Chapter 30
I know you hate it, but don’t ignore the value of your skills with the adamas. It may save you yet.
— ALARIC SARE’S PAPERS FOR EMBERLINE ARKOVA
Entering the city would be a challenge this time.
None of Hart’s smuggling partners were due to deliver goods before our meeting with the Feared.
We had this afternoon and most of the day tomorrow to figure it out, but I knew our options were limited.
Our path would take us back through the tunnel and past Eris’s altar.
“Under cover of darkness will be best,” I said.
Hart furrowed his brow, pretending he didn’t know of what option I spoke.
“You can try to find another way in, but we both know we have to return through the altar path. It’s the only one not monitored.”
After the meeting with Alysa, she’d pulled me aside. The altar path, frankly, was the least of my problems. She, like me, worried about the Feared. They still wanted me dead, and while Hart’s threats may have slowed any attempts on my life, it didn’t change their beliefs.
I had mere hours to win them over—to convince them I could lead our kingdom if they helped us free it from Rodric.
We had an idea, but I needed to convince Hart it was a good one. I had a feeling that might be my greatest challenge yet.
He glanced around the flat opening of the mountain pass where the Storm had resituated themselves.
A gentle wind blew across the space. I stepped toward him, reaching again for his hand.
The casual intimacy of the gesture was something I wouldn’t grow tired of.
“Think on it, but we have other matters to discuss today.”
The way his brow arched almost made me wish I had better news for him.
Our time in the woods had been too short.
My desire for him was a near-constant thing, as was his for me, if the smoky taste in my mouth was an indicator.
But we had too much to figure out. We still had the emotion of joy to worry about, as well as the unknown trial.
And all of that was before planning a revolution.
“I know you think threatening the Feared will work,” I said. “It’s worked for you in the past, but what if there was another way?”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“They still want me dead.”
A low growl rumbled from him, and I almost laughed. “We won’t let them kill me. I’m only suggesting we help them see my usefulness.”
One of his hands slipped free of mine, and he caressed my cheek. His touch was a delicious warmth compared to the cool mountain air. “You don’t have to be useful to anyone, Chaos. They’ll accept and respect you because of who you are.”
I sighed. “We don’t have time for them to get to know me. You won their trust over years of working together. I have hours.”
His brow furrowed with the realization that I wouldn’t let this go. “What are you suggesting?”
“They want me dead because of the power I granted the king. When I was his jeweler, I sourced his adamas. What if I could do the same for them? Show them what it’s like to have me on their side.”
His glare aimed for intimidating, but I could see by the slight tilt of his lip that he recognized it for the good idea it was. If we gave them more adamas, not only would it help them see my usefulness, but it would also arm them to better fight the Blessed.
“They don’t have to be pretty.” I wasn’t sure how much time or resources I could dedicate to cutting and setting them.
We’d have to do just enough shaping to ensure the stone held magic, but not much else.
“A few pieces of adamas would go a long way. I’d feel better if you and I each had one as well. ”
I was glad for the conversation I’d had with Charon earlier.
How quickly I’d accepted the idea of using adamas when Hart’s life was on the line.
If Charon had begrudged my use of the stone, I wasn’t sure what I would have done, but he didn’t.
He wanted me to have magic to defend myself.
As long as the emotion was taken from someone who went in with eyes wide open about the risks, the magic of the adamas was better than nothing.
“You want to break into the mines again?”
I couldn’t read his expression. Bemused? Furious? It was unclear. I wanted to study this man for years to learn every twitch of his lips, every arch of his brow.
Maybe if we succeeded in everything I dared hope for, I could.
“That is where the adamas is kept,” I replied.
While no new adamas had been created since we set Charon free, that didn’t mean there weren’t still sections of the adamas cavern that could be mined by one who knew what to look for.
“I can go, we don’t both have to,” Hart said.
My hands went to my hips immediately. I should have seen that coming. Hart had the same talent I did to source the stones as the Champion of Themis. “We both went last time.”
“Last time, you needed to free Charon. Last time, the mine was near empty because of the Blessing Ceremony.” Exasperation coated his tone.
He was right, of course. The mines would never be quite so empty as they had been the night we stole in to free Charon. The shifts were near constant because quartz was the city’s major export.
“What if we work together?” I pressed. “You can distract the guards, and I’ll sneak in the old mine entrance.”
We’d used a defunct entrance to access the adamas cavern before. I guessed part of Hart’s value, having been one of the city’s founders, was that he knew all the secrets of the mines.
He stiffened at my suggestion. “Absolutely not.”
“Alright.” I tried again. “What if Alysa distracted them while you and I snuck in?”
The huff that escaped from his lips was its own reward. “This is what you and Alysa plotted after the meeting? And you started with a ridiculous offer so that I’d have to agree to the second plan?”
Alysa strolled over to where we stood as my lips curled into a smile. “Is he all set for tonight?” she asked.
I shushed her as the heat of his glare hit my skin. He was well aware that he’d been backed into a corner. “We may have discussed it.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fine. So long as I have you where I can keep an eye on you. I assume you planned this for the shift change tonight?”
