18. Epilogue
Epilogue
Seb (Several Months Later)
I scan our living room again once more to be sure everything is ready for our immediate family to descend and meet Amari. It’s a minor miracle they’ve mostly respected our wishes to keep the visitors to a minimum while Rollie is recovering from his scheduled c-section. My moms and Harvey have come over to help us keep up with laundry and feed us both so we can focus on our baby.
Bram is salty about not being the first to meet his first nibling, but Ty’s been good about keeping him distracted. And they’re both plenty occupied with their newest cub, Cole. It’s a relief to realize how much less complicated I’ve felt about holding Cole compared to the first times I met my older niblings. I know why, but I’m working on not beating myself up for having emotions. That’s one of my many homework goals with my shiny new therapist.
I’m not jealous of Bram anymore, and as hard as it is to admit just how much my unresolved trauma impacted how much we’ve grown apart since he met Ty; I’m glad I can address it now. I’m glad that with Cole, I’ve known from the first time Bram passed his chonky newborn bundled up cub into my arms that I was holding Amari’s cousin. Not borrowing a moment of my brother’s bliss that I’ll never have for myself, but sharing it. And today I’ll get to be on the other side of that, handing my most precious treasure into my brother’s arms and knowing that they’re as safe with him as they would be with me and Rollie.
The entire flock wants to meet my kit, obviously. Amari is the picture of perfection in their fur and human forms alike. Rollie says they have my smile, but they’ve got his wide innocent eyes in both forms and they smell like him, cookies and spice. We’re being extra protective, so for now it’s just our immediate family coming over to meet my baby.
Harvey and a few of Rollie’s favorites from the market and my parents, siblings, and their households. I tried to get my mate to stay in bed resting, but he insisted on supervising me while I put together his favorite recipes for our guests. Harvey brought over platters of fruits and veggies and charcuterie from the market to supplement Rollie’s cookies and quick breads and a tasty array of hot dips. And a birthday cake. He was insistent about that. Amari gets a birthday cake of their own even though they can’t have any for at least a year. I get it though. He wants our kit to be celebrated.
Rollie and Amari are both napping in our room. At just over a week old, they’ve shown a slight preference for their raccoon form, so Rollie has been handling a lot of the feeding overnight with that, but during the day I handle most of their bottle feeds.
I’m not even a little surprised when my phone buzzes with a text from my brother letting me know that he’s here a little early and didn’t want to wake the baby by ringing the doorbell, but he isn’t waiting a moment longer for newborn snuggles.
I roll my eyes at his typical pushiness, but I’m grinning as I go to let him in. It’s really fucking nice that he cares this much. That he’s still the same supportive sweet brother he’s always been, even though I’ve put distance between us.
I expect to see his entire rowdy family at the door, but it’s just Bram, holding a gift bag up between us.
“Hi, I just wanted a minute to chat with you before everyone gets here and I figured now that Amari is here, we’re both going to be attached to babies for the foreseeable future, so I had Ty take the kids out to pick presents for their new cousin with their bear grandmas.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I know things have been weird between us, so I just wanted to make sure we’re good. Are we?” Bram shoves the gift bag toward my chest and I take it, looping my fingers through the string handler to free up one hand.
I pull Bram into a hug, inhaling his sweet comforting scent. He’s been a steady supportive presence for my entire life and it feels good to clear the air between us officially. “Yeah, Bram. We’re good, you didn’t do anything wrong.”
Bram hugs the life out of me. “Good. I love you, Seb. I hated knowing you were hurting and I couldn’t fix it.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m good though, turns out I mostly needed to stop believing I was broken.” I shrug out of his arms when he squeezes me even tighter. Now it’s getting too sappy, I need to reset the tone. I flash him the grin that I know he associates with most of the exploits that got us grounded as fledglings and wag a finger at my clutchmate. “But, no stealing the show this time, or else!”
Bram laughs. “Sheesh, ruin one fledging ceremony with a dramatic labor and they never let you live it down, huh? Don’t worry, Seb, I don’t have any surprise pregnancy announcements or anything else in store. Myra is very excited about her fledging ceremony in the fall, but everyone already knows that. I just want to meet Amari. Can I see them?”
