Chapter 35
?──── Koen ? ────?
The ball is miserable.
The air reeks of perfume and politics, heavy with the sound of laughter that feels too fake. I linger near the edge of the hall, doing my best to look present without being present. My stomach twists at the thought of dancing, of pretending I belong in this ballroom of silk and jewels.
Lioran, of course, refuses to leave me be. He claps me on the back, grinning like the insufferable bastard he is. “Cheer up, Koen. You’re acting like we’re at a funeral. This is a celebration, remember?”
I bite back the sharp reply that rises in my throat.
He tilts his head, a knowing glint in his eyes. “Or is it nerves? Worried about seeing Ren again?”
My jaw tightens. I’m about to snap at him when the herald’s voice cuts through the hall.
“Her Royal Highness, Princess Serenya of Syltheriel.”
Both Lioran and I turn toward the grand staircase, and my breathing stills.
She’s here.
Serenya is actually here. After her absence the past few weeks, I wasn’t sure if she would come.
I almost wonder if this is another dream. Those visions that haunt my nights, so vivid I wake half-believing she’s actually beside me. But no dream has ever been this blinding.
The black gown clings to her like night spun into silk. Her white hair is half-pulled back in a crown of braids, the black strands woven into the braid tonight, and the rest spilling down her shoulders in soft waves. She seems to glow, as though the starlight itself bends to her will.
Lioran whistles low beside me. “Well, if that isn’t a sight…” He says something else about her dress, about how she looks, but the words barely reach me. A flicker of heat twists in my chest possessively at his tone, but I don’t answer. I don’t dare take my eyes off her, not for a breath.
Her eyes meet mine as she descends the stairs slowly, graceful as ever.
I take a step forward without thinking, as if some invisible tether has drawn me toward her. My pulse hammers, every part of me desperate to reach her, to speak, to just be close enough to breathe the same air.
But Lioran is there first, sliding into her path with a smile.
I hadn’t even noticed him slip away. A flicker of disappointment crosses her face before she schools her features, turning to him instead.
Watching her do it—watching her give her attention, her hand, her smile to another man—sparks something hot and irrational inside me.
He leads her onto the dance floor.
I shouldn’t watch. But I can’t take my eyes off her.
Her hand rests on his shoulder, his on her waist, their steps in time with the music. She laughs at something he says, soft and light, and my jaw clenches so hard it aches.
Over his shoulder, her eyes find mine again.
For a heartbeat, the world stops. There’s something in her gaze…something that squeezes my chest until I can’t breathe. Longing? No. It can’t be. She doesn’t want me. She’s made that clear.
The song ends, and I move, ready to claim the next dance before anyone else can. Before I can reach her, Asbel steps forward, bowing and offering his hand. Serenya accepts, and just like that, she’s gone again.
Then again. And again.
I watch as she dances with a red-haired man—her uncle, I guess. Alira looks just like him.
Serenya laughs at something he says, that soft sound that wraps around me.
I can't look away. I’m drawn to her, and I can’t help but wonder if she knows how many people are staring at her.
It’s not just because she’s the princess—though, sure, that’s part of it—but because when she’s in the room, everything else fades. She’s the center of everything.
The way she moves, it’s like she’s floating, but you can see the strength in it under all that grace.
She dances with her uncle, and when he spins her, Lioran catches her mid-spin.
I can’t take it anymore. It’s like someone's squeezing my lungs, and everything inside me is too hot.
The noise in the hall is too loud, and the air feels too thick.
I slip out of the hall before I can’t breathe anymore, stepping into the night air, trying to cool my head.
I tell myself I just need some space, that I’m suffocating in the music, in the laughter, in the people, but the truth is, it’s her. It’s always her.
Before I can think, before I can stop myself, my feet carry me toward the lake. Toward the cave.
I don’t know why I’m drawn to it. Yesterday, when I stumbled across it, I couldn’t bring myself to leave for hours.
The glowworms light the ceiling like scattered stars, the spring steaming softly in the center. I lower myself near the water, leaning forward, watching the moonlight shine across its ripples.
It feels so familiar here in a way that unsettles me. Like a memory I can’t grab, lingering just out of reach.
I don’t know how long I sit here, lost in thought, before a sound cuts through the stillness—
My name.