Alysa nodded. “Don’t worry about a thing.”
Hart’s grimace said that was unlikely, but he no longer fought me. “Chaos, I’ll need the afternoon with you if you have no other schemes to unveil?”
Alysa smirked and tossed her hair over her shoulder. “We’ll see you back here for an evening meal before we head out.”
I nodded and let Hart take my hand as I waved to Alysa.
She mouthed, Have fun.
We set off at a brisk pace toward the northern edge of the camp, the path that would lead to the valley between the mountains.
Hart was reasonable. He might not love our idea of stealing from the mines, but he understood its value.
I had little time to wonder at the look of determination in his gaze.
He clearly had his own plans for the day.
He led us deeper into the Pinnacle Mountains. I suspected he wanted to get away from the prying eyes and ears of the Storm, but I couldn’t decide his agenda. A part of me hoped he didn’t have one at all. Maybe we could use these few precious hours for ourselves.
We stopped at the base of the mountain, before the next set of switchbacks that led to Charon’s current cave.
“What is it, Hart?”
With one finger, he traced the shape of the pendant beneath my blouse. My heart raced in anticipation. “We’re charging forward with a plan to take the city, but I don’t think it brings you joy.” He paused. “Do you know what will?”
My breath hitched, and I shook my head. Too much was unknown for me to be certain in finding joy—no matter how adamantly I said otherwise. “The plan isn’t about finding joy. It’s about doing what is necessary for Kavios.”
He sighed and let his forehead rest against mine so that we shared breath. “I understand, and I can’t blame you for it, but no matter what the Storm or the Feared say about the throne, I want to focus on finishing these trials, on breaking free.”
It warmed my insides to hear him say that. Sometimes he seemed so resigned to his fate—to remaining under the goddess’s thumb. I wanted to finish the trials just as desperately as he did. In fact, I was betting on us to figure this out.
I pulled out the adamas pendant to study.
“Joy and … challenging what is known. We’re really at the end of the emotions?
” These tasks had seemed near impossible when we began.
I couldn’t believe that of the six emotions, we only had one left.
One that still brought a blank space to my mind. “Do you have ideas for your own joy?”
His nod was brief. “I believe you can do anything you put your mind to. I’ve told you that before. There is no greater joy for me than having your focus so sharply aimed at keeping us together.”
His brow furrowed in frustration. I understood it was with himself.
I took his hand and squeezed. “Even when I thought you betrayed me, I was so angry because I still wanted you. I still wanted to solve this puzzle with you. I still felt safe with you. So, I understand this … desire to the brink of senselessness.”
He huffed a laugh. “The point is, I want to be with you. I haven’t exactly been shy about it, but I’ll say it plainly now. I’ll find joy, even in these infuriating trials and goddesses’ games, because you’re with me. We’re fighting for our future, together.”
The cruelty of this path had never been so clear to me as it was now, hearing the strain in his voice when he spoke.
I remembered the story of the firstborn.
The prince who wanted to grow the kingdom, the prince who wanted to build on his forefathers’ legacy.
That man was gone. His dreams had been changed by the goddess’s summons and fear of his own actions to free himself from it.
Yet, after everything, I still needed him to do the one thing he no longer wanted to. I needed him to believe we could free him from Themis’s hold. And then I wanted him to rule the kingdom once we did.
He would, and he’d find joy in it because we were together.
The flashing yellow light didn’t surprise me—the last clear gem of the throne’s adamas pieces lit with his confession.
“I’m sorry you had to carry the weight of believing in this path,” he whispered.
I placed my hand over his on the pendant. “You carried belief in our future together when I had none. We’re partners in this.”
He laughed. “My belief in our future was entirely selfish, Chaos.”
I smirked. “So is mine.”
But freeing Hart wasn’t my only problem. Ruling didn’t feel like a burden. It would be an honor. “The closer this gets to being real, the more unqualified I feel to lead. I wasn’t raised for this.”
“What qualifications does my father have? Do I have? We were born of the Glanmore line?” He waved his hand in dismissal. “Clearly, that hasn’t helped with thinking of those we’re meant to rule.”
It was a good point, but one I struggled to internalize.
I wanted to believe that maybe it hadn’t always been so bad, but I wasn’t sure that was true.
Maybe someday, Hart and I could introduce a system that wasn’t so arbitrary, where a ruler had to convince the citizens that they had the necessary skills to rule a kingdom before they did so.
All that would take time, and I wanted Hart at my side to see it through.
He seemed to follow my thoughts. “Now, Chaos. As my confessions are through, let’s return to the question. What brings you joy?”
I searched the surrounding valley as I considered it. Joy seemed so foreign. I’d found moments of happiness with Alaric, reading about the history of Kavios and a world beyond my own. I had desired to explore it, but as I’d seen through Hart’s history, priorities changed. Goals shifted.
I wanted to see Kavios free. I wanted to see it flourish like Ciril.
My joy would be a place of belonging with those I loved, and a way to contribute to the kingdom’s success that was wholly my own. I just … didn’t know what that was yet.