Chapter 29 #2
Her face softened. “There is nothing wrong with how you feel. Feelings makes you human. That is a precious thing, no? Have feelings. Embrace them—embrace him. Just…be careful with your heart. Be careful of what you expect in return.”
A ball of ice dropped into my belly. All my logical thinking, all my need for neat solutions, suddenly felt useless. How do you solve for love when one variable might not even exist?
“Thank you—for telling me,” I said, knowing she cared, knowing she didn’t want to see me hurt. She hesitated, then nodded. I appreciated her honesty.
But what if… What if this was different? What if this thing Laurent and I shared wasn’t like anything he’d had before. What if…?
No. I stopped those thoughts immediately. This wasn’t like the romances I enjoyed. Did I really believe Laurent could forsake his nature because I’d come into his life? Zola was right. Falling in love with an immortal male was dangerous.
He cared for me, even coveted me. I believed that with every fiber of my being. But love? No—if anything, it was possession. A dangerous need for it.
Could that be enough for me?
A sour taste filled my mouth. I began to feel a little ill. All of my excitement from earlier slipped away as I adjusted Cinna in my arms, rubbing my cheek against her head.
Zola bid me goodbye outside my bedroom door. I slipped inside and crawled beneath the blankets with Cinna cuddled in my arms. Sleep was quick to find me after the exhaustion of the day. I napped for the remainder of the afternoon. It was better than warring with my own emotions.
For dinner, I donned a simple black dress. It was sleeveless with a turtleneck, the choice intentional. The gown hugged my curves and ended just below my knees. I slipped on a pair of flats, braided my hair back, and brushed some makeup over my face.
The dining room was a murmur of voices and soft music as I emerged.
Zola found me immediately, linking her arm through mine.
“Let’s get a drink,” she said, as if she could see the toll her warning had taken.
I spotted Laurent on the other side of the room, his eyes locked on me. I nodded—a distant greeting.
“What will you have?” Hassan asked from behind the bar.
“Do you always play bartender at Laurent’s dinners?” I grinned at him.
“Usually. I’m good at it, and it gives me something to do. I’m not the mingling type.”
“How lucky for you,” I teased. “I’ll have a…” I trailed off, looking over the little chalkboard menu Hassan had obviously crafted with cocktails. I’d never heard of any of them, and assumed he’d made them up. “Give me a holy temper,” I said as my mouth twitched.
“You got it.”
I felt a presence at my back, a finger’s width behind me. “Hm…interesting choice, little flower.”
“Why is that?”
A possessive hand ran the length of my side, lingering against my hip. Both Hassan and Zola didn’t miss the action.
“Because it’s another gin drink.”
“Well? Aren’t you the one who called me a gin girl?”
“I did indeed.”
Hassan turned to Zola. “You want another of my famous mystic hoppers?”
“Sure, why not.” She braced her forearms on the bar to watch Hassan work. I didn’t miss the way her eyes fixed on him intently, or when they dipped lower than his back as he bent to grab a bottle.
There were nearly ten other vampires in the room mingling. They could have been invisible for all the attention I paid them. I could only think of what Zola said earlier, contrasting it with the way Laurent hovered behind me. His hand still cupped my hip, sinking a little lower over my backside.
“Interesting choice of dress,” he murmured against my ear. His lips brushed the shell of my skin and I shivered. “The more you hide your throat, the more I want to sink my teeth into you.”
“Fuck me,” Zola breathed. “Can the two of you spare the rest of us?” Zola’s complaint was only half-hearted.
Hassan chuckled. “They’ve been like this for the past few days. I can practically taste the tension.”
“Hassan,” I barked. “Enough.”
“Mmm. I do love when your sharp tongue is directed toward someone other than myself.” Laurent growled against my ear.
“Your drink, madam,” Hassan said, as if he couldn’t get me away from his bar fast enough. I sipped it and smiled with approval.
Laurent guided me away, linking my arm through his to promenade. “I thought the whole point of these dinner things was to mingle?”
“Fine, you caught me. Zola was going to try to steal you for herself tonight. This was my solution. I have no desire to share you. Call it selfish, but I find I’m quite possessive of my time with you.”
Butterflies erupted in my stomach, but they were tinged with something bitter. Possessive. That’s what he’d called it—possessiveness, not affection. Not love. He wasn’t supposed to make me feel like this when all I was to him was something to own. How could I protect my heart?
“You did well today,” he said, surprising me. “Tomorrow, you will work at it again.”
