Chapter 12
C H A P T E R1 2
Ride or Die
Ella
The Present
12:48 a.m.
T he atmosphere was pure frost by the time we reached the sixth floor of Balthazar Building, yet the tension brewing between my ex-boyfriend and me kept my insides hot like an inferno .
Having been a cheerleader throughout my high school tenure, I was in good shape and still active now that I was in university. But goddamn, my leg muscles were starting to ache from climbing six flights of stairs in heeled boots.
Meanwhile, Cade barely broke a sweat. Playing hockey and his gangster side hustle kept him plenty fit.
Vance Remington had two heirs—two mob princes—who weren’t afraid to get their hands dirty in the streets of Montardor. Over the last three years, Cade earned himself a reputation for being a fixer . Roughing patrons, collecting debts, and thoroughly helping run his adoptive father’s underworld dealings. He walked around with a lethal edge and no one dared to mess with him.
Except for me, of course. I was the only one allowed to tease Cade and he’d loved it.
I padded further into the dormitories, feeling Cade’s presence lurking not too far behind. He was ruminating. And I too was still digesting everything he’d said in the tunnels.
“I always dream of you, sweetheart. Ever since the first moment I saw you.”
“I always want to kiss you, Ella. That’s what I dream about most. Kissing you and never, ever coming up for air.”
Those words lowered a little bit of my resolve to stay away from him…Not to mention, Cade’s dirty talk.
Good Lord, have mercy on me.
I was a woman who got off on praise and degradation. He knew it very well. Never failed to give me what I wanted.
“Careful, princess . Once I redden your ass into my favourite shade of red, I’ll fuck the disrespectfulness out of you in no time.”
“Ask me like a good girl and I might consider giving you the opportunity to suck my dick. I remember how much you loved getting your face fucked, Ella.”
To top it off? The crazy motherfucker actually got my name inked on the inside of his bottom lip. It was the sexiest thing ever. After my initial shock wore off, my thong dampened at the thought of his inked lips, wrapped around my clit, sucking me to orgasm.
Dammit . It was getting increasingly difficult to ignore the attraction between us. It had never left since the moment we met.
And now my suspicions were confirmed. Cade only came to Initiation Night with one sole purpose: to win me back. He wasn’t a fan of this tradition, but he’d do just about anything—including partaking in a trivial competition—if it meant being close to me once more.
I wouldn’t be surprised if Cade planned for us to get paired together.
“Based on the riddle, we’re looking for a picture.” Cade’s deep voice yanked me out of my thoughts.
On the bright side, we were laying the elephant in the room—the conversation from the tunnels—to rest. “Yeah. Maybe the next dare is hidden behind an old photo frame.”
Decades ago, Balthazar Building housed dormitories for students who lived on campus. There were rumours that ghosts lingered in the dominion. Some students claimed to hear voices, eventually making them go mad, climb up the bell tower to reach the belfry...
And jump to their inevitable demise.
Too many dead students. Too much scandal. It forced St. Victoria to shut down this area. Since then, no student had stayed here. Though Principal Hill did say that the building was now strictly used for private faculty meetings.
The sixth floor had a musty smell. There was obviously a lack of proper ventilation.
Cade and I stood in the middle of a hallway, flanked by various doors on either side that led to separate lodgings.
“The picture is probably in one of these rooms.” I walked to a closed door. When I tested the doorknob, it wouldn’t budge.
I shook it with frustration.
“Easy, tiger. You’re going to break it if you keep doing that.”
“What do you suggest we do, huh?” I snarled, stressed because we’d wasted enough time in the tunnels.
“‘As per the rules, we are not allowed to damage anything on school property’,” he parroted my own words, his smirk growing at my sour expression. “And I suggest we use the bobby pin strategically hanging from the elastic band tied around the doorknob.”
“Oh.” That’s the first thing I should have noticed. Snatching the bobby pin, I thrust my flashlight at him. “Hold this while I open the lock.”
