Chapter 30
Jayden Allen
W illow and I have been avoiding each other for the past three days. Sunday night ruined us. Every time we have fucked each other, it has been to release tension or seek an escape from the pressures around us.
Last time was different.
We yearned for comfort and a familiar person. Whenever I close my eyes, Willow’s golden orbs and the green specks that float around her pupils flash in my mind.
Goosebumps flare on my skin as I think of her ragged breath against my mouth, wanting nothing more than for my lips to brush hers, even if it’s only for a second.
Willow is like fire—she burns with ferocity and passion, never allowing anyone to stand in her way. And I can’t help but think I fell in love with the fire long ago.
I tilt my head back, hitting the headboard behind me. Fuck. What am I going to do? I stare at the ceiling, hoping to find an answer lodged in my brain.
A knock at my door shakes me from my thoughts. I clear my throat. “Come in,”
Willow enters, the small details about her catching my eye. She wears her hair in a braid during the night or for a game, otherwise, it cascades down her back. She rarely wears makeup, not that she even needs it.
I force my eyes to meet hers. A sombre look coats over her gaze, indicating what I knew was coming.
“We need to talk,”
The four most dreaded words of every situationship. I close my eyes, turning my head away from her. “Yeah,”
Willow remains frozen, yet I lock onto her fingers. Her nails are shorter than usual and I recognise a nervous tick when I see one. The silence is uncomfortable, but it doesn’t last long.
“It’s over.”
My chest stops moving, and I can’t fucking breathe. Is it possible for my lungs to collapse from words, or is it my heart shattering from within?
Willow’s words are harsh and direct, not bothering to sugarcoat them. Fuck me. Why did she have to make me want her?
“Why?”
It’s her turn to look away, finding my white walls more interesting than our conversation. “You know why, Jayden?”
I grit my teeth. “No, I don’t actually. All I see is you running away again.” I grab my hair, wanting to rip it from my skull.
Willow pushes her shoulders back, clearly mustering up any courage she has left. “No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. Why are you doing it? You don’t need to.”
Her chest heaves. “I–” Willow looks at her shoes, then back to me. “You’re already attached. It’s best we end it now.”
Her tone is cold, and my eyes widened in disbelief. Attached? She’s kidding herself if she is trying to minimise my feelings. “Attached? That’s what you think,” I tighten my fists. “I fucking love you, Willow!”
The confession falls from my tongue. It’s been waiting, urging to come out for the past month.
My eyes water, and I’m barely able to hold in the tears. My declaration echoes off the walls, slowly disappearing, leaving the two of us in silence.
Willow says nothing.
Nothing.
With every moment I wait for a response–any word to leave her mouth, the more pieces my heart spits into. Then, Willow does something even worse. She leaves.
No, that’s incorrect. She fucking bolts out of my room, slamming the door behind her.
My limbs ache, no longer able to hold me. I collapse onto the bed, sinking into the comfort of the mattress.
The left side has always been my dedicated position while sleeping, but now, I roll onto the right side. I try to inhale the remaining scent of Willow on my pillow, but there’s barely anything left.
Rivulets descend my face, falling onto the white sheets. The first time I lost the love of my life, I thought I was dying. That was nothing compared to the current ache in my heart. I want it to stop.
How do I make it fucking stop?
I flip over, reaching for my phone on the bedside table. It’s late for a Thursday night, but with Jazmine’s sleeping habits, I’m hopeful she is awake. I need to talk to my best friend.
I click on her contact. It rings and rings.
“Jay, is everything okay?”
My breath catches in my throat, and all the words I want to say are stuck.
“Jay,” Jazmine’s voice breaks. “You’re scaring me, are you okay?”
“Can I come over?” I whisper the words.
“Of course you can,”
I tell Jaz I will be over in ten minutes, packing a backpack of clothes and my phone charger. I make my way down the stairs, going as fast as I can.
I can’t be here any longer. This place is suffocating, especially my bedroom. It has too many memories of Willow that I can’t be around any longer.
