Chapter 41
Lindsey
We decide to order in and stay at Bronwyn's. After consuming one and a half pizzas, we settle in on the oversized couch and turn on a movie. The girls curl up on either side of Kace while I find a spot in the opposite corner.
Dani falls asleep almost immediately. Madi is next, looking much younger than her seventeen years. I can see such a difference in her from when I first saw her earlier, though. Her expression is less tense, and she's more relaxed overall, knowing her guardianship has been given over to Kace.
I can't imagine being a child, even a seventeen-year-old, being so okay with their only known parent giving them up. It's a testament to how chaotic Madi's home life has been as well as how safe Kace has made her feel.
I sense Kace's gaze on me. Locked on me with near physical intensity. But I avoid making eye contact and feign attention on the movie, though if asked, I don't even know the title or what's happening.
Long minutes tick by, and Kace extracts himself and gets up. He goes to the kitchen and stands there for a long moment before swinging himself toward the patio door.
"Outside," he whispers, motioning with his head for me to follow him.
My stomach knots. I know I have to face my faux pas from earlier.
The only question is, how? What am I going to say that will make any of this better?
That won't reveal the fact I'm that woman.
The one who screwed up and got pregnant and yet finds myself here—in love with a man who is drowning in familial responsibilities and probably wants to run as far away from me as possible.
I overstepped sending that text, and he undoubtedly feels trapped by my words.
I reluctantly follow him outside and take my time softly sliding the door closed so we won't wake the girls. When I turn around, I see that Kace has moved to the far end of the balcony to the lounger there.
My feet are encased in quicksand as I move toward him, and I am absurdly aware of his gaze roving over me as I approach. "Kace, if this is about today. What I said this morning…"
"It is."
I flinch at the news because I can't discern anything from his tone. Is he angry? Amused? Completely disinterested? I can't tell, and I hate not being able to read him. "I'm sorry. I was in a hurry because of Dani and concerned over Madi, and—I'm sorry."
"So you didn't mean it?"
And there it is. That question. "I…I…"
I look everywhere but at him because I can't face him.
Not when I'm drowning in emotions. I know it's too soon.
I know it's too fast, too sudden. I know the last thing that either of us needs is to add another complication to our lives, but when I needed a place to stay, he'd given me one.
He'd given me so much more, too. A shoulder, a sounding board.
Laughter and teasing and the best kiss of my entire life.
He cared for me in my sickness when I was supposed to be taking care of him.
He's shown up for me again and again. And it means the world to me.
"You were so worried and upset, and—I do love you.
All of you," I add in a rush. "How can I not? "
He inhales and draws back, straightening a bit as though I'd hit him.
"So you meant that as a friend?"
"Of course," I breathe, tucking my fingers into my pockets. "You…gave me a safe place to land when I needed one most. I'll always love you—and the girls—for that."
Kace uses the crutches to move toward me. One large swing of metal and flesh and he's there in front of me with barely a breath of space between us.
He releases the handholds and takes my face in his large hands, cradling me.
"Nothing more?"
His thumbs rub over my cheeks, soft and rough at the same time. Every breath I take is filled with the scent of his cologne and him and the jasmine perfuming the air from the landscaping below. "Um…"
"Because," he says, his tone gruff and maybe a little hesitant, "I love you, too, sweetheart. As a friend..."
"Oh." I struggle to hide the pain his words inflict so easily.
"And a lot more than a friend," he adds.
My lungs seize, and I'm rocked by the declaration. By the intensity of his gaze when I'm finally able to meet his. I blink twice before I can form the words. "You do?"
"I do," he murmurs. "I think I fell in love with you that visit to the hospital when you fell asleep on the couch and snored."
I gasp. "I don't snore!"
A deep rumbling chuckle emerges from him as he lowers his head and takes my lips in a kiss that's sweet and heady and wanting. Reassuring. All the things a second kiss is supposed to be when it comes to finding the person who makes you feel safe.
"The cutest little snores," he murmurs, a teasing glint in his gaze.
I dig my fingers into his ribs and earn the flash of his wide, gorgeous grin before he wraps me up in his arms and cuddles me against his chest. I feel him kiss the top of my head, and it all seems surreal. This moment. This man. This feeling.
Am I dreaming? "You love me?"
"You sound surprised."
"I guess I am in a way," I confess, feeling vulnerable but forcing the words from my lips. "I mean, I'm…the baby…"
He squeezes me more tightly before pushing me back and nudging my face up so I have to look at him.
"I know you're a package deal. Same as me and the girls. But I like to think we're kind of like broken bits of pottery that get glued together. We fit, even though we're all different kinds and shapes. Blood doesn't make a family, sweetheart. Love does."
He's right. It's true. He could no more deny my child than I could deny Dani and Madi.
We might all be a bit broken from the unfair things life has dealt us but together?
We've been melded together, and we're stronger because of it.
We've filled in the gaps and cracks and crevices and made something new and beautiful all on our own. "I like that analogy."
He kissed me again. "I like you," he says against my lips.
"Lindsey, I called our first kiss a mistake because I was the one who was scared.
You nearly took me to my knees that day.
And when you got so sick…I used the girls as an excuse.
Kept trying to tell myself I had to protect them, but I was protecting myself because I'd only known you a few weeks, and I couldn't stand the thought of something happening to you.
Of being without you. That scared the daylights out of me. "
I smooth a hand over his chest, stopping over his heart.
"You've been hurt, Kace. Dani's mom and Pamela.
I can see why you have trust and control issues when it comes to women.
You give the people you love everything you've got to give, but you don't need to burn yourself out to be everything to everyone. We love you just as you are."
"Yeah, well, I jumped on your words about ending our agreement. I've learned my lesson, too. I'm sorry, sweetheart."
I lean my head against his chest, reveling in the strength of his arms around me and the quiet peace of being in his embrace after so long. A matter of days felt like an eternity. "You did the right thing. Making me leave."
"Why's that?" he asks, frowning.
"Because it forced me to prioritize myself and the baby. And stand on my own. You were right that I haven't been taking care of myself or putting our future first. I needed that push. To rediscover my independence and a job and the apartment. To find my own place here."
"Does that mean you won't move back in with us?"
I tighten my arms around him and lift to the tips of my toes to draw him into a kiss, wanting to soften the blow of my next words.
"That's exactly what I mean. I can't. Not yet.
Not anytime soon. Kace, I love you and the girls, and I can't wait for…
whatever the future holds for us. But I'd like to take things slow.
Get my feet under me and know I can make a life for me and my baby on my own—even if I don't have to do it alone. "
I search his gaze, looking for any sign of anger or upset.
But all I see is acceptance. Understanding.
The kind that doesn't flinch. Because that's Kace—steady when my world tilts and goes pear-shaped.
My gentle giant with a protective streak a mile wide, who knows what it means to raise kids with your heart in your throat and still show up anyway.
"You know what they say." His mouth brushes mine, soft and sure. "Slow and steady wins the race."
He turns me, presses me against the outside of the building, his tall, hard body fitting mine like it was always meant to be.
He uses the wall for balance—uses me, too. We hold each other up while he kisses me senseless and seals our future at the same time.
"And I do like to win, sweetheart."
I smile against his lips. "Bring it, big guy."
Nothing about the road to this moment has been easy. But I didn't come to Carolina Cove to be saved. I came because I'm done begging to belong.
But here, in Kace's arms, I don't have to beg.
And I know it's where I belong.