Trash Panda (Shift Work #3)

4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Rollie

“Hey, you’re home!” Seb bounces up off the couch and toward me, reminding me of the way he hops across the floor in his raven form. I can’t help smiling at his enthusiasm.

“Yep, what’s up?” I ask, turning to hang my keys on the hook by the door. “Did you want to go out tonight?”

“We’re going to a barbeque at the rave. You know how Elric’s fledging party was supposed to be next week? Well, the forecast changed; it’s going to be stormy most of next week, so they moved it to tonight.”

“Oh?” That’s typical short-notice planning coming from the rave. Of course we’re going regardless. Fledging parties are important milestones for raven shifters.

“Yep, Elric and some of the other cousins. Can’t believe they’re finally making it official.” Seb grins.

From what I’ve learned about the tradition Elric really did take their time to make their adult name and pronouns government official. I’ve seen raven shifters ranging from as young as eight up to seventeen among the fledglings celebrated at these parties, but most of them are roughly middle school aged. And it’s unusual for a raven shifter who is so settled in their identity to wait so long to declare it. Cory, the baby of the family, is almost old enough to consider when he’s going to have his ceremony, now that he’s been using he/him for over a year.

“How is Elric feeling about making it official?” I ask with a sympathetic smile. “I know they’ve had a hard time setting a date.”

“Yeah, our moms nudged them along, but they seem excited now that the date is set? I saw them last night for supper, cause you had the closing shift.” Seb makes a face at me, showing how little he appreciates the disruption to our usual mealtime routine. I shake my head at him, I missed having dinner with him too, even if expecting family dinners to include us both feels perilously close to treating what’s between us like the mating I wish it was in truth than I have any right to. “Elric seemed more excited when we talked about the party last night. It helps that the paperwork is all done except the signatures, and Mom reminded them it’s okay to make a change later on if they need to. Plus Elric has always put it off by saying they want to wait for their favorite cousin and she is declaring tonight too, so it all aligned just right.”

“I think they also feel weird about not changing from their birth name, you know? Most of us at least try on a few other options, but not Elric. They just always felt like themself I guess? And they said it feels weird not to feel weird about that?” Seb shrugs. “I don’t know, I think it would be nice to just, have been hatched feeling all the way like me and never wavering from that certainty, you know?”

Seb looks so wistful and I understand that sense of longing to the depths of my soul. His experiences with his identity not matching his body are so different from mine, but the raw pain of it is the same.

It hurts not to feel like myself, and Seb is one of the few people I know who understands that reality on a visceral level. His creep related dysphoria over his body’s inexorable drift toward unwanted alpha traits and the loss of traits that helped him define his omega-hood isn’t the same as my dysphoria over being trans a man and a trans omega, but it’s similar enough that we’ve connected on a deeper level than I have with any other person in my life. Seb understands all of me in ways I’m not sure anyone else can. And I understand him.

I don’t have a vivid enough imagination to conjure up an alternate past where I was born in a body that wasn’t the source of so much shame and trauma. I can’t untangle the lies about myself that my parents and doctors used to control me. Or the ways being raised as a beta by parents who saw that as a deep character flaw shaped me. But Seb’s wistful longing for a simpler path, a life where being ourselves didn’t have to hurt so much, that strikes a chord deep in my heart.

“Yeah.” I croak, choked up about it. Ugh, I’m not going to get all soppy about impossible what ifs, we have a party to get to and a little sibling to celebrate.

“Anyway. You’ll come with me, right?” Seb asks, sounding weirdly insecure. As if I’d miss something this important.

“Of course, I always want to support you and your sibs,” I assure him.

“Sweet, you’re the best!” Seb dances in close to brush an excited kiss over my cheek, then whirls in a swish of his silky silver blouse. “I’ll grab you something to wear, we have to change.”

He’s so pretty and sparkly already, I don’t see why he’d want to change. I press my palm to the lingering warmth of his kiss, wishing I could memorize the feel of his lips on me. Wishing I could run my fingers over the soft planes of his chest, feel the way the slinky fabric would move under my hands until I can tug on his piercings. I want to have him under me, writhing with lust and need. I almost choke on the moan I have to swallow down at the mental image of him coming apart for me, the way I’ve watched when we share an alpha lover, hoarding those memories like a raven’s treasure trove.

For all that we’ve toed the line between friends and lovers, we’ve never quite crossed it without a third to spread our focus away from each other. I push aside the heat of desire and trail Seb into our shared bedroom so that I don’t have to take my eyes off the most alluring shifter I’ve ever met.

“Hmm, I’m thinking blue? To bring out your pretty eyes?” Seb paws through his closet and tugs out several colorful shirts, visually eyeing up how well they’ll fit me. He clicks his tongue and flicks through hangers until he finds something with enough stretch to fit me comfortably. “Try that?”

“Do we need to bring anything to the party? I can pick something up from the store.” I tug the shirt on, and while he’s thinner than me, he’s also taller, so the hem hits me at mid thigh. Seb tugs at it, purses his lips and then cinches a gaudy belt made of interlocking metal loops around my hips to emphasize the curvier figure that my omega HRT gave me.

“Hmm, yes! Hot. And also, nope, nothing except your iced tea. Between my moms, Ty, Bram, and all the aunties and uncles, there’s going to be a ton of food. Do we have a batch of your iced tea?” He licks his lips and I chuckle.

“I made more sweet tea last night since you were out late with your sibs, yeah. We can bring it.”

“Good. Turn?” I twirl for him to examine his handiwork, which has me facing his vanity mirror. I give myself a dubious glance, but before I can really take in the look, Seb tugs me around and shoves a pair of leggings at me. “Put those on. We aren’t looking to pull at the rave, right?”

His eyes dart appreciatively down my body and for a split second, I’m dead certain that he wants me all to himself. The same way I want him. Our eyes meet and I can’t find the words to ask.

Seb swallows hard, throat working and no words falling out of his verbose mouth. As long as neither of us brings it up, there’s hope that we can be each other’s forever, but once I say something everything will change. I’m not ready. So I stare—helplessly and hopelessly in love with my sweet raven. The best treasure I’ve ever found.

Seb clears his throat. “So, uh, yeah. Fledging party, gotta save pulling an alpha for the after party.” He grabs a tight pencil skirt and slips it up his thighs over a thigh-length pair of skintight shorts.

“Yeah?” My mouth is dry just watching him get dressed. Damn, I want to help him take every scrap of his clothing back off.

“Yep. Elric might never forgive me if I steal the spotlight by hooking up there.” Seb forces an awkward chuckle. He flits over to his vanity, picks through his costume jewelry, carefully arranging a collection of his favorite rings and bangles on his fingers and wrists. I have most of his favorites memorized. Gifts from his family and loved ones. The bangles I gave him. Pieces that remind him of important moments and places. He’s a walking temptation, and he’s putting on my bracelets.

If we had more time I’d shift for a cuddle before we have to leave. It’s easier not to give away my reactions to him from behind my furry mask. As it is, my face flushes with unbearable heat and I turn away to wriggle into the tight leggings. Not my favorite clothes, but Seb likes the way I look in them. Besides which, he’s never steered me wrong in how to dress if I want to get my brains fucked out.

Sure, he said we aren’t planning to pick up at the fledging party, but I can tell from the charged energy buzzing under his skin and his utterly tantalizing outfit that there is an excellent chance we’ll end the night on the prowl. When Seb’s in this kind of mood, he usually needs a good hard fuck to get it out of his system. If I thought it wouldn’t make things weird between us, I’d offer to help him take the edge off before the party. But I’m too chicken for that.

