Chapter 12
Chapter
Twelve
Navy
Two weeks had passed, and I’d been missing Zander like crazy.
While I respected and appreciated what he’d done, I still hated him for it.
Truth was, I was willing to let my relationship with Ian and any other man for that matter turn to shit before I ended my friendship with Zander.
My parents commended him for getting out of the way and forcing me to give my relationship a real chance, but if anything, I was starting to want to break up with Ian.
Every day that passed without having Zander in my life made me hate Ian a little more.
I knew it technically wasn’t his fault, but I held him responsible because if he hadn’t complained about our friendship so much, Zander wouldn’t have left me.
That truth made me realize I was too close to Zander, and that was the only reason I was still giving my relationship with Ian a chance.
Tonight was date night, and even though it was fun, I still missed my friend.
It seemed like every time I spent time with Ian, it made me think about Zander.
He’d been present and planned the sweetest night, and I felt so guilty not being able to truly appreciate it.
I thought I’d done a good job hiding it until Ian asked . . .
“What’s wrong, baby? You’ve been extra quiet tonight.”
I didn’t want to lie and say nothing, but I didn’t want to bring Zander up and let it potentially lead to an argument.
On the other hand, a part of me felt like, if I couldn’t be honest and transparent with Ian that was another sign we didn’t need to be together.
I didn’t want to feel like I had to silence myself to keep the peace between us.
Initially, we laid it all out on the table.
Even if it led to an argument, we were both heard.
Now, I was intentionally suffering to avoid him feeling upset over my friendship with Zander, and I didn’t think I could do that for much longer.
“I think I’m gonna go home tonight,” was what I decided on. “Tonight has been great. This whole week has been great. I’ve enjoyed spending time with you—”
“Then why are you leaving?”
I considered how honest I wanted to be before confessing, “I miss Zander.” His body deflated, but I decided to continue.
“I am enjoying you, but I can’t deny that I miss him.
I don’t want my mood to ruin yours, so I think we need to take a little break and put some space between us so I can get myself together. ”
He chuckled as one side of his mouth lifted into a smirk. “You hear how crazy this sounds? You’re acting like you’re in a love triangle.”
“I’m acting like I haven’t talked to my closest friend in two weeks, and before that, we hadn’t seen each other for another two weeks.
I miss him. Yes, life goes on without him, but it’s not as vibrant and light and fun.
This is an adjustment for me, and regardless of how much time we spend together, it doesn’t fill the void of not having him in my life. Nothing can or will.”
“I’m tryna figure out why you won’t just be with the nigga if you need him in your life that damn bad.”
I refused to tell him yet again that there was nothing romantic between me and Zander, so I decided to just get my shit and leave.
Regardless of how good things were between us, I missed my bookie, and I was starting to not want to be around Ian because of it.
I knew if I was honest with him that it would likely lead to an argument, but I didn’t care anymore.
Yes, as a woman, I wanted to be my husband’s rib and protect his heart and emotions, but Ian wasn’t my damn husband, and I was tired of adjusting my life as if he was.
By the time I was done packing my two bags, he’d undressed and tossed on a pair of basketball shorts and a white tee.
“So you really finna leave to go home and pout because you missing another man?” he clarified as I walked past him out of his bedroom.
“If that’s how you want to take it, Ian, fine. Yes, that’s what I’m about to do.”
When he grabbed my arm, jerked me back, and used it to push me into the wall, it honestly caught me off guard.
He could get a little rough during sex, but other than that, he never really manhandled me.
Well, he’d grab my arm if we were arguing and I was trying to walk away, but he’d never yanked me or pushed me into a damn wall before.
I gasped as I jerked away from him, and before I could stop myself, I smacked him.
As I stormed down the hall, he walked behind me, apologizing endlessly. I was so jaded I didn’t even have the strength to care about his apologies. I just wanted to go home. More than that, I wanted my friend.