Chapter 11
Over the coming days, Elin did improve, though never enough to successfully sneak up on Keir.
Days blended together, and she allowed herself to relax and forget the world beyond the camp, losing herself in her training and the tentative friendships she was allowing herself to build.
She knew that she could never fully trust these men nor the girl who had once been a Cameron, but neither could she now believe they were the traitorous monsters the world painted them as.
Eamon had told her stories of the MacKenzies many times over the years, but those monsters they spoke of were not here.
When Noah took her into the forest to gather supplies, or when Theon showed her how to tie complex knots, or when Graeme taught her a new card game, she saw not traitors or bandits, but young men.
They were her captors, but that was becoming harder and harder to believe, especially when Briana helped her secure new, sturdy shoes or when Keir was helping her become a better version of herself every morning.
Elin came to look forward to the dawn. Graeme hadn’t breathed a word of what he’d discovered on the training ground that day, for which she was grateful.
The others were of course aware that they were doing something on the training grounds every morning—this band of brothers could not fully hide anything from one another—but they respected Keir’s privacy and Elin’s as well, and nobody asked any questions.
As Elin trained, and laughed, and learned, she found herself thinking of Eamon less and less, and when she did, she did not like what memories awaited her there.
Would he have ever trained her like this?
Would he have let her grow into something new?
Or had he always simply wanted her to remain as she was, ready to be exactly what he needed?
Why was it that only here, captured in the woods and so far from everything she had ever known, she had at last begun to wonder what she needed?
These thoughts were swirling around her head as she reached the campfire one night to find Briana preparing supper.
Without thinking, she moved to help, and Briana immediately moved to the side to allow her to do so, handing her a knife and some roots to chop.
Theon and Graeme were nearby involved in some sort of intense discussion while Keir polished a dagger that was already shining in the firelight.
“Noah will be back soon. Dinnae worry about makin’ the roots too neat, he’s always liked the texture a bit uneven,” Briana told her. “He’s the one bringin’ the meat for the stew, so we’ll make it to his tastes.”
Elin smiled slightly. “Ye look after them all well.”
“They’re me family,” Briana replied simply. “And besides that, they look after me too. In fact, Noah’s looked after me since long before I even met Theon and the rest.”
Surprised, Elin almost missed the root with the knife. “Ye’ve been travelin’ with Noah since before ye met yer husband?”
Briana laughed. “Nay, he—”
They were interrupted as Noah appeared, looking a little breathless and unkempt, his eyes wide.
Theon stood immediately and started toward him, but Noah waved his hand in reassurance and moved toward the campfire.
He collapsed down into a seating position and accepted the flask that Graeme offered him.
“Nae meat, I notice,” Graeme said as soon as Noah had taken a gulp. Theon elbowed him, but Noah let out a tired chuckle.
“There’s salted rabbit in the stores. It’ll have to do tonight, I’m afraid,” Noah said with a soft breath of a laugh. “I barely made it here with me own life never mind that of some game. I missed a McLeod patrol by the skin of me teeth.”
“How near?” Theon asked immediately.
“Nae too near, but nae as far as I’d have hoped either, especially since they had MacDonnell men with them,” Noah replied.
Graeme made a hm sound. “The alliance is gettin’ restless, it seems.”
Briana spoke up. “Any Camerons?” she asked.
Elin blinked, staring at her for a second.
She couldn’t imagine ever speaking up when she was around Eamon’s men discussing strategy—not since he’d firmly taught her what would happen the first time she’d tried.
Her cheek still smarted from that lesson.
Briana met her gaze and, misinterpreting the meaning, said, “Or Grants?”
Noah shook his head. “Nay, nae Grants or Camerons, but Graeme’s right. Somethin’s brewin’.” He hesitated and, for some reason, glanced at Elin. “I… did hear somethin’ that might be good value tae us, though. Perhaps it’s the cause of all of this and we’ve naught tae fear.”
“Speak, man,” Graeme encouraged. Keir went still and fixed Noah with a sharp gaze.
With another glance at Elin, Noah sighed. “There’s word of a betrothal. I dinnae ken who the lass is, but it seems that… well, it seems Eamon Grant is tae be wed. There’ll be a celebration of his engagement in two days’ time.”
A heavy silence followed his words. Elin felt rather than saw all their eyes on her as something inside her fell away.
She waited for her heart to crumble or for the tears to come.
She waited for the shock, or the pain, or the disbelief.
She waited for anything that one might have expected to feel when the man who was meant to love her, meant to save her, had so easily forgotten her.
But it didn’t come.
Why did she feel so little? Why did she barely care at all?
She could feel them all holding their breaths, waiting for her to react, to speak or to scream or to cry.
Instead, she just got to her feet and, not looking toward any of them, walked unsteadily away.
She didn’t even know where she was going, only that her own lack of reaction had disturbed her and she needed to get far from the cheerful comfort of the campfire.
When Elin realised where she was going, she was already in the middle of the training grounds, sitting on the stump and staring ahead at the trees.
She remembered her first days here, so certain that Eamon was coming for her.
So certain that he would be her savior. She’d truly believed it.
Hadn’t she? She’d thought he loved her and that she loved him.
