Chapter 19 #2
“Macy said there is land enough that a human could walk for weeks before nearing the other side.” Jax lowered his container and looked over his shoulder toward the greenery they’d just left.
“As much as I crave to explore, I do not think I could venture much farther than we’ve already gone.
It is…unsettling, to be so far away from the sea. ”
“Yes, it is. But she is a human, Jax. They are land creatures, and that may call to her, even as the sea calls to us.”
“She is a human, but I don’t think there is anyone like her — human or kraken.
” A pleasant breeze flowed over his skin, and the sand was warm; he’d never expected to find so many little things to enjoy on land.
Everything above the surface was so dry, hard, and heavy, but there were many new sensations to experience.
“And she really eats these plants?” Arkon patted the lid of the container.
“It seems to be all she can keep down, lately.” Jax frowned, staring at the container before meeting his friend’s gaze. “I worry for her, Arkon, but she acts as though I shouldn’t be concerned.”
“She doesn’t want to cause you any more trouble, Jax.”
“What trouble has she caused me?”
Arkon huffed through his siphons. “You truly don’t see it?”
“See what?”
“She sees how unhappy you are,” Arkon replied with a frown. “She counts the hours you’re away, and she blames herself. Macy thinks she is the reason you feel chained to the Facility, and that you will come to resent her for it.”
“That is foolish.”
“Is it, Jax?”
“Yes, it is, Arkon. Why would she think she could cause me such distress, or that I would hold her responsible for things she has no control over?”
“Because you are not yourself when you are in that place, and you’re gone more often than not. What is she meant to think of it?”
“I love her!” Jax shouted, whirling toward Arkon. Sand flew around his tentacles.
Arkon recoiled slightly at Jax’s sudden outburst, eyes wide. He tilted his head. “You love her. What does that mean? Not to her or her people, but to you?”
“You know what it means, Arkon. You know what everything means.” Jax turned away and looked out over the rolling blue waves.
“I have some idea of what it means to humans. But I want to know what it means to you.”
Jax gritted his teeth and clenched his fists; he didn’t have to answer to Arkon. Didn’t have to explain himself, or open himself up to judgment.
“She…is my home,” Jax finally replied, closing his eyes. “I would never wander again, so long as she were safe. Anything I have, anything I can give, I would give to protect her, to see her smile. But she is not safe in the Facility, amongst our people. And she is not happy living in a cage.”
“And your answer is to stay away as much as you can?” Though there was no malice in Arkon’s voice, the words cut deep.
Taking a deep, steadying breath, Jax turned to Arkon. Their friendship had never been one of secrets or mistrust. “I have been away because I have been gathering supplies and searching for suitable dens.”
Arkon’s expression slackened. “You mean to take her away.”
“I do.”
“You’re the foolish one, Jax.”
Anger swept through Jax’s chest like fire, but Arkon spoke again before he could open his mouth.
“You should have told me. Anything I can do to aid you, simply ask. Along the same lines, why haven’t you told her? Do you know how much that would have eased her worries?”
Just as quickly, Jax’s anger was snuffed out, replaced by a deep, gnawing guilt. Arkon had always been the clever one; Jax was a hunter, an explorer, and secrets and subtleties were unnatural to him.
Jax bent down and lifted the container full of greens. “I will tell her upon our return. She needs to know…the only one at fault has been me.”
“It will do you both well.”
Macy was not in the main room of their den when Jax returned, but he could hear the shower running. He placed the containers on the floor near the table for her to sort through later.
His hearts pounded as he approached the lavatory.
The door was open, and steam hung near the ceiling, making the air warm and thick.
He should have realized the things Arkon told him long before, should have noticed the effect he was having upon her, should have shared his plans with her weeks ago.
He’d only refrained because he didn’t want to give her false hope.
There had to be someplace farther than the other kraken’s willingness to follow, a place beyond the reach of humans, where Jax and Macy could make a den. He just needed time to find it.
Her body was a dark shape through the foggy, curved glass of the shower stall. She had her fingers in her hair when she turned around.
“Jax?” Macy asked, rubbing away a patch of condensation to peer through at him. She smiled when she met his eyes.
“Perhaps you could wipe the rest clear,” he said with a smile of his own.
Macy laughed. Instead of wiping away the rest, she ran a finger through the condensation, making two large circles below her face. He didn’t realize what they were meant to be until she made a smaller circle at the center of each.
Jax grinned. Despite everything, she still found it in herself to joke, to laugh, to play little games that made them both smile. Her personality brought him as much joy as their physical connection — even more.
“I missed you,” she said, turning the water off.
“And I you.”