Cooper and Aiden–the team’s resident night owls–are sitting on the couch, their gazes fall onto me as I reach the last step.
“Are you okay?” Cooper asks.
God, he’s such a good kid. I don’t know how he ended up with us as friends. I don’t face them–or I can’t. They probably heard every word of Willow ending things with me, which is honestly worse than them seeing me cry.
“I’m going to stay with Jazmine,”
“For the night or longer?” Aiden asks. His tone is laced with worry, which is unusual for him.
I shut my eyes, squeezing them tighter with each second that passes. “I’m not sure." And with that, I leave and don’t look back.
***
I knock, standing at Jaz’s front door. It swings open immediately. She looks me up and down, focusing on my eyes, which are probably red and puffy.
The two of us say nothing as she guides me to the lounge room. The first thing Jazmine does when I sit down is wrap her arms around my neck and hug me.
It’s the final straw.
Every sob I was holding escapes my throat, and the tears pour down my cheeks. Jaz pulls me closer, hugging me tighter than I thought was possible.
I can’t move–it feels like I lost part of myself. I was right. I could never survive losing Willow.
Jaz and I remain still, my ability to breathe properly finally returns. I lift my head up, looking down at Jazmine’s shirt, which is soaked with my tears. Fucking hell. I never thought I would be in this situation. I’m the one who is meant to help my sister, not the other way round.
“What’s going on, Jay?” Jaz says, her voice gentle.
“I’m in love with Willow, and she shattered my fucking heart so easily you would think it was glass.” The confessions roll off my tongue, and the surprise written on my sister’s face. I would be, too, if your brother were sleeping with your best friend.
“So, you guys were…” Jaz trails off. “What happened?”
I explain what unfolded between me and Willow. Jaz listens, never judging my feelings or offering advice until everything is off my chest. I lean back on the couch, covering my face with my hands.
Why is this happening to me now? We are guaranteed to be in the semi-finals for the Frozen Four. Willow was the first person I let distract me from my two goals of senior year: win the Frozen Four and sign a contract with the Los Angeles Lions.
“Stop,” Jazmine’s voice brings me back. “You’re overthinking and searching for a way to be in control again.”
I look away from my sister and her knowing gaze.
“It’s okay to have everything not figured out.”
I scoff. “You of all people shouldn’t be giving me that advice.”
Jazmine is type-A to the core and has a back-up plan for the back-up plan.
My twin glares at me. “Well, Theo has recently given me that advice, so it’s actually him telling you.”
That makes a lot more sense. Theodore Knight is the complete opposite of my sister, with a more ‘go with the flow’ outlook on life.
“I don’t understand. Why did she just leave ?” My voice wobbles.
Jaz touches my shoulder, squeezing it in a reassuring manner.
“Willow is…” My sister pauses, her eyes focusing on the ceiling.
“This is not an excuse by any means, but Willow experienced hell in Nevada. I’ve been trying to convince her to move since sophomore year, yet nothing seemed to work.
The guys tore her down any chance they got, and from a psychologist's point of view, that takes a toll on both someone’s mind and heart. ”
Jesus Christ. I knew those assholes–especially Kyle Woods–were no good. I wish I could help Willow, show her I’m nothing like them.
But when I think about our past, all the fights we had, in some ways, I was exactly like those people who hurt Willow. Arrogant and controlling, despite believing I had her best interests at heart.
“Is there any way I can fix this?” I ask.
Jaz smiles softly. “Jayden, there is nothing more you can do. You have laid all your feelings out for Willow, so it’s up to her to decide the next steps.”
I groan, hitting my head on the couch as I slump further into it. Jaz’s laugh travels into my ears. I glare at her, which only makes it worse.
“Jayden, listen to me,” Jazmine says. “Relinquish the things you can’t control, and everything becomes easier.”
It’s my turn to laugh. “Where did you read that?”
Jaz waves me off. “Oh, some aspiration card.”
We embrace each other as we laugh, my smile shifting my mood slightly. No matter where I go, my sister will be there as a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen.
As twins, our bond always seemed stronger than other siblings and I wouldn’t have it any other way.