Chapter 14 #3
Matt shouts in alarm, sprawled on the rug and staring up at Nick in betrayal as the hockey player smugly pops the cookie into his mouth.
“Oh my God, what is wrong with you,” Matt grumbles, making Nick laugh.
“You are not the first to ask that question.”
“No kidding.” Matt huffs, hauling himself to his feet, rubbing at his lower back. “Now my ass hurts.”
“Poor baby,” Nick replies, grinning up at him. “Want me to kiss it better?”
That startles a laugh out of the musician.
He steps forward, and before Nick can protest he’s got two hundred pounds of muscle straddling his lap, crowding him against the back of the couch, bracing his thick arms across Nick’s shoulders.
The spark of fire within him turns to a blaze, his blood rushing southward at a dizzying pace. Matt looks far too smug about it.
“You’re a menace,” he declares in that low near-growl that makes Nick’s heart race. His smirk widens as he presses down against Nick, tangling fingers in his hair and bringing their mouths together once more.
“You’re into it,” Nick retorts, smug and knowing. There’s a smudge of chocolate at the corner of Matt’s mouth, and Nick swipes his tongue across it, turning the movement into a messy, scorching kiss.
A giddiness swells in the center of Nick’s chest—it’s been a really long time since he just had fun with somebody like this, since he’s had someone he could laugh with in bed, could trust enough to be a goofball with.
They part for air, Matt’s eyes glowing and his face flushed, and Nick opens his mouth to suggest they move things back to the bedroom but what comes out instead is: “I’m gonna miss you so much.”
Both of them freeze. Matt gets this startled, perplexed look on his face that has Nick’s insides twisting into knots. Fuck, why did he say that??
“I mean … because of Christmas, y’know,” he stutters, feeling his cheeks flush. As if that’s any more of an excuse. It’s literally two weeks, not even that. Matt’s going to think he’s either pathetic or a nymphomaniac.
“Right, yeah.” Matt’s chuckle sounds off, robotic. “Guess you’ve gotten used to having me available, huh?”
It’s supposed to be a tease, but it feels weirdly barbed. Nick’s heart sinks. He knew it, he’s gotten too clingy—God, he’s so embarrassing.
“Well, you’re better than porn,” he blurts out stupidly. It’s the wrong thing to say and he knows it even before he feels Matt’s flinch.
“High praise,” Matt says with another one of those hollow chuckles. He slides off Nick’s lap, the heat between them fizzling out to a frigid silence.
Nick bites his lip, his sister’s words echoing in his head once more. Be brave. If he’s going to say anything, it has to be now.
“Look, Matt,” he starts, heart pounding furiously against his ribs, “I’m sorry, but I can’t—” I can’t keep pretending I don’t have feelings for you. I can’t be casual with you when I want more. “Fuck, I … I can’t—”
“Nick,” Matt cuts him off, meeting his gaze with a forlorn smile. “It’s okay. I know what you’re going to say.”
Nick’s stomach lurches. “You do?” Is he that obvious? Fuck, how long has it been written all over his face?
And why doesn’t Matt look happy about it?
“I can’t say I didn’t see it coming,” Matt remarks ruefully, running a hand through his hair.
His eyes look a little glassy, but that could just be the lighting.
“I knew what I was getting into. It’s not your fault.
You can’t help how you feel, and I always suspected…
But … we should probably stop doing this, right?
” He scoffs out a weak laugh. “I don’t have it in me for that kind of complicated. ”
It’s like the world has fallen out from under Nick’s feet. A faint ringing in his ears makes him wonder if he misheard, but Matt keeps looking at him, all sad and apologetic, and he knows that’s not the case.
He swallows, trying to kickstart his heart back to beating, his lungs back to breathing. In his lap, his fingers tremble.
Of course Matt doesn’t feel the same way. Or, if he does, it’s not enough. Not worth being Nick’s dirty little secret, putting up with his fear of being outed. Why would it be? Nick’s not that special.
“R-right,” he stutters out, trying desperately to keep his cool. “Yeah. We should … stop.” The words feel like poison on his lips.
“We can still be friends,” Matt insists earnestly.
“I think you’re a great guy, Nick, and you deserve someone who makes you happy.
I understand if the answer is no, but I’d like to keep you in my life.
” Matt wipes roughly at his eyes. What right does he have to get emotional, when he’s the one letting Nick down here?
How dare he look so regretful while he sits there and turns his nose up at Nick’s feelings!
Spite flares, hot and ugly inside Nick. “Easier said than done.” How is Nick supposed to look at Matt, his friend, and not remember the way it feels to be underneath him? Not think about how much he wants to reach out and touch him?
A grimace flashes across Matt’s face. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right, sorry. I—How about we take some space for the holidays? Go from there?”
“Sure.” Nick’s shoulders slump as the fight drains out of him and he squeezes his eyes shut. He doesn’t want to do this anymore. “You should go.”
“Right. I’ll … I’ll text you.” Matt pauses, reaching out to cup Nick’s cheek gently. His brown eyes shimmer with tears in the low light. “I’m sorry, Nick. I wish I could be what you’re looking for, but I just … can’t.”
Nick tenses as he feels Matt move even closer, but all that happens is a soft kiss on his cheek. Nick turns and watches him leave out of the corner of his eye.
There’s a pause, like maybe Matt’s stopped at the door. For a brief moment, Nick thinks he’s going to change his mind. But he doesn’t even have the chance to figure out how he’d feel about that because there’s a creak, and some footsteps, and then the door swings shut with a firm thud.
Matt’s gone. Nick’s alone. The evening could not possibly have gone worse.
Bravery has never been his forte.