I gather my courage in both hands, bolstered by the fact he’s dressing me up like he wants to show me off to one of his alpha fuck buddies. I know this song and dance.

“So, am I invited to this after party?”

“Obviously.” Seb covers his hands and wrists in sparkles, does a quick touch up to his eyeliner, and then plucks up two bracelets that match the belt he’s lending me. “Here, put these on and let me do your hair and eyes?”

I let him guide me to the little chair in front of his vanity, close my eyes and tip my face up. This is one of my greatest guilty pleasures. Seb’s fingers gently reposition my face. His voice is a breathy whisper as he tells me just how he wants me to move.

“Open just a little?” He says, the tickle of his makeup brush making me clench too much for him to apply the eyeshadow.

“Tickles.” I grunt as I obey.

It’s hard to sit still with Seb’s whole focus on me. All but impossible not to squirm, even though it is natural as breathing to trust myself entirely into his gentle hands and the soft command in his voice. My mind races with lust-fueled images of Seb giving that exact command with his steady hands holding my thighs open instead of holding my face still to be his canvas.

Open for him , let his cock slip inside of me. Fuck. It’s just as well that I don’t have the slick glands that most omega have because I’d be making a sopping wet mess of myself for him. As it is, the long since atrophied pussy that only Seb has ever fucked—and even then, only a handful of times when we’re with a third—pulses with heat and want and a trickle of moisture that isn’t nearly enough to make sex comfortable without extra lube.

It’s plenty to make my arousal loud and clear in my scent. Seb notices. He has too. His breath catches and he inhales sharply.

“Mm. Almost done. You look good enough to eat, Rollie.”

It has to be my imagination that the saccharine scent of aroused omega gets thicker in the air. His vanilla and lime aroma layered in lust. Even if I’m not imagining things, that doesn’t have to mean it’s aimed at me.

“Yeah?” I ask, voice shaky. I try to force away all thoughts of tumbling into bed with Seb. Later. With a third between us. Plausible deniability that there’s anything more between us. An alpha buffer to keep our safe boxes around sex and love unsullied.

“Take a look.” Seb spins me back toward the mirror and I gaze at myself.

My eyes perfectly framed with retro style smoky makeup. Seb somehow created a glittery reflection of my animal form, as if my raccoon is gazing out of my human face. The same way his perfectly coifed hair is a reflection of his glossy feathers. I reach toward the reflection, heart swelling that he sees this part of me and thinks it’s worth taking pride in. Not a part of me that I’m not worthy of claiming because I don’t fit the way my family thinks I should. Seb gnaws on his lip. “We aren’t going to have any trouble picking up after the party tonight. What do you think?”

“I love it.” I stand and hug him. Trying to let him hear the part I can’t say aloud. I love him.

I love that he embraces every part of me. Even the parts I don’t know how to embrace fully. The parts I had to leave behind in a sense. I couldn’t stay in the raccoon shifter community where I grew up. It took turning my back on my gaze to find acceptance and build a life as an equal among my own kind.

Seb knows all about my complicated feelings toward my inner raccoon. I love my furry side, but I don’t always know how to relate to other raccoon shifters and it can be awkward to feel disconnected from that heritage. Seb sees that, and he makes it a beautiful part of me.

I might be reading too much into his simple artistry, except for all that he can seem superficial, I know Seb. And he isn’t the vapid featherhead fuckboy he pretends to be to keep everyone at arm’s length. He knows exactly the message of loving acceptance that he’s sending, and he means it. I don’t think I’m ever going to stop falling for this shifter.

“Good.” Seb rubs my back for a while longer, and we can both smell how turned on I am, I’m sure of it, but he lets me stay in his embrace until I have my emotions back under control and step out of the circle of his arms. “I was thinking, now that you’ve been on your omega hormones for a while, would you want to try having heat sex?”

“Huh?” I blink at him, mouth going dry with the mix of want and nerves and wary distrust because that isn’t actually possible, right?

“I mean, not the real thing.” He waves away the notion with a flustered flap of his hands. “A medically induced one that isn’t fertile. Like they use in porn shoots and stuff. I’ve considered bringing it up a few times, but I wasn’t sure you’d want to, since it might feel dysphoric? But then we were watching that really hot omega mates double heat porno a few month back, and I was planning to bring it up around the new year, cause that’s when raccoon mating season usually starts, right?” Seb rambles adorably.

If I didn’t know him so well, I’d swear talking about sex with me is making Seb nervous, but that’s absurd. My best friend is a proud slut and we’ve had enough threesomes that he has to realize I’d gladly reenact any part of that particular video with him.

I vividly recall the night in question. He walked in on me jerking off to a selection of my favorite adult films when he came home from a night out with his clutchmates early, and just plopped down beside me to watch together. Hottest night of my life, watching him jerking off next to me while the real-life mates—two omegas—fucked the night away on-screen.

“It is.” I nod, dazed that he put that much thought into this and confused about what he’s actually offering.

“Right, so I thought it might feel more natural that way? But then we had the drug shortage issues and side effects from switching to the generic and it took a while adjusting to the new brand, but now that we’re back on an even keel, I was thinking it might be fun to try having a heat together.”

“Yes!” My heart is pounding, joy bubbling through me. I can’t agree forcefully enough. A million times yes. A chance to have Seb all to myself, and as a cherry on top, while we’re both in heat—or as close as either of us can go to the real deal? Sign me up.

Seb’s next words temper my exuberance before I can jump on him and get started without the synthetic heat hormones to complicate matters. I have to be dreaming because this offer is taken whole cloth from my fantasies.

“Awesome! I was hoping you’d say that. So, I made a few arrangements. You know Gary? The gator alpha fuck buddy I told you about? The one I’ve been seeing since Bram’s baby shower? He got his hands on some synthetic inducers. Plenty of people use them and they’re safe. It’s practically a rite of passage for old mated couples to use them to spice things up without risking pregnancy, and I thought it might be fun to share. If you wanted to feel what it’s like.”

I lick my lips, nerves jangling for entirely different reasons. It’s still heat sex with Seb. And some alpha I don’t know or care about. One who gets to have Seb all to himself in ways I can only dream of…nope, not going there. Better to focus on the practicalities, since heats and slick go hand in hand and I don’t want to come out of the haze of lust with a chapped ass.

“What about slick?” I wave vaguely at myself to remind him of the requisite glands that I lack.

“Not a problem.” Seb shakes his head and grimaces. No longer producing enough slick is one of the creep symptoms he hates the most and I could kick myself for reminding him of it, but it’s an important detail to discuss if we’re really doing this. “Picked up a gallon of the artificial stuff. I know it stinks of artificial omega pheromones, but it’s less noticeable with an alpha in rut to cover up the smell. Plus, if you’re cool with going bare, they come a lot when they’re in rut. That’s kind of why I suggested it with a gator, almost no chance of any cross species STIs to worry about for any of us once we get going.”

Neither of us mentions the other risk. Because neither one of us is going to end this fake heat pregnant. My womb has been broken since forever and creep fucked over his. So that makes screwing around with his gator friend safe for everyone involved. As far as his fuck buddies go, the gator doesn’t leave bruises, and from what Seb has said, the main reason he keeps going back to Gary is the novelty of screwing a reptile shifter with their unique anatomy.

“That works. You have the inducers, like, we’re sure it is what he says it is?”

“Yeah. I had my med person check them out. It’s legit, I don’t take risks with you, Rollie.” He holds up a pill case and rattles the contents.