Cade taught me how to pick a lock in record time one night when we were out raising teenage hell around the city. My ex-boyfriend taught me a lot of things actually—how to shoot a gun, how to drive a motorcycle, how to sixty-nine, how to love and be loved in return—and this was just another reminder of how utterly perfect we’d once been.
Cade shone light over my hands as I opened the bobby pin at a ninety-degree angle. Then I inserted the pin meticulously, managing to disengage the lock on the first try.
Twisting the knob, the door opened with a creaky sound.
Our flashlights chased across the walls of the dorm room. There were two single beds, a small dresser, and a window covered with old, tattered curtains. It lacked personality, considering how long the building had remained vacant.
“I’ll search one side of the room and you take the other. It’ll go faster,” I said.
Cade wordlessly agreed. He went to the right and I darted to the left. With the constant drone of the rainstorm as a backdrop, we searched through the drawers, the space under the beds, and the closet.
“There’s nothing,” Cade concluded after a few minutes of rummaging.
My shoulders slumped. “I don’t see anything remotely similar to a photo either.”
“We have exactly two hours left.”
“Shit.” I drummed my fingers against my thigh. “Okay, let’s split up. That way we’ll stay on track with the timer. I have another bobby pin here somewhere.” I opened the zip of my crossbody purse and fished in the tiny compartment where I kept my pins and lip gloss. “Aha, here! Use this to unlock the other dorm rooms. I’ll take the ones on the left side of the hall, and you take the ones on the right.”
Cade killed the distance between us in two strides. Instead of grabbing the pin, he closed his fingers around my wrist like a manacle.
A shot of electricity pulsed from the touch.
Again.
His face dipped close to mine. “Is this your way of avoiding me—avoiding us ?”
My expression fell. “There’s nothing to avoid, Cade. There’s just nothing left . For the sake of tonight, let’s call it a truce. I don’t—” I paused to inhale sharply. “I don’t have it in me to rehash the past. Please, just drop it.”
It was the honest to God truth. Regardless of our previous teasing and flirtation, I truly didn’t have the energy to go over our history. There was too much of it.
Opening old wounds would not be wise.
“Before we go our separate ways, tell me something,” he rasped. “In all these months, did you never once miss me…even for a second?”
I should lie to him. It’s what he deserved. Yet in the dark room, the sliver of vulnerability in his tone was amplified and resonated with my softer side, the one that was completely weak for him.
It forced me to say the truth. “Just for a second.”
Hope flared in the air like a tangible thing and I instantly regretted it.
“Ella—”
“Please, Cade,” I cut him off, not offering him the chance to build up on that hope. I made my stance clear on our past: I didn’t want to talk about it. “If you find the next dare before me, just call out my name.”
I couldn’t see his eyes, but I felt them all the same, hugging every inch of my silhouette the way they’d done many times in the past. I used to love the way he watched me with quiet intensity, like he was marvelling at my existence.
It was euphoric to know there was someone out there who viewed you in the same light reserved for celestial beings.
But it was also painful when that so-called someone hurt you in unimaginable ways…and you knew you’d never be together again.
“Do you hear me, Cade?” I whispered.
His voice rumbled like low thunder. “Yeah, I hear you, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart , in that revered tone, chipped away another layer of ice surrounding my heart. If I spent more time in his presence, he’d rip away my entire armour and I’d be left with my core—half-healed, half-hurting.
Mustering all my strength, I walked away from him and towards the next door, feeling his gaze burning a hole into my back.
Applying the same technique as before, I unlocked the room and slipped inside, shutting the door with a decisive thud. The sound ricocheted like the final nail pounding in a coffin.
Resting my back against the wooden surface, my heartbeat picked up in rhythm.
I couldn’t believe I confessed to missing him.
How odd that the admission made me feel weak and powerful at the same time. Weak, for he had betrayed me and stripped me of my pride. Powerful, for I finally had the courage to say the truth aloud. Not just to him, but to myself.
Cade Killian Remington had been like oxygen to me. Necessary and vital to my being.
I never thought in a million years I’d have to exist without my sustenance.
