Chapter 46 #2
“I know,” he said, his gaze distant. His throat bobbed. “He deserved it. He deserved fucking worse. If I could kill him again, I would.” His voice broke. “So why am I crying for him?”
My heart hurt, wanting to take his pain, and I squeezed his hand.
“Maybe … maybe it’s because you’re a good person.
With a big heart, and soul. Maybe,” I bit my lip.
“Maybe who you’re really crying for is you.
Because you deserved a father who was better, who loved you, who was kind.
” Tears rolled down my cheeks. “Maybe this isn’t grief for him—it’s okay if it is—even if he doesn’t deserve it.
Maybe it’s grief for the father you should have had.
The life that should have been yours, that I wish for you now.
One that’s safe and happy with joy. And love. ”
I wiped the tears from his eyes and he cupped my jaw, pressing his lips to mine.
“I love you,” he said, his voice shaking still.
“I love you.”
I held him then, letting him cry.
When he seemed to calm, he sat back, his emerald eyes blazing as they stared into mine.
“I don’t want to do this anymore,” he said. “I don’t want to grieve for the life I didn’t have. Or the life I wanted.”
“You don’t have to,” I said softly. “Everything is getting better. Your father is gone. Glemaria is free. You’re here, you’re alive. Dario and Aiden love you. Sean is free to come back home. We found our shards. And … Gods. Rhyan, you’re Arkasva. You’re High Lord.”
His jaw tightened and he looked away. His aura flaring.
“What is it?” I asked.
He turned back to me. “You. Your place is in Bamaria. It always was.”
My stomach dropped. “I know.” The backs of my eyes burned, my stomach roiled. Here it was. The thing that would separate us. I was going to be sick.
Rhyan slid off the bed, and got down on one knee. He took my hands in his, and stared up.
“Your place is in Bamaria,” he said again. “And so is mine.”
“What?” I nearly choked out the word.
He shook his head, his eyes alight as if the very shard of his Valalumir were behind them. I sank onto the floor with him, straddling his lap, our arms around each other.
“Lyr, Lyriana, my love, Mekara, all this time, since you saved me, I’ve been afraid. I was afraid of myself. Of what I had become. Of being akadim and how that was affecting me.” His throat worked, his hands squeezing mine.
“I burst into tears when the soturi named me Arkasva. Because I didn’t think I deserved it.
But also because … it was what my father was.
Arkasva and Imperator. I told myself I didn’t want the title because I was terrified that I might be like him.
That in the way being akadim might change me, that he had, too.
But that wasn’t it at all.” He smiled, pushing my hair off my shoulders.
“Lyr, I wasn’t afraid of being Arkasva. Not at all. I just didn’t want to be. Before I left here, before I was forsworn, I asked Kenna to run away with me. I wanted to get out of here. I needed to be saved. I wanted to save her, too.” I nodded, remembering he’d told me about that.
“She refused. Her place was here. It was always here.” He shook his head.
“But that’s not true for me.” One brow furrowed.
“I love Glemaria with all my heart. Gods, I love my country and its people. I love the land, the trees, the cold, the gryphons. I want nothing but the best for it, for everyone—even the assholes.”
I laughed.
“So, I talked to Kenna, and the Council. She was the one leading the rebellion all these years, working to remove my father, communicating with the rebel groups, and sending messages to Sean. She’s the one who was prepared to lead.
” His eyes blazed, his aura finally calming down.
“And so she will. Kenna’s going to be Arkasva, High Lady of Glemaria. ”
I gasped. “What? Rhyan, are you sure?”
He nodded. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life, except when it comes to how deeply I love you.
The truth is, I like being Arkturion. I like protecting others, fighting against evil.
I want to keep doing that. And I want to do it at your side.
I have to be at your side. Because, my place, my soul, and my home,” he placed his hand over my heart, “it all lies with you.”
“You mean it?”
He placed his other hand over his heart. “Me sha, me ka.”
My lips found his, and his hands slid under my ass, lifting me against him, as he stood and laid me on the bed.
I stretched out beneath him, welcoming him between my legs. Welcoming him home.
“There’s just two more things,” he said, kissing my neck, his hands moving to pull up my shirt, as I started to unbuckle his belt, and shove his weapons aside. “Two humble requests on my part.”
“Name them,” I said, my top off. I reached for the clasps of his armor.
“When I died—” he stilled, “Sorry, it still gets me.” I caressed his cheek.
“It severed the kashonim between us.”
I blinked. “It did?”
