14. Chapter Fourteen
Chapter fourteen
M y phone chimes as I walk back to the prison and I dig it out of the deep pockets of my blue dress. I know who it is immediately – well, one of two – and a pang in my chest is the response. I am fighting to get back to them and yet … they’re not the ones I am talking to about anything.
Zale: Lu, we haven’t heard from you in a while. How’s your extension going? Are you holding up OK? I don’t have any news on either Nix or River, have you heard anything? They’re probably just caught up on their duty. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about but please tell me if you’ve heard from them.
I swallow away the guilt at how much I do now know about Nix and River and haven’t shared as I skim through the message that fills me in on how her own work is going, the latest sassy thing her daughter is saying, and her laughing comments about her wife wishing she was part of the vigilante group that still seems to be occupying the news on the mainland. Apparently they are tightening security in key organisations due to the threat of infiltration and the rebels are now being hunted – and her Teddy thinks it would be a grand adventure.
But none of it is anything I have the head space to really absorb now. The regret I can’t spare her more thought wraps its way around my heart a little tighter as I pocket the phone again.
The prison – my prison – rises up before me as I make my way out of the forest, leaving the red flowers for today, and back into the concierge gardens.
‘How’s the murderer you decided to visit without me?’ Blossom asks, a bite in her voice, as soon as I appear on our balcony.
I sigh. ‘I couldn’t risk you going Bloss, not if she—’
‘Is the reason Kasera is dead?’ she asks harshly. ‘Because that’s someone you should be dealing with on your own?’
‘I am trying to keep my best friends from ending up in Vana, Bloss. That happens to include you,’ I say. ‘If I can secure Nix and River’s escape portal and keep you completely out of it – we have a shot.’
She lets out a frustrated noise I hear her make so rarely. ‘I know, Luka. I just – please, don’t do this without me. I’m already in it and I don’t want you in this on your own.’
A surge sears behind my ribs and I breathe hard through my nose to calm the tears that want to appear. Cortane told me there’d be a cost and I didn’t hesitate. Perhaps Quillian is it. I don’t know why that unsettles me. Perhaps because I hadn’t expected it would involve other innocent people.
But Kasera wasn’t innocent. Does that mean Quillian isn’t, either? And why is she another person warning me off him?
Blossom is a turbulent mix of worry and anger and love as we stare at each other across the small balcony, and my desire to keep her safe suddenly feels naive. She’s right – I have already involved her in so much. Not keeping her across everything now could be even more dangerous. For both of us.
‘Okay,’ I agree. ‘Cortane … she wanted more information about times of—fuck,’ I mutter. Blossom sighs, but I don’t look at her.
‘Tell me,’ she says and, dimly, I consider the pros and cons of someone knowing me so well.
‘She didn’t deny it,’ I say. I drop my head into my hands for a moment, sinking my fingers into my hair and pulling slightly. ‘I think anyone could be next. She told me to … not get attached.’
‘There’ll be more?’ The shock in Blossom’s voice takes it up a notch.
‘Quillian,’ I whisper. As soon as the words leave my mouth I know I can’t give Cortane any details.
Blossom doesn’t respond.
‘How do I … I think Quillian’s a good man, Bloss,’ I say, finally looking up at her and letting the tears come.
Quietly, she takes my hand and leads me through our sheer-curtained doorway and into the lounge room. I watch her as she takes a seat before I join her and she takes my hands.
‘You need to stop, Luka,’ she says.
I shut my eyes against the words I don’t want to hear but know myself anyway.
‘You’re right, Quillian seems like a good man, but we don’t know him. And even if he weren’t, you’re not the person who can decide who pays with their life. Whatever they’re involved in, it doesn’t end well’—her voice cracks a little—‘I promise it doesn’t end well.’
There’s something behind her words – something fuelling them – that isn’t just about me and Cortane and it sends an unsettled prickle along my collarbones.
‘She’s their only out,’ I say quietly. ‘I can’t – I can’t risk Nix and River spending their lives being tortured over there, I just can’t.’
Tears fall down my cheeks. I know as well as anyone that the only length of sentence in Vana is life. No appeals. No short-term stays. One sentence – or transfer – is all it takes. ‘There has to be a way, Bloss, I need to find a way.’
Blossom watches me as I regain control of my tears, a tumble of emotions running over her face. Drawing a deep breath, she pins me with a stare.
‘I’m not going to talk you out of this, am I?’ She shakes her head. ‘Fuck. I know I shouldn’t even be trying – I know – I just … I can’t lose you, Luka. I just can’t.’
