EMBER #2
“We’re on a deadline, so there’s no more time to argue. Nolan Madden needs to be dead in a body bag by Friday or we’ll all be in hot water for mismanaging this disaster.”
“Wonderful, a little suspense always makes things more fun.”
At his side, Archer scowls, seemingly unsure what to make of his new teammate. “Is he always like this?”
“Pretty much.” I blow out a leaden breath. “Enjoy.”
“Thanks. Uh, Ember? I’ve been meaning to speak to you since… well, since the attack.”
“Please, Archer. It isn’t necessary.”
“Regardless, I want to apologise on behalf of the Falcon Team. We knew Kyle was struggling after Josh’s death, but neither of us suspected him of subterfuge.”
“It’s not your fault. I’m sorry you’ve had to lose another team member.”
“He brought it on himself.” Oscar seems far more serious and battle-weary than the last time I saw him.
“I hope we can make it up to your whole team.” Archer slaps on a dreary smile. “We’ll be proud to stand beside you during the raid and do our bit to end Madden’s reign.”
“Bleugh.” Gunnar mock-shudders. “Can we go in now? Enough of this sappy shit.”
“Good luck with him.” I motion to the menace.
“Thanks.” Archer rolls his eyes. “You coming back inside?”
“Right behind you. I just need a minute.”
“See you in there.”
Once they’ve filed past, I slip into Warner’s shaded office for some privacy. It’s weird to be back in HQ. Madden will know where we are as soon as we rain down disaster and destruction on his head. With our raid imminent, the time for hiding is almost over.
I pull out the desk chair then sit, fishing the burner phone from my pocket. After dialling the number Hudson kindly wrote down for me yesterday, the call rings out. I redial half-heartedly, not expecting a response.
“Yes?” Jude answers curtly.
“Um, hi. It’s Ember. Sorry, is this a bad time?”
“Oh, Ember. No, not at all. Let me step into my office. I apologise, it’s hectic here today. We’re expecting a patient transfer in a couple of hours.”
“I can call another time, it’s not important.”
“Don’t worry, I’m due a tea break anyway. What’s up?”
My throat dries up, holding my words hostage. “I don’t know. I guess I was hoping you’d have some wisdom. Did you hear about the raid?”
“Hudson filled me in. When do you leave?”
“Anytime now, we’re awaiting final confirmation.”
“This is good news, Ember. The case will be over soon.”
“I know, I know.” My fingertip traces along the desk’s surface, laden with dust.
“Then tell me what’s really on your mind.”
“We talked about my past… about 768. I’ve worked so hard to put her in a box. To move on and build something from my time at Sabre.”
“You’re worried about undoing that progress,” he guesses.
“I suppose I’m scared that the only way to win this war is by letting her back out. Only this time, I don’t know if I’ll be able to lock her in again. The voice, it’s so loud.”
He’s silent for a long pause.
“Ember, she is you. Imprisoning her won’t bring you the peace you’re looking for. Letting 768 back in or not isn’t a choice—it’s an inevitability.”
“I’m tired of hurting people.” I sag back in Warner’s chair.
“We all hurt people, every single day of our lives. I’m sorry to say no amount of therapy or rehabilitation will ever change that. But you have the power to stop others from being hurt now.”
“And if I’m not strong enough?”
His laughter is light, amused. “Now that I refuse to believe. From what I’ve heard, you’re plenty strong enough.”
“I’m so scared of ruining the happiness I’ve found.” My low voice buzzes over the receiver. “When I face Madden, I know my entire past will be brought to the forefront.”
“If I’m not mistaken, those men already know your demons quite intimately.”
“I guess you could say that.”
“Then what makes you think tapping into 768 will make them feel any different about you? Love doesn’t work that way, Ember. You know that.”
“And if I can’t let her go?” I pinch my eyes between my thumb and fingers.
“There’s far more to you than your trauma,” Jude explains with infinite patience. “768 is a small part of Ember Lawson. A wonderful, brilliant part who survived unimaginable horrors.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because it’s the truth. Let her out of her box. Finish the job for the both of you.”
Holding the phone tight, my forehead lowers to rest on the desktop. The finality of his words sinks in, no matter how hard I want to rage against it. I can’t deny he’s right. 768 got me this far. She’ll take me to the finish line.
“Does it ever end?” I murmur. “The endless fighting?”
“This morning, I woke up with my wife in my arms and our eldest running riot through the house with two of his other fathers chasing him.” A smile shines through Jude’s voice.
“As I bottle fed my baby daughter I stared into her eyes, wondering who she’d become one day.
I left home to go to a job I never thought I’d recover enough to do again. ”
The backs of my eyes burn with emotion. “You made a life for yourself.”
“Against the odds, I did. We all did. You will too, Ember. Every path that lies ahead of you is wide open and ready for the taking.”
“I want that future so badly.”
“Then get out there, and take it for yourself.”
“Thank you, Jude. You’re a good friend.”
“It’s the least I can do. Will you call me when it’s all over and tell me how you are? I always get the rundown corporate version from Hudson and Kade.”
Ha, I’m surprised Kade takes work into his private home at all. Though I can imagine Hudson ranting over his daily stressors at the dinner table, bickering and glaring at his brother the whole time.
“I will, I promise.”
“Then all that’s left to say is good luck. I believe in you.”
“I’ll see you soon. Kiss those gorgeous kids for me please.”
“I will, Em.”
Ending the call, I rest on the desk for a calming breath. The invisible knots twisted up inside me have slackened, creating some finite breathing room. While the fear remains, I know what I have to do now.
Since coming home, I’ve tried to forget what Gael did to me. All that I endured at the hands of the cartel. The eternal scars of being trafficked, sold, exploited and used. I thought I could let go of 768 and rebuild without her.
And I have rebuilt.
But severing her isn’t an option.
Jude is right about that much. She kept me strong, detached. Cold enough to survive the brutality of my life in captivity. Formidable enough to endure Gael’s mind games. Fast enough to beat the long parade of opponents sent to kill me.
For one last time, she can step up to keep us both safe. I want her to see all that we’ve achieved. And all that’s yet to come when Madden is dead in the ground along with his associates. That’s what we’re fighting for.
Only this time, we’re going to win.