Chapter 16
Chapter
Sixteen
Navy
Twiddling my thumbs, I looked down at the meal I hadn’t touched. Ian had gone out of his way to make tonight special for me, but something felt off. He’d gotten us a suite at my favorite hotel, and it was decorated beautifully with red and pink balloons, rose petals, candles, and lighting.
The steak looked to be cooked to perfection, and as much as I loved a good steak, I had no appetite.
I’d planned to break up with him as soon as I made it to his place, but he surprised me by saying our date was somewhere else.
When we made it to the hotel suite, guilt immediately began to fill me.
How was I going to break up with him after this?
I felt crazy. I was miserable with someone I used to genuinely be happy with.
I accepted a lot of things—his tantrums, his need for control, his inconsistency, his selfishness, his quick cumming—but it seemed losing Zander was where I’d officially drew the line.
Still, I was having difficulty opening my mouth and breaking up with the man.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized he never had a problem telling me what he wanted and needed. He never had a problem going after what he wanted and needed, even if it meant inconveniencing me. Before I lost the nerve, I blurted, “I can’t do this anymore.”
Slowly, Ian’s head lifted. His eyes landed on me as he set his fork on the edge of his plate. We were having a candlelight dinner on the patio of the suite, and even with the stars twinkling and moon shining down on us, I was still over this date and ready to go home.
“You can’t do what anymore?”
“This. Us. Act like I’m satisfied with this relationship when I’m not.”
His smile slowly spread. “Since when are you not satisfied with our relationship, Navy?”
“Honestly, there have been things that bothered me for a while. I dealt with it because I felt like no man, no relationship, would be perfect. I can’t do that anymore.”
“Why not?” he asked, pushing his plate forward and cupping his hands on top of the table.
“I don’t want to upset you or make you feel less than, but I also can’t lie to you, Ian.”
His hands went into prayer position over his mouth as he released a hard breath. Our eyes remained locked for seconds on end. “This is about Zander . . . isn’t it?” I nodded, and he laughed. “Even with him being out of the picture, he’s still a fucking problem.”
“He might not be present but he’s still in my heart,” I confessed.
“I-I love him, Ian. I’m in love with him.
I always have been. I accepted that we could only be friends, and I was truthful when I told you there had never been anything romantic or sexual between us.
Honestly, when Zander stopped being my friend so I could focus on our relationship, that forced me to be honest about how I truly felt.
Now that I’ve accepted the truth myself, I have the courage to be honest with you.
And the honest truth is that even if Zander and I never get into a relationship, I’d rather have him as my friend than have a romantic relationship with anyone else. I value our bond that much.”
Ian didn’t respond right away. He continued to stare at me—through me. He reached in his pocket and set a diamond ring on the table.
“I was going to propose to you tonight. I was proud that you chose us. Even with you acting like your world crumbled because Zander left you, I was going to reward you for your loyalty with this ring.”
He stood and made his way over to me. My eyes remained on my full plate as they watered.
How did I let things get this far? I should have ended our relationship the night Zander released me.
Instead, I stayed, and now, I was going to have to hurt Ian, and that was something I’d never want to intentionally do.
His hands massaged my shoulders, and I released a shaky breath.
“Now . . .” he continued, “I can overlook this conversation. I can still marry you and give you a good life, Navy.” He lowered and kissed me on my neck, and for some reason, the feel of his lips on me disgusted me.
“All you have to do is say yes, and we can get married and act as if you didn’t just tell me you’re in love with another fucking man. ”
My lips parted and eyes closed. I couldn’t speak immediately. Clearing my throat, I inhaled a deep breath.
“I don’t want to marry you, Ian. I’m sorry to do this tonight, but I can’t fake the funk anymore. I-I don’t want to be with you, babe. I’m sorry.”
“Are you sure?”
“Ye—ah!”
He cut my words off by snatching my napkin from my lap and wrapping it around my throat.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t yell for help.
He was choking me so tight and hard, the chair tipped back.
As my feet dangled, I wiggled in the seat.
I held the table to keep from falling. My watery, burning eyes drifted down to the steak knife.
As I started to feel lightheaded, I reached for the knife.
Flailing it aimlessly, I stabbed until I felt it connect to some part of him behind me.
“Argh!” he roared, instantly dropping the cloth napkin.
I leaped from my seat and tried to run back into the suite, but he grabbed me and pulled me back outside.
Ian slammed me down onto the concrete, and my ears rang.
I saw stars as my eyes squeezed shut. His fist connected with my eye, and when he reared back to hit me again, I moved frantically, forcing him to hit the ground.
I reached around him and grabbed the knife as he pulled my hair and yanked me back hard.
Ian’s hands wrapped around my neck, but I jabbed the knife inside of his.
His eyes widened before he covered the knife with his hand. Blood poured from his neck as he looked down at me, as if he was surprised by what I’d done.
I was too.
More than that, I was surprised that he’d tried to kill me.
Something inside of me snapped, or maybe it came back together, and I got on my knees. I crawled above him and covered the wound with my hands.
There was so much blood.
He choked on it.
His wide eyes fluttered.
And after what felt like an eternity but was maybe just a few seconds . . . they froze.
“Ian?” I called quietly, tapping his cheek. “Ian!”
When he didn’t answer, I had no choice but to accept the truth.
Ian tried to kill me.
Ian was dead.
Ian was dead . . . and I’d killed him.