CHAPTER 2
The circus at Lady Macbeth Park only intensified as the news broke to the wider world.
Social media went crazy, with positive opinions, conspiracy theories and the usual level of hatred I'd come to endure in my infamy, and then we got word that the mainstream news was about to descend on the ground.
I was still in a state of shock, stunned by Joe's outburst.
“We should get out of here,” he said, taking my clutch bag from me.
I offered a feeble nod.
He found my car keys. “I'll drive us home.”
Willie McGlinchey looked at me, as if he wanted to ask me something.
I was without a voice. It wouldn't have mattered who spoke to me. Well, not unless DeShaun had stuck around. He was the only person I wanted to see. And the one person I felt I owed an explanation to.
Kyle had waited around for an hour, then cut his losses and left. He could see the sacking wasn't going ahead.
Eddie Mayne spoke briefly to Joe before we left. I overheard something about the YouTube channel and the word exclusive, but most of the time I just stared at the ground and tried not to give into the panic attack that'd enveloped my body from the moment Joe had outed us.
“Let's go,” he said, taking my arm in his.
I didn't speak in the car on the way to my house, nor did I say a word when Joe parked, led me to the front door and walked inside like he was now king of the castle.
We hovered about in silence for several minutes, the tension between us so strong it was almost deafening.
My mobile vibrated in my palm.
I assumed it was going to be another social media tag, but my attention piqued when I realised it was a text.
DAVID MAYNE – I understand now. No hard feelings. I wish you both the best x
“Is that from Eddie?” Joe asked, setting a bottle of white wine on the fridge counter.
“Eddie?” I replied. “No, why?”
Joe popped the cork, then filled two glasses. He put one in my hand, then kissed me gently on the lips.
I didn't have the strength to stop him, and let him pry my mouth open.
He probed deeply.
I felt like the worst human being in the world.
He broke the kiss, then took a drink of his wine.
I set mine down on the table.
“You don't feel like drinking, Sasha?”
I shook my head.
“You don't feel like celebrating?”
What was there to celebrate? We were out of the cup, nearer the bottom of the league table than the top and he'd just used the most revolting underhand tactic to save his job.
“I do,” he said, and took another sip of his wine.
I pushed my glass towards him. “You can celebrate for the both of us.”
“Where are you going?” he demanded, as I started towards the hall.
I had to find DeShaun.
“Sasha, stop.”
I stopped.
“Turn around.”
I turned.
“You look beautiful, baby. I love that outfit on you.” His eyes lowered. “Your skirt is very short.”
And my underwear was still in DeShaun's pocket. If he hadn't already thrown it away in disgust. “I need to go out, Joe.”
“Wait a second,” he said, and walked past me. He strolled down the hall to the front door and looked outside. “Just as I expected.”
“What is it, Joe?”
He turned around. “The media.”
I looked at him in disbelief.
“They're starting to set-up outside.”
“I don't want to speak to them,” I insisted. “None of them. I can't do this today.”
He smiled. “You don't need to, baby. Leave it to me.”
“I think you've said enough, Joe.”
His face turned stern.
I cowered. “I mean, the public opinion seems pretty positive. I don't think we should tinker with it now. Just let it play out. They'll move onto someone else soon enough.”
He nodded. “Yes, I was on my phone too. The liberal media are in positive overdrive.” He glanced outside again. “They seem determined to get a glimpse of us together. Shouldn't we at least go outside for a few photos?”
“No.”
“Don't be shy, baby... It's not like you not to be publicity hungry.”
I glared at him for a moment, then turned away and returned to the table to grab my wine. It was obvious I'd be going nowhere tonight.
He walked into the kitchen as I drained the last of my glass. “You changed your tune right and quick.”
“Joe, why did you out us now?” I snapped.
He hesitated.
“Without my consent?”
He gestured for me to sit.
I sat carefully, crossing my legs away from him to conceal my sex.
He pulled out another chair and joined me. “Look, Sasha, I should've told you this earlier... Someone threatened me. They said they'd go to the press if I didn't come clean about us.”
“What? Who?”
“It was anonymous.”
I felt the colour drain from my face.
“What is it, baby, d'you have an idea who it was?” he asked, setting one hand on my knee.
I worried it'd been Jill at her spiteful worst. “No, but it doesn't really matter now the secret's out.” He'd ensured his job was safe. “Does it?” There was no way I'd fire him now we were the treasures of the liberal left.
“There's more, Sasha. I was told this morning a journalist had learned of our relationship and was going to publish a story about in a Sunday tabloid tomorrow. It was going to be seedy and salacious, make us appear in the worst light. I felt the way I revealed it, we...”
