Chapter 15
C H A P T E R1 5
Broken Souls
Ella
The Present
1:28 a.m.
I journeyed down the secret staircase that connected the bell tower to the dormitories in Balthazar Building. When I landed on the sixth floor, my ears strained to hear if Cade was following.
He wasn’t.
Based on the stark silence that welcomed me.
I should be happy that my jab dug into Cade like a bullet wound—that it hurt him as much as it hurt me to witness him with that other girl.
A cocktail of regret and resentment swirled on my palate. I wished I could let go of this grudge. Not because he deserved it. Because I did. I deserved to feel at peace without all of these unfettered emotions constantly warring inside of me. Not only was it painful, it was beyond exhausting.
Knowing Cade would recover from the burn of my insults and come after me, I descended the stairs of the dormitories. I knew from past experience of wandering the school grounds that the woods had a pathway connected directly to Balthazar Building, meaning there must be a door in the foyer that would lead us straight outside.
Every clack of my booted heels against the stairs echoed like a cacophonous beat reaching crescendo. The light of my torch ate away at some of the tenebrosity in the building, but an inkling of trepidation wrapped around my body, causing my flesh to pebble, as if warning me that something lurked in the vicinity.
The foyer opened before me as I reached the last flight of stairs. With two last steps remaining, my hand reached out for the gargoyle carved newel post…when the air suddenly rippled with a sinister aura.
In a flash, the ancient church bell started ringing.
I practically jumped out of my body at the horrifying sound tunnelling through the building in banging strokes, growing louder, louder, and louder . I lost my grip around my flashlight and it rolled down the staircase.
Out of nowhere, a hard shove came from the side.
I shrieked, tumbling down the last steps and landing painfully on my hands and knees.
I panted, a mixture of fear and fury.
Holy shit. What just happened?
The bell kept ringing, but the chimes were receding.
I crawled forward for my flashlight, my heart pounding, sweat perspiring my skin. When I grasped a hold of it with shaky hands, I lifted my head and let loose a strangled scream.
A man wearing a Guy Fawkes mask lowered to his haunches in front of me.
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” The stranger grazed his knuckles over my cheek and leaned close until millimeters separated our faces. “You stupid little bitch.”
What. The. Fuck.
His hand shot out to grab me. I dodged it in time and clocked a solid punch to his throat, causing him to grunt and land sideways.
In a trice, he came for me again with renewed vigour.
But I quickly stood up despite the protesting ache in my body. I was going to nail this motherfucker in the nuts. Some lowlife Initiator playing a shitty prank didn’t scare me.
“You asshole!” I grabbed his shoulders and kneed him in the groin area, narrowly missing his bulge. Lucky bastard still stumbled away from me, winded by my hit. “Who are you—what’s your fucking problem?”
“You,” he seethed, coming forth once more to rip the dare from my hand. “This isn’t over, you spoiled cunt.”
The stranger ran away, towards the entrance leading into the tunnels.
But not before I caught sight of a very familiar skull tattoo on his hand and a platinum watch with a sapphire encrusted bezel.
I froze, an odd sensation crawling over me like a hundred tiny ants.
I had seen that exact tattoo and watch twice in my life.
I would never forget it.
A memory of a man with sandy brown hair, soulless eyes, demanding attitude, clammy hands, and those same markers pitched from the deep recesses of my mind. It was months old but now felt fresh and palpable like a noose around my throat.
He’s dead, Ella.
Cade made sure of it.
You were there.
Was I hallucinating?
The soreness radiating through my body from that fall was all the confirmation I needed. This was reality and I most certainly saw what I saw.
Too distracted and disoriented, I noticed belatedly that Cade was descending the stairs, shovel in one hand and flashlight in the other.
A quick glance at him and it was clear that he was still basking in the fury of my parting shot. He looked far from my soft-hearted querido and more like Montardor’s fixer. Stiff broad shoulders, inscrutable mien, and gangster gait as he advanced my way.
“I heard you screaming the house down,” he said dryly. “Just like old times.”
No flicker of worry was sketched in the lines of his face. I’d truly pissed him off if he was acting this unaffected. For a split second, I wondered how he’d feel if he knew a man wearing a Guy Fawkes mask attacked me.
Though I squandered that thought as fast as it came.
I didn’t want him to show his care for me. I wanted impassiveness so we could power through Initiation Night and finally go our separate ways.
“Unfortunately for you, you’ll never hear me screaming again,” I piped up with a sickeningly sweet tone. “ Just like old times .”