Tears fill her eyes and worry lances through me.
‘What is it, Bloss? What’s going on?’
She clears her throat and then her jaw hardens for a moment, as if she’s finally made a difficult decision. ‘Frank was passionate about making Nuntainia the best it could be …’
She trails off and I frown, not following the connection from Cortane to Quillian to Frank.
‘He – we – were going to try and make it better,’ she continues. ‘He started on his own, mostly from an intellectual – research – perspective, but he wanted to move into politics. Then I came here and he died, Luka. He died before he could do anything and without leaving me anything – there was no illness, no answers, nothing. Just gone.’ Her eyes bore into mine, like she’s willing me to understand something she’s not saying, her hands gripping mine like vices. ‘Whatever Nix and River are mixed up in is not straightforward. Even if they think they’re doing the right thing, poking around under the surface of the Nuntainian government is … risky.’
The enormity of what Blossom’s been through barrels into me and I don’t know how she manages to get through each day without him. I don’t know if I would.
‘I’d never be able to live with myself if I let anything happen to them,’ I say quietly.
Bloss closes her eyes and shakes her head with a sad smile. As if she’s heard that same argument before.
‘Okay,’ she says after a long time, visibly steeling herself. ‘But you don’t do a single thing without me, promise?’
I nod and watch Blossom almost physically brush off the last part of our conversation. ‘What if we give her false information about him?’ she asks.
A rush of gratitude washes over me. ‘Then I think we risk becoming targets as well.’
‘There’s nothing to say we won’t anyway.’
We’re both quiet for what feels like a long time.
‘Is it selfish of me to want it all?’ I ask. ‘My recommendation, to save my friends, to … know Quillian?’
To see more of what’s behind the mask he seems to have with so many, but … far less so with me?
Blossom takes a moment to respond and my heart beats hard, waiting for her to soothe it. ‘No,’ she says quietly. ‘But I think it’s unlikely you will get it all. This island, this … prison, what River and Nix and – what they’re all doing – it distorts everything.’
She squeezes my hand.‘Which is precisely why we do it together. But, this up here and the questions I can see you’re starting to ask, it’s a false world and I want you out of it. I like Quillian from what I’ve seen so far – if you’d met under different circumstances, I would say go for it with all your heart … and to give it time. But, at the very least, even if we put aside how he knows Nix and River, he’s now Warden. He has a job to do, and you have to leave. As soon as you’re off this island, I want you so far away only I know how to find you. Keeping the connections you make here, if they’re ones that put you at odds with the government, is dangerous.’ She sighs. ‘At the same time, I want you to be happy.’
Each step I take towards Quillian’s office confirms I won’t be giving Cortane any details about him. Not real ones. Because, in the face of what I know about Kasera, and what I can’t help but feel like I know about Quillian, he doesn’t deserve the same fate. Perhaps it’s a bias in favour of the Warden role, thanks to Claudius. Or perhaps it’s just my intuition. Either way, my stomach turns in knots at the thought of Quillian turning up dead and that is all I need to know about what I can and can’t – won’t – do.
As I walk, listening only to the slap of my sandals on the stone, ignoring everything I can around me, I plan. Plan how I can map out Quillian’s actual movements and tell Cortane something different.
Which would work if Quillian had a regular schedule, but we don’t have that yet. Not to mention that I am with him so often. Would she kill me, too, if I was there?
Which raises a different set of questions: why does she want to know anything about Quillian? Surely she doesn’t want him dead like Kasera? How does she know him? Does she want him dead? Shit. Perhaps I should make a schedule for—
I slam into a hard body, a grunt ringing in my ears.
‘Hey,’ Quillian says, surprise lighting his face.
His hand has found my elbow again, and I soak in the warmth. The warmth that finds its way through my belly, up my chest, and across my face.
‘Hi,’ I say, unable to stop the small smile that tugs at my mouth. I hope it doesn’t look too sad.
There was no doubt in my mind about not giving details about him to Cortane but, if there had been, with the way his gaze darts between my eyes and my smile, it didn’t stand a chance.
He’s close enough for me to see the soft shadow of stubble on his chin and a faint scar that seems to run along the side of his top lip.
‘We should go,’ I say, ‘we don’t want to make Traelen wait for us.’ Seriousness shutters over Quillian’s features, his shoulders tensing.
Slowly, his fingers slide off my elbow and we walk silently back to his office. It’s not until we’re there I remember he was on his way out when I bumped into him.
‘Are you hungry?’ he asks. ‘I was just going to grab something quickly before our call.’
