Chapter 29
“What the fuck happened back there, Carson?” Luke snapped.
They were now back in Vegas at their office.
Everyone looked angry and defeated. Twice now, Yurgio had slipped through their fingers, and they couldn’t even blame the police this time.
No one had even known they’d been there.
It had been an in-and-out mission like it was supposed to be.
At least it wasn’t a complete loss. They’d apprehended many of Yurgio’s men and turned the boat over to the local authorities with an anonymous tip, but the quest still remained; where was Yurgio?
“Nothing. I was doing my job,” Carson grumbled, not wanting to get into it with Luke. He didn’t think he’d been in the wrong. He’d seen the suspect and pursued. Nothing more.
“You endangered yourself and your teammates. I told you to wait. You disobeyed a direct order. You’re lucky, I don’t have you dismissed from this group for your insubordination.”
“I saw Yurgio and pursued him. Anyone else would have done the same,” Carson insisted, his fists slamming down on the war table. “There was no time to waste.”
“And yet it wasn’t even Yurgio you were chasing,” Barry said sardonically.
Carson ignored the snide comment. “The real Yurgio was probably still on the ship, the look-alike buying him time. I don’t know how he got past everyone.
Who wasn’t watching?” He looked around the room for a culprit though he knew he wouldn’t find one.
He was being a dick, but he needed an outlet for his frustration.
“Dude, ease up,” Barry remarked with narrowed eyes, glaring his own frustration at him.
“We were all where we were supposed to be,” Rob protested.
“What’s up with you? You’ve been acting off since before you left,” Jack accused. “You’re grumpier than you were before you hooked up with Allie.”
“I’m fine,” Carson grumbled, not wanting to talk about Allie and her breaking up with him. He hadn’t told anyone about their fight and break up when he’d boarded the plane. His focus had been on the mission.
“You aren’t fine. You’re snapping at your teammates over things beyond their control. You’re being reckless. The only plus was that a few of Yurgio’s contacts were apprehended, and we confiscated weapons. The Colonel was pleased, though we aren’t off the hook for Yurgio.”
Carson gripped the edge of the table so tight, his knuckles turned white. He blew out a harsh breath. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, everyone,” he addressed the group.
“What’s with you?” Luke asked, but Carson just shook his head.
“We work better as a team. That was not teamwork. You went in half-cocked, chasing after Yurgio, not knowing if he was armed or had a squadron of men waiting around a corner to blow you to bits. Getting yourself killed wouldn’t have helped this team.
If something is going on in your life that could compromise this team, you have to tell us. ”
“Allie broke up with me.” No one said anything. They just waited for him to sort through his thoughts and get everything out. “She knows I’ve been keeping secrets. She saw me meeting with my contact.”
“And you still didn’t tell her,” Greg stated; it wasn’t a question.
Carson shook his head. “No, I figured the less she knew, the better. It gets worse though. She saw my contact kiss me.”
Several teammates groaned. Jack looked at him, confused. “A guy kissed you?” Then his features smoothed out. “I mean, that’s cool if you swing that way, I just never would have guessed.”
Carson rolled his eyes. “My contact isn’t a guy. It’s a woman. Her name is Charlotte.”
“Oh, I heard you on the phone saying ‘Char,’ so I assumed it was short for Charlie.”
“So not only did Allie know you were keeping secrets, she saw you with Charlotte, and I’m guessing she saw this kiss,” Luke about summed it up.
“Yeah.”
“And still you said nothing,” Greg accused then shook his head at him. “No wonder she dumped your ass. If I did that to Zoe, she’d have my balls for a necklace.”
“Shay isn’t violent, but she’d cut mine off too,” Luke concurred.
“I told her that there was nothing between Charlotte and myself, and she had nothing to worry about. Charlotte won’t try something like that again.”
“That’s it?” Luke gave him a droll look.
“What?” Carson asked in confusion. “I assured her, I was always faithful to her. What more could she want?” Allie had hang-ups about faithfulness, and he’d assured her that she had nothing to worry about; what more could he have done?
“Oh, I don’t know…trust, respect,” Jack said casually.
Carson turned and glared at him, not appreciating his sarcasm. “What do you know about those things when you fuck ‘em and leave ‘em within hours of knowing them?”
“Hey, at least I’m honest about it. They don’t mind it’s only fleeting.”
“I didn’t want fleeting with Allie,” Carson admitted.
“I wanted forever. I wanted what Luke and Greg have.” He hadn’t thought much about it before, but after having Allie in his life and her being snatched away, it made him realize that he wanted a future with her.
He just didn’t know what to do for them to get back to where they’d been before.
She didn’t trust him, and he couldn’t tell her the truth. They were on a vicious cycle with no end in sight, unless one of them compromised, and it was going to have to be him, but he couldn’t.
“Then you have to tell her the truth. If you really want her to take you back, you have to be honest with her.”
Carson shook his head. “I won’t risk her knowing about us and what we do. If the wrong people ever learned, they could use her against me.”
“You don’t think Greg and I feel the same?” Luke pointed between the two of them. “But we trust and respect our women. They don’t talk about us outside our circle. You can’t have a relationship without trust and respect, just like Jack said.”
Jack grinned broadly. “See, I can give good relationship advice.”
“Do you trust Allie with our secret?”
“I know she wouldn’t willingly tell anyone about us. Inadvertently? She could tell Sandy, and we all know how Sandy talks. I love her dearly, but still.”
“She’s not stupid,” Jack remarked with a scowl.
“Since when do you come to Sandy’s defense?”
“We rib each other a lot, but she’s not a bad person.”
“It sounds like you’re the one making excuses, Carson. Like you don’t want things to work with you and Allie,” Luke commented, cocking his head to the side as if studying him. “As if you’d prefer to be alone rather than happy.”
“That’s not true. I mean, I was fine with the way my life was before I met Allie. Allie’s the first woman I’ve dated since Jenny.”
“The lady Sandy was talking about?”
“Yeah, we were engaged when I was injured. We used to get into arguments about all the secrets with work, but I didn’t have a choice.
That came with the job. I’d told her all that when we first got together.
Jenny said she understood. After a time, she thought I was withholding other things from her.
Said she couldn’t trust whatever I would and wouldn’t say.
Then she came to visit me in the hospital after my injury.
Started screaming and calling me a monster.
I’ve closed myself from relationships since. ”
“Damn, that’s a cold bitch,” Jack muttered, shaking his head.
“We know how hard it is to overcome a bad relationship,” Luke said. “But you can’t let that dictate your life. If you want a life with Allie, you have to be open and honest with her. Obviously, you can’t tell her about our missions, but tell her what we do.”
“Let her see your scars too.” Carson looked at Greg, unsure.
“What? You didn’t think we noticed that you go out of your way to hide them?
You always wear long sleeves and pants. You hide the right side of your body when you can.
Be completely transparent with her. Allie is a lot stronger than you give her credit for.
She didn’t flinch at seeing any of our scars at the barbeque. ”
“If Barry’s cooking didn’t scare her away, you have nothing to fear,” Rob joked, and the others joined in laughing except for Barry, who scowled at them all.
“I didn’t burn anything the last time.”
“There’s always a first time for everything.” Luke chuckled before sobering and turning back to Carson. “Do you want to be with Allie?”
“Yes,” Carson answered honestly.
“Then you know what you have to do.”