Barely a breath, but it strikes like lightning through the quiet.
I freeze, my head snapping up.
The torchlight from the hall hadn’t done Serenya justice. Here, beneath the faint glow of the worms and the silver moonlight across her starlit dress, she is…breathtaking. More than that. Otherworldly.
Her eyes lock on mine, wide with surprise, and then she asks, voice barely above a whisper, “What are you doing here?”
Gods, I wish I knew.
────────────? ? ? ? ?────────────
Serenya
I’d been anxious to talk to him all evening.
Though I wasn’t sure what I would even say.
Koen was in my thoughts the entire time I was in Noctheron, and I still don’t know what to do with that.
Every night, I told myself that I cannot let myself feel anything.
Not for him. Not when I’ve already lost so much.
But Dimitri and Ravelle’s words linger in the back of my mind.
I wouldn’t be betraying Kallan by opening my heart again.
I want to believe that, I really do. However, standing here, in the place where I shared so many stolen, intimate moments with him, I don’t know what to feel.
A part of me wants to scream that Koen shouldn’t be here.
That this cave belongs to my past. Another part of me, the part that betrays me with every breath, whispers that it feels right .
That he belongs here just as much as I do.
He looks as startled as I feel, his expression caught between confusion and something deeper. His voice is low when he answers my question, almost uncertain.
“I don’t know,” he says. “I just…felt drawn here.”
My traitorous heart squeezes. Before I can think better of it, I cross the stone floor and sink down beside him.
Slipping off my heels, I lower my feet into the steaming water, sighing at the warmth.
For a heartbeat, he only watches me. Then he follows my lead, tugging off his shoes, rolling up his pant legs, and turning slightly to ease his feet into the spring beside mine.
The silence hums between us. Being here with him is dangerous. I want to lean my head against his shoulder, to feel his arms close around me like they did in those ruins.
I swallow hard, reaching for anything to keep from drowning in the pull of him.
“Torin mentioned that you asked about me,” I say quietly. “I’m sorry. For making you worry.”
He glances at me, expression shadowed. “You don’t ever have to apologize,” he says, his voice gravelly.
Silence stretches between us again. The only sounds are the drip of water, the soft hiss of the spring. I can feel his eyes on me, burning into my skin, studying my face like I hold an answer he’s desperate to find.
It’s strange, seeing him so quiet—so serious. Koen is always quick with a jab or a teasing remark. But here, there’s none of that. Just silence. Just him, looking at me as though I’m something fragile and precious.
At last, I turn to meet his gaze. He’s so close, closer than I thought, and for a moment, the world shrinks down to the gold of his eyes and the space of a single breath between us.
“It feels like I’ve been here with you before,” he murmurs, so softly I almost think I imagine it. His gaze drops to my mouth briefly before returning to my eyes.
My heart flutters. I let myself look at him for a few seconds too long, caught in the fragile stillness between us, before I force my gaze away.
I look down at the water, where the glow worms scatter their light across the surface. Before I can stop myself, the words slip out. “I used to spend many nights sneaking out of the palace to come here with Kallan.”
Koen stays silent, and the quiet stretches, urging me to fill it.
“I found it by accident one day. It was the same day my parents discovered I’d been sneaking around with my personal guard.
That I’d…fallen for him.” My throat tightens.
“I still don’t know how they found out, but they were worried.
They adored Kallan.” I swallow. “They just knew that one day, I would have to let him go. And they didn’t want me getting hurt. ”
I draw in a slow breath. “That day, they reminded me that my path was already chosen. I was always meant to marry the winner of the trials. And since Kallan wasn’t human, he would never be allowed to compete. He would never truly be mine.”
I can feel Koen’s gaze back on me, steady and searching, but I keep my eyes on the water.
“I went for a walk after that. I needed air. Somewhere I could breathe.” My fingers curl slightly at my side.
“That’s when I found this cave. I ran back to get Kallan the moment I did.
” I smile faintly as memories of that night flood my mind.
“After that, it was ours. We made so many good memories here.”
The silence that follows is almost too much, too weighted.
This is only the second time I’ve ever spoken of Kallan to him. The first time I’ve said Kallan’s name out loud.
