Chapter 16
Willow Rogers
M y chest heaves as I skate toward the puck, trying to reach it before the opposing centre.
I grit my teeth, our sticks colliding as we fight for dominance. I’m unable to gather the power for a long shot with North Dakota’s player ramming into me. Finally, I get a semi-clear path to the goal. I hit the puck, watching it glide on the ice.
My breath stalls. Come on. Get in there.
My optimism is smothered when a defenseman from North Dakota intercepts my shot. The buzzer blares throughout the arena, echoing in my ears like it’s taunting me for missing the shot.
Fuck. I make it off the ice in record time, not wanting to see anyone. This was our eighth game of the season, and a win would have placed us at first on the ladder. Now, I only have myself to blame.
I’ve been distracted this past week, trying to avoid and deny my attraction to Jayden. Regret twirled inside me every time I was in his presence. I can’t change what happened, though; I need to find a way to live with the decision.
It doesn’t help that Jayden has been giving “fuck me” eyes when alone. I scramble out of rooms, not wanting to be left alone with him in case I do something reckless. But I can’t stop my body being set alight by a single glance, and it ends with me changing my fucking panties.
Jayden mentioning other women while he had my cum on his tongue helped me considerably, giving me another excuse to despise him. I’ve pushed any thought of jealousy out of my mind because it wasn’t. Truly, why would I care who he fucks?
Lies. Lies. Lies.
The words reverberate in my head again.
I grit my teeth and return my focus to the locker rooms, where the boys are piling in. Every single one of them is giving me a pity look. I fucking hate it. My muscles are throbbing, begging for the tension to be released. A shower sounds like heaven at the moment.
Coach West drawls on, his disappointment evident.
Something churns inside me when he doesn't hold us back as long as usual when we lose. If there is one thing I hate in life, it is the silent treatment. It clouds your mind with doubt, forcing you to hate yourself. I’ve experienced it too many times to count, and I’m still unable to ignore the emptiness that consumes my body.
Fuck. I take a deep breath, realising how hypocritical I sound. I’ve given Jayden the silent treatment too many times to count. Locking the shower door, turn on the showers and scrub myself until I’m raw and red.
I sigh. The Hockey House isn’t appealing to me, especially after I cost the team a loss. Plus, living with guys for nearly the past three months is becoming overwhelming. I’m craving some girl time.
Switching off the shower, I change into my jumpsuit. I pull out my phone, opening my contacts to find Jaz’s number.
Me:
Hey, any chance you are up for a girls’ night? I need a break from everything.
I leave the showers, which are once again empty. It’s so strange, whenever I leave, no one is left.
I push the thought to the back of my mind, heading straight for my car. As I leave the arena, Cooper catches me.
“You okay, Willow?”
I’m not, but I don’t want any of my teammates knowing that. I force a smile onto my lips. “All good. I’m heading to Jaz’s for the night. We haven’t hung out for a while, so I need a girls’ night.”
It’s not a complete lie. More like a half-truth.
Cooper nods, believing my words. “If you’re sure. I’ll see you tomorrow then?”
“Of course,”
Cooper leaves me, heading back to Sam’s car on the other side of the parking lot. I unlock my car and pull my phone out as I sit in the driver’s seat. Seeing Jaz has responded, I click on her name.
Jazmine Allen:
Of course! How does salted caramel ice cream and face masks sound?
A smile returns to my face. It’s no wonder Jaz is becoming a psychologist, she knows exactly what someone needs.
Me:
Sounds perfect. Leaving the rink now, I’ll see you soon.
***
L aughter fills Jazmine’s lounge room, my ribs aching, and happy tears slide down my cheeks. Fuck, I’ve missed this. When I decided to transfer to Lakewood, I thought all my nights would be like this–quality time with my best friend.
Instead, I’ve been swamped by classes, assessments, and every commitment that is associated with hockey. It leaves me with barely any time to have a social life that doesn’t involve alcohol and a party.
“Okay, spill the tea. What were those messages about? I’d prefer as little details as possible if it does involve my brother.”
I stiffen, sitting up straight. The last thing I need to tell Jaz is that her brother is an expert at eating pussy. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. That was completely hypothetical.”
Jaz laughs. “I think we both know that’s not true, but if you aren’t ready to talk yet, I won’t force you.”
I smile. “Thanks. For now, it’s just me and my vibrators.”
It’s at this moment, Theo walks in the door. My eyes flick to Jaz. We only look at each other for a few seconds before bursting into laughter again.
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” Theo says, his shoulders shuddering, b-lining straight for his and Jaz’s room.
Eventually, our giggles fade but my smile is tattooed onto my face. Jaz has always been by my side, even when we lived states away from each other.
“Okay, how is living with my brother going?”
I bite my lip, trying to push the thoughts of Jayden and sex out of my mind. The last thing I need is to start fantasising about him and all his naked glory in front of his sister.
I swallow, thinking of my reply. “It’s been fine. We actually share a class on Thursdays, so we have become more civil as of late.”
Well, we were kind of civil before the vibrator mishap.
“As long as you aren’t at each other's throats, I would class that as a win.”
“How are your classes going?” I ask, hoping to shift the conversation topic.
Jaz’s smile brightens. She has always been dedicated to her studies, even in high school, she was valedictorian.
Although Jaz tends to take things too far and forgets to take care of herself.
But Theo has been the best person for her, doing little acts of service so Jaz’s day flows on without any stress.
“I’m on track to graduate with a 4.0 GPA. And I’ve been starting some research for when I start at Cooper and Byrd next summer,”
I smile, happy for my best friend’s success. Jaz completed an internship at Cooper and Byrd–a research company that focuses on athletes and the effect mental health and concussion have on them. Ever since Jaz found out about them, it has been her dream to work there.
“What about you?” Jaz begins. “Are you going to find a team to continue playing hockey?”
My chest tightens as fears of the future creeping up my spine like a ghost. The future seems to haunt me wherever I go, a reminder that I may never play competitive hockey again.
“I’m not too sure. I’ve got my eye on a couple dietetic internships over the summer, but other than that, I’m just living in the moment.”
Jaz offers an understanding smile. “I understand. I still think you should say fuck the patriarchy and try and make it in hockey.”
I flick my eyes away from Jaz, looking down at my hands that are resting in my lap. I wish I could do that, but playing in the NHL is an unrealistic dream, and I can’t afford to continue dreaming about an idealistic future.
Maybe one day, there will be a league for women to play hockey in North America but until then, my best bet is to become a dietitian. It allows me to have the best of both worlds, even if I’m not playing hockey, I can be in the environment.
I glance back to Jaz, who has a worried look in her eyes. I need to say something, so she won’t stress about me. I force a smile. “Maybe, but I’m fine. I like what I’m studying, and I’m good at it.”
Once again, not a complete lie.
Jaz raises an eyebrow, as if to question me, but lets out a breath. “If you say so.”
A sigh escapes me. For now, I’m staying in the present. We may have lost today, but we are still one of the best teams in the division. There is nothing I want more than the Frozen Four trophy.
So, I will not be entertaining any more distractions. Especially one by the name of Jayden Allen.