" My voice breaks again, struggling to focus on one thing at a time. "You wrote me and he kept them?"
Jinx nods, and Cyrus's silence says everything. As much as I thought their collective silence said back then.
It takes me a while to process it. This new betrayal that's perfectly in alignment with what I already know to be true of my stepfather, but feels like a knife in the ribs nonetheless.
"Of course he did." The laugh that comes out of me is jagged. "Of course. Why would he just throw them away when he could keep them as a fucking trophy?"
I'm shaking so badly Jinx drapes a blanket over my shoulders, but I barely feel it.
"And you… you said I didn't respond to you, but I wrote you.
Every day for a long time, and then weekly, and then…
" I trail off, the thoughts in my brain colliding with each other.
"Oh my God. He must have taken those, too. "
Cyrus's hand finds mine, lacing our fingers together. "We didn't know, Ellie. We thought—"
"You thought I didn't care." I finish the sentence for him because I can't stand to hear him say it. "You thought I just... left. And never looked back."
More silence. The grief and regret for four years wasted is like another person in the room, just standing there looming in the corner.
I feel sick. What little food I've managed to keep down turns to bile in the back of my throat and if it wasn't for Cyrus's arms around me, I don't even think I could stay upright in this chair.
"Wait," I say, replaying Jinx's words in my mind as I acquaint myself with this new reality that somehow makes so much more sense than the old one. "You said all but one. One of my letters got to you?"
They exchange another look. I know that look. They're afraid I'm too fragile for whatever it is they're about to tell me, but Todd has already broken me into shards so small they can't break any further.
"I need to know."
"There was a letter." Jinx begins carefully. "One that did get through. That's why we finally stopped trying to contact you."
"What did it say?" My voice comes out strained and desperate, but I need to know. Even if it breaks the last thing in me that hasn't broken, I need to fucking know.
Jinx and Cyrus look at each other again, but this time, it's clearly out of pure confusion.
"You really don't remember?" Jinx asks softly.
"Tell me." I pull my hand free of Cyrus's grip and turn to face Jinx fully. "Please."