20. Bodin
Chapter 20
Bodin
I n the following silence, I consider plucking the youth’s eyes out after all. His words put that sadness in Willow’s eyes, killing the light.
“So, can I be a Phantom without being able to use charms?” he asks, oblivious to my mood.
Indeed, the Radiants usually promote those who can use magic, but this year is different. The Knights of the Queen’s Hive rarely have time to worry about recruits or where they’re from. We’re too busy to deal with low-level matters.
“A Phantom is what I say it is,” I growl. “Only the queen’s knights deal with military matters.”
“What about Lord Ignarius?”
“I will deal with him. You will move into the Shadow Tower.”
“How will I?—”
I rip the House of Shadow emblem from my shirt pocket, eager to finish this conversation. “Take this. When you leave this establishment and find it in your possession, you’ll know to find me at the House of Shadow Tower.”
It is well-known that if one finds a mysterious stone the morning after visiting this establishment, they should take it to the House Radiant.
“Yes, sir.” He nods vehemently but pauses expectantly. Waiting for something?
“What?” I ask, bristling at the awe in his eyes.
“I’m waiting for you to dismiss me. Sir.”
I give an approving grunt. Good start. “Tell me what’s in the drink, and then you are dismissed.”
“Cait said it’s a Cosmo.”
What the fuck?
Willow chuckles and mentions something about her aunty and cocks and tails—which makes me even angrier at the youth—but then she takes a sip, and her pink tongue drags slowly along her plump bottom lip. A moan of satisfaction slips out of her.
I shoo Colin away.
Emrys could have a point about our memories. I’m unsure if I want them at all if they’re full of images of her with other cocks and tails.
Six cocks in our hive is enough. Two tails are already too much. They knock things over all the time, cause a mess, and . . . the thought of her with other . . . Violence. That’s the only response I’ll have. I blink away the concern and glare at our surroundings, checking for signs of any other lurking eyes that need plucking out.
A ginger-haired mortal watches us from a few yards away. The Court of Dreams Shadow must be drinking the palace water to believe he has the right to look this way. A sliver of shadow peels away from mine and starts snaking its way across the grass toward him. The sound of her voice stops my assault in my tracks.
“How many do you think I subjected to this fate?”
I call the shadow back. “Subjected?” I ask.
She’s swirling the cherry-colored drink with her finger, that sadness back in her eyes. “Some would say I kidnapped them from their families.”
“The mortals?”
“Geraldine, Max, Peggy . . . they had family in the old world. A family that, for some reason, never woke. Or maybe they did and were tossed down below before they could reunite. How much suffering have I caused without even knowing it?”
“You did not kidnap them.” My hand covers hers, stopping its next smear across the glass. “Nor did you knowingly cause their suffering. The gods have a lot to answer for. Not you.”
Her eyes search mine. “But maybe I want to have an answer.”
“Then that makes you . . .”
“What?” she asks and licks her finger.
“Good.”
“Ooh yum.” She smacks her lips, distracted by the taste. All thoughts empty from my mind. “I’ll have to tell Cait she nailed this one. My Aunt Laurel would be impressed.”
“This is the Aunt who enjoys multiple cocks and tails?” My brow raises, and she bursts out laughing, then pats my cheek with affection.
“What they say about you is so wrong.”
“Hm?” How does she do that? Smile crookedly and pout at once? Wait. My gaze flicks up to hers. “What do they say about me?”
She lobs a berry into her mouth and crunches. Juice squirts, and she covers her mouth awkwardly. The liquid runs down her chin.
“What do they say?” I growl, snatching her second helping of berry.
“That you’re a villain.” She rolls her eyes. “That you eat babies—what a lot of katuri -shit. Maybe you were bad once, but you’re not now. You’re all a bunch of softies.”
“Katuri?”
“Elphyne flying bird-beast? You really don’t remember?”
Red spatters on yellow feathers.
I shake my head.
“ Crimson , I miss home,” she murmurs, eyes downcast. “I can’t go back yet, but I wish . . .”
“What?” Tell me so I can remove the sadness from your eyes.
“I wish I didn’t leave without saying goodbye properly.” She scratches her head and exhales. “I should have said goodbye. Should have felt confident enough to come here even if my father didn’t want me to. My mother knew I would. She approved.”
A feeling washes through me, both unsettling and familiar. “Would you like to speak with them?”
Hope glimmers in her eyes. “You would help me make a blood-bond communication through the water?”
I blink. “I’m not sure what that is. My question was simply curiosity.”
“Oh.”
Speaking with family outside of Avorlorna could pose a risk, especially considering I remember nothing about such dangers but . . . she is suffering.
“Perhaps,” I say, “if you tell me what to do, I can help.”
Too overwhelmed with emotions, she simply nods.
I’m not sure how long I stand there, trying to catch more of that familiar feeling, but when Willow next speaks, her sadness shifts to something closer to home.
“Colin is too young to die,” she murmurs, searching my eyes. “You saved him. Thank you.”
“You might think differently when you learn what a Phantom does.”
Her tone drops, a hint of steel underlying the question. “Why?”
“Eat your food, Calamity.” I shove a berry into her mouth. The soft brush of her lips against my fingertips sends an unexpected jolt through my body.
Willow’s eyes widen, but she accepts the berry, chewing thoughtfully. Her gaze never leaves mine, a silent challenge in those golden depths.
“You didn’t answer my question,” she says softly after swallowing.
I consider deflecting again, but something in her expression stops me.
“Phantoms,” I begin, choosing my words carefully, “are essential to our operations. They gather information, infiltrate enemy lines, and sometimes . . . eliminate threats before they become problems.”
Willow’s brow furrows. “So, you’ve basically recruited Colin to be a spy. And possibly an assassin.”
I nod, watching her reaction closely.
“I suppose in times of war, such roles are necessary,” she says slowly. “But he’s so young . . .”
“Youth can be an advantage in this line of work,” I explain. “People underestimate the young and let their guard down. And Colin has already shown an aptitude for stealth.”
Willow nods, but conflict clouds her eyes. “I understand the logic, but it doesn’t make accepting it any easier. He should be . . . I don’t know, learning a trade, falling in love, living a normal life.”
Her words stir something within me. “Normal is a luxury we can’t afford, Calamity. Not with the threats we face.”
She looks at me, really looks at me. “And what about you, Bodin? What’s normal for you?”
The question catches me off guard. Flashes of blood, violence, and duty flicker through my mind, interspersed with newer, softer memories—all of them centered around the female before me.
“I . . .” I begin, then falter.
Willow reaches out, her hand resting lightly on my arm. “It’s okay. You don’t have to answer that. I shouldn’t have pried.”
Her touch is warm and grounding. I find myself leaning into it almost imperceptibly. “No, it’s a fair question. I’m just not sure I have an answer.”
But I want to.
She nods, understanding in her eyes. “Well, I’d like to hear about it when you figure it out.”
I watch as she sips her drink, her throat working as she swallows. The sight stirs a savage hunger in me that has nothing to do with food. I think it’s at this moment I realize Legion is right. She is a distraction but a good one.