Chapter 18
Chapter
Eighteen
Navy
Three Months Later
I took a few moments to congratulate and check in with the new parents.
Serenity was glowing, and I’d never seen Kaos smile so much.
Their baby boy, Serene, was officially seven days old.
I wanted to come and see the little family as soon as Serenity gave birth, but they wanted to get him home and settled before having any visitors, which I completely understood.
Today was the first day they’d be having guests over, and since I was driving in from Memphis, I went home long enough to freshen up and shower before heading to their home.
It didn’t surprise me that all of their friends and family were already there.
What did surprise me was walking into the nursery and seeing Zander holding Serene.
He looked so peaceful holding the tiny human to his chest while they both slept.
Unable to resist, I gave Zander a kiss on the forehead, and he stirred instantly.
His eyes fluttered before they settled on me and he smiled.
“Sweet girl,” he called, voice raspy.
“Hi, bookie.”
Our eyes shifted to Serene simultaneously. “He looks just like his big head ass daddy, don’t he?”
I covered my mouth to stifle my laugh, then accepted the sleeping baby.
He shifted slightly but didn’t wake up. My heart turned into complete mush as I held him, and when I sniffed his neck and got a whiff of that new baby scent, all was right in my world.
All the healing I’d been doing in Memphis was helping, but this moment, holding this innocent little boy, filled my heart with peace and happiness that I hadn’t felt since before that night.
“You want that?” Zander asked. “Babies . . . family?”
“I do,” I cooed quietly, locking my eyes with his. “I want at least two kids. Growing up as the only child had its perks, but it could be lonely.”
“I feel you. Twyla gets on my nerves most days but I’d feel empty without her here.” I chuckled as he casually wrapped an arm around my waist and sat me on his lap. I relaxed against him as he kissed my shoulder.
“Do you want a family of your own?” I asked, though we’d talked about it before. A part of me wondered if his answer would change now that things had started to change between us.
“Only if I get to have it with you. I miss you, Nae.”
His declaration shot straight through my heart.
The last three months had been spent being covered by the person I believed was closest to God.
Granny prayed for me, acted as my spiritual guide, helped me unpack my therapy sessions, and made sure I didn’t wallow in my grief and guilt for too long.
She let me feel my feelings but also kept me logical enough to remember the truth—it was me or him, and I chose me.
“I miss you too,” I confessed, snuggling against him.
As I held Serene, Zander held me. The peace that consumed me was almost a good enough feeling to make me want to stay home.
Instead, I visited a little while longer before leaving and heading back to Memphis.
When I came back home, I wanted to have made enough progress to not be consumed by nightmares and guilt.
Until then, it was better if I stayed away.
There were so many protectors around me, and I didn’t want them to feel helpless if they couldn’t help me.
God was giving me all the help I needed with Granny, and I refused to rush that process.
A honking horn pulled me out of my thoughts.
I’d been back home in Rose Valley Hills long enough to have dinner with my family and rest while I waited for Zander to leave the office.
He didn’t know I was back home permanently, and I wanted to surprise him.
Twyla was going to let me know when he was home, then I would make my way to his penthouse apartment.
I missed my family and friends, but I missed Zander most. Even without us talking about the change happening between us, my soul knew things would forever be different between us, and it ached to be near him again.
Since I came to see Serene last month, the image of Zander holding him had been engrained in my brain.
I wanted to give him his own babies to hold and we hadn’t even had sex yet.
When Twyla texted and let me know he’d made it home, excitement surged through me. I took a quick shower and dressed in a black lace shirt, jean shorts, and black heels. My hair was pulled up into a slick bun, and I went light with the makeup—just enough to highlight my features.
The entire drive to his place, I considered one scenario after the next.
I had no idea how things would play out between us.
Just because we’d confessed our love and romantic feelings for each other, that didn’t mean a relationship would work.
Truthfully, I’d never witnessed Zander in a healthy relationship, and even though I dated more than he did, it seemed my choice in men left a lot to be desired.