“I know.” I bite back a retort that I’m fully aware he only takes risks with himself. I’m grumpy that I misinterpreted his offer, but I still want to share this experience with him.

“So, can I tell him you’re down to fuck raw?” Seb checks.

My stomach rolls and pitches at the reminder that he’s not just asking to share a heat with me. If I agree to this, then it means fucking one of the alphas who goes along with the games Seb plays to hurt himself. It’s not my place to tell either of them what to do. And the gator doesn’t know Seb the way I do. Doesn’t see what giving in to his more destructive impulses does to him.

Seb is going to do this either way. I can see it in the glimmer of need in his eyes and the carefully selected outfit, the way his scent changes when he’s in one of these moods. It’s not that I don’t want to fuck some stranger, per se. It’s just that if I had the option, I’d kick that alpha to the curb and spend my heat with Seb and only Seb. I want to smell Seb in heat, not some random alpha’s rut. But that isn’t what Seb is offering me. And it will still be fun to share him with his friend. The details don’t matter as long as I get to be a part of his pleasure without sacrificing our friendship.

Seb means the world to me. I would follow him anywhere. Even into a stranger’s bed. I’ve done it before. And I genuinely do want to experience a heat with him. Even if it is a synthetically induced one that wouldn’t happen naturally. Even if he invites an alpha along for the ride. If that’s what it takes to make him feel fully omega and leave the trauma of his diagnosis behind for a while, I’m on board.

This isn’t something I’d have asked him for, but now that he’s put the possibility in front of me, I want to feel that rush of instinctual need. The soul deep knowing that he’s going to be there with me for every hot and sweaty second of it. I want to let the lust consume me so I don’t have to overthink what I’m doing during this threesome. A chance to have him without second-guessing how much of my heart is showing in my every touch and needy moan. There is only one answer I want to give.

“Rollie?” Seb is studying my face, the pill bottle still in his hand. All his excitement has slipped away and worry furrows his brow. “You don’t have to take any. Or do this with me or at all if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s not that.” I lick my lips and shake my head. “I want to. I’m a bit nervous to have my first heat is all. But I want it to be with you.”

A slow grin lights up his face and he sashays closer, bending to tuck the vial of pills into the breast pocket of my shirt. “Good. Me too. Hold onto these for us?”

I nod, wishing I had the courage to lean forward the few inches that are all it would take to bounce up on my toes and kiss him. “Yeah. I will. Um. When are we doing this?”

“Tonight. After the party, I’m going to text Gary on the way over there and arrange for a static human rideshare to pick us up around midnight, so we can be ready to go by the time we get to his place. Sound good?”

“Yeah. That, uh, sounds really good.” I squirm in anticipation. Tonight. I’ll get to kiss him in a few short hours.

“One more thing?” Seb says, reaching out to brush his fingers along my jawline.

“Yeah?” I ask, leaning into his gentle caress. He seems to have put more than his usual level of thought into this, and I’m not sure I want to probe too deeply into why. Was inviting me a last-minute impulse? A surprise that he intended to share with me all along? I don’t know and I don’t want to find out that my part in his plans is as an afterthought or addendum. He says it was the porn that inspired him, so maybe this really is something he arranged for me?

“Can I give you the first dose at the party?” Seb asks, fingers still cupping my cheek, like a lover. I close my eyes because that isn’t what we are and I can’t ask him for more than he is able to give me, but for as long as the heat inducers last, we can pretend. Pretend that we’re both just like any other omega.

“Yes. That’s probably a good idea. Um, from what I’ve read about trans omegas and synthetic heats, it can sometimes take a higher than usual dose to get much effect.” That’s the reason I’d have never brought up the idea of trying this if he hadn’t made the offer first.

“I know.” Seb is gazing so intently into my eyes, I can almost hear the love in his voice and believe he feels the same way about me that I do about him. The moment of connection passes and he goes on, “Same goes for avians with creep. I’ve got it covered. Gary got us plenty of the most potent synthetic heat inducers on the market. Enough doses for us both to last several days if we want. Or you can stop taking them whenever you’ve had enough of our three-way fuckfest. That’s part of the fun of a synthetic heat. You have more control over how long it lasts.”

“Yep,” I force a weak chuckle and nudge him away. His scent, tinged with anticipatory lust is getting me all hot and bothered without any need for pharmaceutical help. Seb smirks knowingly, holding my gaze as he takes a slow step back.

“So, sounds good about dosing me at the party. As long as it’s after the kids are in bed I don’t mind being a little horny and drunk around your flock. It’s been a while since we shared an alpha. Can’t wait. We should, uh, get to the party, right? Don’t want to miss the fledglings doing their announcements.”

“Yeah.” Seb agrees. He grabs his phone, fingers flying as he taps out a message. Probably confirming our plans for later tonight. “Elric might end us if we aren’t there for his turn.”

Us. Not me. Because that’s how seamlessly I’ve allowed Seb to fold me into his family and their unconditional love. My heart melts for Seb even more. Elric won’t end us. They’re probably the least high strung of Seb’s five siblings. It’s still a big deal for us to be there to support the kid, and Seb won’t ever forgive himself for disappointing his sibling if we’re late. So we grab the heavy three-gallon jug of sweet tea that I made for us when I was too restless to sleep after my shift last night without Seb home, and head over to the flock’s building.

The first time Seb invited me along to a fledging party, it was for his sister, Bryony. I wasn’t sure what to expect. The raven shifter flock in Four Corners collectively own a large apartment building where most of them live in various family groupings. The building has a large interior courtyard open to the skies where the flock loves to host large gatherings.

Fledging parties are different in that the actual ceremony at the start is just for people the flock trusts like family. So when Seb invited me along for Bryony’s party a couple of years into our friendship, that was when I knew for certain what I meant to him. The sort of friend you can call on like family. It was also when his cousins started to tease us about our future mating. That might have been the first jarring tumble I took into loving my sparkly raven, even though I didn’t fully understand what the rite of passage meant to him.

Seb explained the entire tradition with a sort of sheepish reverence. It was before he moved in with me, but he’d stayed over at my first tiny apartment here in Four Corners that night.

I was still learning to read his more subtle cues back then, but I could tell from his hunched shoulders while he mumbled a mile a minute that, for some reason, he was ashamed of how much weight he still placed on this ceremony. It took living with him and getting to glimpse under the shining carefree facade to his vulnerable hurt parts to understand why it matters so much.

Seb’s fledging party was a time when he had a choice in asserting who he is and how he is seen among his flock. The antithesis of everything that creep took and takes from him daily. It was exactly what he needed as a touchstone to remind himself of who he is, and I suspect he saw how much I needed something similar in my life.

At Bryony’s ceremony, I was just coming to grips with my desire to be seen as an omega. My sense of identity was clashing with the ingrained beliefs my family had passed on about the immutability of how I should present among shifters. I’d internalized so much of what they told me for years.

Wasn’t it enough that they’d let me transition my primary gender from female to male? So that the static humans see me the way I want to be seen? Why do I want to change even more about myself?

I was nervous about agreeing to attend. Afraid that a party celebrating how permissive the rave is with their young might stir up the old wounds my family carved into my psyche so deeply that I had to leave them in another state to breathe freely. I left everything I knew behind to live my life on my own terms. Despite my misgivings, I went to Bryony’s fledging to deepen my friendship with Seb.

More than supporting Seb and his family, it was healing to see shifters lovingly encouraging kids who were exploring the sort of identity issues that created impenetrable barriers between me and my family. The announcements were met with raucous celebrations all around.

