Chapter 9
Riley
I race for the nearest bathroom and get there just in time to empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet.
I drop my head onto the toilet and give myself this moment to feel weak, overcome, and confused.
And then I lift my head and flush. Standing to my feet, I wash out my mouth and wash my hands.
I take a steadying breath. I’ve stayed out of this war with the skinwalkers because I was too young; my father and brother have protected me.
But tonight, it just became personal. I stare into the mirror as a horrible thought hits me.
What if I’d bonded with him? I don’t even know if that’s possible, but...
a shiver runs down my back. How long had he been planning this?
I’ve been friends with him for over a year now.
I feel my stomach cramp as I realize how I’d been played.
I close my eyes feeling stupid and simple.
Somebody knocks at the bathroom door, and I know it’s Reid.
I glance at the door, not wanting to open it; but I know I’m going to have to face him sooner or later.
Before I can overthink it, I pull open the door; and there he is.
Too many things hit me all at once. The first is his scent.
I’ve always known Reid’s scent; I grew up with Reid.
He’s my brother’s best friend and was and still is always around.
We used to be close, once upon a time; until we weren’t.
His scent now hits me differently, much differently.
The next thing to hit me is the reminder that Reid is tall, like really tall.
The worries I had about my mate not being tall are certainly no longer valid.
Reid almost makes me feel short with his six-foot six frame.
Then there’s the worry that my mate would be human and weak; well, that’s certainly not the case.
I’d just watched his wolf tear the throat out of a skinwalker.
Obviously, strength wasn’t going to be an issue.
“Riley.”
My eyes jerk upward and meet his. I take in the brown of his eyes that matches the rich brown of his hair.
They've always had a golden sheen to them, especially when his wolf is present. I’ve always thought Reid had gorgeous eyes.
I realize belatedly that he asked me a question.
“What?” I make the mistake of meeting his eyes again and get sucked right in.
“Are you okay?”
His words are so soft and gentle, so very different from the wolf that just brutally killed Peter. My stomach churns again. “No. Tonight has been,” I pause, trying to find the right words. “A disaster.”
“Did he hurt you?”
I open my mouth to tell him no, but the word gets lodged in my throat.
I shake my head instead. I don’t want to process that particular question.
He didn’t physically hurt me, but I thought we were friends.
I can’t believe who he turned out to be, and I’m seriously doubting my discernment.
There are so many things I want to say, but I settle on one. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Regret flashes in his eyes for a moment, but it’s gone so fast, I wonder if I imagined it. He glances over his shoulder and then back at me. “I want to have this conversation, but I don’t know that right now is the best time. You still have people here to celebrate with you.”
I cross my arms over my chest and rub my arms. “I don’t really feel like celebrating, but you can.”
“Riley,” he starts.
“Why didn’t you just tell me, Reid?” The question comes flying out once again.
Then I lift my chin. “Is it because you don’t want to be my mate?
I mean I’m not quiet. I’m loud and stubborn and—” I don’t get to finish my thought because he steps right into me, making me move back a few steps, so he can close the door behind him.
“Whatever thoughts you’re having right now, don’t even bother finishing them. That’s not why I didn’t tell you.” His voice is low and stern and...sexy.
Oh boy. I shut down that thought quickly, and I stare him down. “Then why? I deserve an answer.”
His eyes are earnest when they meet mine.
“Because when I found out you were my mate, you were fourteen, Riley.” Shock keeps me silent.
“Fourteen.” He lets that sink in a moment.
“There was no way I could tell you. First of all, your father or your brother, or even your mom, for that matter, would have killed me. Second, you were way too young to have our bond hanging over you.”
Our bond. The words play over and over again in my head, and I have to force myself to focus.
“I wanted you to be able to grow up free and not have a mating bond hanging over your head. I wanted you to be able to experience everything you wanted to experience.”
“You could have told me; it would have been fine.” I argue. “At least I would have known.”
He stares down at me, intensity radiating from him. “You would have been trapped, and I didn’t want that for you. I wanted you to be free to go where you wanted to go, do what you wanted to do, and not have to worry about me. So, I gave you that. I gave you time to be you.”
I take in his words, and there’s clarity there, even if I don’t want to admit it. I study him, suddenly curious about his private life. “So, you’ve never been with any other girls?”
He scoffs. “You know the answer to that.”
“Did you hate it?” I blurt out, unable to keep the question back.
“Hate what?” he asks in confusion.
“The fact that you have a mate so much younger than you.”
He smiles then, and I think my heart stops beating.
Reid’s always had a really good smile, but I think tonight, it’s gotten even better, somehow.
“No. Never. I got to watch you grow up. I got to watch and listen and learn everything there is to know about you before you even knew I was in your orbit.”