He took my hand in his and turned my wrist up, pulling it to his lips.
He kissed it softly. “You didn’t notice?
” he asked, his voice hoarse. “Our scar from the oath ceremony is gone.” He showed me his arm.
And he was right—the scars had vanished.
It was the first time since the night we’d sworn in the temple that we’d acknowledged them.
It had been unspoken between us, a symbol of the fact that we couldn’t be together. I was glad to be rid of it.
“I want to bind myself to you again. On my terms,” Rhyan said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Some nights when I couldn’t sleep, I read Auriel’s—my— Valya.
Kashonim worked differently before the writings were lost. It wasn’t forbidden.
Or illegal to love. And it didn’t drain the other’s power.
It was something that was shared and flowed freely back and forth between partners.
It expanded strength, it didn’t diminish.
Of course, the Empire changed that. But, the Valya has the ceremony inside.
A way to join us, freely, to make us stronger.
Together. Will you do that with me? Will you be my kashonim? ”
My heart was filled with love. “Of course, I will.”
He grinned and his armor came off, along with his boots as I tore his shirt over his head, sliding my hands down the expanse of his chest and abs, feeling the way his muscles contracted and tightened.
“Good,” he said, his hand sliding up my torso, cupping my breast.
“What was the other thing?” I asked.
He bent down to suck my nipple into his mouth, one hand lowering to the waistband of my pants. I reached down to his hips, and in seconds, we were both naked.
“This,” he said, kissing his way down my breasts and stomach, until he pressed a kiss between my legs, then lowered his face, licking me from bottom to top. “Do you still want to marry me?”
His mouth closed on the bundle of nerves, his tongue flicking against it.
“Yes,” I said, biting my lip before I cried out.
He hummed against me, the sensation making me buck.
“Was that a yes to this,” he sucked on me again, his tongue lapping. “Or, yes to marrying me?”
“Both,” I cried out. “Yes.”
He laughed. “We can do both ceremonies together. Declare what we are to everyone.”
“I want that,” I said, breathless. Then he growled, unleashing himself on me, sucking and licking and kissing, until I was writhing under him, sweat breaking out across my body. I cried out, my orgasm rushing out through my fingers and toes.
“One last thing,” he said, crawling back over me, his lips on mine, tongue diving in so I could taste myself.
“You know, since you abdicated the Seat of Power, you’ve become very demanding,” I said.
He gripped his cock, rubbing the head between my folds. “You bring it out in me. Make me want things. Make me feel like I can have them.”
“Well then, state your demand,” I said, my hips moving against him. “And I shall take it under advisement.”
“Marry me here,” he said, his voice low. “In Glemaria. In the mountains. I want to—I want to start our new life together in the place where it ended for Auriel and Asherah.”
“Start again,” I said.
He bit his lip, too overcome with emotion, and nodded.
I reached down between us, and pulled him inside of me. “Yes. Yes. To all of it. To you.”
He started to thrust, slow and gentle. “Once everything’s settled here,” he moaned, “when Glemaria is stable, we’ll do whatever we have to do next.
” He placed his hand under my head. “Fight Aemon and Morgana,” he hissed.
“Fight the Emperor. And go back to Bamaria. We’re going to take it back for you. Free it from Kormac.”
I rolled my hips, my heels pushing into the mattress to get more friction. “And defeat Arianna.”
“Yes,” he said.
And when the time is right, you will strike and have your revenge. And then you will retake the throne of Bamaria.
Rhyan was panting, thrusting deeper inside me.
“Bamaria will be yours. I swear to you, I will lay it at your feet as your Arkturion, as your husband—”
I grinned, my heart thrumming and expanding, heat rising between my legs.
“I will personally melt down Arianna’s Laurel of the Arkasva to make you your own.”
I shook my head. “No. I have another request.” And then I flipped us over, Rhyan landing on his back, as I sank down on his length.
“Name it.” He reached one hand to stroke me where we joined, and the other took my hand, our fingers threaded together.
I lifted my hips, and sank back down, riding him faster and faster, my heart thundering. “I’m not going to wear a laurel. I’m not going to be Arkasva of Bamaria, or High Lady.”
Rhyan frowned. “What do you mean?”
I leaned down, finding his lips, taking him deeper and deeper.
“When I go home and I retake Bamaria, you’ll melt Arianna’s laurel for me into a crown. Because I’m fucking done with the Empire of Lumeria. I’m not going home to be Arkasva. I will go home as queen.”