Regardless of what each young shifter announced, they were all applauded and congratulated. And then the parents and aunties brought out the food. A couple of elders broke out bottles of a deceptively potent homemade alcoholic infusion for a toast that had my head spinning after a single shot and Bram and Winny giggling over Seb failing to warn me. Someone turned on the music and the actual party was like any other flock get-together.

Boisterous, and playful. Ravens in and out of their feathers dancing, showing off, and lounging about the courtyard, sharing food and gossip. Passersby wandered in from all over the town to join the festivities as word of the party spread, bringing more refreshments and live music with them. The hatchlings chased each other with playful shrieks on foot and on the wing.

Elric’s celebration follows that same pattern. When everyone invited is present, the new fledglings file in to stand solemnly in front of their gathered family, glittering with an assortment of their favorite treasures proudly displayed on their fancy clothes. Elric has baubles from each of their siblings and favorite cousins. I get a little teary when I see they’re wearing a gift from me too, an enamel pin of a ghost on a van that I got for their hatchday from their favorite paranormal investigations vlog.

Once the official proceedings end, the fledglings disperse into the crowd, half of them bundle their treasures into cubbies so they can take to their feathers and fly, the other half flop into a cuddle pile with older siblings and cousins to devour snacks and punch. We congratulate Elric and Seb gives his sibling a huge hug and a card from us both.

Then we leave him to celebrate with his peers. All of them are touching and teasing each other, and reveling in their new status as no longer being counted among the hatchlings. We end up gravitating to Seb’s usual group of cousins along with his clutchmates.

Honestly, watching the flock interact, from the hatchlings to the adults fussing over the food, it’s not that much different from the way Seb sometimes seems to just need to be around people, connecting and touching each other. When Seb’s family despairs of him settling down some day, he just gives them a laconic grin and promises a distant someday, but this is what they want for him, this connection that he holds himself on the outskirts of reaching for.

Seeing him with the other ravens, I get it. He needs this level of connection, even if he can’t seem to let himself have it in healthy ways. The unending string of alphas, occasional flings with other shifters that burn hot and fast until they fizzle out, and the various ways he’s tried to numb this need are all trying to fill something that he won’t let himself have. He’s not that different from the rest of his flock. Even the prickly loners like Seb seem drawn to these get-togethers.

I stick by his side, watching other ravens stretching their wings in a warm evening breeze. The whole flock dotes on the children who are constantly underfoot and underneath the laid-back supervision of all the adults present, even if all of them don’t want clutches of their own. And the flock loves to gossip, so I end up being a popular source on the latest Four Corners small town drama.

I see it all, working at the market. I don’t generally share any of the negative gossip. But the flock is content with fueling speculation about who is getting mated soon and which families are expecting or who needs an extra meal delivered during hard times. Ravens can be extraordinarily stealthy about leaving a basket of groceries or a nice casserole if they want to be.

Tonight, I don’t have much to say once we settle in amongst a cluster of Seb’s favorite cousins and clutchmates. Snippets of old gossip, mostly. That’s okay, his family is full of their own stories and jokes. I’m happy to sit and chat with them for hours. Time slips away, I lose track of how many times Seb’s cousins refill my glass and jokingly prod him about when he’s going to make me an official part of the flock.

I’m tipsy, but not so drunk I can’t think straight when Seb gets back from the snack table and settles into the seat beside me to share some trail mix. He leans in close, the heady cloyingly floral scent of liquor clinging to his skin. He offers me a folded napkin packet of food.

“You still want to?” Seb murmurs into the shell of my ear. His fingers are a live wire trailing up my forearm.

It takes me a long hazy moment to parse what he means as I nibble on some dried berries from the handful of food. The synthetic heat. Oh, yes. I nod.

“Yes.”

The moon and stars are high and most of the hatchlings have already been corralled off to bed or settled in to nap on their parents in their feathered and human forms alike when Seb reaches into my pocket and taps out two doses of the heat inducer, pressing one into my palm and taking the other before he caps the bottle and tucks it back into my pocket.

“Take it, my sweet trash panda,” he murmurs into my ear. I turn to catch his scent under the alcohol. His sweet vanilla lime is an aphrodisiac all on its own, even if his words didn’t have me imagining him asking me to open my mouth to take something far more substantial than a pill for him. I take the first dose.

And wait. Can I feel it working? Is that twinge of desire just the lingering effect of being so close to the shifter I adore above all others or is it something more? Seb does something on his phone. Ordering our ride? I lose track of the conversation going on around me until Bram nudges me with his elbow.

“You got awful quiet, everything alright?” Bram asks into a lull in the conversation as two of the cousins wend their way over to the refreshments to bring back another round of drinks. Which means all eyes turn to me when I don’t marshal my muzzy thoughts into an answer right away. Bram either doesn’t notice, or else he does and takes pity, guiding me to an easy topic, “What’s new at the market?”

“Nothing much. Mrs. Leopard has been showing off pictures of her new grandkit to anyone who will look. And you know the milk cooler in the back that’s been on the fritz for ages? Seems like the time between repairs keeps getting shorter and shorter so I think Harvey is going to need to replace it soon.” I could go on about what a hassle the whole thing is, but other than Seb, Bram, Ty, and Winny giving me sympathetic looks, the raven shifters around us aren’t interested in my dairy dilemma. Not that I blame them. Most avian shifters, even the kids in their human forms, aren’t big milk drinkers.

“Anyway, it’s just too bad that we don’t have room for a few more freezers along the back, because with the summers heating up we can’t seem to stock enough of the frozen novelties in the little chest freezer by the checkout.” I wrap up the work talk with a wistful sigh. And look over to see Seb’s cousins no longer bored with talk about the market, they’re watching me intently.

“Oh, that does sound nice, a whole ice cream aisle like at the big stores?” Lydia, one of the more vocal cousins, asks. “My kids would love that.”

“I mean, yes?” I realize it’s the wrong reply as soon as the word leaves my mouth. Yes, that is what I had envisioned, but no, it isn’t happening. The flock is already abuzz with their own speculation, but I try to salvage the situation. “It was just a suggestion, but I don’t think there’s room for it. Harvey said we would need to do a major renovation, and it’s not in the budget at the moment…” I trail off, no one is listening past mention of renovations. Heck, most of them tuned out when I said yes .

The raven shifters around me light up with enthusiastic glee, all talking over each other in their excitement. They take my pipe dream future planning for an expansion that isn’t happening and run with it. Imagining all the new things they can get. Dairy free ice creams. Popsicles made with real fruits. Things that are a pain to get from nearby towns without having to worry they’ll melt on the drive. The possibilities they come up with are endless and as the rumors my slip of the tongue inspired spread across the party I just know this isn’t going away anytime soon.

“Oh, yes, of course, nothing official,” Lydia gives me a knowing smile and a wink, then raises her voice in a sort of warning to the others who are busy passing along their version of the remodel like the gossip is gospel. “We won’t tell anyone that our Rollie let any company secrets fly, will we?”

The other shifters nod and voice their agreement and I resign myself to the fact that this rumor isn’t going away, maybe ever. But at least they want to keep my name out of it.

The flock is good at spreading random acts of kindness. They are superhuman about spreading local gossip. The whole town is going to be talking about Harvey remodeling the freezer aisle for the non-mammalian shifter kids by the end of the week. And word is definitely going to get back to my boss. Who knows how much I’ve wanted that expansion to be a part of the store’s future vision. Crap on a stick. It’s a good thing I know Harvey likes me.