She cracked the door and reached out to grab the towel hanging on the wall nearby, providing him a glimpse of her bare shoulder. She wrapped the towel around her body, slipped one leg through the shower opening, and angled her foot to flex her shapely calf.
Though the conversation he needed to have with her weighed heavily upon Jax, he didn’t think he could resist her teasing for long.
“I have a surprise for you,” she said.
His curiosity had always been easily provoked, but her words were particularly tantalizing — what could she mean?
“And?”
She opened the door fully and stepped out of the shower, her fingers gliding over his chest as she neared him. Her touch sent tingles across Jax’s skin and heated his blood.
Macy leaned forward and kissed him. He opened his mouth to her, kissing her back in a slow, sensual caress of lips and tongues. She bit his lip.
Jax started, eyes flashing open. Had a female kraken done that, his lip would have been torn to shreds, but Macy’s bite only excited him further. He growled and reached for her.
She laughed and retreated out of his reach. “You have to find it.”
“Find what?” He extended a tentacle and brushed it along her inner thigh, skimming it around the back of her leg to tickle the sensitive skin behind her knee.
“Your surprise,” she said, voice husky. She swayed toward him.
Jax advanced, and she didn’t back away this time. He cupped her cheeks, and ran his hands down her neck, over her shoulders, and to the top of her towel. “Is it…under here?”
“Maybe.”
He gradually loosened the towel. Her eyes gleamed with anticipation and desire. Jax parted the fabric with deliberate slowness, allowing it to caress her breasts. His eyes moved over her flesh as it was exposed bit by bit.
When the towel was open, he released it; it was forgotten before it hit the floor. He slid his palms over her nipples and down her sides, trailing them over her slightly rounded belly to her pelvis.
“Where…where is the hair?” He brushed the backs of his fingers over the smooth, bare skin that had once been covered by a triangle of soft, golden hair, and down across her exposed slit.
“I shaved it off.”
“Why?” Confusion and arousal vied for supremacy within him, but neither was strong enough to overpower the other. He lifted his gaze to hers; there was something in her eyes he couldn’t place, and she quickly looked away.
“I…thought you might like it.”
He hooked the side of his finger beneath her chin and lifted her face. “There was nothing wrong with it. Why do you think I would like this better?”
Her eyes met his fleetingly. Jax frowned.
“Your females don’t have hair to…to cover themselves. So, I thought you might like to see it better, without…”
He stilled at those words; he’d never described what female krakens looked like to Macy, had never explained the differences.
Who had approached her? Who had shown her?
“Macy. Look at me.”
She did, but now her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “Y-You don’t like it.”
“I don’t like why you did it,” he said, too harshly; she flinched at his tone. He exhaled through his siphons. “Do not ever think, Macy, that you need to change yourself to appease me. I love you as you are.”
She searched his face and blinked. Tears slid down her cheeks. “You love me?”
“Yes. I do.”
Her face crumpled, and she threw her arms around his neck. Jax smoothed back her wet hair as he embraced her, gently grazing the tips of his claws over her scalp.
How could he have missed her vulnerability? How could he not have realized he was starving her of companionship? He’d never intended for her to feel inadequate, or less than the female kraken, or…alone.
“I am sorry, Macy.”
She sniffed and pressed her cheek to his chest. “For what?”
“For not being here for you. For not making you feel as loved and important as you are. And…for not telling you why I have been gone so often.”
She pulled back and looked up at him. “You can tell me now.”
He lifted her and laid her upon the bed, climbing in after to draw her against him. His throat was tight; once he spoke of his plans to her, they were as good — in his eyes — as a promise. “I’ve been preparing for us to leave this place.”
“What?” She raised her head, damp hair falling onto his chest.
“When you agreed to stay with me, your condition was that you be allowed the freedom to venture out with me. I’ve failed you in that because of our situation here.”
“You didn’t fail. You’ve never failed me, Jax. This…this is beyond our control.”
He tucked her hair behind her ear and twined a strand around his finger. “No, it’s not beyond our control. My people will only venture so far. We just need the right place to go, and we can leave here and never worry about them finding us.”
“But they’re your people. What about Arkon?”
“I will miss him…just as you miss your Aymee and your family. But the rest of them…they mean nothing, next to your happiness. If they feel I have betrayed them, they have certainly betrayed me, as well. I owe them nothing more.”
Macy brushed a hand over his cheek, his jaw, down his neck. “All this time you’ve been gone, you were doing it for us?”
He nodded, brow furrowing. “If I had told you, it would have saved you much worry. That is no one’s fault but my own.”
“I forgive you.” She pressed her lips to his; her kiss had never tasted quite so sweet. “You truly love me?”
“You are my home,” he rasped, tightening his hold on her. “I will always return to you.”