“I wouldn’t be so sure, baby.”
My mouth gaped, my viper tongue ready with a riposte. But I swallowed it down along with the feeling of agitation surging in my person. Cade wouldn’t get a single fiery reaction out of me. It’s what he wanted. I refused to give in.
Instead, I spun around and winced at the throb in my ankle. “Whatever. Let’s get out of here. There should be a door in the foyer that leads outside.”
My ex-boyfriend and I often visited St. Victoria’s woodlands, mostly when we were high and wanted to stargaze at night. Not our finest moments, but at least we knew the territory like the back of our hands. Getting to the cemetery would be a breeze.
Cade didn’t reply, choosing to marinate in the strained silence as we walked to the main door. It just so happened to be left ajar and propped open by a wooden doorstopper. Probably due to other students having dares in Balthazar Building.
I instantly thought back to the encounter I had with the angry, insulting Initiator and my aggravation returned tenfold. It was so disturbing and unexpected. Sabotaging other teams was quite common during Initiation Night. But we were never supposed to take it to a physically-harming level. That was grounds for punishment.
I fine-combed through all the hockey players—current and alumni—and yet couldn’t decipher who the stranger was. Nor did I recall seeing anyone with that specific mask.
I never had a problem with any of the boys on the team when I was a cheerleader at St. Victoria. In fact, I was on good terms with everyone, considering my boyfriend at that time was the alternate captain of the Rangers.
No one would have dared to insult or put their hands on me.
More so if they’d known that beneath my nice exterior was a cutthroat bitch who loved teaching a lesson to assholes that had the audacity to fuck with me.
The masked man sounded furious…like this was a personal vendetta.
And goddammit, that tattoo and watch caused a flurry of vexing thoughts to race through my brain. Who was that? Why would they attack me? What could inspire so much spite in them? I wanted to connect the puzzles pieces, except I was missing the entire picture.
But when I got my answers?
That masked fucker will have wished he never crossed me.
Cade grimaced as he peered out the entrance door and observed the rainy night, fragrant with the sweet-musky scent of autumn leaves. “Shit, it’s still raining.”
I was about to ask him why he stated the obvious when he surprised me by shrugging out of his leather jacket and tossing it around me, making sure it covered my head and shoulders.
My kryptonite—the smell of him—engulfed my senses. I associated his cologne to pure comfort and inhaling it made me feel like I was stepping through the threshold of my home.
Off-kilter, I could only gawk at him in confusion. “What are you doing?”
Cade rubbed the back of his neck, unable to meet my stare. He lifted the hood of his black sweater to cover his head. “Your hair will get wet…and you’ve always been prone to catching a cold this time of the year.”
My expression fell, hands clenching fistfuls of his leather jacket. “Cade…Just stop.”
Stop messing with my mind and my heart. I’m not strong enough for this again. You. Me. Us. I can’t do it.
He replied back, his tone ragged and desperate, “I can’t , Ella.”
Cade
1:51 a.m.
I ’d dug enough graves to last me a lifetime, and here I was…digging up another.
Mind you, this was a fake one with a Halloween prop-style tombstone. It wasn’t difficult to spot in the cemetery, when the other graves had rudimentary markers like simple cross signs with no embellishments. Most of these belonged to the children who’d died in the fire nearly a hundred years ago.
When we were still students at St. Victoria, Ella used to drag me here every now and then so we could clean the graves and leave little flowers for the deceased.
As I dug, my traitorous mind replayed her words from the belfry and my jaw clenched. I couldn’t believe she had the effrontery to spit those words. They ripped open old wounds, pouring salt inside of them.
“I’ve got a new type…And it’s not you.”
“I like brunets with brown eyes. Like the guy I fucked over the summer…and Josh.”
“Maybe I should have listened to my parents and dated your brother instead of wasting three years of my life on you.”
They were all lies designed to hurt me and it worked. She’d left me stunned inside the bell tower, counting my breaths to calm myself before I lost it.
The fact that she actually threw my promise ring out the window was just the cherry on top of this fucked-up cake. I wanted to snap at her, but I knew this was Ella’s way of rebelling against what she still felt for me. I wasn’t a delusional prick; I just knew her better than anyone in the world.
Ella’s actions were proof that she hadn’t moved on. Neither had I. And we probably never would until we talked about what happened. Even then, I knew for me…there was no moving on from her.
She was my beginning, my middle, my end.
If we were each other’s venom, then we were each other’s antidotes too.