My ear strained to hear noise on the other end. Cade’s resounding footsteps indicated that he successfully opened a dorm room and entered.
The following moments were spent searching one room after another, irritation skyrocketing in the hallway every time we crossed paths because we hadn’t found the next dare. There was no picture anywhere and with every room I explored, I was getting closer to reaching my breaking point.
Eight minutes later, Cade and I regrouped.
“I found nothing.” He folded his arms over his chest and leaned back against the hallway wall.
I mimicked his stance against the opposite wall. “I don’t understand. We cracked the code. We reached the sixth floor. We unlocked every door. And yet not a single picture in sight. How is that possible?”
I angled my flashlight upwards to get a glimpse of his face.
Only to find his eyes fixated on something to my left.
“Are you listening to me?” I asked, twisting my neck to follow his line of sight. “What are you looking at?”
“I think I found our next dare. I can’t believe we didn’t see it sooner.” He came to stand next to me, touching the framed corner of a painting. It was a portrait of an old man with a beard. “This must be Balthazar.”
“And he’s apparently worth a thousand words?” I scoffed.
“Don’t speak ill of the dead, Ella. This place is crawling with ghosts. You don’t want to piss off the wrong ones.”
“I thought you viewed the paranormal with a hearty dose of skepticism?”
“I do, but even I can’t seem to shake off the strong sense of foreboding in this building.” Cade’s mouth pinched in a grim line. “All the cases of students jumping to their death from the belfry…It doesn’t sit right with me.”
“Yeah,” I agreed solemnly then added, “Well, guess we better find the next dare quickly before a spirit starts to whisper all sorts of demonic shit in our ears.”
“Or worse.” Cade played along, shuddering. “Possesses us.”
“Just imagine Shaun in his plague doctor costume, smacking us with a Bible and chanting, ‘I rebuke the devil in the name of Jesus!’ ”
“He’d happily take on the role of the priest.” Cade snorted. “And douse us with holy water.”
“Welcome to the exorcism of Cade and Ella,” I teased. “Brought to you by the ghosts of Balthazar Building and St. Victoria’s thirty-fifth annual Initiation Night.”
“Oh no,” Cade said with mock-horror. “I think I heard a whisper.”
“Oh, God.” I gasped. “It’s starting.”
We broke into a chuckle-cackle combo.
It soon faded away like the storm outside, leaving in its place a bittersweetness that only emphasized the length of time we’d gone by without laughing together. Something so simple but significant in our relationship. We had shared many jokes and smiles over three years.
Cade, to my surprise, didn’t comment on the fact that this was our first shared laugh in three months. Instead, he ran his fingers around the edges of the painting. “This is the only picture on this floor, so we’re obviously on the right path.”
“Maybe if we lift the painting, there will be something hidden behind.”
Cade wrapped his fingers around the ornate frame and tried to lift, his expression morphing with exertion. “Fuck, I think it’s bolted to the wall.”
“Let me try.”
“It’s heavy, baby, and I don’t want you to hurt yourself,” he said softly, not being patronizing at all. “And I don’t want you to break your pretty nails either.”
The sincere display of concern melted my heart into a puddle. This man, he incited the most hot and cold reactions from me. One minute I was happy. Another minute I was angry. And afterwards I was torn.
Despite knowing I was strong, Cade never let me open my own doors or lift anything too hefty. Princess treatment only for me. From him holding my designer bags during shopping sprees to him massaging my feet at the end of them. I was a goddess in his presence and he, my humblest, dearest devotee.
“I’m made of sterner stuff, Cade.”
“Don’t I know it.” A crestfallen smile flashed on his lips, but it was gone as quick as it came. “If you insist, though, have at it—oh, fuck.”
We both flinched at the gravelly noise that erupted in the hallway. Loud like the yawn of an angry monster being forced to rise from his slumber.
“What is that?” I hissed.
Still bolted to the wall, the painting was tilted at an awkward, sideways angle.
At the end of the hallway, there was a door disguised as a grey brick wall that creaked open like the gate to a demon’s cave.