He.
“... could get ahead of the story.”
“Joe,” I whispered.
“The focus is no longer on the defeat in the cup, it's solely on us.”
Had he really no idea that was a problem? To me?
“Baby, this positivity will feed through the club and rejuvenate the players and their form.
I spoke to them again in the dressing room after the interview.
They're all behind us. Honestly, watch this space.
We play East Fife on Wednesday night in the re-arranged fixture. We'll beat them, Sasha. I promise you.”
I sighed. “We're down to eighth in the table, Joe. The teams around us picked up points in the league while we were playing United.”
He shrugged. “I didn't even know, but that makes my point.”
“Joe, we're two places off the bottom-”
“The focus is on us as a couple. It'll take pressure off the players, for the time being at least. They need this.”
I refilled my glass.
“We'll beat East Fife with our game in hand and start clawing our way back up the table. The play-offs aren't impossible. And when DeShaun comes back in five or six weeks, we'll be unstoppable.”
I couldn't hide my blushes.
“That lad's my main man, baby, he says so himself.”
“Did you see him?” I asked.
“When?”
“After your interview?”
He thought for a second. “No, he wasn't in the dressing room, why?”
“No reason.”
“Are you worried because of what he said when he didn't realise you're trans?”
I cringed. “Uh, yeah,” I lied.
Joe patted my knee. “Don't be, baby. He's fond of you too. He told me-”
There was a loud series of knocks on the front door.
“Will you come with me?” he asked, peeling my fingers from my wine glass and slipping my hand in his. “That'll be the media.”
“Joe, I can't.”
He glared at me.
“Look at me, Joe, I haven't fixed my hair or my make-up in hours-”
“You look stunning, Sasha... As you always do.”
“Joe...”
“It'll look better if we go together. More united.” He guided me to my feet and led me down the hall to the front door. “Do you want to let me do the talking?”
I said nothing.
“I'll take that as a yes, then.” He put his free hand on the door handle. “Ready?”
I didn't move.
Joe opened the front door.
We were greeted by a madness of flashes, a flurry of questions and a throng of twenty or so people.
“Sasha, Sasha, here!”
I felt both intimidated and exposed, standing on the top step at the front door, looking down on the media and knowing I'd no underwear on under my skirt.
“Sasha, smile!”
Joe ensured we posed together, but neither of us answered their questions.
Most of them were to be expected, but I was horrified by the more explicit nature of a couple of them.
After a minute or so, Joe calmed the crowd.
I was clutching his hand so hard I didn't realise how it'd look on television and social media.
“Please everyone,” Joe started, “this is our home and we ask you all to please respect our privacy. We understand the interest in our story and that's why we'll be sitting down for an exclusive interview this week. It'll be available on the club's YouTube channel in a few days.”
I was temporarily blinded by one flash in particular.
“That's all we're going to say tonight,” Joe said. “Thank you for your time and your consideration. Goodnight.”
I was led back inside.
Joe shut the door.
I knew the entire narrative had changed. Everything was out of my hands and I'd no control left.
Joe insisted we went to bed at the same time that night, and lay with me in his arms.
I waited until he fell asleep, then rolled over with my back to him and quietly cried as I thought about DeShaun.
How he'd inevitably feel deceived by my behaviour and how I'd no means to contact him.
I felt I owed him an explanation, at least on a personal level.
Yet how could I begin to explain when bare facts had already played out in front of his very eyes?
Joe awoke, found my rear and had sex with me as I silenced my sobs, my only words being, “Wear a condom.” He made no effort to touch my sex.
I hated myself even more as he ejaculated. It was wrong.
“I love you, baby,” he said.
I said nothing. I knew it was wrong.
He was asleep again and snoring within minutes.
The picture of Joe and I sharing a kiss on the lips at the press conference made the front page of several newspapers on both the Sunday and the Monday mornings.
It was an image shared hundreds of thousands of times online as our so-called love was celebrated and became news that rippled around the whole world, hailing our relationship as a modern day fairytale.
Even the Scottish First Minister welcomed the news.
While, time and time again, we were described as the darlings of the press.
I felt more trapped in my relationship than ever.
While I was certain the man I truly wanted despised me.
I avoided Lady Macbeth Park for a few days, stressing to Joe I wished to evade the attention of the media yet it was because I was ashamed to be seen by DeShaun.
I couldn't face his judgement. I deserved it, but I was a coward.
A pathetic one at that.