Chapter Five
Amber
Ever since the honeymoon ended, I barely saw Kian. His work took him away. He came home after I went to bed, no matter how late I stayed up to wait for him, and by the time I woke, he was long gone with his side of the bed already growing cold. I had everything Angela would ever want, and I enjoyed the library as much as I could without raising suspicion, but there was only so much lounging at the pool and self-pampering that I could bear before I felt useless. I hated feeling useless.
Weirder, he didn’t fuck me. He hadn’t tried to initiate anything beyond practically chaste kisses in the few times I managed to get up before he left or the scant moments he stopped by the house during the day.
Kian had cooks and cleaners, so I never needed to do any chores. When I wanted to go out, there was a driver and two bodyguards to shadow me, so I couldn’t go anywhere that Angela wouldn’t have wanted to go, which left me more and more desperate for his attention. I met with my father twice, sending out the bodyguards and letting him check me for bugs before we spoke even half-freely.
“I located your sister. I should have her soon,” Anthony Kane stated, not using names.
Nodding, I sighed. “Do you at least have an encrypted — ”
“Ask your husband,” he growled, cutting me off sharply. “He’s your caretaker now.”
If I bought more clothes for Angela, he might grow suspicious as he already seemed aware how different our styles were despite not realizing what that meant, so that left me wondering how to apologize to my sister for leaving her with Kian — or apologizing for taking her honeymoon from her? It did my head in. Angela had agreed originally, but she had the right to refuse, so bringing her back was just sacrificing her for myself. But isn’t that just what she had done to me? None of this felt fair.
With Kian’s lack of attention and an absent period, babies were on my mind, but finding out for certain — I couldn’t. If I took a test, then we’d have to go to the doctors, and then this whole mess would get larger and larger. I had to pretend I wasn’t, which meant I had to assume I wasn’t; otherwise, I swore I would lose my mind.
So somehow — like an idiot — my brain went to planning a nursery. It would be a gift to Angela, and if asked, I’d say that I wasn’t but just wanted to be prepared. It would be fine. I could fake a period. Anyway, it was only a few weeks late, and I was forced off birth control suddenly, so there was no telling. Maybe if I kept telling myself that, I would forget all my coursework and believe it.
Angela always talked about wanting a little girl. She loved the idea of a mini-me, so since I would never be allowed to meet my niece, I could give my sister the perfect princess nursery. Everything bubblegum pink with orange. Those were Angela’s favorite colors. She always liked warm colors while I preferred cool. Not that it mattered. This wouldn’t be mine. None of this belonged to me.
As Kian spent his time elsewhere, I managed to get the room painted, but every time I put in an order, they ended up being canceled. On the third time, I woke to a three o’clock alarm to confront him before he could sneak out.
“What’s wrong with what I bought for the nursery? Is it bad luck or something to set one up before I’m pregnant?” I asked, trying to summon the courage Angela would have in this situation to push for what she wanted.
Kian, fresh from the shower, sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. “Do you honestly like pink and orange?”
“They look good together.”
“None of that suits our family,” he retorted.
Frowning, I tried to figure out what he meant, but my mind just kept going around in circles. “Why not?”
“If you aren’t pregnant, why are you decorating for a girl?” he asked instead of answering.
I shrugged. “I want a daughter, so what?”
“What if our first is a boy?”
Then he deserved a little room with the Hundred Acre Woods. Honestly, I wanted my daughter to have that too, but that wouldn’t be what Angela wanted, and this wasn’t my house. This wasn’t mine.
“Then I’ll decorate another room,” I argued, desperate to have one thing I didn’t grow attached to — one thing that I didn’t desperately long to be mine.
His jaw tensed, and his eyes narrowed as Kian studied me. He had a way of making me feel somehow like the most precious person in the world and a moth pinned on a board.
“Pick out some stores. When I get back, we’ll go at ten and have lunch out,” Kian announced before vanishing into his closet. When he came back out in a suit, he laughed, coming over to kiss me. This time, he deepened it, entwining our tongues before he parted and rested his forehead against mine. “Why do you have to be so adorable? I wanted to play hard to get, but how could I resist? After lunch, I’m going to ruin you, baby girl. Be ready.”
Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t get to sleep after that. My heart raced. His coldness was a tactic. Who did that? No wonder he and Angela got along so well. I would’ve never thought to do that.
When he came home, I was ready to go, and we went off, hitting all the top stores, but every time I pushed for the bright colors that Angela loved, he pulled me back, redirecting me toward the ones I would’ve picked otherwise. Over and over, he redirected, and in the end, I was desperately jealous of my sister all over again despite knowing she’d hate the soft pastels and woodland theme.
“I’m going to have to repaint the walls,” I lamented, but Kian just smirked, putting up the divider and pulling me into his lap.
As he tugged aside my panties, guiding me down onto his cock for the first time in weeks, Kian chuckled. “No painting for you. I’ll have someone come do it.”
“No! I feel so useless already,” I protested as he guided me to bounce on his cock.
“You aren’t useless, baby girl. Don’t worry. I’ll show you just how useful you can be,” Kian purred, sucking marks into my skin and caressing my hips before his hands came down to knead my ass.
It felt so good. Up and down, I bounced, grinding as my body finally found the release which it had so desperately desired. I came so quickly. Clenching around him, I sobbed in ecstasy as he came inside me. When the plug slipped inside me, I sagged in relief, clinging to him. Kian carried me to our bedroom. Gently, he laid me across the bed, stripping us both down before he took the plug from my pussy and thrust inside me once again.
The heat of his body pinning me down — the thick reach of his cock thrusting inside me — his lips traveling across my skin, finding my own and leaving me gasping beneath him — I yearned for him. I wanted to belong to him completely, but he wasn’t mine. Kian was Angela’s husband, and when she returned, he wouldn’t even think about me. He would never know any difference.
Weeping, I trembled beneath him, clawing at his back as I tried to drag him more on top of me to feel the weight as if that could chase away my fears.
Kian kissed my tears away. “I’ve got you, baby girl. Just tell me what hurts, and I’ll fix it.”
Words failed me. I couldn’t tell him how much I wanted him to be mine. Instead, I hugged him tightly, sobbing, “I never expected to fall in love like this.”
“Oh, baby girl,” he crooned. “I adore you.”
Adore — not love. One day, he’d say it to Angela, and that just made me cry harder.