Chapter 23
tweNty-thRee
INSTANTLY, QUIN KNEELED IN front of me, his ears drooped. "What's wrong?"
I sniffed and swiped at my cheeks with the back of my hand. "No one—not my birth parents, not the state, not any of the foster parents I had—wanted to take care of me." He hadn't pushed me away when things got messy. No one ever stayed for the messy parts.
"They were idiots."
His immediate response was so certain that a broken laugh escaped me.
I shook my head. "That's not how it works.
You're supposed to be grateful someone gives you a roof over your head and food.
It's a bonus if they pretend your existence isn't an inconvenience.
Even more if they try to hide the fact that the only reason you're there is the government check they get every month. "
A muscle in his jaw ticked. The forearm I found myself clinging to went rock hard as his muscles tensed.
"I would have taken care of you."
His words, almost a whisper, hit me like a brick wall.
"You didn't even know me."
A rumble started in his chest. "I didn't have to." He locked his eyes on my face. "You should have been cared for because you exist. Because you smile. Because you breathe. Because you are Haven. I want to take care of you, the way you always should have been."
My throat closed and I swallowed hard. "I don't..." I turned my head, the intensity of his gaze too much for me to think. "I don't know how to let someone do that."
"You don't have to know how. You just have to let me."
My breath stuttered. I was starved for it for so long; accepting it seemed like it would crack me open. No one had ever said they wanted to take care of me. Not even close. I looked at him—a monster who had killed someone—and saw nothing but sincerity.
"I'm supposed to take care of myself." My voice was thin, my conviction weak and growing weaker by the second. I wanted this. Wanted so badly for it to be real, but every time I'd let hope guide me in the past I'd been ripped apart.
"You still will." Quin was practically in my lap he was so close now. "Letting me help doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're not alone."
A sob broke from my chest. He was right.
Even surrounded by people, I had been so, so alone.
A shaky laugh bubbled up. "I don't know if I can do this.
" I gestured vaguely at the world. "They created me to trap you.
How can you trust me? If I let you in...
" I inhaled until my chest burned. "What happens when you don't want me anymore? "
The rumble became a full growl. "Not going to happen. I'm not going anywhere. Not unless you tell me to."
His palm cupped my cheek, turning me back to face him. His nose was so close, I could feel his breath on my lips.
"And even then, I'd be right outside your door. Waiting to be let back in."
I smoothed my hands up the side of his muzzle, down his neck and locked them. I pulled him to me and broke completely open when his arms wrapped me in a tight hug.
I was gone. Maybe I'd been on that path for a while, or maybe it happened all at once right then.
It didn't matter that he was a monster, engineered for death.
It didn't matter that my DNA had been manipulated to entrap him and his brothers.
It didn't matter that I still had to know exactly who and why.
The only thing that mattered was being held in his arms.
"Let me take care of you tonight," he said. "Let me sit with you. Feed you. Keep you safe." He shifted back and looked into my eyes again. "We'll take it one day, one night at a time. Anything you don't like or don't want, just say, and I'll stop. Anytime you want to leave, you can go."
My heart cracked open and the love I'd been holding back spilled out in a rainbow of colors like unicorn vomit. Not because of the manufactured mate bond. Not because of fate. Not because of messed with DNA.
Because he didn't command. He asked.
I nodded. "Okay."
His whole body relaxed. "Okay," he echoed, giving me a grin too full of teeth.
He bounced to his feet and started loading my plate with spaghetti and meatballs. He put a thick slice of garlic bread on the edge, seemed to think about it a second, then added two more before moving around the table and putting twice the amount of food on his own plate.
He sat down and stared across the table at me. I stared back at him, emotions roiling around in my belly like a hurricane.
"Nanna will kill us if we let it get cold."
I smiled and picked up my fork. He bobbed his head and attacked his own plate.
Later, I would wonder how I ended up there, being told to eat by a monster. Later, I would examine why he made me feel safe. And why he sent butterflies swooping low in my belly.
But I'd never question his sincerity again.
After dinner, with the dishes washed and put away, he offered his hand. I took it without hesitation.
Not because I felt compelled to touch him by the bond.
But because I wanted to.
