Chapter 12
You'll be angry with me, I'm sure. I can only hope that someday, it will all make sense.
— ALARIC SARE’S PAPERS FOR EMBERLINE ARKOVA
My attempts to answer Alysa’s questions about our plan had been bad.
I was aware. I struggled to even speak about what had happened between Hart and me.
If I told her about the trials, she’d want to know why they would be a challenge.
To explain that, I’d have to tell her about my humiliation—about Hart lying to me.
It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Alysa. I did. I even liked her. She led and cared for this group of humans who had nowhere else to go because of Rodric. I just didn’t want her to think less of me for falling for Hart’s stupid ploy.
As they said, the best defense was a good offense. I was ready when Alysa let the tent flap fall behind Hart and Reid’s departure. “Will you help us? Will the Storm fight if that’s what it takes to remove Rodric from the throne?”
She studied me. Her dark brown hair was braided, and she toyed with the end over her shoulder. Alysa was shorter than me, but her stance left no room to question who led this conversation. Her hip cocked to the side as she folded her arms over her chest. “What’s going on, Emberline?”
“Ember, please,” I responded almost automatically. Alysa had been willing to house me when I considered living outside of Kavios. She had taken in my parents when they needed the same because of my actions. It felt odd that she called me Emberline.
“Ember. Same question.” Her eyes were a light green; they reminded me of the youngleaf herb she supplied to the city.
I let the color distract me. “How’s my mother been? Has she gotten her youngleaf?”
Alysa’s lip tipped into a smirk. “She’s fine. You can go see her as soon as we finish this conversation.”
“What do you want to know?” I asked.
Her brow furrowed, and then something softened in her gaze. She waved me off. “You know what, go see your parents. I’m sure you’re worried about them. I just thought…”
Somehow, I felt worse. I rubbed my hands over my face and met Alysa’s gaze. “I will, but…” I swallowed. “You deserve an answer, and you know it.”
“I mean, I will need more details if you actually want our help. I won’t put my people at risk unnecessarily, but I’m also not trying to back you into a corner. I thought you might want to talk about whatever is going on with you and Hart.”
I paced the length of the tent. Did I want to talk about it?
With Jasmine and Serena in Woodside, I had always been the listener.
They had full, exciting lives. Mine, for so long, had been focused on remaining undetected.
I’d been the friend they came to when they wanted to talk through their problems. No one ever asked me about mine.
I’d preferred it that way. Living with the secret of my immunity meant that I could only be so honest with people.
All of that was out the window—or tent flap—now.
My secrets appeared to be widely known based on rumors from the Blessing Ceremony.
The only thing left to lose now was my pride.
I huffed out a breath. “The goddesses gave me a curse to match his. Which means our magic is currently inextricably linked. Hart and I do have a plan to break it. But it’s not without its challenges. ”
On my next pass across the tent, Alysa held out her hand. I saw it in plenty of time, as I imagined she intended. Still, I let her place it on my forearm and pull me to a stop. “Before we get to saving the kingdom, do you want to talk about what happened with you and Hart?”
Her face was so open, so … concerned. “Why does that matter? What makes you think something happened?”
The smirk was back. “I’m pissed at him for hiding who he was and I wasn’t the woman he paraded around the kingdom, claiming to offer choices to.”
Some stupid part of my mind was pleased that Alysa and Reid hadn’t known his identity. I almost didn’t believe it when Reid commented in the forest. At least it wasn’t only me he’d lied to. I shook my head and licked my suddenly dry lips. “It doesn’t matter.”
“I have a sneaking suspicion that it does,” Alysa said.
“Don’t talk about it if you don’t want to.
But you’re smart. You realize he controls the Feared.
If you truly want to lead a rebellion, you’ll need them—and him.
If you have to keep working with him, I’ve found it helpful to acknowledge where you stand. ”
There was a flap against the tent, and Alysa let her bird back in. He landed on her shoulder.
“Do you speak from experience?” I asked.
She pulled something that looked like dried fruit from her pocket and handed it to Harrow, who attacked it with his beak almost immediately.
