13
ETHAN
We step off the elevator and onto our floor.
“This is a bad fucking idea,” Jackson hisses.
I follow close behind, trying to keep up with his angry pace. “What do you want to do? You heard what he said about your father, and we can’t be with her twenty-four seven.”
He throws his arms up. “He wants her. It’s going to fuck up what we have.”
“It doesn’t have to. Aren’t you happier when she’s taken care of? When she’s safe? I know I am, and you play better when she’s in the stands smiling.”
Do I like Reece? No more than anyone else. Does Aurora? Obviously. Can I ignore him? Probably. I do most of the time. Is he useful? Will he protect them? Absolutely, and that’s what matters.
Jax and I can focus on hockey and Aurora without all the worry and complications. Reece can give her all the flowery shit.
“That doesn’t mean we should add him to our relationship.” He stops at my door. “This,” he gestures between us, “is perfect.”
I swipe my key card and push open the door. We need to get to Boston. We’re already running late, as usual, and still, he doesn’t go to his room. He follows me in.
“You and I spend a lot of time together. We haven’t always gotten along.” I recall the days he was throwing helmets at me and smirk. “It took time.” I grab my partially packed bag from the floor and toss it onto the bed. “And I’m not suggesting we add him,” I tack on, because I’m not.
I have no idea how this will play out. It’s up to Aurora. My priority is having someone with her while we travel, someone who’ll make sure she eats and has everything she needs.
She’s comfortable with Reece. They were alone for months and never crossed the line. Why would they now? She’d never betray us.
Jax cocks his head and furrows his brows. “You think it’s the same? You think if I spend time with him, he’ll become you?” He rakes his fingers through his perfectly tousled hair. “He’ll only tear us apart.”
I grip his shoulder and give the tight muscle a squeeze. “I won’t let that happen. Now, go pack.” I unzip my duffle and pull out a hoodie. “I promised Aurora I’d stay with you two tonight.”
“Does this mean nothing to you?” His voice elevates, taking on an edge of panic. “I’m not sharing a bed with him.”
“Calm down.” I shrug off my suit jacket and lay it on the bed then kick off my dress shoes. “He doesn’t want us, only Aurora.”
“Calm down? Seriously? Do you want him?”
My head snaps up, and I blink at Jax. “What?”
He thrusts a hand in my direction. “Will you be sleeping with him? Fucking Aurora with him?”
“No,” I stretch out the word. “What in the world is going on?”
“You fuck her with me. Why not with him?”
“I’m not interested in him.” In my shocked state, the words slip off my tongue.
“Are you interested in me?”
Everything goes white, and the room tilts. Oh my God, I’m having a stroke. “I’m… What?”
“You watch me fuck Aurora. You’re okay being naked together. You use my cum as lube.” He lists my sins off, one by one, using his fingers. “You gave me a striptease a few nights ago.”
My pulse skips a beat or five, then races. Not a stroke—I’m having a heart attack. No, worse: I’m aroused, my dick twitching in my suit pants. Why is my dick twitching? “That’s…that’s not what I meant.”
He steps closer. “What did you mean then? Why wouldn’t you do the same with him?”
My mouth goes dry. I’m woozy. Can you have a stroke and a heart attack? At the same time?
“It’s just sex.” Even as I mumble the words, I know they’re a lie. I lived that way once; it’s not even close. Before, I never thought twice about my sexual partners. Now, I can’t stop thinking of Aurora and Jax.
His face twists into a grimace, his brows furrowing deeper. “You’re okay with anyone?” He swallows hard. “It means nothing to you?”
“No, I’m not saying that.” I yank the hoodie over my head, only to realize I’m still in my dress shirt and tie. What the fuck is happening right now? “It’s sex. It’s fucking great. Do we need to dissect it?”
“So you won’t mind if I’m with him, if I fuck her with him? Since it’s just sex?”
My brain goes to them in bed touching. Not Reece and Aurora, but Jax and Reece. I wince. I flash back to the drive to the hospital after Kyle hurt Aurora. I was livid, shaking with rage. My chest felt like it’d explode, the same as now.
