Chapter 12
N ell sat at the counter of the flower shop, studying her phone screen. She scanned through the information on the university web page Ben had sent her. She met all the requirements for the scholarship for first-generation college students. The application page said the scholarship was competitive, and not everyone who applied received the funding. But it would cover the full cost of tuition, plus a stipend for books.
If she could find evening classes, and another babysitter, maybe—
She clicked her phone off and shoved it in the back pocket of her jeans. It was too much to plan for right now, but that didn’t mean it could never work. Maybe not this year, but next year, when she’d found extra work, saved up some money to pay a sitter.
Ben had challenged himself to do something hard, something that made him uncomfortable. She could do the same. She’d agreed to date him for three weeks, for a start.
Three weeks to get to know him, and not just making conversation. She shivered at the memory of their kiss on the couch last night.
She hadn’t imagined the insane chemistry from their first kiss. Feeling like she had to touch him, and if she didn’t have more, she’d die. They both wanted more, so why couldn’t they have it? Just for a few weeks. Just to see.
She’d felt wanted. Necessary. Even though she didn’t believe him when he’d tried to give her credit for his leaving the house, it felt good to be appreciated. Her chest ached at the way he’d looked at her, as if she was good at something, good for him. It would be too easy to want more of that feeling.
It already terrified her, how easily she’d come to trust him. She’d let him into her house, where he should have been out of place with his formal clothes and reserved manners, and instead he’d fit right in. At her dinner table, sitting on the couch with her son.
She couldn’t let herself picture a future with him. It was only three weeks, and when the three weeks were up, their relationship would most likely be over, too. Better to have the exit ramp in place. That way, she’d have an easy way out when things didn’t go well.
But for now, she would let herself enjoy this time. Three weeks with a gorgeous, stern but gentle man who wanted her, and she wanted him right back.
She grabbed the van keys off the hook and went outside to pull the van around to the front of the shop. They had a large number of deliveries to load today. She backed the van up to the door, parked it, and opened the back doors.
Amy emerged from her office, lifting her chin in greeting. “I’ll help you load up today. We’ll need to organize things back here to fit it all in.”
“I appreciate it.”
“Why don’t you sit in the back, and I’ll hand you the potted plants,” Amy said.
Nell nodded and crawled into the van. Amy passed her potted green plants first, which she lined up in rows on the shelves in back. As each plant passed through her hands, she turned it around, checking for dead leaves. She pinched off a couple as she stacked the plants.
When she turned around, Amy’s eyes were on her.
“How did you know to do that?” she asked.
“Do what?”
“When you took the leaves off, you pinched the stem in the right place. Above the node.”
“Well, that helps it grow better.”
“I never told you to do that. Jackie doesn’t do it.”
Nell gave her a little smile. “I know a few things about plants, I guess from my college classes? But it’s also a hobby. I have lots of plants at home.”
Amy’s brow furrowed. “You’ve never talked to me about college. You studied botany?”
“Horticulture. But I didn’t finish the degree.”
“Why didn’t you say so on your application? I had no idea.”
“Because I didn’t finish school. I dropped out. It didn’t seem important.”
Amy squinted at her in disbelief. “Are you telling me all this time, you knew how to tend these plants like a professional, and you didn’t tell me?”
“I just kind of … did it anyway?”
Amy was silent for a moment. She seemed to choose her words carefully before speaking.
“The last few months, some plants have gone missing from the shop, and I couldn’t find receipts for them. I thought someone was stealing them.” She fixed Nell with a stare.
Nell shook her head, frantic. “Oh, no. I’d never steal them. They didn’t like the pots they were in, or the watering schedule, because Jackie always over waters them, so I took them home with me, but I always—”
“You brought them back alive.” Amy cracked out a laugh. “The first time one of those damn finicky ferns reappeared looking twice as good as before, I didn’t recognize it. I thought someone had left a new plant in the store, which didn’t make any sense. Thought I was losing my mind. But it was you, wasn’t it? You brought it back after you fixed it up.”
Nell crossed her arms over her chest. “It wasn’t happy before. Who would have bought it, looking like that?”
“No one, that’s who.” Amy paused, looking up into the van. “You’re a good egg, Nell. But a strange one. There’s a lot of stuff you never told me. Next time, no sneaking around. If you want to take a plant home, just tell me. Come on, help me get the bouquets next.”
They headed back into the store to collect the wrapped bouquets, which would be stored in buckets on the floor of the van.
“You’re not mad at me?” she asked, hefting up a bucket and taking care not to slosh water on her sneakers. She ventured a glance at her boss.
“Not mad. Just surprised. You’re overqualified for this job. Why don’t you try to finish your degree?”