“I’ll get better,” I assured him.
He hummed. “You will. If it’s anything like the other things you put your mind to, you’re going to be impressive.” I faltered, leaning on his arm. “Don’t be so surprised. It is no secret, my thoughts toward humans. But you? You are something else entirely. Strong, driven, intelligent, and…”
“And?”
“Stubborn.”
My laugh was delighted.
“You’re also defiant. I thought I was going to hate it. Perhaps I did, at first. Now I want it. I want you to run from me, little flower, so that I can chase you.”
Everything inside me tightened. “You do?” He made a humming sound. I licked my lips. “And what would you do once you caught me?”
A nearby throat cleared.
Laurent leaned in, “Why don’t I tell you exactly what I’ll do later tonight, hmm? We should probably spare our audience. Otherwise Vittorio’s ears will start bleeding again.”
“Laurie,” I hissed. My skin flushed hot. I hated how easy it was to forget what they were. Their abilities. The fact that everyone in the room was listening to our conversation left me mortified.
“Come, Lily. Let’s eat.” He led me to the table, sliding out my chair, helping me into it before taking his at the head on my right.
I wanted to sink down and slide beneath the table.
The neckline of my dress wasn’t helping my body temperature.
Fortunately, no one looked at me any differently. Certainly not with judgment.
Dinner passed in a blur of rich flavors and comfortable conversation.
It was a contrast to the one we’d shared the first time.
Laurent tried each dish as it was presented and gave his approval before we enjoyed our first bite.
There was a creamy potato soup, apple walnut salad, pork tenderloin with a sweet sauce and veggies, and finally, chocolate cake. It was delightful.
Laurent didn’t speak much, but I gathered this was usual for him.
The other vampires comfortably chatted. Zola peppered me with questions about all the social media apps people were using these days.
I admitted that I only used a couple. It was all too much to keep up with, she claimed, which earned several jokes from the others.
“Shall we retire to the drawing room?” Laurent announced as our dessert plates were cleared.
“We always retire to the drawing room for coffee or tea,” Zola whispered.
Everyone rose. Laurent reached for me and I took his arm, letting him guide me there.
I couldn’t believe how quickly Vittorio worked.
The room lights had been dimmed, candles flickered to life, and several trays appeared with tea, coffee, and little snacks.
Never mind that we’d just stuffed ourselves.
“Do save your appetite for later,” Laurent whispered against my ear when he caught me eyeing everything.
“You… You’re going to make me something?”
“I do every night, do I not?”
“You could just bring hot chocolate.”
“And deprive you of my newfound abilities?”
I snorted, pouring myself some coffee before adding cream and sugar.
It was a calm environment as we set about the room.
Astrid, Demetrius, Lixin, and Hassan took up a card game.
Marco sat down at the puzzle that someone had started.
Zola stretched out along the sofa, throwing an arm over her face like she intended to nap.
Philippe and Stella sat with books, ignoring everyone else.
Kian took up a stance near the window, gazing out into the darkness. He was Henrietta’s sire. He’d been the least friendly toward me, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he blamed me for her death. The way his jaw ticked when he looked at me suggested my suspicions were correct.
I sipped my coffee, regarding them. “You have a beautiful family,” I murmured. I knew they could all hear me with their supernatural senses, but I didn’t care.
Something in Laurent’s features softened. “I do.”
“Do all of your children live here in the manor?”
“Not quite. Some live in Italy. A few others are scattered at various other houses I own around the world. Only my inner circle resides here.” He glanced around the room and frowned. “Vittorio!”
The male in question appeared. “Yes, sire?”
“Come, Vittorio. Leave the dishes for later. Linger with us a while. Miss Shaw has agreed to grace us with her beautiful music this evening.”
I choked, sputtering coffee back into my cup. Several heads glanced up.
“Laurie,” I hissed, “you know I don’t play for others.”
“Oh come, they’ve all heard you playing.”
A lump formed in my throat. I glanced at the beautiful instrument. “All right,” I said at last, finding my courage. My hands trembled slightly—whether from nerves or the lingering effects of training, I couldn’t tell. “But I’m not apologizing for all the mistakes I’ll make.”
Laurent’s mouth twitched. “None of us will mind.”
I finished my coffee and set the cup and saucer back on the table. Laurent led me to the piano, then took up a stance near my shoulder. I ignored him as I flipped through the song I’d left out last time I practiced. Then I set my hands on the keys and played.