Harvey has been giving me more responsibility as a manager lately. We meet to discuss the business and his vision for the market’s future. But I’m under no illusion that he’s going to add a brand new ice cream section big enough to hold non-dairy offerings for my best friend and his family just because that’s the first upgrade I would make if it was up to me. And not just to make the avian shifters I love happy. It really would be a sound investment, based on the sales numbers I’ve run, at least I think so.

Ugh. Why am I thinking about spreadsheets at a party? I guess the heat inducer had nothing to do with the lust Seb brings out in me. Good to know. I might still blame the meds for how hyper aware of his presence I am.

I thunk my face against Seb’s shoulder and he wraps his arm around me to steady me.

“Drink too much again?” Seb asks sympathetically. I glance up at his bemused grin and snuggle into his neck, scenting him. He smells so good, a tantalizing blend of sweet lime, vanilla, and feather dust that I want to breathe in deep enough to imprint it in my soul.

“Maybe I drank just enough,” I whisper into the shell of his ear. Then I nip his lobe, not quite daring a kiss, but needing to taste him. I might need to lay off the drinks before I say something I’ll really regret. Like begging Seb to take me to bed without the hassle of meeting up with the alpha he invited to squeeze in between us and pin the veneer of staying just friends on to. Fuck I want him all to myself.

Seb startles and turns to face me. “Horny much?” he teases. “Is it working?”

“Yeah.” I grin coyly up at him, watching his face as my fingers dance along his collarbone, smoothing the silky silver fabric against his equally soft skin. It feels as amazing as I’d fantasized it would. I bite my lip to keep from blurting out the humiliating truth that he brings that out in me, even if I didn’t just take a heat inducer.

Seb is watching me, his teasing smile slipping toward a more serious expression, his eyes scorch into me with naked lust, his fingers tighten on my shoulder. I imagine what it would feel like to lift my leg up a few inches, just enough to slide my thigh over his lap. Enough to straddle him.

“Not here, Rollie, love. Soon.” Seb reads my mind.

I bite back a sound between a protest and a needy whine. He’s right, even if I want nothing more than to grind my needy little omega cock against his. For the two of us to scent the air around us in the thick, sweet pungency of omega arousal. A beacon to every shifter around us of exactly what I want from Seb. What I’m all but certain we both want right now.

Part of me wants them all to know what my inner raccoon knows in the depths of his furry little soul. Mate. This is the shifter I want to tie my life to for always. And I can never be what he wants in a mate. That cools my ardor enough to act rationally. I don’t push for more.

Seb has one hand on my shoulder, holding me so close, that every inhale makes it harder to remember where I end and he begins and why acting on my attraction in this moment is a terrible idea. His other hand goes to my thigh, sending so many mixed signals that I feel like a one shifter traffic jam. His thumb caresses my thigh even as his palm presses my leg down, pinning it in place, preventing me from climbing into his lap the way every one of my omega instincts is telling me to. Climb onto my mate and have him inside me and…

“Not here, Rollie.” Seb repeats as he nuzzles in close to my ear, the words a barely audible whisper, soft enough that it’s possible nearby shifters, with their better than static human hearing, might not be able to make out what he’s saying under the music and laughter of the party still going strong around us.

Right. I take a deep breath and put a little space between us. Enough that I can inhale without taking in quite so much of his scent. I’m not entirely sure what that was, but a moment to cool down and ground myself clears a bit of the buzz from my brain. Apparently the meds are as potent as promised.

But we’re still at the rave party. And sure, it’s late enough that most of the young children have gone off to their beds, but we’re still sitting in the middle of the courtyard. Surrounded by Seb’s extended family and the entire local raven shifter community. Shit.

That splashes more cold water on my lust. I scoot away from Seb, needing space to pull myself back together.

“Sorry. Not sure what came over me there.”

“It’s normal for it to hit hard the first time. Sorry, I forgot you’ve never…” Seb sighs and shakes his head. “It’s all good. Let’s get out of here so you can let go and enjoy the full experience, okay?”

“Yeah.” I nod.

“See you lot later, I’m taking my poor lightweight mammal shifter home and putting him to bed before you all poison him with your hospitality,” Seb announces to his laughing cousins. It’s a running joke when I come around, even though I’ve gotten used to their deceptively sweet alcohol preferences. They call out condolences, joking about whether my hangover or their cousin is going to give me the bigger headache tomorrow.

Seb flips them off, then he stands and offers me his hand with a flourish, like some gallant prince charming in a fairy tale come to sweep me off my feet. I take his hand and let him lead me away from the party. We leave the mostly empty jug of iced tea with the other drinks. Seb will fetch the jug home after the party.

Seb grabs the overnight bag with the massive bottle of lube he packed for us from the entry hall as we walk through the building and out to the main road to the highway. We walk along the shoulder toward the outskirts of the town. There’s a gravel turnaround next to the sign marking the town limits. Static drivers like to use it as a pick up or drop off spot for rides out to Four Corners, so they don’t have to drive around the shifter town.

“Sorry.” Seb rubs sheepishly at the back of his neck. We wander most of the way to the sign before Seb adds, “I didn’t think it would hit you that hard that fast. Our ride is about five minutes out and then it’s another thirty to Gary’s place. Think you can hold on or need to take the edge off?”

“Take the edge off how?” I arch a brow at him. Everything I’ve read about heats implies that coming doesn’t really do much to sate the rising tide of need. Maybe it’s different if it’s a synthetic one? I don’t want to think about that. I want to pretend like this is real. Like I’m just like any other omega, eager to enjoy this time with the shifter I love.

“Touch yourself for me?” Seb suggests.

I shake my head. I don’t want to touch myself on the side of the road. I want to drop to my knees and go down on him until he’s dripping with his own natural slick. But I know he’s sensitive about that. Dysphoric. Because his body doesn’t respond the way he’s used to. Doesn’t do the things he thinks it’s supposed to. The same way mine doesn’t. And I could spiral about how much that hurts and what it means. Or I could kiss him.

So I do the latter. I close the distance between us and I kiss my sweet raven until our ride pulls off the highway. A lone car takes the exit ramp and pulls up next to the welcome to Four Corners sign at the edge of town. It bathes us in the glow of its headlights.

The driver idles the car on the shoulder. A moment later, Seb’s phone pings with a familiar app notification. He messages back just as the driver leans out the window. “You Seb?”

“Yeah,” Seb steps away from me, his fingers catching mine just before he steps out of reach, pulling me along in his wake. I know Seb does this all the time. That using ride services is safer than driving when he’s in one of his spirals and he knows what he’s doing to mitigate risk. I still don’t fully trust outsiders. Most statics don’t give shifters much thought in their day-to-day lives, but I still worry. There are good reasons that shifters stick together in communities like Four Corners. Good reason, especially for small, non-threatening species like raccoons.

“We’re ready to go now,” Seb says.

“No fucking in the car.” The driver wags his finger in admonition, like we’ve already broken some unspoken rule. “I charge extra if you’re too far into the heat to control yourself or your mate, got it?”

“Yeah. I read your rules for shifters,” Seb waves the rude driver off and opens the door for me.

I slide dubiously into the backseat. It’s covered in a thick plastic seat cover that crinkles and sticks to my skin and I get the distinct impression this guy is not a fan of shifters, even if he is perfectly willing to take our money. Great.

Seb scoots in close and places a comforting hand on my thigh, but even that isn’t enough to have me feeling amorous in front of a potentially hostile static. There are ads playing on the radio, a soft undertone of normalcy juxtaposed against the driver’s thinly veiled hostility and the heat and comfort of Seb’s thigh pressed against mine.