“Actually, I might. I mean, I’m looking into it. I only have a year’s worth of classes left. Well, a year if I went back full time, which I can’t. Maybe I could start with one class next year. Or the year after.”
“Smart girl like you, you’d breeze through that.”
Nell’s mouth snapped shut. She’d always thought Amy considered her an idiot.
They walked back to the van together and loaded the bouquets inside.
“It’s a matter of finding the time,” Nell said. “It’s all a big maybe right now.”
“Well, don’t sit on it too long, if it’s what you want.”
They finished loading the van in two more trips. Nell crawled out of the van and Amy slammed the door shut. She put her hands on her hips, facing Nell.
“My friend owns a plant nursery in the suburbs. He’s looking to hire a couple of managers.” She raised a hand to shield her eyes from the sun, squinting at Nell. “I’d tell you to apply, if you had that degree.”
“Oh. Well, I’ll think about it. For the future.” Nell tried not to let disappointment color her voice. Of course a job like that required a degree.
“Or you could apply now, and tell them you’ll finish your degree out while you’re working there.”
Nell stared at her. “They wouldn’t hire me.”
“Maybe not. I don’t know who else applied so far. Not too many people with horticulture degrees.” She shrugged. “Up to you. Just thought I’d mention it. I’d give you a recommendation.”
Amy turned and went back into the store. Nell stood in the parking lot for a few minutes, holding the keys, but not getting into the driver’s seat of the van.
She shook her head and got herself moving. No use getting her hopes up for something that wouldn’t happen. Things like that never worked out for her.
“Agnes, it would be a really cool job, though, wouldn’t it?” she asked, addressing the chrysanthemum plant riding shotgun in the passenger seat.
She swore the plant nodded at her, or maybe it had just bobbed in the breeze from the open window.
* * *
At 5:00, she was back in her own car, with an over-excited seven year-old bouncing in place in his booster seat.
“How far is it now?” He kicked his feet against the back of the passenger seat.
“About ten more minutes.”
“Was he excited when you told him?”
“I’m sure he’s very curious to see them.”
They’d stopped at the gem shop after she’d picked him up from school, and two of Marco’s rocks had crystals inside. He’d demanded they go show them to Ben right away, and Nell had given in and texted him.
“You d-didn’t tell him what they look like though, right? That’s a surprise.”
“No, I didn’t tell him.”
“Good. Ben said the surprise is the fun part.”
She smiled at him in the rearview mirror. “I bet I know what we’re doing again this weekend.”
“Yeah, we have to go out and look for more. We should ask Ben to come, too. We’d find so many.”
“He might not be ready to do that yet. But I know he’d like to come someday.” If Ben was able to go out, and if they had that much time left together.
Ben’s door opened as they pulled up to his house. Marco tore off his seatbelt and shot out of the car before Nell could open her own door. She leaned over the roof of the car and watched her normally shy son race up the steps and hold up his geodes for Ben to inspect. His animated chatter carried over the front lawn.
She shut her own door and went to them. Ben knelt down in the doorway, at eye level with Marco. From the breast pocket of his jacket, he extracted a pair of square-framed black reading glasses and slid them on. With his other hand, he held up the geode, inspecting it.
“These are very light, very clear. Definitely quartz. Sometimes, they look more cloudy. You did a great job.”
“I wanted to find amethyst, but maybe next time.”
“The more you look, the more different kinds you’ll find. But quartz are the most common.” He looked up at Nell and winked.
Her heart turned over in her chest. The glasses were too much, making him somehow several levels hotter. She had the strong urge to pull the glasses off and throw herself at him, but Marco was here, and that wasn’t why they’d come. And as far as Marco knew, they were just friends.
“Thanks for letting us drop by. I don’t think he could have waited until tomorrow.”
Ben straightened to his full height and smiled at her, tucking the glasses back into his pocket. “Of course. It is pretty exciting. Marco, would you like to see my backyard? I have a rock path and a fountain.”
“Can we?” Marco looked up at Nell eagerly.
“Sure, but maybe only for a little while. I’m sure Ben is busy.”
“Come on in.” Ben gestured to them to follow him inside. He led them through the kitchen and out the side door, onto a wooden patio. A pathway lined with rocks circled the yard, leading to a stone fountain by the brick wall at the back. The grass had been cut short, but otherwise, the yard held no other plants.
“Can I go look at the fountain?” Marco asked.
“It’s fenced all the way around. It’s safe,” Ben said.
“Yes, you can go play,” she told Marco, and he took off running, following the path to the edge of the yard. Immediately, he plunged his hands into the water streaming from the fountain.
