Chapter 9
NINE
“I want you to fuck me, Jace.”
My hands shook as Jace stared at me, drinking me in until he saw right into the depths of my soul, searching for any lies in my breathless words. He wouldn’t find any, but my nerves still rattled against my ribs.
I meant what I’d told him. In the past, sex had become an afterthought, one in a long list of experiences I sacrificed for the sake of my education and survival.
Not to sound conceited, but I’d had plenty of offers over the years—college friends who suggested ways to release some tension, other bartenders who wanted to celebrate the end of the shift in style.
However, sex required trust, a willingness to let someone see you at your most vulnerable, and that was a line I refused to cross.
But with Jace, handing my trust over was as natural as breathing, as if he’d owned this part of me before our paths ever crossed.
I didn’t know what it was about him that made me so willing to drop all my defenses, but it terrified me.
Not enough to leave his bed right now, but enough to make me tremble.
I tried to hide it, but he noticed, and his fingers traced the lines of my jaw, forcing my eyes to meet his. “Are you sure about this?”
“Please, Jace.”
As his eyes searched mine, my entire body throbbed with anticipation. I needed this man to get inside me, or my head might implode. Jace continued to track every tick of my face until he sighed and pressed his forehead to mine.
“We’ll go slow,” he promised. “If you need me to stop, just say so. I don’t want to hurt you.”
He shifted over to his bedside table, pulling out an unopened box of condoms. I swallowed as he peeled off his shirt and shucked his jeans and boxers away.
God, the muscles on this man made my brain numb.
Obviously, as a professional athlete, physical fitness was a job requirement, but seeing him on the screen was nothing like being with him in person.
I reached out, running my fingers down the planes of his abs.
My throat dried up when my eyes darted down, taking in the size and girth of his cock.
Shaking my head, I looked up at him. “Seriously?”
Jace chuckled as he stroked himself and then sheathed the condom over his impressive length.
Shit, maybe I wasn’t prepared for this. It had been a long time since I’d had sex, and the first couple of times weren’t the most pleasant experiences.
There hadn’t been that blissful moment when the pain faded away into pleasure.
Instead, it had been uncomfortable and put me more on edge than ever before.
As he moved toward the bed, Jace stared down at me, like I was offering him so much more than my body.
He tugged on his length again, lip tucked between his teeth.
Jace leaned down and nuzzled along my neck, and a shiver coasted down my spine.
“Are you worried about me fitting inside you, Kins? We’ll take as long as we need to get you there. ”
“Promise?” I said, hating how broken my voice sounded.
He reached out and cupped the back of my head, bringing our foreheads together. “More than anything. I want this to be good for you too.” He pulled back to search my expression. “You ready?”
He waited until I kissed him, claiming his mouth as if it belonged to me.
When we parted, I closed my eyes, waiting for the intense pressure, but Jace took his time.
Instead of bursting through my defenses, his fingers entered my core, stretching me until another orgasm built inside me.
His lips never left mine as his thumb found my clit, strumming circles as his fingers continued to explore.
A gasp left my lips as I hurtled closer to the edge. “Jace…”
“That’s it, baby. Just relax and come for me. Promise I’ll always make it good for you.”
His hushed words against my skin pushed me over the edge. My nails dug into his shoulders as he kept thrusting, not slowing until the rush passed. But as soon as my climax stilled, he was there, waiting with his tip at my entrance. His dark blue eyes searched mine before he pushed inside me.
A stuttered moan escaped from the back of my throat as he worked himself deeper, taking a little more with each thrust. His lips continued to caress my skin, from my neck to my jaw and back to my lips. “You’re doing so good, Kins. Taking me so well.”
“Jace…” I cried out as he tormented me. The pressure faded away, leaving behind a craving I’d never experienced before.
Between the gentle brushes of his lips and the languid way he shifted inside me, I needed more.
My hands reached out, pulling him tighter against me.
My nails dug into the flesh of his ass, and Jace let out a surprised laugh.
“Keep doing that, and I’m going to lose all control. Trying to go easy on you, baby.”
I shook my head. “Don’t. I’m not going to break, Jace. I can take it.”
“You sure?” I dug my nails in a little more. Jace hissed under his breath and then leaned back on his haunches. “If it gets to be too much, you tell me.”
“Come on, hotshot. Give me everything you’ve got.”
“That fucking mouth.” Jace grinned. “Must be something wrong with me. Every time you insult me, my cock gets harder.”
I went to tease him more, but then his hands found my hips and slammed me onto his cock, proving his point.
Holy. Shit. When he said he was holding back before, I should have listened, because this was like night and day.
