41. 41
Harlow
I hurry down the hall of the dance studio, searching for Frida. When I spot her, she’s instructing a group of tween ballerinas.
I slip inside the classroom and wave, then gesture for her to come over.
She hesitates, but has a helper take over the lesson. As soon as she’s close enough, I clamp onto her wrist and practically drag her into the hallway.
“Have you seen Killian?” I start.
She folds her arms and shakes her head.
“Do you know where he is?”
“No.”
“Are you lying to me?” I say sharply.
She balks at first, then smiles. “I guess we’re done here.” She turns to go back inside the classroom.
“Wait! No! Sorry. I’m just stressed out. I’m not sleeping well. I found a camera in my bedroom yesterday. I have this feeling Killian put it there.”
I don’t tell Frida about the masked man. I have no proof it was real, or Killian, or… someone else.
She doesn’t flinch. “Hm. It might be him. I don’t know. I can’t help you, though.”
I let out an exasperated sigh. “Frida, I get that he’s your ex, and maybe you don’t like me, but what if he’s drugged out and kills me? Do you want that on your conscience?”
Her eyebrows arch. “Why don’t you go to the cops?”
“If I could just talk to Killian—”
“He’s gone. He won’t be back.” Her expression shifts, less cold. “Not this time.”
“What do you mean?”
“After Asher died, a doctor said Killian had suffered a psychotic break. His dad insisted it was only the drugs. Between us? Both Killian and Asher weren’t well to start with. The drugs just made it worse.”
“He said you were the crazy one.”
She laughs, truly amused. “I didn’t treat him like I should’ve. He caught me cheating a few times. I was losing Killian. He changed. I didn’t handle it well.”
“You think he is that unwell? Mentally?”
“Killian still sees Asher.”
My stomach knots. “What do you mean, sees him?”
“I’ve caught him talking to an empty room.
Not talking about Asher. Talking to him as if he were standing there.
He doesn’t want to let him go.” She chuckles to herself.
“He says I need to move on, but I got married. I just love Killian. We’ve known each other forever.
He never told me what happened in that room, though. ”
“What room?”
“The room Asher died in. They were at a party in a back room getting high. Killian claims Asher was holding a gun and talking while they did lines of cocaine. The trigger went off unexpectedly, shooting Asher in the head and killing him.”
I gasp. “Poor Killian. He saw that?”
“Yes. Here’s the thing. Killian told the police Asher was handling the gun when it fired.
But once, when he was high, he told me they had been arguing.
He was never the same after that. He started getting those tattoos.
He used more, overdosed more, and got more violent.
Everyone made excuses for him because his twin died so tragically.
I hold myself. It makes sense. I didn’t realize he had such a traumatic moment in his life.
“I feel so bad,” I say with remorse. “I told Killian he was spoiled and never had a bad day in his life. He did. I wasn’t even compassionate when he pointed at his face and the scars.”
I wipe away a tear.
“Ha.” She holds up her finger. “Those scars? I suspected the truth the second I saw them.” Her words trail off.
“What?” I press.
“Then I checked Bobby’s prison record. He was already locked up when Killian claimed Bobby attacked him.”
I blink several times. “You think Killian cut himself?”
“I know he did. Killian always carries a pocketknife. Think about it. He wasn’t that upset about being scarred permanently. The scars are another tattoo he put on himself.”
She sniffles back her own tears, then stares at me for a moment.
“I don’t think you should look for him. He’s dangerous right now. You can’t trust a single word from his mouth.”
I frown and shrug. “Well... I love him, too.”
It’s a confession. I don’t say it to be mean. I just want her to know I can’t walk away easily.
“If you know where he is, can you please tell me?”
She sighs and shakes her head. “I don’t know. Sorry.”
There’s a guardedness in her demeanor. I don’t trust her. I think she’s seen him.
Suddenly, she rests her hand on my shoulder. “Be grateful it ended when it did and not after a decade of loving him. The saddest thing I’ve endured is watching him get worse. Run. Run away from him. There’s no happy ending when it comes to Asher or Killian.”
It is hard to explain why I am thinking this, but I still disagree with my therapist. Every warning becomes another reason I should’ve stayed. Dr. Jannis would call that self-blame. I call it abandoning him when he needed me.
“I never cheated on him,” I say. “It didn’t work out for you two, but maybe we could be happy together. Maybe there is a chance I could save him.”
She opens the classroom door and looks back.
“You think I made him this way. I didn’t. He was falling apart before I cheated, and loving him couldn’t put him back together.”
The door shuts, leaving me standing there, wondering if I am hunting for someone worse than Evan.