IT WAS STILL EARLY when he led me to the bathroom and filled the giant tub with hot water, even adding bubbles.
"Relax. Soak. Jade tells me women like that." He turned to leave.
"Will you stay?" I looked at the tub, doing some mental calculations. "Join me?"
"Oh, um..." He tugged at an ear. "I'm not really a fan of baths."
I tried to not show my disappointment. "Oh."
"I'll be right outside if you need me."
"Okay." I started peeling off my work clothes, letting them fall haphazardly to the floor. I spun when there was a strangled sound behind me.
Quin stood frozen, with one foot in the bathroom and one out, his hand still on the door handle. I watched his tongue dart out and lick both sides of his muzzle.
"Maybe..." he started, then stopped, then started again, "maybe I can just sit here?" He pointed at the closed toilet.
I smiled. "Sure."
He sat sideways, awkward because there wasn't enough room between the sink cabinet and the toilet for his tail.
He ended up perched on the edge of the lid.
I shook my head at his antics and sank into the water, letting out a moan as the tension and worry seeped out of me.
I closed my eyes and relaxed against the back of the tub.
I heard a small splash and the water rippled. I cracked one eye open to see Quin next to the tub, a washcloth in his hand. I sighed happily and closed my eyes again.
My arm was lifted gently from the water, then thoroughly gone over by the washcloth.
My other arm, then each leg got the same treatment.
I waited for him to do my torso for what felt like an eternity before I opened my eyes.
He was standing over the tub, staring into the water as if he was working out a complicated astrophysics problem.
I took pity on him and sat up. The tub was so big and so deep that the water still reached the bottom of my ribcage, but as soon as I was settled upright the washcloth resumed its slow movements over my back. Then he started on my front.
My heartbeat raced in my chest as the washcloth sought every dip and curve.
My nipples pebbled and as his hand delved further under the water he leaned forward and circled one with his tongue.
I arched back, the dual sensations of the terrycloth on my clit and his tongue on my breast almost enough to make me orgasm.
My hands clenched the side of the tub, holding me steady.
I would gladly drown if it meant he didn't stop.
Water sluiced over me and before I knew what was happening, my body grew heavy as the tub drained. I stood on shaky legs as he wrapped me in the fluffiest towel known to man. He lifted me from the tub and set me on the mat, patting every bit of me dry.
Except between my legs. That wouldn't be dry for a while, I was afraid.
Why I was so attracted to this monster remained a mystery, but I could freely admit that I wanted him. In the biblical sense.
I wanted to explore his body, and have him explore mine. And yes, I wanted to fuck him.
Quin swallowed as I wrestled with the feelings swooping from my clit up my pussy and back again. Seeing his throat bob, followed by a deep inhale gave me a jolt of embarrassment.
"Um, how good is your sense of smell?"
He briefly met my gaze. "Very good."
I groaned in embarrassment and he growled.
"You smell delicious."
Suddenly I was lifted into his arms. He carried me to the bedroom—not the one I'd stayed in, but what was obviously the primary. His bedroom.
His words were low and dark as he set me down. "I would like to touch you again. To taste you." His hand reached out, paused just above my skin and then retreated. "What do you want?"
He'd told me what he wanted, but then asked what I wanted. Not what will you let me do? Not can I? But what do you want me to do?
I reached up and slid my hands along his forearms, feeling the strength and his careful restraint.
I let the towel fall from my clenched fingers and saw his eyes light up as the material slid off my skin to pool around me on the bed.
"I want you." My voice was clear but hushed in the dark room.
"I want you to touch me, taste me. I want all of that and more. "
His breath hitched a second before he grabbed the edge of the towel and yanked. I tumbled to the middle of the bed with a squeak. The towel landed on the floor. He moved onto the bed on all fours, eyes alight with mischief and hunger.
His hands were warm as they mapped my skin like he was memorizing every inch of me.
He was reverent and thorough. My eyes glazed with pleasure as I relaxed into his exploration.
Until I got frustrated and needed more. I lifted my head and scanned his body, surprised to find a cock I hadn't seen before.
I reached for it and ran a finger up the length. Small, flexible spikes spiraled from base to tip. "Where were you hiding this?"
He shuddered. "Behind my seam."