19. 19
Killian
Thump, thump, thump!
My eyes flutter open. I’m in bed. Harlow’s bed. It finally happened.
I fucked my lowly CNA.
Thump, thump, thump!
Someone’s here. She rolls out of bed, grabbing a shirt and shorts. She wobbles down the hall, barely awake.
The soft creak of a door opening sounds. I’m already up, peeking out of the window. By the door, a man stands dressed in gray slacks and a white button-up shirt. His blonde hair is freshly buzzed and he looks happy to see her.
“Hey, beautiful.”
My gut twists. Okay. He’s not some religious guy peddling from house to house. He knows her.
“Evan, what are you doing here?” she says.
Their voices aren’t perfectly clear, but this trailer’s single-pane windows and thin walls don’t hide much.
“Did you like my flowers?” he asks.
Flowers?
“I was… surprised.”
He smiles, making his dimples crater. “The card was true. I’ve been sober an entire year. I promised myself if I made it that long, I’d come see you.” He does a spin.
“Congratulations,” she says sincerely, quietly.
“Harlow, I’m sorry it took so long to get my head out of my ass. It wasn’t until we broke up that I realized how lucky I was to have someone like you—”
Something inside me breaks. I’m moving, through the room, down the narrow hall, striding.
“I took you for granted, and—”
I step behind her and grip the door’s edge, opening it wider. She startles.
I’m completely naked.
She gasps and covers her mouth.
“Morning,” I say coolly, looking down at the bastard who is ruining an otherwise perfect morning.
Evan keeps his eyes off me, unsure where to look or how to respond. His cheeks are red and his well rehearsed speech is in the trash where it belongs.
“Killian,” Harlow hisses. “Go put some clothes on!”
“No.” I fold my arms, keeping my eyes on Evan. “Let him see what made you drool last night.”
That does it. Evan heads for his car, speechless.
“Evan, I’m sorry!” she calls out, maybe out of decency, but she doesn’t chase after him.
She shuts the door and faces me. “What the hell?”
“I woke up to your ex professing his love to you. What the fuck do you think I’m gonna do? Put on my clothes and hide like a bitch?”
“No, I just. Last night was…”
She looks at her feet, searching for words. I don’t help her.
“Never mind.”
I shrug and walk down the hall, dress, then stare at the empty bed and tangled sheets.
I did it. I really fucked her. I’m good. I got what I wanted. Things will be much easier now.
“Well, uh,” Harlow says appearing out of thin air and snapping me from my thoughts. “Do you need a phone charger to order a rideshare, or can I drive you to your car?” She picks up my phone and hands it to me.
“I’ll get a ride.”
I order one, then head for the front door.
She wants me gone. Fine. I can waltz out of here a new man.
“Killian,” she says from behind me.
I turn.
She stands across the kitchen in the hall, her fingers twisting together.
“It’s over now, isn’t it?” she says meekly.
“What do you mean?”
“The job. We slept together. It was the whole point for you. You made clear from day one.”
I stand straighter, surprised by her bluntness. Women usually act cool or indifferent afterwards. She isn’t that experienced, though.
She leans against the wall and sighs softly. “I probably should’ve held out longer. I’ll miss that extra money. I guess my transmission is about to go.”
“Huh?”
“A friend of mine rode with me to lunch the other day. He said he could tell there’s a problem.”
“He?”
I bite down, hating the sound of another man in her car.
“A guy from school.” She looks at the floor, quiet and searching. “I had fun, Killian. Thanks.”
I stand there, my hand on the doorknob, just staring and confused. She walks to me and smiles. “Let me know if your Dad will arrange the paperwork for my old job or if I need to contact HR myself.”
It’s over. I didn’t even think about the job or what happens next. Not really. I just wanted to get it in. Play with her.
“Can I have a kiss before you go?” she whispers, looking at the wall like she’s afraid I’ll say no.
She’s the one ending this. I mean, she is saying everything I would’ve. It just feels all wrong.