Seb confirms the address. Our driver grumbles something about premium pricing as he pulls away from Four Corners and onto the highway. He cranks the music when the ad break ends, so at least we don’t have to sit in awkward silence or make small talk.

I stare out the window as the ubiquitous Maine balsam firs that have become an integral part of the smell of home give way from lining both sides of the road to rocky stretches of the Atlantic coastline. Even at this hour, the glow of Portland’s lights blots out the endless expanse of stars as we approach our destination.

Seb pays the driver in the app and waits until he pulls out of sight to lead me the last couple of blocks from the brightly lit gas station where the driver left us to Gary’s home. The swanky loft deep in the Old Port has a buzzer, but someone propped open the security door, whether for us or their own purposes I don’t know and don’t care.

Seb leads me past an elevator with an out-of-order sign to a dank stairwell that reeks of more than one shifter alpha and sex. Seb certainly has a type. Too bad that type is horny alphas who don’t ask too many questions or get attached.

Gary’s apartment is on the fifth floor. Seb pauses in front of his door and smiles at me.

“You ready?”

“Yeah?”

“Want another dose to get us back in the mood? Sorry the drive over didn’t go quite as smoothly as expected. My usual guy had something come up, and he passed it along to a friend who needed the premium rate. If I’d have known he was that much of a statics first type I’d have gone with a random driver. Or a shifter.”

I wave away his apology. “It’s fine. But yeah, I could use another dose to get back in the mood, how about you?”

“Sounds good.”

I grab the vial of pills and take one for myself and hand the rest to Seb. He swallows his dry. I copy him, gagging a bit on the chalky texture and bitter taste. Seb smiles at me.

“I can’t wait to see you begging on a knot,” Seb murmurs to me, leaning in closer with every word, but not dropping his voice at all. He’s speaking loud enough that the alpha I can smell just on the other side of the propped open door can probably hear every word. “I’ve told you he has two, right? Imagine how good it’s going to be with him buried inside both of us at the same time? Fuck, I can practically feel your slick dripping into my hole while his knot swells already.”

I moan softly and Seb kisses the corner of my mouth.

“You want that? To have him tied to us both?”

“Yes,” I hiss the answer. I want that and so much more. I want everything with him. All of him. “I want him to take you with both cocks while you’re buried inside of me. Coming into my...” I stumble over what to call it. Squeeze my eyes shut because if I’d been born anatomically an omega son who my parents could accept, then I’d only have one hole. A cloaca. Not the vestigial opening to a malformed womb and ambiguous other bits that mean I’ll never fit neatly in any primary or secondary gender category, among static humans or shifters.

Seb lifts my chin so that I have to look at him instead of dwelling on my trauma. It’s like he can see right into my soul and wipe away the pain.

“I know, darling. You want me to breed you, the way only another omega can, right? That hole is all mine, off limits to any alpha’s knot.”

“Yeah.” I agree. Thankful that he’s making sure our alpha du jour knows that hole is off limits to him, even if I let Seb fuck it raw while he watches. There was a short-lived moment when it seemed like I might be able to carry a pregnancy like a static, but the treatments to make it possible ended with my doctor telling my parents that my ovaries were basically post-menopausal and useless. Seb nudges my shoulder, shaking me out of those dark thoughts of the past and what neither of us will ever have.

“Good. I want to be the only one who has you like that,” Seb says, his chest puffing up with a pride that doesn’t look at all feigned.

His obvious desire makes my own chest ache with a hopeless need for him. The lust from earlier makes a resurgence, not as strong as before, when I was surrounded by shifters I trusted in a place I felt safe, but still there. And I don’t want to talk about this anymore, I want to act. I want Seb and Gary to take charge and fuck me. Breed me, even if it’s only ever going to be a kinky game.

“Please. Need you. And um, need our alpha,” I tack on, because what is taking the damned gator so long?

The door creaks open and a toned alpha muscle jock in nothing but a pair of low-slung lounge pants leans against the frame. “Ah, I’m so glad you made it, pet,” he purrs at Seb who slinks up to him and drapes his arms around the alpha’s neck to grind against him and kiss along his chiseled jawline.

“Promised I would, didn’t I?” Seb asks archly as he rakes his fingers over the alpha’s sculpted chest and abs. “Say hi to Rollie, it’s his first heat so you better be nice to him.”

“Oh?” Gary’s eyes flick over me with keen interest. He straightens to his full height, nudging Seb aside and beckons me closer. “Let’s have a look at you, lovely.”

“Mhm, remember? I told you I was bringing my friend.” Seb’s eyes narrow in warning, and neither of us needs him to spell out that Seb already told Gary that I’m infertile and this is a synthetic heat for both of us.

I flush at the hollow compliments, but approach Gary obediently. His overpowering alpha pheromones waft over me when he leans in close to scent my neck. Alpha musk is thick in my nostrils as his lips brush my ear. It’s not unpleasant, but I miss how Seb’s sweet scent fills my senses when it’s just the two of us, alone in our bed. Sharing him is better than not getting to smell him in heat at all.

I shiver as Gary’s breath tickles me, my breath catching in my throat. “Um, Seb says you’re a lot of fun and it’s been a while since I’ve ridden a nice fat knot.” I wince internally at how awkward my attempt at flirting sounds. Seb makes it seem so natural and sexy and I sound like a cheesy porno.

“Ah.” Gary’s gaze goes hooded. “That’s right. First timer sharing a heat? Seb says you boys are both good with me nutting inside you?”

“Yeah.” I swallow down my reaction to his crude language. He’s objectively hot, and he’s got that raw alpha appeal Seb likes. His movements are languid as he drapes an arm around each of us and guides us inside his apartment. He shuts the door behind us with his foot, and I hear the lock clicking into place as it latches.

Gary fondles Seb through his shirt, fingers twiddling his nipple piercing as he shepherds us through his open concept living space and into his bedroom. I can’t tear my eyes away from where he is touching Seb, the silky silver material of Seb’s shirt bunched and twisted under his thick alpha fingers. Gary’s other hand rubs along my biceps, fondling me absently as he focuses on making Seb squirm.

I don’t mind not being his focus, too busy hanging on Seb’s every breathy moan. He’s told me that sometimes it feels like those piercings have a direct line to his dick, but I never thought that watching him hump an Alpha’s leg while he plays with them would go right to my cock. My breath catches in my throat, the need hardening my cock has me hanging on every pinch and twist of Seb’s nipple. Gary chuckles.

“You like that, huh? Sebby, he likes watching me torture your tits.” He changes his grip to twist the other side. “You want to make him gasp and beg for us too, huh, Rollie? Sebastian, on your back on the bed so I can watch your lover tease you, yes?”

“Please, alpha,” Seb whines. Gary kisses his cheek and releases me so that he can swat Seb’s ass.

“On the bed, Sebastian.”

Seb scrambles onto the huge mattress that’s been stripped down to a fitted sheet and flops gracefully onto his back, crunching up enough to gaze at us. He squirms against the narrow confines of his skirt until it rucks up his thighs toward his hips, his legs falling open and oh, he smells indescribably good, like an omega in heat. A pure distillation of himself, but more. His sweet omega arousal is like candy and I breathe him in, wishing I could taste the wet patch on his tight biker shorts where his slick is leaking between his thighs. I want him so much I could burst.

“Now?” Seb whines, squirming more. Gary drops a heavy hand on my shoulder, holding me back as he shakes his head theatrically.

“Not until you’re dripping for me, omega.” Gary tsks disapprovingly. “Turn around, I want your face hanging over the edge here so you can swallow my cock like a good little slut while Rollie mounts you and plays with you. Neither of you is getting a knot until I say you’re slick enough for it. Got it?”