“Yeah. They’re napping with Rollie now. They’re both in their fur, but I was going to roll the bassinet into the living room before people arrive. Rollie is being stubborn and trying to overdo it even though the doc said he needs to rest with his stitches heal, but I got him to agree to letting me wheel the baby out before the party earlier. Make yourself comfortable and I’ll get them.” I show Bram into our house. It feels so good to be able to claim this space as both of ours. No more trying to tell myself I’m temporary.
My heart melts at the sight of my entire world curled up in the bassinet. Amari is curled up next to my mate like a little cinnamon roll, smelling just as sweet. It’s wild how much deeper in love I fall every time I see the two of them together. I can’t help preening the fur along Rollie’s back and patting Amari’s head. They’re both so soft and sweet.
I could stare at them all day, but Bram is being noisy in the living room to remind me he’s impatient to meet my hatchling. I sigh but the irritation that’s been so close to the surface with him lately is gone. I’m just fondly exasperated. And maybe a little smugly proud that I’ve got something he wants now. I shake my head at myself, that’s not how I want things to be between us.
I wheel the bed carefully down the hall, taking care not to rouse either of the shifters napping within. Bram ignores all my care and lets out a delighted squawk when he sees my family and I mime clacking my beak at him in warning when he makes grabby hands at my sleeping kit.
“Sorry.” Bram backs off, looking chagrined. “Ohmygosh, Seb, kits are so little! Cole is going to look like a giant next to them.”
“Yeah,” I chuckle, our baby is petite and perfect. And Cole would have looked huge next to Amari even if the cub wasn’t months older. I gently lift my kit from the cozy bed and hand them to Bram. He snuggles Amari under his chest, cupping both hands protectively under them and cooing sweet nothings. Rollie whimpers in his sleep, moving toward the warm spot where our kit was and I rest a hand on his flank to reassure him that the baby is safe and he can go back to sleep. He yawns, and settles at my touch. Trusting me to care for our treasure.
“Hi, little Amari,” Bram coos. “I’m going to be your favorite uncle, fair’s fair, my hatchlings all adore your daddy, so you basically have to like me best. You’re going to have so much fun playing with your cousins.”
“Sure you are, Bram,” I tease, but my heart is overflowing at getting to have this moment with him, not quite what we daydreamed as fledglings. When we dreamed aloud about having mates and kids and who we would grow up to become, I could never have imagined this. My dream sounded a lot more like what Bram has. An alpha mate, a huge family, and a big house.
Turns out, I didn’t know what I wanted when I was a teenager. Rollie and Amari are so much more than the half-formed shadows of them that were all I was capable of dreaming. Bram snuggles Amari while I finish getting the last few party things in order, but shortly before everyone is supposed to get here, they startle awake with a dirty diaper and shift into their human form at the shock of it. Bram grins at me.
“Guess the tables have turned, and that’s my cue to hand the baby over now, huh?” Bram holds Amari out to me. “Oh, they’ve got his curls, I wondered if that was his natural hair color or premature graying.”
I snort. “Rude. They’re very distinguished. Rollie says it’s agouti, and it’s very common with raccoon shifters.”
“Uh huh, squirrels have fur like that too and they don’t have the same hair in their human form,” Bram teases me.
“Squirrels clearly aren’t as perfect as my mate and our baby then. Um. Just so you know, we’re using avian naming and pronouns, like with your cubs, but Rollie slips sometimes, so try to ignore it?” I say.
“Sure, not a problem. I can remind the kids too.” Bram smiles at me as he watches me soothe my baby and carry them down the hall for a fresh diaper. I try not to read into it.
But when I get back with Amari in a fresh diaper and a cute little raccoon print romper, Bram is staring at me again. It’s a little weird just how intently he is watching me.
“What? Did their diaper leak on me?” I glance down at myself to check. I’m pretty sure it didn’t. This is not my first time taking care of babies, even if it’s my first time as a parent. He knows I can change a diaper; I’ve babysat his kids.
“Nothing. Happy looks good on you, Seb. You’re a natural with Amari. I—I’m glad you and Rollie got your miracle.” Bram smiles so warmly, I know he wanted this for me almost as much as I did. Even when I was being a jealous shit to him and avoiding him.