I could say based on Zander’s character that he was loyal, considerate, and kind.
He’d already proven he could be my provider and protector and prioritize me.
If we did decide to give a relationship a chance, I had confidence those good traits would keep him from treating me the way he’d treated other women in his past. Granted, he was always honest and transparent about what he wanted and didn’t want.
So if on the off chance he changed his mind about us, I knew he’d tell me and not waste my time or damage our friendship.
As I pulled up to the valet station, my heart started to race.
I was so nervous to be alone with him in this new capacity.
All I could do was pray it wouldn’t be weird.
After getting my valet ticket, I checked in with the doorman then headed up to his floor.
I loved having a large living space but the views of the beach from his penthouse were immaculate.
That view was the only thing that would make me give up my dream of having my own home with large square feet.
I stepped into the thin, long hallway, then made my way to his door. I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until he opened the door and I released it. At just the sight of him, my heart stopped racing. I felt the same calm and peace that I always felt around him.
He stood there looking like a cold, sweet treat on the hottest summer night.
In nothing but boxers, his caramel brown, tattooed skin was on full display.
His wide, tall frame towered over me. Zander stared down at me with those dark, shiny eyes I fell in love with.
His stubble was slightly longer than usual, but his wavy fade was proof of a fresh haircut.
When he licked those bowtie shaped lips and smiled at me, I did something I’d been wanting to do for over a decade—I grabbed his ears and pulled him down to me for a kiss.
When he pulled away, I was about to pout until he asked, “Are you home for good?”
“Yes—Zander!”
Giggles escaped me as he picked me up and carried me inside. Zander kicked the door closed and pressed me against it. He covered my lips with his and gave me a deep, passionate kiss that made my spine liquefy.
As our foreheads rested against one another, he said, “You know I’m not letting you be away from me for this long again right?”
“I wouldn’t mind if you held me captive for a while.”
“A while?” he repeated with a sexy chuckle. “Forever.”
Our lips connected a little while longer, then he finally carried me to his bedroom.
As he complimented me on how beautiful I looked, Zander removed my heels and clothing.
Once he had me down to my bra and panties, he picked me up and placed me in the center of his California king sized bed.
We’d seen each other in next to nothing before and even slept together, but this felt different.
This felt intentional.
Zander tossed my leg over him then palmed a handful of my ass.
“How are you?” he asked sincerely.
“Better. I feel like myself again. I still think about him but not as much. And I know I said it when I left but thank you, bookie. You looked out for me tough, even though we kind of weren’t even on speaking terms when everything went down.”
“Nothing will ever stop me from protecting you and taking care of you. Whether we’re speaking or not, I’ll always be there for you.”
I smiled and snuggled closer to him. “How are you?”
“Better now that you’re here. Not sure why you came without extra clothes though. You’re spending the night.”
I chuckled as his expression remained serious. “I didn’t know how things would go, so I didn’t want to assume you’d want me to stay.”
“Why wouldn’t I? Being next to you feels like I’m back on solid ground after having no gravity.”
“Zander,” I whined as my eyes watered. “I need to get used to hearing you say sweet stuff like that.”
Now, it was his turn to laugh. “That wasn’t my attempt to be sweet. That was the truth.”
My mouth twisted to the side before I asked, “What’re we doing, Z?”
“Loving each other with no restrictions. Taking the place we deserve in each other’s lives. No longer hiding how we really feel. Is that okay with you?”
I shrugged. “I want it to be, but I have to be honest and say I’m scared. What if I want something more serious than you? What if we don’t work romantically and it ruins our friendship? I know I can live without you, but I’ve learned that I simply don’t want to.”
That cocky grin lifted the corners of his mouth.
“I don’t think it’s possible for you to want something more serious than me, sweet girl.
I want it all with you—our friendship, marriage, children, life spent together.
I want it all. There’s no reason to question what ifs because we’re going to work.
I’ll make sure of it. I know you haven’t seen me commit myself to a woman before, but you can trust that I have the discipline and dedication to make this work.