Chapter 27
Carson packed quickly and then headed over to Allie’s house.
She should be home by now. He’d even tried calling her office, and they’d said she had left early.
If she wasn’t home, he didn’t know where else to check except with Sandy.
As much as he wanted to say goodbye in person, he didn’t have time to chase her all over town.
If he didn’t find her at home, he’d have to leave a note.
Carson pulled up to the curb in front of Allie’s house. Her lights were on, which meant she was home. She wouldn’t have her lights on otherwise. She was too budget-conscious and concerned about the planet to waste energy when she wasn’t home.
He ran up to the door and knocked and waited. And kept waiting.
“Allie, open up,” he called, knocking on the door. “Come on, I know you’re home.” Why wasn’t she answering the door? Was she hurt? She could be in the shower, he thought. He knocked again, harder this time. “Allie!” he shouted.
He heard the door unlock and then crack open. Allie stood on the other side, and she did not look happy to see him. “Jeez, are you trying to alert all of my neighbors that you’re here? And what are you doing here?” she snapped.
Whoa, where was this hostility coming from? “I tried calling and texting you earlier, and you didn’t answer.”
“It’s only fair after you ignored my call.”
“How…I...” he stuttered, not sure how to respond. He had ignored her call, but how could she know that?
“How did I know?” she questioned, raising an arched eyebrow. Her arms crossed over her chest in a defensive stance. He looked closer. Her eyes were red and puffy as if she had been crying. Shit. “I saw you this morning with a woman on the street.”
Charlotte. She had seen him with Charlotte. Did that mean she’d seen what Charlotte had done?
“I saw her kiss you, Carson,” Allie said, confirming his worst fear.
“Then you know I didn’t initiate it.”
Allie scoffed. “As if that makes it okay. That was Charlotte, wasn’t it? The woman you’ve been talking to the past few days.”
There was no sense denying it now. “Yes, it was.”
Allie’s body tensed as if he had slapped her. “Who is she to you?”
“A friend.” A contact.
“I have friends too that I don’t kiss on streets,” Allie responded dryly.
“That was a misunderstanding. She thought something could be between us, and I told her that I was with you and there wouldn’t be. There’s nothing else to say about it.”
“Is that supposed to be comforting for me?”
“I’m assuring you that I’m yours.”
“How many other female friends do you have that I should fear are lurking around corners that want to kiss you?”
“None. She’s the only one,” he confirmed, but Allie didn’t look convinced. “She now knows where we stand, and she won’t try kissing me again.”
“Will you see her again?”
“We work together in a manner of speaking, so yes, at some point I’ll see her, but today was the first in years. Normally, I talk to her on the phone, so it’s unlikely I’ll see her again any time soon.”
Allie shook her head sadly. “I don’t believe you.”
Now it was Carson’s turn to rear back as if slapped. “What reason have I ever given you not to trust me?” Besides a few things, he’d always been open and honest with her.
Allie gave him a ‘really’ look. “You won’t tell me what you do for work, or where it even is, you won’t tell me who this woman is, and you don’t let me touch your scars.” Allie ticked off on her fingers.
“Why are you hung up on my scars?” He knew it bothered her that they made love with his shirt on, but out of all the things to get stuck on, that should be the least of their problems.
“Why are you?” she countered. “I told you, they don’t bother me, and yet you go out of your way to keep them from me. However, this woman touched the side of your neck, and you didn’t even flinch. So obviously you trust her more than me.”
He hadn’t flinched because he’d been so shocked by Charlotte kissing him, plus she already knew about his injury, and they had a strict work relationship—well, up until this morning—so she had never tried touching him before.
Allie was different. He knew they didn’t bother her, but he didn’t want to see that light in her eyes dim like it was now when she saw them. To look at him differently.
“It’s not that I trust her more than you.”
“And yet I bet she knows what you do for a living.”
She did.
Allie took a deep breath and looked him in the eye, a look of resignation in her eyes. “I think it’s best we part ways, Carson.”
“What?” He balked. “No, Allie.” She couldn’t be breaking up with him now. They had such a good thing going. She couldn’t give up on them now over a misunderstanding.
Then tell her the truth.
He wanted to. It was all she was asking for, and yet he couldn’t do it. A habit of years of keeping secrets was hard to break. Knowing what he did would only endanger Allie, and he couldn’t bear it if anything were to happen to her.
“I can’t be with someone who lies to me all the time.”
“What I feel for you isn’t a lie. The stories about my past weren’t lies.
” He scrambled for other instances where he didn’t lie to her.
“Please, Allie, we can work this out. Look, I have to leave town, but we’ll discuss this more when I get back.
Right now, I have to catch a flight, but I wanted to tell you goodbye to your face. ”
Allie looked far from placated by his words, not that he could blame her. They were in the middle of a fight, and he had to bail. He felt like the worst kind of asshole, but he didn’t have a choice. The plane wouldn’t wait for him, and he couldn’t give Allie the answers that she wanted.
“Another thing you lied about. You said you’d get more warning in the future when you have to leave town.
Goodbye, Carson, but we won’t be talking about this when you get back or ever.
I can’t trust you. You won’t tell me who this woman is that was kissing you.
You won’t tell me what you do for work, yet everyone seems to know.
Even Shay and Zoe seem to know and go out of their way to keep your secrets.
Secrets and lies surround you, and I can’t do it.
That doesn’t seem likely to change any time soon.
I’m sorry. Goodbye.” Allie didn’t wait for him to say anything else and closed the door in his face.
He felt the finality of it when the lock clicked, and it tore a hole in his heart.
Could he blame her? She wasn’t wrong. He had been keeping a lot from her, but it was for her own good.
Carson touched her door, wishing he could make her understand why he was keeping her at a distance even when he wanted her close.
She didn’t know he wanted to lay naked with her.
To trust her with his heart, soul, and body.
He did. At least part of him did, but he was scared.
Maybe this was for the best. Maybe he wasn’t meant to be in a relationship.
He should have learned from Jenny. He and relationships just didn’t work.
He couldn’t maintain his work and personal life and keep them separate.
“Good bye, Allie,” he whispered before leaving. He needed to focus on his mission now and stopping Yurgio.