Ella refused to acknowledge it, but the only way we’d heal was if we laid all our cards, all our feelings, all our fucking pain on the table.
And when I heard her scream on my way down the stairs of Balthazar Building, my heart stopped with fear. I thought someone was hurting her. I thought I heard another voice.
Yet when I arrived in the foyer, she was the only one standing. Composed and aloof, she didn’t say anything. My guess was an Initiator pranked her.
She’d trudged through the woods with a slower stride. Her booted heels kept sinking into the wet forest ground, holding back her pace. For a second, I thought she was limping.
The need to princess-carry Ella beat at my chest like a gong. I resisted the urge to grab her, lest risking her thwacking me across the head with the shovel.
Speaking of Ella, she now silently leaned against a tree, absentmindedly gazing into the distance. My jacket sheltered her while she held up both of our torches, giving me enough light to complete the enervating task of shovelling aside wet soil.
Ella’s stillness unsettled me. I wanted to know what was going through her mind. Plus, I needed a distraction. Otherwise, I’d never get to the bottom of this fake grave. My muscles were starting to ache from tonight’s exertion.
“Why’d you cut your hair?”
Her attention snapped my way. I liked having her eyes on me. Craved it, really. “Why, you don’t like it?” she asked insolently.
Ah, finally. Some more emotions.
I chuckled, but it was strained as I heaved another pile of dirt. “You look good, pretty girl. It suits you.”
She could wear a garbage bag and still look gorgeous.
“Thanks.” Perhaps it was my imagination, but I believed the compliment thawed her a bit.
Our dares were long and with every second trickling by in the fictitious hourglass, I was uncertain that Ella would get her crown. We started this night with her determined to win this competition and me determined to win her back.
Both things seemed so far out of reach now.
There was so much I wanted to say, so much she needed to hear.
Yet the only thing that escaped my lips in this instance was, “I got a Doberman.”
Ella perked up. “What?”
“His name is Knight. You’d love him. I found him at the shelter two weeks ago. He’s a puppy.”
Actually, Ella was his mommy…though she didn’t know it. I showed Knight a picture of her and it was currently in his playpen. I caught him snuggling with it a few times.
In the beginning stages of our relationship, we made a bucket list. Adopting a dog together was one of Ella’s wishes. We never got the chance. Though two weeks ago when I went to the animal shelter with Olivia…I saw Knight. At first glance, I knew he was coming home with us.
When Ella stayed silent, I added, “I’ll show you a picture of him at the end of the competition once we get our phones back. He’s adorable.”
“You named him Knight.” Her tone was almost accusing.
“Yeah.” Avoiding her gaze, I heaved another shovelful of dirt and noticed a small treasure chest nestled in the ground. With my gloved hands, I yanked it out. “Found our next dare.”
“ Why did you name him Knight, Cade?”
The rain came down harder than before, but my voice was still unwavering and audible as it carried over to her. “It’s the name you picked. It was on our list.”
I saw the shift inside of her just as a flash of lightning struck above us.
Once more, I threw our past in her face and unbalanced the little composure she managed to uphold.
Ella instantly went from the vengeful, icy princess perusing the world from her balcony to the fiery Ella who went toe-to-toe with me. I hated the one who kept everyone, including me, at arm’s length, so we could never see the wreckage brimming inside of her.
Let me see all your hurt.
Let me help heal your broken parts, sweetheart.
With a scoff, Ella marched towards me, throwing my leather jacket to the ground with an exaggerated flourish. She snatched the treasure chest from my hands, flipped open the lid, took out the next dare—another key with a paper threaded through the bow—and threw the empty box, along with my flashlight, into the grave.
Then she gave me the full force of her anger and finally yelled, “Fuck the list and fuck you too! Sometimes I look at you and all I see is a mistake! My biggest fucking mistake!”
My biggest fucking mistake.
The cruel words had the devil on my left shoulder throwing his head back in laughter, causing the pressure in my sternum to explode and shrapnel to travel through my body with a painful ricochet.
When I looked at Ella, all I saw was my biggest blessing.
And she saw a mistake?
How did you tell the girl you loved that she still held your heart in the palm of her hands…while she looked at you with hatred?
How did you convince her to trust you one more time and hear your truth…when she remained blinded from her rage?
“I just want to erase your presence from my life,” Ella rasped, chest heaving up and down as the rain battered harshly against our frames. “Your memory, your touch, your kiss—”
“Fuck a hundred men if you want, Ella,” I threw back angrily, clutching her throat and drawing her deeper into my body. “But it will never erase me. None of them will give you what I did.”
