Chapter 14
Sarah
Friday
“You’re miserable.”
Sarah looked up from her phone. Carlos sat down next to her on the ferry bench, a thermos of coffee in his hand.
“I’m fine.”
“You’re a terrible liar.” He unscrewed the thermos and poured himself a cup. “You’ve been avoiding that girl the whole week. She’s been avoiding you. It’s painful to watch.”
Sarah put her phone away. The ferry engine rumbled beneath them as they pulled away from the Key West dock. Behind them, the pier grew smaller. Ahead, Carlson Island waited.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Too bad. We’ve got twenty minutes on this boat and Esme made me promise to talk sense into you.”
“Esmeralda isn’t here. Just tell her you did but don’t.”
“Yeah, right. Because she can’t read me like an open book or anything. Plus, she’s right as per always.” Carlos took a sip of his coffee. “So here I am. Talking sense into you. Stop self-destructing.”
Sarah looked out at the water. It was a perfect day.
Clear blue sky, sunshine glinting off the waves.
Any other time she’d appreciate it. Today it just felt like the universe mocking her.
She looked back at the pier. The second ferry was still docked.
In the distance she could make out Lizzie.
She’d come over with the second load a few minutes after them.
They she’d be trapped on Carlson Island with her for two days.
Great.
“I hurt her.”
“Yeah, you did.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“I know.” Carlos was quiet for a moment. “Did you really leave her money like some john at the brothel? Esme told me and I could hardly believe my ears.”
“Don’t.” Sarah’s voice came out sharper than she intended. “I didn’t mean it like that. I was going to take the van and wanted to make sure she got back to her place alright without digging into her own money. I had that breakfast with the city commissioner.”
“Excuses, excuses. You do know what that must have felt like for her though, right?”
“I know.” She threw up her hands in exasperation. “I know. I’d hate my guts too if I were in her shoes.”
“Trouble is, she doesn’t hate you,” Carlos replied, wrapping one of his hefty arms around her.
“The whole thing was a mistake.”
“Was it?” Carlos turned to look at her. “Or was it a chance to be happy and you ran like a pack of wild beasts were after you?”
Sarah didn’t answer. What could she say? That he was right? That waking up with Lizzie had felt more real than anything in years and she’d freaked out immediately when she woke up with her at her side?
“You need to stop hiding who you are.”
“I’m not hiding—”
“You are. And I get it, I do. The court case, the board, all of it. But maybe it would be better if you just told the truth. About everything.” He paused. “And I mean everything.”
The half-bagel she’d eaten for breakfast churned in her stomach as if it wanted to make another appearance. “The truth would be the worst thing that could happen to me.”
“Worse than losing her?”
“I barely know her. It’s a holiday crush.”
“That’s not what your face says when you look at her. Or she at you.”
Sarah stood up. The ferry was approaching the island now. She could see the white sand beaches, the palm trees swaying in the breeze. Several private cottages were scattered along the beach. The open-air pavilion where tonight’s party would happen stood near the center of the island.
The day was perfect. Perhaps deceptively so. A feeling at the pit of her stomach had been nagging on her all week, and even more so now. And for once, it wasn’t related to Lizzie.
She pulled out her phone again to look at the radar and immediately grimaced.
“What?” Carlos asked. “Weather?”
“Yeah. It says there’s still a chance that freak storm system could turn our way. Not till Sunday afternoon, but still. We might have to leave early. I wish Stavros had let me cancel the whole thing.”
Carlos got up and joined her side. “You talked to him?”
“Yeah, I think he was even considering it but then Derek and Peter got involved and said there’s a next to 0% chance that this thing will head this way and we’d be losing a lot of money on supplies. I said we could have the party on the resort grounds but no.”
“To be fair, there hasn’t been a really bad storm in March in ages.”
She turned to him. “It’s nearly April and April is only two months away from Hurricane Season. Besides, we do get storms.”
Carlos shrugged. “We’ll be ok. I bet you prepared anyway, didn’t you?”
“Yup. Every ferry that went over this week had extra supplies on it, just in case. I sent over two generators, fuel, board games, extra bedding. It’s all on the executive mansion.”
“That’s the Sarah I know,” Carlos said with a laugh. “Always prepared.”
The boat docked and the crew disembarked. Sarah staggered onto the beach, feeling off kilter for a moment.