“Me too.” I beam at Amari and they drool at me, not quite a smile, but it’s early for that. I wipe away the mess and cuddle them close, only to watch Rollie stirring in the bassinet. My mate is also watching me from his gorgeous furry mask. He raises tiny adorable raccoon hands toward me and I lift him to his favorite perch on my shoulder so we can both admire Amari while I snuggle them. Rollie’s dextrous raccoon fingers card through my hair and I duck toward him, offering myself up to his attentions. Bram snorts.
“Ugh, give my nibling here and go let your mate shift before the party. I think he agrees that parenthood looks good on you.” I glance at Rollie, reluctant to hand Amari over before I have to. My other siblings and our folks and Harvey will be here soon and it’s going to be awhile before I get to snuggle my sweet little darling again.
Bram rolls his eyes at me. “Go steal a minute alone with your mate before everyone gets here. I swear, you’re so oblivious sometimes, Seb. I still can’t believe you actually figured out Rollie wanted a mating from you before he installed actual neon lighting asking you to be his mate. Good thing for Amari, their daddies figured it out in time for them to exist, huh?”
“Lucky for all of us,” I agree, then I glance at my mate. “Should I let Bram hold Amari for a minute?” I ask.
Rollie nuzzles my cheek, tongue darting out in a teasing raccoon kiss that makes me shiver. I hand Amari to my brother and carry my mate to our bedroom, shutting the door on Bram’s amused laughter. I know there isn’t anything more than kissing on offer for a few more weeks while Rollie heals. Even if he did offer, I’m not into the idea of doing anything that wouldn’t make him feel good.
I bring Rollie to the bed. Normally he’d jump down from here with no trouble, but he lets me lift him down so I think he might be more sore and tired than he’s been admitting to. Once he’s on the bed, Rollie shifts back to human and grins up at me, all sappy smiles.
“You really do look good holding our baby.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I love seeing you happy Seb. Now, everyone’s going to be here soon, so no more talking about the baby, shut up and kiss me like you mean it.”
I carefully crawl onto the bed next to him and kiss him slow and lazy and with a promise of forever in mind. Rollie kisses me back until we’re both breathless and I almost forget we don’t have long for him to get dressed. The doorbell ringing startles me to my senses and Rollie groans. I laugh at his disgruntled expression.
“It’s just as well we got interrupted. You aren’t cleared to come yet, Rollie.”
“I could go down on you,” he offers.
“Nope, give yourself time to heal, darling. We’ve got a lifetime to make love.” I kiss the tip of his nose and wink at him as I get up and offer him a hand to stand. “Ask me again when you’re cleared for sex, my love.”
“I’m going to hold you to that,” Rollie insists as he gets up and rummages for clean comfy clothes.
“Darling, when you get the go ahead, I’ll arrange for someone to watch Amari for a few hours so you can hold me to that promise all night long.” I wink at my mate. I watch him get ready and listen to Bram as he lets our moms into the house.
Rollie lets me loop an arm around his waist to help him out to the living room and get him ensconced on the couch. Winny volunteers to make sure he doesn’t have to get up for anything other than bathroom breaks as we celebrate with the people who love us the most. And for once, I don’t care if I deserve this perfect life, I’m going to cling to it with every fiber of my being because Rollie and Amari are worth loving with everything I am and if they can love me, then maybe I’m worth it too. I’m the luckiest shifter alive. I get to spend the rest of my life loving the mate who took an alpha’s trash and saw a treasure worth keeping.
Thank you for reading Seb and Rollie’s story! If you enjoyed this book, I’d appreciate if you leave a review. If you haven’t read the rest of the series yet, be sure to grab Bram and Ty’s book Papa Bear and Felix’s book, Squirrel Trouble.
If you are looking for non-omegaverse books that deal with fertility and trans characters, check out my contemporary trans romance duology Party of Three and Balanced Party (both books follow a queer polyamorous family made up of a nonbinary woman, a trans man, and a cis man, both books are part of a longer series, but the duology can stand alone). I also have a few other books with pregnant trans characters (Puppy Love and Saving Throw).
Since this book deals with some heavy mental health themes, I just want to mention that if you are struggling with your mental health, know that you are not alone and there is help, please reach out to local resources or contact the national suicide prevention hotline or other crisis support lines in your region.