Or, at least, she thought she had. But now, sitting on this stump and seeing the clouds swirling above, she could barely remember a time she’d ever laughed with him.
A time when she’d ever truly felt herself, rather than a woman desperately trying to be what he wanted and needed her to be.
She knew Eamon had been kind to her compared to many of the men who had used her over time, but had he ever made her feel safe? She couldn’t recall a single moment.
Footsteps sounded behind her. Elin didn’t turn, but she found a smile flickering on her face. “Ye’ll need tae disguise yer movements better if ye intend tae sneak up on the likes of me,” she teased gently.
Keir moved in front of her and sat down easily in the grass, apparently not minding that it was damp and muddy, looking up into her face. “Ye’ve bested me yet again,” he responded.
“I’ve never bested ye,” Elin replied.
He reached up and touched her face, sweeping an errant tear from her cheekbone. “Ye have. More than ye could possibly ken.”
They sat in silence together for a moment, though Elin was mostly lost in her own surprise.
She hadn’t realized that she had been crying.
She wiped her face and wondered what emotion had brought forth those tears, because, she was suddenly certain, there was no sorrow in her heart to speak of. Not about this. Not anymore.
“I’m sorry,” Keir said at last. “Truly.”
“Sorry about what?” Elin asked. “About Eamon’s betrothal, ye mean? Why would that be cause for pity? Ye hate the man and everythin’ he stands for. Ye’ve never been shy in tellin’ me that I was a fool for associatin’ with him.”
Keir flushed, but he did not look angered or upset by her words.
“Aye. Ye’re right, and yet I’m sorry still,” he explained.
“A heart is foolish even when the mind is nae, and regardless of sense or what I think is right, ye love him. It must hurt tae ken he’ll wed another.
I’m sorry ye have tae go through that pain. ”
Elin stared into his eyes for a moment and felt something warm and steady pulsing in her chest. She shook her head slowly.
“I… I thought I did. Truly. But Eamon, though he could be kind and gentle, was only ever usin’ me, and I…
I think I may have only ever been usin’ him.
Nae consciously, of course nae, but I’ve spent me whole life as an orphaned lass doin’ whatever it took to survive.
There have been men before Eamon Grant, worse men, men who took the worse advantage, who I gravitated to because I kent me looks would mean they kept me safe.
And they did. Then Eamon came along, and though he never treated me as a wife, he was often gentle.
He sometimes brought flowers or compliments.
He spoke to me in a way that made me sure that the liberties he took were worth it for the security he gave me.
So, aye, perhaps I convinced meself I loved him, but I dinnae think I ever did.
I think I was infatuated by the idea of a man who might care for me—but that was never Eamon.
I just didnae want tae see it until I was forced to at last.”
Keir’s expression didn’t change, but Elin saw it anyway—the tiniest hint of a smile dancing in his eyes.
He got to his feet and wiped down his trousers, then offered a hand.
Elin took it and allowed him to pull her to her feet.
They stood facing each other, both now openly smiling without quite knowing why. Neither one dropped the other’s hand.
“Have you ever been in love?” Elin asked softly. “Or has it only ever been infatuation?”
Keir looked down. “There have been women I have loved, aye, but none have ever had me heart, nor I theirs. It’s safer that way and better for everyone.
All of us have agreed on that ever since I was young and the Broken Blades were formed.
None of us ever allowed ourselves tae be in love, because we kent what danger lay that way.
” He looked up again, though not directly at her, and a wistful expression crossed his face.
“Until Briana, that is. She changed everything.”
Elin blinked, then the warmth inside her flickered. So that was it. Briana.
It made sense, she supposed. Keir would never act upon it, he was too honorable and loved his brother too much, but how could he not fall for a woman so smart, so dedicated, and so pretty who had given up everything to fight by their sides?
She had seen the strange looks that Keir often directed at Briana when he thought nobody could see, but she had never been fully able to work out their meaning.
Now she understood, and she felt a deep pity for him.
That surely was the emotion that was clenching in her heart now, wasn’t it?
“I’m glad ye’re all right, truly,” Keir told her. “We’ve gotten used tae yer wilfulness. It would have been a shame if it were to disappear for the likes of Eamon Grant.”
She laughed and squeezed his hand. “Och, ye’ve naught tae fear in that regard. I will always quarrel with ye, so long as ye continue tae talk such nonsense every time ye open yer mouth.” The warmth returned as he chuckled, and, impulsively, she stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “Thank ye.”
Keir went very still. “For?” he asked. She could not see his face.
“For makin’ me realize at last that there’s worth in me beyond what men have taken from me over and over. For makin’ me understand at last that I dinnae need tae always please in order tae have value,” she murmured in his ear. She pulled back, then cleared her throat. “Come on, then, I—”
But Keir’s free hand cupped her face and his eyes burned as he looked into hers.
Her words died on her lips, her breath catching in her throat. The hand that was holding hers pulled her closer, and she went willingly, and when their lips met, it tasted like it had always been inevitable.
Keir’s hand slipped into her hair and she sighed into his mouth, closing her eyes as his mouth moved against hers, soft, never demanding, and yet secure. He kissed her, and she kissed him back.
And for just a moment there was nothing but the two of them beneath the swirling sky.