“Oh, please. You don’t know me that well. We haven’t talked in like—”
“Three years and three months,” he says cutting me off.
It suddenly hits me. “That’s why you stopped talking to me?”
He frowns. “I didn’t stop talking to you.”
My eyes widen. “Yes, you did. You stopped paying any kind of attention to me.”
He stares down at me, his eyes pleading with me to understand. “Because you were my mate, and you were fourteen.”
“Well, I lost my friend.” The words come out before I can stop them.
“One day, we did everything together. Or, you did stuff with Zane and would let me tag along, the next, you wanted nothing to do with me.” Even I can hear the pain in my voice, and I hate that.
I shake my head, taking a breath. “It’s fine. I just...I need out of this bathroom.”
“I never disappeared from your life, Riley,” he says quietly. “And I certainly never meant for you to think I was no longer your friend.”
I can’t do this tonight. The walls feel like they’re closing in on me, and I need out. “Listen, I just need out of here, please.” My voice cracks on the please, and it annoys me so much; but it also gets him to move.
“Okay.” He takes a step back.
Before he can leave the bathroom, I force myself to say the words on my heart.
“I don’t want to bond, not yet,” I rush to say, so he knows I’m not rejecting him.
“I need time. I finally got away from my parents and their over-the-top protection this past year. I’m finally free.
I want time to experience college and playing basketball here before we commit to this, if we commit to this.
” To his credit, he doesn’t say anything; but his eyes flash with my last statement, letting me know he’s not happy with what I’m proposing.
Only when I’m quiet does he speak. “Of course, Riley. It’s never been my goal to make you feel trapped. I want you to experience all those things too.”
Relief flows through me at the same time panic does.
What did I just do? Before I can spiral, I take a deep breath.
“Thanks for understanding, Reid.” And now, I’m really ready to get out of this bathroom, that seems to be getting smaller by the second.
He nods at my words. After a brief moment, he finally opens the door and steps out.
I hear voices, voices I ignored while we were in the bathroom; and I know there’s no avoiding the next few hours.
I start towards the living room, but he stops me.
“Riley.” I turn back to face him. “Can I see your wolf? Not tonight,” he adds quickly. “I know it’s too much to shift again. Just,” he pauses. “Sometime.”
Thinking of my wolf has me smiling for the first time in the last hour. “You might rethink meeting her.”
There’s a curiosity in his gaze. “Why?”
I shake my head. “She’s strong and stubborn and aggressive. She stayed up with my dad during the entire run.”
He gives me a slow smile, and I feel my stomach dip. “She sounds like she’s got some alpha in her.”
“Yeah, that’s what my dad said.”
“Well, she is your wolf.”
“I’m not an alpha,” I remind him.
“No, but you’ve always had alpha in you.”
I shrug because I can own up to that. “Yeah. I know. I’m strong and stubborn. I don’t know, Reid. Maybe you’ll decide you don’t want anything to do with this girl who’s got some alpha in her.”
His eyes meet mine, and the levity I was going for falls flat. “I won’t.”
“You could, though.” I’m not really sure why I’m pushing this with him, but everything feels so off.
He takes the few steps remaining between us, so that we’re almost toe to toe. “I won’t change my mind about you. I accepted the bond between us years ago.” His voice softens. “Go enjoy your party.”
A rush of panic hits me. “Wait, are you leaving?” I immediately try to cover my panic. “I mean, you can. I just was curious.”
“I’ll be here, Ry.” I swallow. He hasn’t called me Ry in a long time, just over three years to be exact.
“Okay. Just,” I swallow and try to rein in my thoughts that are pinging in all different directions. “Let me know before you leave.”
He nods. “I will.” I look over my shoulder towards the party and then back at Reid. The look in his eyes softens. “It will be okay. Just enjoy the party; we’ll figure everything else out when we’re ready.”
“What do I tell people?”
“You don’t have to tell people anything; you don’t owe anybody an explanation.”
I scoff, “That’s such a guy response.”
“Well, pretty sure I’m a guy. Seriously, if anybody wants to know, just send them to me.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m not going to do that; I can handle a conversation.”
“Riley!”
I turn to see my mom approaching at a quick rate. She pulls me into a tight hug. “Your father told me what happened just now. Are you okay?”
“I’m good.”
She turns to look at Reid, and I realize it’s already started. People are going to find out; there’s no avoiding this. So, I don’t balk at it. “Reid’s my mate.” I feel his gaze on my face, but I don’t look up at him. I frown. “You don’t exactly look shocked. Did you know?"
She smiles. “Yes, Sweetheart.”
“How did you know?”
“How did I not know?” she asks in response. “I smelled his scent every morning when I went outside.”