Chapter 5
Willow Rogers
B urnt orange leaves crunch underneath my footsteps, while the cool breeze nips at my skin. The trees rattle, their hums following me as I walk along a busy path.
Despite the beach being in my backyard for most of my life, I have always been a cold weather enthusiast. Curling up with fluffy blankets and wearing multiple layers of clothing are two of my favourite things to do when the time arrives.
The change in weather also signals the beginning of the hockey season.
Although we have had gym sessions together, my first challenge is coming later today. It will be our first training session on the ice since I arrived and nerves are flaring inside me.
I despise nerves in all their forms because it serves as a reminder of the past. My ex-teammates never seemed to grow nervous for game days, which in turn, caused my anxiety to spike through the fucking roof.
Eventually, I learned to mask my ticks and emotions, not wanting to be ridiculed for caring about my performance.
I asked Jaz about the psychology of nerves and anxiety and her response seemed to match the reason I was feeling the way I was most of the time. Being nervous means, you want to succeed in whatever activity you are undertaking.
“Willow!”
I smile, waving to the girls who are sitting outside of Gold Rush Plaza–a cafe that recently opened and is perfectly situated for college students. Short, brick walls with lush greenery form a hedge around the front of the cafe, providing some privacy to the customers.
I walk through the arch entryway and weave between other tables to reach my friends.
Jaz and I agreed to have fortnightly brunches, whether it is at a cafe or one of our places, because it has been so long since we have been in the same place. Plus, I much prefer to debrief our lives in person than on the phone.
It’s even better that I have become instant friends with her previous roommates, Athena and Sofia. I met them last year when I visited Lakewood for a weekend. The girls were the silver lining of the weekend because otherwise, it was a complete disaster.
Jaz and I went out drinking as a fun break before the semester became serious and jam-packed with assessments and exams.
Add in the fact that alcohol and I have a terrible relationship–I will dance on bars and stir people up until they snap, which is exactly what happened with Jayden. He and Theo came to the bar to pick us up, and as is the case with Jayden and I, it turned into a massive argument.
“I’m so glad you made it,” Jaz says as I take a seat next to her.
She is wearing her blonde curls out for once. I’ve always told her she should wear it like this more, however, Jaz complains her hair is too thick to have it down during the summer.
“Of course. I could never miss a girls’ day out.”
The girls resume their previous conversation, while my sister has a bright smile on her lips as she looks at me. Cami’s blonde hair tied back into a high ponytail, while Sofia is a complete contrast with a dark complexion and tight curls forming her usual afro hair.
Athena is on my right and is either picking at her nails or rolling a strand of hair around a finger. I chuckle, knowing the nervous feeling that must be consuming her. I like sitting next to Athena as I feel terrible when I stand next to her petite figure. I’m practically a giant compared to her.
“Are you enjoying living with Sofia and Colton?” I ask Cami when their original conversation stops.
Weights lifted off my shoulders when Cami told me she was roommates with Sofia, and now, Colton–Theo’s friend and old roommate. He was the odd one out when Athena and Jaz moved in with their boyfriends, Austin and Theo
My sister beams and I swear my heart melts. “Yes. They have helped me acclimatise to college life, telling me the best–and cheapest–places to buy coffee as well as where all the parties are held.”
I laugh. “Those are two of the most important things about college: coffee and alcohol.”
“Besides, it’s always nice to wake up to a shirtless man making you breakfast,” Cami says, licking her lips.
Jaz gasps. “Cami! You saucy little bitch.”
“What? Colton is hot, right, Sofia?”
“Oh yeah. I know he used to play football, but his figure–” Sofia practically moans, while the rest of us laugh.
I’m glad Sofia and Cami have become fast friends because I want to know she has good people in her corner. Last year, after seeing the friendship Sof and Athena had formed with Jaz, my heart cracked, the shards lingering in my thoughts whenever I was alone.
It wasn’t because I felt like Jaz was replacing me, but that I didn’t have those types of friendships in Nevada. It seemed like every girl on campus knew I was on the hockey team and wanted to use that to their advantage.
“How has the hockey house been?” Cami asks.
I sigh. “It’s okay. The guys have been welcoming,”
I force myself not to roll my eyes. Most of my new teammates have been welcoming, except for one control freak by the name of Jayden Allen.