With a clenched jaw and a threatening stride, I press Jax against the wall. “Is that what you want?”
He doesn’t answer. His pupils dilate, his lips part, and dangerous, forbidden thoughts slam into me. My fingers around his throat, his mouth on mine, our tongues intertwining…
I’m suspended in the air, unable to breathe. “Don’t look at me like that.”
His voice goes places it doesn’t belong. “How am I looking at you?”
Like you’d worship me.
And fuck, I want that. I want my captain.
I saw this coming from him , not me , and I never expected it to be this intense, this all-consuming.
I ball my fists, fighting the urge to reach out and cross that line. “Don’t.”
His gaze flickers to my lips. “Why?”
A cold sweat breaks out over my entire body. “You’re my player. I’m your coach.”
“That’s it?” The corner of his mouth curls up. “Yet you sleep with me, live with me, have me pinned against the wall.”
I stumble back and gather my wits. This can’t happen—I can’t be what he needs.
It’s better to kill his fascination now and save myself the heartache.
“I’m not doing this, Jax. It’s sex, nothing more.
You’re being too emotional, too attached.
” I lay it on thick. “I don’t want Reece. Calm the fuck down.”
His devilish eyes sharpen with hurt and disgust. He pushes off the wall. “See you at practice, Coach ,” he throws over his shoulder.
The door clicks shut, and I collapse onto the bed. I stare blankly at the endless city lights and sink into self-loathing.
Fiery orange flecks, the color of autumn leaves, circle his pupils. Every word, every detail, replays in my mind, that scorching gaze seared into memory.
I hate myself. I extinguished more than just the desire in his eyes; I killed the light in them too. He feared Reece would destroy us, and I’m the one who tore our relationship down. There’s no returning to sharing a bed, a girl, a family, not after what I said.
“See you at practice, Coach.”
We’re back to the beginning, back to him despising me, and I can’t blame him. Wait—why did he say he’d see me at practice? I’ll see him tonight. Unless…
I shove my feet into my shoes and haphazardly toss my clothes into my bag. I don’t bother hanging my suit. I cram it in with the rest and rush out the door.
He wouldn’t take off, not again. He wouldn’t do that to Aurora. Still, I have a feeling he isn’t with her right now. He’s too angry, too wounded.
I drop my luggage at their room and bound down the stairs to the lobby, just in case.
He’s not there, and he’s not at the valet, the restaurant, the gym, or the pool.
I find him at the rooftop lounge and bar, leaning over the glass railing, staring out at the Manhattan skyline, no drink in his hand, thank fuck. I’d never forgive myself.
It’s a beautiful winter evening, not a flake of snow or drop of rain, only a crisp breeze dancing in the air. Still, it’s far cooler than Jax prefers.
Up here, there’s hardly anyone. Sensing me, he peers over his shoulder. Our gazes meet briefly before he glances away, his eyes wild, wrecked, a punch to my gut.
I swallow hard against the burning in my throat and wrap my arms around him from behind. “I’m sorry.”
“Nope. Fuck that.” He tenses and makes a weak attempt to escape me. “Stop touching me.”
If he wanted, he could fight harder. I’m taller and bulkier, but he wouldn’t think twice about throwing an elbow or a headbutt at anyone else, no matter their size. Instead, he allows me to hold him while his heart beats an angry rhythm.
I don’t deserve his trust, and words fail me. “I didn’t mean it,” I manage.
“Yes, you did.”
“No…” My argument dies, because, fuck, he’s right. “I meant to hurt you, to push you away. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, and I’m sorry. I’m an asshole.”
He shifts his weight and drops his head back against me. “You are.”
I gaze at the Queensboro Bridge for a long while.
“I found out my mother died the morning of my last game,” I blurt.
“We were at home, and the team wanted me to sit out, but I refused. I talked a lot of shit, played tough, but that night, I wasn’t focused.
My mind was elsewhere. I turned my back on the defender and got leveled.
Didn’t stand a chance; my head hit the ice, and it was lights out.
I lost everything that day, everything I’d worked my entire life for, and I’ve been…
” Trying to recover that weightlessness, that feeling of security, ever since. “I’ve been coaching, you know?”
