4. Ember #2
“I want to move on,” I explain slowly, deliberately. “Forget about the person they made me into. But until this case is over… I can’t let go of her. Not fully. No matter how much I want to.”
“She’s you, Ember. You can’t alienate a part of yourself, and those men love all of you. If not, they wouldn’t be here.”
“What if it’s a part that makes me sick? A part I don’t want them to see, let alone love or accept?”
She twists a little, granting me the full intensity of her tawny stare.
“Who you became to survive isn’t some infected limb to be removed and tossed aside. That woman endured horrors most can’t imagine. She deserves a little more respect than that, don’t you think?”
“Willow…”
“Be honest with me. Why are you still punishing yourself after all this time?”
“Because I was a monster.” The admission tastes like dirt. “Not a person.”
Her expression is rueful, contorted in shades of devastating acceptance.
“Aren’t all humans monsters to some degree? We’ve both met some of the worst. And to escape their evil, it was hard not to become a little monstrous ourselves. Yet from what I can see, you’re doing plenty to right those wrongs.”
I stare down at my hands, throat tightening into a vice of raw emotion. All I’ve wanted since I escaped was to get justice for Gracie and all the other women who didn’t come home. I’ve fought for them, tooth and nail.
Sure, I might’ve occasionally enjoyed it along the way. Killing Gael, wiping out his men, removing Carlos after years of his constant taunts and torture. That was for me. But it’s all been with one goal in mind: dismantle the machine that held us captive and took our lives from us.
“What if you’re wrong about me?” I bleat around a mouth full of tears. “What if I’m bad like them?”
“Oh, Ember.”
Tentatively, she reaches out to cup my hand, giving me time to pull away. I accept the contact without flinching.
“You’re not a bad person.” Willow’s whisper is passionate. “You’re someone who saw a lot of bad things happen and lived long enough to tell the tale. Don’t let their evil turn you against yourself.”
“I’ve done some awful things… I’ve hurt people. Enjoyed it too. Even while on the job, I crossed the line so many times. I don’t know who I am on the other side of this fight. Or who I’ll be.”
Her grip on my hand tightens to the point of pain, full of fierce determination.
“You’ll be exactly the kind of person you needed when this happened to you. Only this time, you’re the one standing between numerous innocent victims and a fate no one deserves.”
“You really believe that?”
“I do. It takes seeing all that pain and suffering to build the strength to protect others. You’re so strong, Ember.”
My cheeks sting where pent-up tears flow free, sluicing over the healing bruising across my face. For once, I let the moisture pour freely. I’m not ashamed. Not in front of her. Willow holds my hand and sits by my side without judgement while the storm passes.
“Shit, I need to go.” I eventually force out a stunted breath, scrubbing my damp face. “We’re needed back in London. The guys will be waiting to leave.”
“Will you come back to visit us when this is all over?” Willow sounds hopeful.
Untangling our hands, I glance up at her. “You want me to?”
“I do. It’s not perfect here, but it is peaceful. I’d like to show you what that looks like.”
Sincerity shines through her words, and I summon a smile.
“Then I’ll come back when it’s safe.”
“I’ll hold you to it. You can even bring those boys with you. I’m sure Killian can give them some jobs to do. There’s never a shortage of work here in the valley.”
“Hah, I’m sure that’ll go down well with the team.”
We both stand, lingering awkwardly for a moment. I want to hug her, but I’m not quite sure how to take that leap. Thankfully, she reads my indecision and pulls me into a warm embrace.
“You’ve got this, Ember. Go be the person I know you are. We’re all counting on you.”
“No pressure, then.”
“For you? No, I meant what I said. Whoever finds themselves up against you better be prepared for a hell of a fight.”
Squeezing her tightly, I suck a final deep breath in. “Thanks for keeping us safe.”
“Pretty sure that’s what Sabre does, whether the world sees it or not. This was nothing in comparison.”
“You still stepped up for us.”
“And I always will,” she murmurs back. “You’re welcome here. Don’t forget that.”
We untangle then step apart. I think she subtly wipes a finger under her eyes while turning to lead me from the room. With a final look around and one more exhale, I follow Willow out of the cabin, back into the gathering snowstorm.
“You’ll want to get on the road before this hits.” She frowns up at the sky.
“Do you guys get snowed in much?”
“All the time. Stay much longer and you’ll be stuck with us.”
Honestly, it sounds kinda nice. Better than the firefight we’re driving into.
“Be safe, Ember. And tell Hyland to get his backside over here on your way out of town. He owes me a goodbye, at least.”
“Yes ma’am.” I stifle a laugh.
“Keep in touch. We’re all rooting for you.”
Halting at the bottom of the porch steps to take a look at the woman who chased me from Gael’s mansion, déjà vu strikes harder than a lightning bolt. But neither of us are being forcibly dragged or ordered around now.
Instead, we’re both here. Free. Whole. Able to make our own choices, to forge a path ahead that isn’t stained by blood, pain or tears. I don’t know what that looks like for me. Not yet. But I’m excited to find out.
Perhaps I can find some happiness too.
Maybe even my own slice of peace.