“Not the same as yours. But Reid and I, well … he told me a lot of things I didn’t want to hear.
I didn’t want to believe him, but once I had an inkling of not all being as it seemed, I couldn’t ignore it. ”
I nodded, understanding that better than I’d like to.
Alysa’s story was different from mine but shared a core.
She’d been a daughter of the Blessed. Selected.
Then she’d learned the truth about the adamas gem, about how Rodric used the magic of sadness to calm his citizens into complacency.
Once she knew, she’d given up everything.
I, too, had been unable to ignore everything I knew to be wrong with Kavios after my mother’s accident.
I hadn’t been able to talk to anyone about it—it was treason.
It’d made for a solitary existence, one that I was certain Alysa had experienced as well, at least before the Storm.
Maybe that was why I found the words surfacing.
“He lied to me.”
She gave me a soft smile and waited patiently for me to continue.
“I feel so stupid. How could I have not seen it? I told him things I hadn’t told anyone—ever.
And he didn’t tell me the most important thing about himself.
” I sighed. “And now, breaking our curse and having a chance at saving Kavios depends on the two of us being able to be vulnerable with each other.” I shook my head. “I can’t do it again.”
Even as I said it, I knew I had to try. For Kavios. And that angered me as much as the rest.
Alysa squeezed my arm. “If it helps, I have a feeling there were very few, even in the Feared, who knew the truth. Reid used to be one of them, and he said he only half-jokingly suspected.”
Did it help? I wasn’t sure. The information about Reid was also unexpected. Though if Reid had been the one to expose the truth to Alysa, it didn’t surprise me that he’d been part of the rebel group fifty years ago, when her story took place.
“I’m sorry he lied to you,” she continued. “I can guess that you’re a woman who doesn’t trust easily, but I’d encourage you not to assume everyone will let you down as he did.”
I dropped my gaze as I felt my cheeks heat with shame. Worse, a deep well of hurt reopened in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t deal with this now. We had real problems to solve. “He didn’t let me down. I let myself down by trusting him.”
She narrowed her gaze as the tent flap opened again and Hart and Reid entered. Reid’s gaze shot immediately to Harrow before focusing on Alysa. “Really?”
Alysa shrugged, unbothered by his exasperation. “I needed a moment with Chaos’s Champion. If Harrow accidentally sounded the alarm and sent you to the eastern edge of the camp, what can I do about it?”
It seemed she could do something, because she handed the bird another slice of dried fruit as his reward.
If Hart was annoyed at Alysa’s distraction, he didn’t show it. He pressed her on the supply wagons and when the next wheat delivery was expected. Reid knew all the answers. They watched the roads carefully, likely to ensure no one wandered off the Oldwood Path toward their hidden camp.
Our next chance to enter via a supply wagon was in two days. With that information, I excused myself to find my parents. The bag slung across my body held the few possessions I’d traveled with. Now among them were the papers Alaric left for me in Linia.
Hart followed, and as soon as we were far enough away so as not to be overheard by Alysa and Reid, he spoke. “Are you alright?”
I shook my head but answered, “I’m fine.”
His laugh was dry. “I felt your discomfort.” He dipped his chin to find my gaze. “And the sadness was unavoidable.”
“So we’re doing this now? Just acknowledging everything we feel from the other?
” I was doing my best not to consider the senses his emotions triggered.
I had also ignored the fact that I knew precisely where he’d gone when he left the tent with Reid.
If I focused hard enough, I could block out this … awareness.
“Don’t you think we should?” he asked.
I glanced away. “I don’t know. I’m really not sure how any of this is going to work. But if we’re assuming the important locations for the trials are in Kavios, it seems like we have two days before we have to figure that out.”
He raised his hand like he wanted to … what? I wasn’t sure, but he clenched it at his side before I could decide. “Did Alysa agree to help?”
Tactics, I could do. “She needs more reassurance before asking her people to make that choice. If we get closer to breaking the curse, I think she’ll listen.”
“Alright.” He hesitated. “Just call if you need me.” Then he turned and walked away before I could think about how that would work.