It was all I had once, but not anymore.
Before I can fully process that thought, the icy wind whips his hair across his face, and he brushes it aside. His blond hair is getting longer, taking on a darker, sandy-brown hue, and his tan is fading. I bet he’s eager to get back to the West Coast. I doubt he’ll ever be truly happy in New York.
He clears his throat. “Do what you need. Focus on your career. I can take care of Aurora and the baby. I won’t bother you.”
I won’t bother you. Did I not hear the same from our girl? Who’s next? My kid? What the fuck is wrong with me? Am I having a midlife crisis?
One thing’s for sure. “I don’t want to lose you or Aurora. I’m just…broken.”
“No, you’re not.” No hesitation, no wavering in his voice. “You’re the greatest man I know.”
That might not be saying much, but my eyes water. I hug him a little tighter. “Can we go back to the way we were? Please?”
He doesn’t respond, and my stomach flips as my chest tightens. “Jesus, you’re giving me a heart attack.”
He snorts. “You’re not having a heart attack, old man. I won’t allow it.”
I nuzzle the curve of his neck with my beard, and he shivers, a tremor rippling through him.
“Stop it.” He elbows me in the ribs. “Go play with your boy toy.”
“He’s not my boy toy,” I say through gritted teeth, putting him into a headlock. “I’m about to make you my boy toy if you don’t shut up.” I playfully shove him away.
He spins around and flashes me that crooked grin. “Promise?”
“Princess.” Reece smiles politely and opens the back door of the SUV.
“Viking,” she greets with nothing more than a curt nod, not even a glance.
His smile widens, and the corners of his eyes crinkle with amusement. Rather, he understands her better than I do; their nicknames hold some deeper meaning I’m unaware of, or he’s ecstatic to hear his name from her mouth.
Whatever Reece is grinning about, it’s enough for Jax to flip me the middle finger as he rounds the front of the vehicle.
I arch a brow. “Is that an offer?”
“It wasn’t aimed at you.” He smirks. “You were just the one staring at me.”
Dick.
I take Aurora’s hand and help her into the backseat, climbing in after. The valet loads their ridiculous amount of luggage and shopping bags into the trunk, and Reece gets behind the wheel.
It’s hard to ignore how much he likes her.
Loves her? It’s in the way he refuses to pull away until she’s settled.
The way he sneaks glimpses of her in the mirror, though her head rests on my shoulder.
The way he plays her favorite pop music—but not too loud, because she gets overwhelmed easily.
The way he carefully drives as if he has the most precious cargo on board—which he does, and I’m confident I made the right decision by letting him in.
I peer over at Jax to gauge his thoughts, only to find him already looking at me.
Our gazes meet, but before I can read him, he glances away.
He rests his head on Aurora’s shoulder and closes his eyes.
She runs her fingers up his neck and into his hair, and I kiss her temple.
My two favorite things, right here, together.
Nothing is better than this.
The next day, I’m standing behind the player’s bench. It’s a tied game against my former team, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a wreck inside.
Jax doesn’t speak to me. No banter. No borderline flirting. He engages with his teammates and maintains his usual high level of intensity, even after missing a much-needed goal, but he pays little attention to me.
His behavior is no different from any other player, but my heart physically aches. I could use his brand of humor today, along with two more goals.
“O’Reilly, fucking score, will ya?” I shout over the roaring crowd and the blaring music.
He could crack about a dozen sexual innuendos, but he doesn’t.
He huddles with his linemates and plans a flawless play, where he executes a fake and passes to Grant, resulting in a goal.
Then, he drafts another with an assist from our goalie, Killian, which nobody expected.
It’s an impressive performance, one they’ll be replaying on SportsCenter all season long.
If he keeps this up, I won’t be able to afford his next contract.
At intermission, we’re up by three, and I slap his helmet in celebration. I get no response. Coming down the tunnel, he laughs and jokes with Grant, and I head into the locker room with my temper focused on a new target.
I know who I’ll trade if I lack the money to keep my star player.
Jax doesn’t need to be distracted by his best friend. In fact, he doesn’t need two best friends.