“You have a nice yard. It could use more flowers, though,” she said.
“I’m sure it could. I’m not good with plants, like you. But I used to spend more time out here. Before. Do you want to sit?” He gestured at the wrought iron patio chairs.
“It’s okay for you? Being outside this long?” She scanned him for signs of anxiety.
“I think so. I’ve been coming out here a few minutes at a time, mostly at night. Trying to keep my streak going.”
“You do have a good streak.”
He nodded as they sat together. “Every day this week so far.”
Nell couldn’t stop herself from reaching over and lacing her fingers with his, greedy to feel his touch again.
“So. I got a babysitter for Saturday. My boss’s niece is going to watch Marco. So we can have a real date. No kids.”
Ben’s gaze snapped to hers. “That sounds good. Would you like to come over here? I can have dinner ready. Or we could try a restaurant …” His voice turned uncertain.
“Dinner here would be perfect.” She squeezed his hand.
“Good. It’s a date.”
Marco ran across the lawn and gathered a few rocks, then ran back to the fountain to rinse them off in the water.
Ben smiled. “He’s so curious about everything.”
“He really is. He likes to test out what will happen with everything. Put it in water, break it, throw it.”
“A little scientist.”
She laughed. “I guess that’s true. You’re very good with kids. The way you talk to him. You don’t have any patients that are children?”
“No. All my patients are adults. But my sister … She was like a kid, and I mean that in the most positive way. Everything was exciting and new. And conversations were straightforward with her. No pretending or hiding things, like adults do. Kids are easier to talk to, really.”
“I guess you’re right. I’m sorry about your sister. You must miss her so much.”
He gave a tight nod. “It’s hard to believe we’re coming up on the anniversary of her death. My family’s Jewish, and one thing I plan to do is mark the date of her passing each year.”
“What do Jewish people do on the date?” Nell kept her tone light, but inside she hurt for Ben. His loss was more recent than hers, but the feeling was very familiar.
“Light a candle, say a blessing. And you try to remember them at their best, and … live so you honor their memory.”
“What about your parents? Will they be around that day?”
“No. They moved to Arizona after she died. They’d wanted to move for years. I think her death was as hard on them as it was on me, and maybe they also wanted to get away. Start again somewhere else.”
“So, you lost your whole family, in a way.”
“I guess so. Leah held us together, and then we just … fell apart after.” He cleared his throat. “I used to visit her so often. I guess in a way, I felt responsible for her happiness, even as an adult. I was always the one who stuck up for her when we were kids, and I made sure she had what she needed in her community as an adult.”
“You were a good big brother.”
“I tried to be strong for her. Even when she got sick. And then—” He took a sharp breath and put a hand to his chest. Drew in another short breath.
She rested a hand on his back. His heart raced under her hand. “This is hard for you to talk about. Do you need to go back inside?”
“Yes. I’d better.” He stood and opened the patio door, bracing his arm against the handle. “You’ll be okay to get Marco?”
“I’ll round him up. You go on in.”
He gave a quick nod and disappeared inside, probably wanting to pull himself together. She hadn’t liked the look on his face a minute ago. Her own grief had been a winding road, full of ups and downs, and Ben’s worsened anxiety might be part of the process for him.
She crossed the yard and gathered Marco out of the fountain. The front of his shirt was soaked and streaked with dirt.
“I like Ben’s yard. Can we get a fountain too?” he asked.
“Maybe. I’d have to ask permission to put one outdoors at our house. But we need to get going now.”
“Did Ben go inside?”
“He did. We’ll say goodbye on our way out.”
Ben was waiting for them when she slid the patio door open. His breathing was back to normal, and he smiled down at Marco, but the smile looked forced.
“We’ll get out of your way,” she said. “But please, take care of yourself.” She searched his face, looking for signs of anxiety. He seemed put back together, at least on the outside.
“Thank you for coming by,” he told Marco, a serious expression on his face. “I’m glad I got to see your geodes.”
“And Mom said you’ll come with us someday to help us look for more,” Marco said.
A pained expression flashed across Ben’s face before it closed off again.
“I didn’t promise him anything,” she said quickly.
Ben gave a clipped nod. “Maybe someday.”
Nell ushered Marco to the front door, and Ben followed. He was back to being the reserved, aloof version of himself she’d met that first day. He was protecting himself after almost panicking on the porch, and her heart ached even more. How many times had he braced himself like this, locking down and putting up this armor whenever anxiety hit?
“I’ll see you Saturday?” She tried to reach out to him with her eyes, to show him she understood, and it was okay.
“Yes. Saturday.” He waved to them and shut the door with a gentle click.