“Yes, alpha.” Seb obeys with alacrity, turning so that his shoulders are lined up at the edge of the mattress, his mouth opening eagerly in offering. I glance between the two of them, frozen. It’s not that I’m not turned on, just, this isn’t anything like the heady thrum of overpowering lust that the first dose set off inside me. When I was breathing in Seb’s scent and pressed against his body. I’m not going to get slick regardless, but I don’t even know how to begin to pretend like I might and I’m out of my depth.

“What’s the matter? Did you get enough of a dose, boy? I want you out of your head with need before you get my knot. I’ll make sure you’re slick enough for it,” he nods his head toward the overnight bag Seb dropped by the door of the bedroom. I swallow hard. Okay. So, Gary gets it. This is part real, part game and I knew that was what I was agreeing to from the start. It’s just hitting me harder than I’d anticipated.

I thought being in heat would make the awkward bits between coming easier.

“Um, I don’t know?” I shuffle my feet and pat the pocket with the meds in it.

I’ve played similar games with Seb before, with other alphas. Just. Being in heat isn’t a game I know how to play, and a part of me is starting to regret agreeing to it at all. Not the heat sex. But this part of it. The roleplay that feels like going through the motions of something so integral to being an omega that I’ll never actually get to experience.

It’s like the marks from a childhood injury I couldn’t leave alone until it scarred. An itching, angry scab that I couldn’t help picking at until it bled over and over and over until it left a permanent mark on my shoulder. One Seb kisses late at night when he sneaks into our bed and I pretend he didn’t wake me up.

I curl my toes and close my eyes and try not to ruin this. It might be the only chance I get to share a heat with Seb. I’d do anything for that. And if I take more of the inducers, then it won’t be make believe, a role I’ll never really fill. If I take the meds, then I can just be an omega like any other. Like Seb. We can both enjoy the no strings pleasure of a synthetic heat, round after round of coming our brains out with a dominant alpha.

Can I even take another dose so soon, though? Maybe I’m not already consumed with lust because it’s not going to work. Maybe the meds are telling me I’m not omega enough for this at all.

Gary steps back, running a hand through his hair. “No pressure,” he says. But he’s eyeing Seb like he wants to devour him and they both smell horny as fuck.

I need to either take another dose or leave them to it. Shit or get off the pot. I glance at Seb. I don’t want to leave without kissing him. I want this. And beyond all the impossible things I want with Seb, I like the idea of both of us being pinned under the alpha he picked for tonight. It felt nice to have his arms around us both, taking control and making it easy to just act on my attraction without shame or worrying I might upset the status quo with Seb.

Seb notices my hesitation and winks at me. “It’s okay, Rollie, you can take up to four to kick things off and then another couple every few hours as needed. Or we can go home. Your call.”

“I want this,” I say, for myself as much as the two of them.

Saying it firms my resolve. I do want this. Every part of it, even the alpha telling us what to do and making his interest in both of us clear. I fish out two more tablets and swallow them. Then I put the lid on the bottle, set it on Gary’s dresser, and climb onto the bed with Seb. I straddle his hips to grind our cocks together as I stretch up his body and tease his nipples through his shirt. Seb bucks under me, grinding us together and making our alpha moan.

“Damn, you boys are sexy together. Can’t wait to double stuff your tight little asses. Open, Sebby.”

I get my first glimpse of Gary’s hemipenes. Two hard alpha cocks that jut thick and glistening over the waist of his pants, stacked vertically over his balls. He strokes both shafts idly in his meaty fist as he watches us. Seb wriggles under me, reminding me to keep teasing him. I pinch his nipple then lean in close to lick the hot little nub as Gary slaps his dicks against Seb’s cheek. Seb turns his face to chase after them, tongue outstretched in his eagerness to get a taste.

I’m desperate for a taste too. I lick Seb through his silky shirt, kissing and sucking his tender nipple through the fabric. Seb responds beautifully to the contrasting textures, I can feel him trembling under me, he writhes under me and I ride him, both of us seeking the friction we need to find release. It’s not enough and every desperate motion perfumes the air with more of Seb, more of the sweet scent of omega and the answering musk of the alpha watching us.

I push the neckline of Seb’s shirt aside enough to expose the other nipple so I can watch how tight his nipples get as I gently twist the hoop on the other side. Seb whimpers and arches into me, our hips rocking together as the heady swell of lust builds between us and I can almost forget Gary is in the room with us until he voices his admiration of us.

“Damn you boys are a vision. My very own pair of sweet little omegas, so ready to take my knots, aren’t you?” Gary moans, and I glance up to see him gazing at both of us, not just Seb.

I watch in fascination as he lets Seb lap over the crown of one of his cocks, then drives deep into his throat, making him gag. “That’s it, Sebby, you love it rough, don’t you? Get it nice and wet omega, wet enough to fuck your lover, yeah? I’m gonna double stuff you both with my cream.”

Seb moans his agreement, then gags on fat alpha cock as Gary thrusts in even deeper, one hand resting on Seb’s throat to hold him in place while the other continues to work his neglected second cock.

And I can’t help moaning too, because yeah, the alpha’s lines are still corny as hell, but whether taking a double dose did the trick, or it’s just smelling Seb in heat and getting to touch him, I’m too horny to overthink my place in this tableau. My place is with Seb, as long as he’s here I’m safe to relax and enjoy the way it feels to have a hard cock pressed against mine. I can rut against him and kiss and tease and lick his chest, work my way up to his neck, so I can inhale his scent at one of the pulse points where it is strongest.

I listen to Seb deep throating the alpha who smells so good a few inches away. Seb clutches at me, his hands gripping my ass to grind us together more firmly. The alpha makes more lusty sounds, a sort of rumbly growl that has my inner omega wanting to present for him. When he runs his fingers through my hair, I lean into the caress. I let him gently guide me to lay over Seb in such a way that Gary can nudge the crown of his second hemipenis against my lips.

“You too, Rollie, taste your alpha, little one,” Gary urges, but he doesn’t thrust in, or force the issue. He isn’t rough with me the way he is with Seb. I give him a tentative lick and he groans. “That’s it, omega, take it for your alpha.”

I open, and it feels nice to have his cock in my mouth, to know that his every thrust is mirrored in Seb’s mouth too, both cocks surrounded in our warmth. I shudder at the thought of him behind us, fucking us both. Of feeling just what Seb is feeling as our alpha knots us. I moan around the cock and if my mouth wasn’t full of him I’d be begging to have him mount us properly.

I hump more furiously into Seb and he holds me tight, urging me to fuck him harder. Like he wants to share every moment of this with me the same way I want to share it with him. I want our clothes out of the way. I can feel how wet I am for Seb, not omega slick, but the natural fluids that are only really noticeable when I’m out of my mind with lust since starting T. I want Seb there, thrusting into the wet heat. And I want alpha too. Inside both of us.

I might not produce omega slick, even on omega HRT since I was born without the glands to produce it, but I want our shared alpha. To be fucked so thoroughly that I can’t tell where I stop and the two shifters with me begin. I just want to float on the heady rush of pheromones that feel like a fever flush of pure unadulterated need.

“That’s it. Such good boys. You’re so ready for it, huh? Need to come on a knot, don’t you?” Gary teases, punctuating his words with gentle thrusts into our mouths.