A small yawning opens up in my stomach at the mention of food.
‘I’d love some, I can—’
‘No, that’s okay,’ he says, ‘I’ll ask the kitchen to bring it up. It’s good you’re here early, actually. I was hoping to go over a few things with you before we talk to Traelen.’
I take a seat on the red lounge as he calls down to the kitchen. My stomach skitters a little at the thought of the check-in with Traelen. I never did them with the Warden before. But when I was running the Academy, at least behind the scenes, I always reported to the Board. Until they overlooked me for someone else.
Now, not only do I see him regularly, I no longer have a buffer between me and the man who can make all the calls on my service and how I perform it.
‘Sounds delicious, Koko.’
The warmth in Quillian’s voice helps thaw the nervous cold that started to creep into my fingertips. Surreptitiously, I glance over at him and find him smiling into the gold phone. My heart does something unusual, a sort of flopping free fall – something I didn’t know it knew how to do.
He looks back at me, his left, thick, dark eyebrow quirking when he realises I was watching him first. But I don’t look away. I let his deep green gaze remain on my face while my own trails across his shoulders and down the front of his pale-blue warden’s shirt, brazenly absorbing everything I can see. The blue is a colour I never gave much thought to when Claudius wore it, although the memory of him in his uniform, in this room, warms me from the inside. But, on Quillian, with his soft brown skin and the shimmering black tattoo, it has an entirely different effect.
He lowers the hand piece slowly and stands there, watching me for a moment.
I hold his gaze. Blossom’s wish for me to be happy echoing in my ears – even if it was a little reluctant.
When he says nothing, I break the silence, cheeks burning. ‘You wanted to talk to me?’ I ask.
He runs a hand through his hair and blinks, looking down at the desk in front of him.
‘Um … yes. Traelen wants an update on the events and ah’—he looks back up at me, his hair a bit crumpled—‘I was hoping you could fill me in first. So we’re on the same page.’
‘Oh, sure,’ I say, a small sigh of relief escaping me. This one’s easy. ‘I spoke to each of the committee leads over the last day and they are all on track for the different programs. The aerial yoga instructor is already here and getting settled in – Traelen organised his arrival and security himself—’
A knock at the door interrupts my update and I pause, watching Quillian move to open it. He moves gracefully across the carpeted floor. If I didn’t know he had wings, I wonder if I would recognise there’s something different about him anyway.
I glance to the bookshelf on the other side of the office, remembering the book Blossom found. What other secrets could I find in there?
‘Please thank Koko again for me,’ he says, and closes the door.
The bronze tray is full of a small assortment of bowls and plates he balances easily as he takes a seat next to me, placing the tray on the low table as he does.
He hands me a bowl of delicious smelling noodle soup and, between mouthfuls, I tell him the rest of the news from the committees. The soup is hot on my tongue and the noodles drip sauce on my chin, no matter how careful I am to eat elegantly. Quillian smiles but politely looks away as he hands me a white linen napkin and I quickly dab my mouth.
Popping my empty bowl on the table, I quickly scan the rest of the contents vying for space on the tray. A small bowl with a folded note on the top catches my eye.
Shhh … it says, and I laugh.
‘She is too good to me,’ I say.
Quillian looks completely perplexed and the strange swirling from deep in my gut starts up again.
‘Have you tried these?’ I ask, pointing to the chocolate balls Koko has smuggled me.
‘Should I have?’
‘Most definitely.’
I hold the bowl out to him, two plain chocolate balls bumping each other gently with the movement.
Hesitantly, he takes one of the balls between his thumb and forefinger and I watch him pop it in his mouth. He narrows his eyes at me, suspicious. Just as I see his jaw close around the chocolate, he gasps, almost choking on his shock. His eyes blow wide and he covers his mouth with his hand.
I can almost see the fireworks going off in his mouth and I can’t help but laugh.
His dimple appears in full force a moment later. ‘That is definitely an experience,’ he says, laughing. ‘Your turn.’ He gestures at the remaining ball.
‘I do not need any convincing when it comes to these things,’ I say, taking my own ball.
It’s thick and rich as it melts on my tongue, a gentle fizzing running the inside of my cheeks.
‘So good,’ I mumble, just as a burst of scarlet hearts rush from my mouth, exploding in the air around us.
‘Oh fuck,’ I stammer, a fire on the outside of my cheeks now and more hearts pouring from my mouth.
Quillian’s laugh booms around the office, wrapping me in the sound and pulling my own from my chest.
Hearts and all.