When I finally turn to face him, his expression is carefully composed, but the way his jaw tightens makes something heavy settle in my chest.
“I hope he knew,” Koen says quietly, “how lucky he was to be loved by you.”
A tear slips free, and I am not sure if it is for the memories tied to this place or the longing he doesn’t hide in his eyes when he says it.
He reaches up, wiping the tear away with a gentleness that almost unravels me. His hand lingers against my cheek, warm and hesitant, as if he’s waiting to see if I’ll pull back.
I don’t. Not right away.
The moment stretches, and once again, I find myself caught in the depth of his golden gaze.
“I should get back,” I say softly. “Before Torin loses his mind again.”
I pull away before he can respond, standing and gathering my heels.
────────────? ? ? ? ?────────────
Koen
I can feel her presence, pulling at me. Stronger than it should be, given how little time we have shared. For weeks now, she has haunted my dreams, my thoughts, every pulse of my heart. In sleep, I have held her, kissed her, felt her laughter in my arms as though it were real.
Some mornings, it takes too long to remember that none of it actually happened.
There is a constant heaviness in my chest now, one I have not been able to shake, no matter how many times I tell myself it’s all in my head.
And now she is here.
Standing beside me in the cave that we were both drawn to tonight…
the place she shared so many memories with him.
It’s as if the world is playing some kind of cruel joke.
The ache deepens, turning restless and demanding.
Every instinct in me wants to reach for her, to touch her, just to be sure she is real.
We rise and begin walking toward the palace.
My eyes catch on the ink on her back. Fire and shadow twist across her skin. I know it. Every line. I have seen it countless times in dreams so vivid they left me disoriented when I woke.
It’s real.
My heart stutters as the questions crash through me. How could I know this? How could my mind invent something so exact?
“Koen…”
Her voice pulls me back. Quiet and soft. “Sorry,” I murmur. That's all I can manage. Words feel useless against the storm in my chest.
I keep my hands at my sides, curling and uncurling. I notice everything as we walk. The brush of her hair across her neck, the rhythm of her breathing, the way she nervously chews her bottom lip. I fight for each breath, as if wanting her takes all my strength.
The scent of lavender and vanilla clings to her, reminding me this isn’t in my head. This is real.
And it is so much worse than I imagined.
Her earlier words replay in my mind. The way she spoke about him. Hearing his name on her lips felt like a blade twisting slowly in my chest. I know it’s unfair of me to feel this way.
And yet, I’m jealous. He had her in ways I have only ever known in sleep. Ways I crave with an intensity that frightens me. I cannot stop wondering what it was like to love and be loved in a way that leaves marks so deep.
Her tattoo glows faintly in the moonlight, drawing my attention again. I have traced it with my fingers in the dark. Kissed it a thousand times in dreams that felt more like memories. Now it’s right there…just out of reach.
It’s maddening.
I glance at her from the corner of my eye, careful not to let her see the storm inside me. I want to close the distance, to kiss her. But I don’t. I can’t. Whatever she lost still lives inside her, and I don’t know where that leaves me.
She walks beside me, close enough to touch, yet impossibly far away.
I want her. That much is undeniable. But I have to remind myself that wanting her does not mean I get to have her.
I force my hands to unclench. My heart pounds with the truth I cannot ignore: if I want any chance with her, patience is the only thing I have.
When we finally near the palace, she stops, turning to face me.
“Koen.”
I turn to her, attempting to mask the war going on inside my head.
“I should have said this before, but thank you for saving me from that nemorak .”
I open my mouth to tell her she almost died because of me, but she shakes her head as if she could hear my thoughts.
“Don’t. I don’t blame you. Everyone loses control sometimes. It’s normal.” She glances toward the path, then meets my gaze again. Her voice softens. “What’s important is having someone who cares enough to bring you back.”
I just stare, stunned. Then she smiles. Not polite. Not guarded. A real smile. One that she hasn’t given Lioran or Asbel or anyone else during my time here. One I have only ever seen in my dreams.
She turns and continues toward the ballroom. I remain frozen for a moment, pulse hammering.
Then I follow. Being near her feels like coming home to something I never knew I had lost. Like recognizing a melody I have always known, even though I’ve never heard it aloud.