The alpha’s fingers in my hair tighten slightly, not enough to hurt. From the way Seb whines, he’s probably in that floaty place he goes when he’s into something like this. I kind of want to pull his hair too, the way I know drives him wild, but the angle is awkward all around. Alpha eases his cocks out of our mouths, a string of saliva connects him to Seb’s lips as Seb gazes up at us both with an adoringly lust-filled look in his eyes.

This is the fleeting high Seb is always chasing. This innate need to be wanted and worshiped and used. I want to give Seb that, to be enough for him, I nuzzle in behind his ear kissing and nipping until he whines, begging to be used.

“Fuck us, please, Gary. I need it so bad.” Seb squirms again, but this time I can tell it’s because he wants to get up, reposition himself for the alpha.

“Strip each other for me, then I want you on top of your lover, Sebby, with his ass propped here.” Gary plops a rolled-up towel on the edge of the mattress and pats it gently to indicate just where he wants me. So that he can stand to fuck us both at the same time. Seb licks his lips greedily and nips at my shoulder, hurrying me along as I reluctantly peel myself off of him.

Seb tears at my clothes while I watch Gary grab the lube, a synthetic omega slick that’s supposed to smell amazing to alphas. It’s a sickly sweet to my omega senses. I help Seb squirm free of his clothes, rubbing over his slick hole, teasing him enough to get him back to needy whining instead of that desperate lust-driven need to obey.

Seb kisses my neck and inhales deeply. “You smell so good in heat, Rollie,” he murmurs.

“Mhm, you too.” I scent him, capturing his lips in a quick kiss. I continue to finger him open, loving the way he moans right into my mouth.

Seb’s fingers trace over my cock, rubbing the swollen head of it before dipping into my pussy.

“Mm, you’re so wet. You’re never this slick outside your heat, are you baby?” Seb kisses along my neck.

I nod, groaning incoherent agreement. It’s not just sexy talk. I really am slicker than usual. The way a heat should feel. It’s nice, even if it’s not exactly what I’ve fantasized about. The meds can’t grow nonexistent slick glands, but they do seem to work to max out the amount of slick we’ve each got to work with naturally.

“Ready for his knot?” Seb asks me.

“Yeah.” I smile at him, yeah. I’m ready. I want this.

Seb guides me into position, then covers me with his body and nothing has ever felt so good as the floaty pleasure of Seb’s fingers on and inside me as his weight pins me to the bed and the heat pheromones drive the pleasure beyond the highest heights I’ve ever imagined.

I was a little afraid this would be like the drunk sex Seb sometimes talks about enjoying. Like I’d be out of control and out of my mind, unable to really understand what I was agreeing to or doing. It’s not though.

Or at least, this synthetic version isn’t like that for me. It’s like permission to turn off the part of my brain that constantly second-guesses how much I’m revealing with Seb and I share an alpha. The heat lets me just enjoy being in bed with someone I want in the depths of my soul. To have the sort of sex that seems too wonderful to even ask for outside a heat, when sex doesn’t feel so damn necessary. It lets me act and react in a way that is more myself and less the accumulated residue of every expectation and stereotype that I’ve been taught to be ashamed of in myself.

Seb’s fingers stretching me open are so good, I can’t wait until it’s his cock filling me. Except Seb eases his slick fingers out and adjusts his position to slip them into my ass instead, preparing me for our shared alpha.

“No! Seb, need you,” I whine a protest. I want Seb to push his cock inside of me, my wet pussy clenches on nothing and I squirm to try to get him to take me. I’m so greedy for him to fill me up.

“You two ready?” Gary asks with a low chuckle that reminds me that he’s here with us.

“Yes, fuck me,” I demand. Gary can fuck me too, as long as I also get Seb inside me.

Seb echoes my words and the alpha’s big hands spread my ass cheeks, his fingers gently replacing Seb’s inside of my ass so he can make sure I’m ready for his cock.

“Sebby, his little bonus hole is dripping for you, dear. I want to watch you fill Rollie up before I take both of your asses,” Gary teases. He steps back to watch.

“That true, Rollie? Need me inside you?” Seb smirks as he lines himself up and teases his cockhead over my slippery pussy lips.

“Yes.”

“Yes what?” Seb teases, pushing against me, but not quite inside.

“Please!” I whine, hips bucking up to chase what I want and get him where I want—need—him.

“Please what?”

“Please fuck me, Seb. Fuck me like only you can.” Like I only ever want him to fuck me.

Seb pushes inside of me at last. I arch to meet him, Seb fucking me is the best feeling in the world. I have enough of my senses not to blurt out that I love him and I never want him to pull out of me, but only just. Seb fucks into me a few times before pinning me to the bed and murmuring in my ear.

“You feel so good, Rollie. And you’re going to feel even better with a fat alpha cock in your other hold. I want to feel him thrusting into us both, making you wild, knotting us both, like we’re one tight little hole for him to fill up and breed. You want that, Rollie? Want us both to come inside of you?”

“Yes. Please. Now.” I whimper and squirm under him.

“Hush, be patient now, feel me inside of you.” Seb teases, moving the barest amount inside of me. “Gary, want to get in on this?”

“That would be my pleasure, you ready for that, Rollie?” Gary asks.

“Mhm,” I agree, more than ready.

Gary steps closer again, fingering my ass gently. He uses a syringe thingy to apply enough artificial slick that I can feel it dribbling out of me. Like it would during a natural heat if I had proper slick glands. Seb kisses me, his cock moving inside me as I listen to the squelching sounds of alpha roughly prepping him too. I can feel Seb’s slick dribbling over my groin. And then alpha repositions us so the angle works for him to get his hemipenes inside both of us comfortably without Seb having to pull out of me.

Seb kisses me as Gary fucks into us, every thrust driving both his and Seb’s cocks deeper inside of me. It’s been a while since I’ve been with an alpha, but not so long that it hurts to have him inside me. And Seb is holding me, rubbing my cock and kissing me like a lover as our alpha grunts and thrusts and comes inside of us both. His dual knots swelling and locking us both to him.

Getting fucked like this is a revelation. Like Seb and I are one omega with two holes for our alpha to fill. Like we’re one heart beating in tandem. Like the synthetic heat coursing through us both might consume me and leave only the parts that belong to Seb.

I come so hard I might actually black out for a second. The first round blends into the second and so on until I lose track of time entirely and nothing matters but riding the crest of each orgasm with Seb and Gary.

Nothing matters but sharing this heat and making it last as long as possible. I want to curl up right here in Seb’s heart with his cock buried inside me, a knot firmly locked inside of each of us.

I never want it to end, but of course it does. The closeness persists for the ride home with the static driver Seb knows and trusts. Both of us are sated and saturated in the scents of our sex marathon.

That closeness lasts as we climb into our shower and wash away the evidence of the fake heat. Slick and jizz and pheromones swirling down the drain along with all the cozy feelings of forever and mate and love until Seb distances himself. He calls me a good friend for joining him and making sure he didn’t do anything stupid during the heat. He curls up in our bed with his back to mine, barely touching me. Back to only allowing himself the scraps of what he wants in unguarded moments.

So. That’s it then. We shared an amazing heat and we’re back to this again. This veneer of friendship covers over a chasm of unspoken longing and love and dreams neither one of us dares to speak aloud. I can’t give him the mating he wants. I can’t give him a clutch. And he doesn’t see me as anything but a friend he can rely on. I won’t ruin that by telling him I want sex to be a regular part of that friendship.

I’ve seen the distance sex puts between him and his other fuck buddies and I’d rather have the vulnerable sweet side of him with only an occasional side of sex than make him come every night. So I go back to loving him the only way I know how. Quietly, in deeds more than words, and with all my heart. The same way I can feel his love for me.