“Killian?” she says gently. “You okay?”
I’m not.
I gawk.
“The kiss is for me,” she adds. “So I don’t feel cheap about it.”
“Cheap?”
“You know. Trashy. I did give in. I did take this job for the extra cash.”
I blink.
She backs away, realizing I’m not reacting the way she hoped.
What did I hope?
My phone vibrates in my hand. My ride is here.
Fuck.
And then the worst thing happens.
A tear rolls down her smooth cheek and I barely hear her say: “I knew this part would hurt the most.”
I can’t breathe. I open the fucking door and practically run to the car.
I don’t look back. I can’t.
The entire drive to downtown is awkward, like I’m uncomfortable in my own skin.
I don’t want her. Nope. I don’t want her anymore. This obsession is dead.
Who was the guy that she went to lunch with? She never mentioned a lunch buddy. He probably doesn’t even know about cars. Not that I do. She needs a new car, anyway, not just a transmission. She looked so cute standing there all stupid and anxious.
She’s obviously attached to me. Fucking her again will make it worse.
I want to fuck her again.
I didn’t want to leave.
That’s why I chose her place, though. So I could leave — not her.
I need to see Asher.
When I get to my car still sitting in a now mostly empty parking lot, everything looks different in the daylight.
The restaurant is abandoned. The club across the street appears smaller and quiet.
No lines or lights. No thumping bass carrying into the streets.
The floors inside are probably sticky with dried foam waiting to be mopped up.
I can still feel the wet puffs raining down and hitting my neck as I kissed Harlow.
Her soft, curvy body pressed to mine. And that ass — the same one I got to watch bounce as I fucked her from behind…
She could quit her day job and just film that for the world.
But last night, it was only me who got to see her naked. The way she shook and came undone under my tongue. The way she felt squeezing my cock. Her little whimpers. Her cries.
It’s not a big deal. I’ve fucked other women. She isn’t special. Just her ass.
Forget Harlow.
I drop into the driver’s seat, slam the car door shut, then text.
Me: I slept with that girl finally
Asher: good job, man. Her snatch good?
Me: hell yeah
I delete the last text. Retype.
Me: it was alright.
Send.
Asher: U liar
I laugh. He knows me so well.
Me: It was too good.
Asher: Keep her.
Me: She won’t stay.
Me: U didn’t.
Asher types. I watch the chat bubble. It starts and stops several times.
Me: Let me come see u. Idk what to do
Asher: NO.
Asher: I already told u what to do. Keep her.
Asher: Gotta go ttyl
I toss my phone onto the passenger seat and slump. He controls everything. It’s such a one-sided relationship. He shows up when he wants to. Goes when he wants to. He fucking ends the conversation like I’m not worth his time.
“Keep her,” I mutter, contemplating. “Don’t let her leave.”
Maybe it would be okay. She seemed to want more. At least keep her around.
I snatch my phone. Text her.
Me: Come to work tomorrow.
There. That’s good.
Lowly CNA: What do you mean?
Me: We don’t have to change anything.
Lowly CNA: r u sure?
Me: I want to stay sober.
I chuckle under my breath. I guess I still have to lie.
Lowly CNA: OK. See u then
I exhale, long and heavy. Holy shit, I feel better.
Buzz, buzz.
Asher: Good job.
What the—?
How did he know I texted her? Atticus once cloned my phone for Asher as a joke. It stopped being funny a long time ago. I thought Atticus fixed that. Fucker.
I set down my phone like it’s a bomb ready to go off, then drive home, training myself not to keep replaying last night.
If Asher wants me to keep her, I’ll keep her. As maybe a plaything. Or just a friend. I can’t want more.
She wants more. Not me.
I’m fine.
I grab my phone. Text Brax. Make the drive. Once I’m home, I stare at the powder.
I snort it. Once. Twice. Until the pleasure sinks in and the unease fades out.
Just this time. Not again.