CHAPTER 31 #2
I shook myself. “Sorry, DeShaun, yes. You attained your coaching badges in the States, right?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I'd like to offer you the opportunity to be our caretaker manager, on a player-coach basis of course, for the last match of the season and, if successful, for the play-offs too.”
He raised his eyebrows. “I see.”
“I don't know if Blair already mentioned it-”
“He didn't.”
“Okay, so this may have caught you off-guard-”
“Completely.”
“Blair told me he and the players would support your appointment.”
DeShaun raised his arms to stretch, expanding his chest, and sighed. “I don't think that's a good idea, Sasha.”
I leaned deliberately forward, knowing the top two buttons on my blouse were undone. “I want you to accept, DeShaun.”
He shook his head.
“I need you,” I insisted, knowing I'd no one else in mind.
“Stop that,” he said firmly.
“The club needs you, DeShaun.”
“Sasha, I've no experience of management.”
“I'll beg, if you want.” I let my crossed leg fall alongside my uncrossed one, placing my knees tight together.
“And then there's our prior relationship.”
“I'm game, if you are, DeShaun-”
“I'm not game, Sasha, can't you realise that?”
I ran my red fingernails through my long hair, just the way I knew he liked.
“I've helped out in a few training sessions, back when Joe was manager, but that's the extent of my experience.”
“The fans will get behind you-”
“You don't know that, Sash.”
I hid my smile. Sash was one step closer to babygirl.
“Who else have you approached?”
“No one, DeShaun, truthfully. And, to be honest, there's no one else out there.”
“I find that hard to believe, ba-” He stopped himself. “Sasha, it can't be me.”
“Why not? The club needs you. And I need you.”
He looked over my shoulder and stared out the window for several seconds, then nodded slowly. “One match you say?”
“More, if you get us into the play-offs.”
He was still nodding. “Just 'til the end of the season?”
“Yes, DeShaun.”
“Okay, on one condition...”
“Name it,” I said giddily.
“You honour my request for a transfer.”
I was struck suddenly by sadness. “Why, DeShaun? Why do you want away so badly?”
He stared into my eyes, a little moisture present in his own. “You broke my heart, Sasha.”
My heart was crushed inside. “I could try to mend it, if you let-”
“No,” he said firmly. “You're a drama queen who uses people, Sasha. I'll never give you the chance to hurt me again. That's final. I won't discuss it further with you.”
“I'm sorry.” My head dropped. “I'm a horrible person.” I couldn't look at him. “I'll let you leave at the end of the season, you have my word. Do we have a deal?”
“There's something else I have to tell you first, Sasha.”
“Anything you want, DeShaun. Anything at all.”
“No, it's not something I want. It's something you have to hear from me before you hear it from someone else.”
My spirit in retreat, I pulled my skirt a little lower. “Go on,” I said quietly.
“It's early days, but I've started seeing someone.”
I gasped, then clasped my hand across my mouth to suppress myself into silence.
“I don't want it to be a problem, but if you think it will we'd be best not making this deal.”
I drummed the fingernails of my free hand on my desk. “Who is she, DeShaun?”
“It doesn't matter-”
“Who?”
He screwed up one side of his face. “She's a waitress... From the hotel.”
She. A cis female. A waitress. And I knew exactly which one. “It's fine,” I lied. “Honestly, you've every right to move on. I caused us to split.”
He nodded.
I offered my hand. “We have a deal?”
“I guess we do,” he said, and shook my hand.
I felt the familiar touch of his skin on mine and tried not to melt, but when he quickly pulled his hand away I was left trembling.
He was watching me.
I knew he was concerned, even if he couldn't bring himself to say.
“Mind if I pick my own an assistant?” he asked. “I can't take on all the coaching responsibilities myself.”
My mind was a million miles from the football club. “Anyone you want, DeShaun.”
“Well, top of my head, Lee Browne could step up from goalkeeping coach. I don't have any contacts this side of the pond, so I guess Sean Kirk from the youth team could help out in training too.”
“That's fine, DeShaun.”
“You want me to speak to them?”
“Uh-huh.”
“This gives us five days to prepare for the next match.”
I could only bring myself to nod.
“I'll step outside and text them now,” he said. “The lads will be arriving at the training ground any minute now.”
“Okay.”
DeShaun stood, turned and walked out of my office.
I listened to his footsteps echo down the corridor, realising he hadn't intended to simply step outside. He'd wanted to walk away from me all along.
I looked at myself in the mirror. My skirt was so ridiculously short for a woman of my age. I wasn't far off 40. And underneath it were a pair of pink panties I'd actually dared believe might change something. I wasn't just na?ve. I was thick.
And I was impulsive.
My mobile was already in my hand, and I was typing out a text to David. I hit send before I could stop myself.
ME – Hi. Listen I'm really missing you. Why don't you call round later if you're not busy on another date? Xx
Time started to feel like it was standing still.
Even a short call from DeShaun – to inform me Lee and Sean were onboard and already at the training ground with him and the team – did nothing to lift my mood.
Especially when he hung up without saying goodbye.
I closed my office door and began to cry.
My mobile remained silent.
“Why did you leave me, Aroon?” I asked aloud.
You know said a telling voice in my head.
I hadn't felt him so close in so long... And I couldn't take it. I had to get out of there. I was losing my mind... Again.
I awoke on Tuesday morning with a pounding headache and no memory of how I'd got home. I was almost sure I could taste Scotch on my breath. I never drank Scotch. I felt behind myself onto the other side of the bed.
It was empty.
I forced myself to my feet and looked out my bedroom window, relieved when I saw the Porsche wasn't there.
At least I hadn't tried to drive myself home in that state.
“Painkillers,” I muttered, and glided naked out of the room and down the stairs to the kitchen in search of solace.
My kitchen tap turned, but the water wouldn't come out. Fuck. This last happened when Aroon was still alive and I'd no idea how he'd dealt with it.
The joys of living in the countryside.
I crept to the fridge, desperate for something to wash down the paracetamol, and found only a half-finished bottle of white wine.
I almost hurled as I swallowed the first tablet. I clutched at my empty stomach, my little clitty hanging lifeless below, then forced down the second.
My mobile, the screen newly cracked, was sat on the kitchen table. I wondered if it'd offer any clues to my blackout.
There was only a conversation with one name I was interested in reading back.
DAVID – Sasha all this flirting needs to stop.
ME – Why? X
DAVID – It's not right. I'm in a relationship now. Besides I know you were never serious about wanting me in your bed.
ME – I was serious x
ME – I am serious xx
ME – I want you there tonight xxx
ME – David??????????????? xxxxxxxxxxx
I couldn't remember any of the messages, but it certainly helped explain my drunken bender. Red-faced, I read on.
ME – Hate me all you want. I didn't expect to like you the way I do. I'm sorry. I can't help it. You're just the sweetest guy. I know you care for me too. Please give us a chance xxx
DAVID – I'm sorry. I can't.
ME – I'm in a club called Mullen's in Twin Knox if you wanna see me xxx
I cringed and shut my eyes. Why the fuck had I gone to Twin Knox? That was the town where Joe had taken over as manager of the local football club. Surely I hadn't gone to see him.
DAVID – I'm with Ashley now. That's that.
It was also the last text of the conversation.
The one guy I'd come to want was the one guy who would've moved heaven and earth to be with me, but I took too long to see it. My own uncharacteristic caution had cost me. I wondered when I'd ever learn to do the right thing at the right time.
I slammed down my mobile and walked into the hall towards the living room.
He cleared his throat as I strutted in without a stitch on.
I stopped dead in my tracks.
“Hi,” he said.