While his touch had been sweet, almost reverent, this time, it was brutal and claiming in all the best ways.
My hands gripped the sheets as Jace continued to pound into me, turning my body into his to use.
“Fuck,” I moaned as pleasure and heat teased my spine. “God, Jace. Don’t you dare stop.”
“Never,” he said, the word coming out in sharp pants. “This fucking pussy is my version of heaven, Kins. I want to live inside of you forever.”
Pleasure ruptured all my coherent thoughts, and I barely remembered my name, let alone an answer.
A gasp escaped me when he reached down and toyed with my clit.
It was enough to break through all my barriers.
I screamed his name as the orgasm crashed through me, unable to keep my eyes open when I returned to Earth.
Jace followed only seconds later, his arms shaking as he tried to hold himself up.
Once the pleasure left his gaze, his eyes found mine.
“Where the hell did you come from, Kinsley?”
My nails ran down his chest, and I smiled when he shuddered at my touch. “Guess that means it was good for you?”
“Good?” he laughed as he slowly pulled out of me. He sat up to clean himself, but before he left, he kissed my forehead. “Woman, you just ruined me for life. Can’t feel my legs, but I want to have you again.”
I wanted to have him again too. The sudden intrusion almost made me sit up.
Oh God, what had I done? Tonight was supposed to be a quick detour from my life, to forget everything for one night.
But being around Jace—being in his arms—was more natural than anything had been in a long time, as if the pain of the past month was worth it to lead me here.
When Jace returned to the bed, I half-expected him to ask me to leave. Instead, he gathered me in his arms and pulled me close, guiding my head to his chest. It was nice—comforting, in a way I hadn’t felt in a very long time.
As his arms held me close, it was easy to pretend this was just the beginning for us, that my life could be so much more than the losing battle I’d fought on my own for so long.
Jace’s lips pressed against my forehead, and he breathed me in.
I shuffled against him, staring up at his already closing eyes. “Should I go?”
“Stay,” Jace muttered, pulling me closer. “Please, Kins. Stay here with me.”
I nodded, and Jace softened against me, holding me close to his chest. As his eyes shuttered closed and his breathing evened out, I shifted to stare at him.
I reached out, toying with his dark blond hair.
It was just long enough that the ends had started to curl, and I loved how soft it was between my fingers.
In sleep, his face softened, reminding me of his genuine smile, the way his lips pulled more on the right side.
Jace would be easy to fall for. Hell, I’d only known him one day, and I was already halfway there.
Too much. Way too much, way too soon. Fear flickered in my chest, the crushing reality making the room suddenly seem too small.
I needed to get out of here while I had a shred of my sanity still intact.
While he continued to sleep, I slipped out of his bed into the adjoining bathroom. After cleaning up, I moved in front of the sink and stared into my reflection. I didn’t recognize the person staring back at me.
Over the past few weeks, I’d lost a lot to my grief.
My appetite, my smile, and, most of all, my happiness.
For one night, I’d tried to grab it back, tried to wrench it away from the darkness inside of me, but as I stared at myself in the mirror, it was still there, lingering in the shadows lining my eyes.
I scoffed before I headed back into the bedroom.
The rising sun broke through the curtains, highlighting the smooth wooden floors and the dark navy sheets.
My eyes traced the beam until it reached Jace, still soundly sleeping in the same spot.
He deserved more than I could give. No matter how much I wanted to be ready for someone like Jace, I wasn’t.
Not yet, at least. Not when I was still trying to remember how to stand on my two feet.
One night was all I had to give.
Jace twisted in his sleep, reaching out to the empty side of the bed. His brow furrowed when he only grabbed air, and he sat up, searching for me in the dark. When he found me by the bathroom, he stretched out his hand. “Come back to bed.”
“I can’t,” I said, stepping closer to him. As soon as I got within reach, he tugged me to his chest. “Need to get going. I have a lot I have to do today.”
“Do it later,” he grumbled, his eyes closing again. “Not done with you yet.”
I didn’t want to be done with him either, but after a lifetime of trusting my head over my heart, I wasn’t about to change now. Better to leave this one perfect night than ruin it by asking for more.
Wanting to avoid the argument, I climbed into the other side of the bed and gave him one last kiss, hoping to savor it for as long as possible. “Get some rest, Jace. Thank you for tonight.”
“Don’t leave. I’m not done with you, Kinsley,” he repeated, yawning as he dropped back against the pillow.
I waited until his breathing evened out before I threw my clothes back on and headed out the door.
But before I could exit Jace’s bedroom, I turned back and stared at him, taking another mental picture to hold on to.
With one last sigh, I slipped out of the room, sure I would never see Jace Lyons again.