For the first time tonight, a frisson of fear skated down my spine.
“I think there was a lever hidden behind the painting. That’s why I couldn’t yank it off. It was hiding”—Cade chin-nodded towards the end of the hallway—“whatever lies beyond there.”
“That’s where the next dare is.” How wonderful . “I really hope that doesn’t lead us to the belfry.”
The bell tower was connected to this building. I wouldn’t be surprised if the opening was a passageway that led straight to the belfry. And the last thing I wanted was for us to climb all the way to the top and get pushed down to our deaths by some vengeful entity.
Sure, I was a thrill junkie, but I’d like to stay alive.
Protectiveness poured into Cade’s frame. “Stay here. I’ll go check it out. You don’t have to come with me.”
“I’m coming with you.”
“It could be dangerous, Ella.” He grabbed my wrist to halt me, his thumb roving over my veins in an endearing manner. “I can’t risk it.”
I glanced down at his hand, basking in the heat emanating from the touch. Before showing up to Initiation Night, I was still on the I-hate-Cade bandwagon. Now my feelings were a mess. Nothing was black or white. It was all grey and murky.
I wanted to continue hating him. Yet with every second spent in his presence, it was getting harder to remember how he’d betrayed, humiliated, and shattered me in one strike.
It was just the magic of the night and the close proximity that had us momentarily acting like our old selves.
The Ella and Cade before tragedy struck us.
That’s what I kept telling myself.
There was no other reason because there was no hope of reconciliation.
Ever.
I wiggled my hand out of his hold and lifted a haughty eyebrow in his direction. “I’ve ridden on the back of your motorcycle while you shot a grenade at mafiosos following us. I can handle danger, Cade.”
Dating the son of a kingpin, danger naturally came with the territory. I’d spent many nights with Cade while he punished dirty rats and further solidified the Remington reign.
There had been some close calls, but I never worried for my safety when I was with Cade. I knew he’d always protect me come hell or high water.
“ Fine .” He started walking ahead. “But stay behind me. I don’t trust whatever is on the other side.”
“You think it’s the bogeyman?” I joked, falling into step beside him. “The proverbial monster hiding in the abandoned tower, waiting to feast upon the flesh of young students.”
Cade chuckled. “You watch too many scary movies, Ella.”
I wasn’t going to deny it. I had an affinity for mystery, gothic, and horror movies. I’d made my ex-boyfriend watch at least one with me every other weekend.
Sometimes, I wondered if those were the reason for my interest in fear play and primal kink. A few months ago, I finally admitted to Cade my fantasy of being chased in the woods with his mask on. However, we never got around to fulfilling it.
We reached the end of the hallway. The only thing visible from here was a pair of hidden stairs leading up to an unknown destination.
All right, that was creepy.
Realistically speaking, it couldn’t be a mythical creature like a three-headed dog. Perhaps it was a secret lair? St. Victoria was known for having many hideaways from its time as a motherhouse. Though most of them had been sealed over the decades.
“I think it’s one of the bell tower entrances,” Cade said flatly. “And it’ll definitely bring us to the belfry.”
My shoulders sagged. Well, fuck . “You’re probably right.”
Cade touched my waist, sensing my unease. “My offer still stands. I can go alone and you can wait for me down here.”
Scared or not, I never backed down from a challenge. “I’m not letting you go alone, Cade.”
“Always so ride or die.” He smiled. “Fine. Let’s go, Ellie.”
A light inkling of pain pulsed through me.
Ride or die.
He knew what those words meant to us.
Once again, he threw the past right in our faces. I was doing my best to remain civil. But he was doing everything in his power to unbalance my emotions so I could react and give him the version of me I was keeping under lock.
The one that wasn’t indifferent and wore her heart on her sleeve for him.
Ire swelled inside my body, running from the roots of my hair to the tips of my pedicured toes. Until I was vibrating with the urge to lash out and tell him to just fucking stop .
Instead, I calmed myself by sucking in a deep breath.
And then I entered the abyss with the man who’d once been my anchor in all of this maddening darkness.