Chapter 41 #2
He’s there, struggling. And I can’t reach him. I can’t help.
The ground beneath me tilts, causing me to stumble. Claws of shadow lash for purchase, but even they fray under the tension. Pain blooms in my shoulders, my back, my legs. Sweat stings my eyes.
I am not strong enough. Not fast enough. I will lose him because of it.
My throat tightens, tears filling my eyes. Every motion I make is pure agony. My limbs shake like they might betray me entirely.
Another flicker of gold in the corner of my vision. My shadows twitch instinctively, pulling toward it. I push again, and his light reaches toward my darkness, brushing the edges, steadying me. My shadows respond, weaving around it, fortifying. A strange warmth fills my chest.
We’re…working together.
I feel his strength, the way his effort mirrors mine. His light steadies me in this darkness, my shadows bracing his light.
The chains flare in anger, tightening faster. Pain radiates, sharper than before. My breath comes in ragged gasps. My shoulders burn, my back screams, and my feet slip again. Every second feels like an eternity. Every step feels like the last I can take.
The constellations above shudder. Sweat and blood streak my skin, and my knees threaten to give out. But I refuse to let go.
I will not lose him. I cannot lose him.
I twist, lunge, and push. All at once, the gold and shadow twist together, forming an unbreakable bond. Pain shreds me, but strength blooms. My magic flows into his, and his into mine. Together we push, strain, and fight.
Snap!
The chains shatter in a storm of sparks, falling away like shattered glass.
I collapse to the ground, knees shaking, chest heaving.
Across from me, Koen stumbles as well, breath ragged, face streaked with sweat and dirt.
He looks dangerous—raw and untamed. His dark hair clings to his forehead, his gold eyes burning through the grime.
Even now, when we are both broken and gasping for air, he’s striking.
And despite everything we’ve just been through, I can’t help but think how unbearably attractive he is.
Our eyes meet, and I think I finally understand. The chains were never just chains. They were our fear. Fear of losing each other, fear of failing, fear of not being enough. But together, we endured. Together, we survived.
We each take a hesitant step closer.
Without speaking, I hold out a hand, almost instinctively. He takes it, lacing our fingers. Strength passes between us, not just in magic, but trust and understanding.
The portal shimmers behind us, indicating the end of the trial. Though the chains are gone, the memory of every struggle, every agonizing second, every gasp for air, every pulse of fear, lingers.
We step toward it together, side by side, knowing that the next step awaits. And we will face it as one.
The second we step through into the courtyard, silence greets us. No cheering crowds, no council, only a few guards standing stiff and uncertain. My shadows writhe around me, uneasy, sensing something I cannot.
Koen’s confusion mirrors my own, edged with worry.
“I–I need to go.” My voice breaks with urgency. I don’t give him a chance to respond. “Shadows, take me.”
Darkness swallows me whole.
When it releases me, I’m standing in my parents’ chambers. My stomach sinks.
No.
I sprint into the bedroom. Several healers crowd the bed, their faces pale, their hands useless. My mother stands rigid at the head of the bed.
“Father.” My voice trembles.
I shove past the healers, and my knees nearly buckle. His skin is ashen, marred by black veins crawling up from his chest, creeping like roots toward his throat. His lips are tinged blue, his breathing shallow and broken.
“Serenya,” my mother whispers, pulling me into her arms. For once, she doesn’t care about blood and sweat clinging to my skin. When she releases me, I fall to the bed.
My hands tremble as I press them to his chest. Shadowlight pours from me, flooding into him. I push hard, willing my magic to work where it never has before. It resists, the sickness clawing back, greedy and relentless.
“Please,” I whisper to no one and everyone. “Phynnera. Any god listening. Please .”
The veins recede slowly. Color seeps faintly back to his lips, and his breathing steadies.
Relief washes over me, but it’s still not enough, not nearly enough.
I push harder. My vision blurs, black specks flickering.
Sweat beads across my brow. My body screams in exhaustion after the final trial, but I can’t stop.
Hands grab me, pulling me away, shattering my magic’s connection to him.
“No!” I sob. “Mother, please—”
“You did well ,” she murmurs, clutching me against her. “He is stable now, thanks to you. But if you don’t stop, you'll burn out, and I won’t risk your life, too, my sweet girl.”
Tears stream freely down my face. I want to argue. I want to fix him. But I sag into her hold, trembling.
“I’m staying here tonight,” I choke out.
She only nods. “Of course.”
Later, scrubbed clean and wrapped in one of her robes, I curl by the hearth as she sets tea and food between us. She coaxes me to talk, and I do. Everything that I had told my father about. Dimitri’s warnings, Ravelle’s advice, Torin’s distance, Koen. Especially Koen.
Her eyes soften as I speak of him, though a teasing smile plays at her lips. “You sound exactly like me when I met your father. Stars above , I hated him at first. He was cocky, insufferable, and so sure he’d win me before he even stepped into the trials.”
I laugh through my tears. “And yet here you are.”
Her gaze drifts toward my father, sleeping fragile in his bed. A smile lingers, tender and aching. “How could I not? He was a force to be reckoned with. He won everyone over. It was no surprise he won me over, too.”
A comfortable silence follows, heavy with memory. She squeezes my hand. “I’m proud of you, Serenya. You’ve come so far.”
Warmth spreads through my chest. “Only because I have so many people who love me,” I say, smiling softly.
Eventually, the fire burns low. My thoughts wander to Koen’s smile, to my father’s shallow breaths, to Elowen’s false kindness, to the Divine Ceremony only two days away.
So much to fear.
So much to hope for.
But tonight, in this room, I let myself rest. I fall asleep curled by the hearth, thoughts of Koen chasing me into dreams.
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The next two days blur. Sun up, sun down—I barely notice it past the curtains in my parents’ chamber.
I don’t leave my father’s side. Not until he wakes. Not even for Koen. I haven’t talked to Alira much, but she did say she told him where I was. Said he understood.
Still, I can’t stop picturing that crease between his brows. The way he looks when he’s worried. I want to see him, to tell him what’s been building in my chest, but I need to focus on my father first. There will be time. There has to be time. After all…I’m going to marry him.
The thought still makes my stomach tumble and my cheeks burn.
Gods above, how am I supposed to face him without my face turning as pink as a ripe strawberry?
Small comforts find their way to me. Asbel sent a pouch of rich, spiced tea, and I find myself sipping it every night, the warmth grounding me. Lioran sent vanilla sea-salt caramels, and I may or may not have devoured them all in one sitting. My mother pretended not to notice.
It’s strange how, even in these heavy days, little kindnesses can lift me.
I think of Koen most of all. His smile. The way his presence fills the spaces in me that I thought would always be empty and aching.
For so long, I believed loving anyone else was a betrayal to Kallan.
But Koen is not a replacement. He is…simply Koen.
And gods help me, I think I’m falling. No. I know I am.
My heart skips at the thought. Soon, I’ll stand beside him before the gods and my people. Soon, I will speak the vows that will bind us. Soon, I will really be his in every aspect. And he will be mine.
I need Father to wake in time for it. He has to. I want him there, even if all he can do is watch from the dais. I whisper this prayer to every god who will listen, though none ever seem to hear me.
My eyes drift closed in the glow of the hearth, my shadows curled protectively at my feet. I let myself imagine a future where I am not fighting to hold everything together. A future where I can rest my head against Koen’s shoulder and simply be.
Though somewhere in the dark corners of my thoughts, unease still coils about Elowen, about my father’s strange illness, and about Gravenholme’s mysteries, I let it fade for tonight. Just tonight.
Because hope doesn’t feel like a lie anymore.