Feeble fists smacked against my chest in a vain attempt to free herself. “And what’s that, huh?”
“The freedom to drop your guard and be whatever you choose—good, bad, fucking dirty—without an ounce of judgement.” My panting breaths fanned against her parted lips. “No one can give you the feeling of euphoria like I did. And that’s what kills you. You search for me in all those men, don’t you, baby? You want to feel the way I used to make you feel—like a fucking goddess—when I worshipped the ground you walked on.”
“You’re wrong!” Teeth chattering, she shook her head, whipping the wet strands of her hair back and forth. Lightning sparked in the sky above us, illuminated her lovely, frustrated expression. Clapping thunder followed, like Zeus himself was laughing at our predicament. “All you’re capable of giving me now is heartbreak. You ruined us with your cheating ways!”
“Why would I cheat on you when you were all I ever wanted?” I growled, desperate to lick the rain streaming down her face like tears, kiss the pain from her lips, and bleed absolution into us.
Ella grabbed my neck, her long nails sinking into my skin like a snake bite. “You tell me.” She grazed the heated words so close to my parched lips, barely quenching my thirst. “I gave you everything. Every. Fucking. Thing. And it wasn’t enough. You threw us into the flames!” Pocketing the dare in her cropped leather jacket, she spun around. “I’m done with you and this conversation. I should have known this truce wouldn’t last. You can’t even respect my one wish.”
Goddammit.
I was sick and tired of staring at her back as she walked away from me.
I snarled, “Fuck, just listen to me—”
“Ow!” Ella only took two steps before she winced and nearly fell. I caught her on time, wrapping my arm around her waist to hoist her up.
All my anger disappeared at seeing her visage fragment with pain. I knew something was wrong the minute I reached Balthazar Building’s foyer. “What happened to you?” I barked. “You’ve been limping since we left for the woods.”
Ella tried to dislodge herself from me. It was futile. I was stronger than her. And now that I knew she was hurt, I wasn’t letting her walk back to school in this weather, wearing booted heels and barely dressed to ward off the chill.
After plucking up my discarded items, I swung her into my arms princess-style, finally giving in to my earlier urge. Ella protested, attempting to squirm out of my hold. “Put me down! I don’t want to be carried!”
I silenced her with a glare and started walking, giving her no choice but to put her stubborn pride aside. “What. Happened. Ella?”
The rainstorm’s pitter-patter decorated the silence between us. Ella collected her thoughts before muttering, “I got pushed when I was coming down the stairs.”
I abruptly stopped, my anger returning. “Who hurt you?”
“Keep walking, we’re on a timer,” she hissed in her usual bossy manner. When I wouldn’t budge, she sighed. “By another Initiator. He was wearing a mask.”
“Did he excuse himself?”
Otherwise, after Initiation Night, I’d hunt down the motherfucker and punish him. Nobody hurt my girl and walked God’s green earth unscathed.
Ella hesitated. “No, but he said some unsettling things and…put his hands on me.”
He was a dead man walking. “Elaborate.”
“He said, ‘I’ve been looking everywhere for you, you stupid little bitch.’”
I nodded, running my tongue over my teeth. “I’m going to kill him.”
Uncle Vance had an amazing stash of knives in his mancave. Maybe he’d let me borrow one so I could cut off this prick’s dick.
As my long strides carried us out of the woods, Ella relaxed in my hold, our fight momentarily forgotten. The vulnerable expression on her face as she stared ahead filled me with tenderness. I missed holding her like this—missed being so close to her that I could smell her perfume and feel her pulse against mine.
St. Victoria’s gothic structure came into view through the canopy of trees. A minute later, we reached an entrance door.
“There’s something else, Cade,” Ella said once I lowered her to her feet. “He had a skull tattoo on his hand and he was wearing a platinum watch with sapphires encrusted in the bezel…Just like Kian Wilson.”
Every line in my body tightened with alert. “He’s dead, Ella.”
“I know.”
“I killed him. You saw it with your own eyes. It couldn’t have been him, sweetheart.”
“Maybe it was someone that looked like him.” Her shoulders stiffened and she walked ahead of me in a trance, murmuring, “Or maybe this place is fucking getting to me and I’m seeing his ghost.”
A sliver of foreboding crept down my spine.
The last thing we needed was the ghosts of our past resurfacing.
As I followed Ella into the school, my mind drifted back to the summer night when we extinguished Kian Wilson’s lights for good.