Games Night was fine until Theodore opened his fucking mouth. The knowing smirk on his face matched the one he gave Jayden and I last year.
I clench my fists, thinking about that night once again. I have nightmares about the thrill that raced up my spine and the heat that rushed to my core when Jayden threw me over his shoulder.
I always blame it on the alcohol and refuse to entertain the idea Jayden has any hold over me.
I could have lied about the kiss, but I figured it’s been five years of keeping the person I had my first kiss with a secret, why not expose it while playing a fun game?
Apparently, Jay didn’t agree. I don’t understand what the big deal is.
I’m not sure about him but I’ve kissed too many boys to count since that day in the treehouse.
Jaz’s laughing interrupts my thoughts.
“What’s so funny?” I ask.
“Just thinking about game’s night. Now that it’s just the girls, do you want to tell me why you and my brother have kissed each other?” Jaz raises an eyebrow.
Cami chokes on her water, while Athena mutters: “What the fuck?”
“I thought you hated each other.” Sofia questions.
“We do.”
“They do.” Cami and Jaz say in tandem.
I shake my head, reaching for a glass of water sitting in front of me. I take a sip, contemplating my response.
Jay seemed serious when he said he didn’t want anyone to know about that day. I don’t know if that is embarrassment about the first kiss aspect or that it was me, he was kissing.
“I don’t kiss and tell. Besides, it happened years ago and will not be happening again.” I grit my teeth. “Let’s move on to someone else’s love life. Jaz, Athena, anything to say?”
Based on the glares I receive, my deflection barely works but everyone drops the subject. Jaz and Athena gush as they tell us about Theo and Austin.
A smile pulls at the corner of my lips. I love that they are happy and the boys are treating them like the queens they are.
Personally, I’ve had one serious relationship, which was a mess in itself, but that isn’t the biggest flaw of my dating life. The situationship with my teammate last year ranks as the worst decision I’ve ever made and it was my fucking heart's fault.
After spending my life surrounded by boys due to hockey, I know most of them think the same way. Except for my new friend, Cooper Powell. I’m taking that sweet, na?ve boy under my wing for purely selfish reasons.
Consider him a pet project. Not that I really have time for one of those, but for Cooper, I’ll make the time.
The five of us order food and coffee, and it arrives as the conversation flows into future careers. I flick my eyes to the plate in front of me, focusing on my avocado on toast rather than the conversation at hand.
“The goal is to go to the Olympics for figure skating, but other than that I’m studying media and communications.” My sister says.
Cami has wanted to win a gold medal since she watched figure skating at the Winter Olympics in 2010, when she was seven years old.
Our parents tried to push both of us into figure skating, but that didn’t look like fun to me. I took one look at hockey and knew it was the sport I wanted to play.
“That’s amazing,” Athena says, before continuing: “Well, I actually have some news.”
“You’re not pregnant, are you?” Sofia asks.
Athena blushes but quickly shuts it down. “No, of course not. Austin and I are safer than that. It’s about my book.”
All of us turn our heads towards her. I didn’t know much about Athena last year, but Jaz has since told me Athena has been writing a romance book series since freshman year, which is fucking crazy, trying to write and complete university at the same time.
“My agent reached out to me, and a publisher is interested in releasing my books.”
The four of us scream, excitement laced in our voices. We ignore the strange looks from others at the restaurant, congratulating Athena on her achievement.
“This is amazing. Everything you have worked for it happening.” Jaz says.
“I know. Austin was with me when my agent called and he held me while I cried. It was the best moment of my life.”
“Well, if we are continuing with the happy news, I may as well jump on the bandwagon,” Sofia says, pausing for what I can assume is dramatic effect.
“You know how I told you guys about how well my internship with Cassidy Emeralds went last year. She has offered me a job once I finish my degree. She needs more designers in her Chicago office, which is crazy since she only opened it five years ago.”
The excitement continued as we finished brunch. All these girls are accomplishing so much, even my sister, who has just started freshman year, has visions of the future.
I’m trying to take senior year one day at a time, the uncertainty of my future hanging like a storm cloud over my head.
I’m praying that by May next year, the clouds will clear, showing me the direction I need to follow post-graduation. But as the days dwindle, optimism seeps from my body in pounds.