“I need to help with the setup.”
Carlos didn’t stop her. He and Maria, head of catering, went off to their assigned area to set up the catering tent. DJ was there too and she helped situate him. The tents for camping and the set-up crew for those arrived afterwards. With Lizzie.
Sarah went into full GM mode because that was safe. That was something she knew how to do.
“Alright, where do you need me?” Lizzie came her way, looking at her with a cold expression. She deserved that, she knew it. Still, she knew what had to be done. Sarah cleared her throat.
“I need you to verify the tent placements. Make sure they match the diagram I sent you.”
Lizzie pulled out her phone without looking at Sarah. “Got it.”
Their eyes met for half a second. Sarah saw something flash across Lizzie’s face. Hurt. Anger. Then it was gone and Lizzie was walking away toward the tent area. Sarah watched her go. Last Sunday, she’d held that girl in her arms. Now they could barely have a conversation.
Still, she didn’t have time to think about the matter.
There was too much to do, too many irons in the fire.
She’d been overseeing the set up all week.
The stage had already been prepared, a tent with spa equipment and massage chairs had been brought over and set up the day before.
Everything major had been pre-arranged as it had been every year.
Now, they just had to set up for the party.
The DJ’s equipment had to be hooked up, the food brought out and stored in the executive mansion.
Or what would have been the executive mansion if it had been finished.
The beauticians, Rita and Esty, had to stop the spa station with the supplies they’d just brought over. Everything was happening exactly as planned. Sarah moved through it all, checking details, answering questions, making sure nothing was forgotten. But her mind kept drifting.
To Lizzie laughing at something Rita, one of the beauticians, was saying.
To the way Lizzie’s hair caught the sunlight. To how Lizzie had looked in Sarah’s bed, sleepy and beautiful. Sarah hated herself for walking away from that. But she hated herself more for wanting to go back.
By five thirty, fifty spring breakers were streaming off the ferries. They scattered across the island like excited kids, running toward the beach, taking photos, and checking out their tents.
The barbecue started at six. The smell of grilled seafood and ribs filled the air. The DJ started playing as the sun dropped toward the horizon. Someone lit the tiki torches along the beach and suddenly the whole island looked magical.
Sarah stood by the catering tent, watching. She should have been checking on the guests, but she couldn’t move.
A group of spring breakers had gathered near the pavilion. The music was loud and upbeat. Lizzie was in the middle of them, moving to the rhythm, laughing at something one of the girls said. She looked so alive. So free.
So beautiful it made Sarah’s chest ache.
“You’re staring.” Sarah turned. Carlos had appeared next to her with two bottles of water.
“I’m observing. Making sure everyone’s having a good time.”
“Right. Observing.” He handed her one of the bottles. “You know what I think?”
“I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”
“I think you’re scared. I think Lizzie made you feel actual feelings and it terrified you. So you pushed her away before she could get too close.”
“That’s not—”
“But here’s the thing. She’s already close. And pushing her away didn’t make it hurt less. It just made you both miserable.”
Sarah opened the water bottle and took a long drink. Down on the beach, Lizzie was still dancing. A guy tried to join her and she laughed, spinning away from him toward Rita instead.
Sarah sat the bottle down. “I can’t do this. I can’t be what she needs.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m a mess, Carlos. My whole life is a mess. I’m not even really....” She paused. “Nobody really knows me but you and Esme.”
“So stop lying. Be who you are.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“It could be.” She gulped. Her mother had called again that morning. She’d sent it to voicemail. The voicemail icon was still on her phone like an accusation. She already knew she wasn’t going to listen to it. But she still hadn’t managed to delete it.
Sarah shook her head. The sun was almost down now. The sky had gone deep purple. Stars were starting to appear.
“I should go check on things.”
She walked away before Carlos could respond. But she could feel him watching her. Judging her. Probably right to do it.
Sarah made her way around the party, stopping to chat with guests, making sure the food was good, that people had drinks.
But every few minutes her eyes found Lizzie. Dancing near the water now, barefoot in the sand. Laughing with a group of girls who’d formed a circle. Looking happy despite everything Sarah had done to her.
Sarah wanted to walk over there to apologize. She wanted to tell Lizzie that calling it a mistake was the real mistake. But she stayed where she was. On the outside looking in. Where she’d always been. Where maybe she deserved to be.