Chapter 12
TWELVE
“I’m sorry, what did you just say?”
All the color drained from my face as the on-call doctor stared at me, annoyed impatience coloring his expression. He’d barely been in the room for a minute, already prattling on about the dozen patients waiting for test results. But that was before he uttered the three words I refused to believe.
“You’re pregnant, Miss Woods,” he repeated and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. “From the look of things, you’re already approaching your second trimester. Almost twelve weeks, if you reported your last menstrual cycle accurately.”
Pregnant.
Everything in my body had gone numb, and my mind refused to process his words, no matter how many times he repeated them.
My eyes blinked, my breaths went in and out of my lungs, but there was nothing happening behind the scenes.
My brain was a wide, open field, only the word ‘pregnant’ in the clouds above it.
“Kins?” Chelsea’s voice broke through a little of the mist. She squeezed my hand a little tighter, not having let go since the doctor walked into the room. “Did you hear what Dr. Arnav said?”
I nodded, and Chelsea wrapped her arm around my shoulders, steadying me when all my instincts screamed at me to run. I held on to her, just as I’d borrowed her strength all morning.
“You had no idea?” Chelsea asked. “Did you miss your period?”
“Yes, but that’s not exactly strange for me.” I grimaced up at the doctor. “My cycle’s never been regular. It could be three weeks, could be six months. Depends on my stress level.” Which, for the last three months, had been at an all-time high.
Dr. Arnav nodded. “I’d follow up with your OBGYN when you leave, but we can do a scan to get a quick measure. Check the heartbeat for you.”
I frowned down at my stomach, trying to recall health classes from middle school and where my uterus was located. Everything seemed the same. The same pouch I’d had my entire adult life, the same bulge over the hem of my leggings—a little more bloated, but I’d blamed my stomach bug.
Not the freaking embryo growing inside it.
“I’ll grab the machine and the ultrasound tech, and then we’ll get you home.” Dr. Arnav stepped closer to me, and my eyes snapped up to meet his worried scowl. “Is there someone else you’d like to call before we do the scan?”
Oh, God. Did he mean the father? Oh, fuck no. The idea of telling Jace snapped me out of my stupor, and I climbed off the table. As Dr. Arnav and Shannon tried to calm me down, I reached out and snatched the file off the counter. “This is some kind of joke. It’s not me. I am not pregnant.”
Dr. Arnav’s eyes darted to the door, as if willing someone to come into the room.
He tried to take the file back, but I held tight, scanning the numbers as if they’d make any sense to me, hoping—no, praying—for some sort of mistake.
But there, at the top, was my full name, the test results below it for the world to see.
Pregnancy Test—POSITIVE
“Fuck,” I muttered as I handed the file back to the doctor, unable to meet his eyes.
He gave me a sad smile as he tucked it back under his arm. “I’ll give you a few minutes, and we’ll return to check on you.”
I held my face neutral as he left the room, but as soon as the door closed behind him, I let out a loud wail, dropping my face into my hands. “I’m so stupid. How the fuck was I so stupid?”
Chelsea stepped closer to me, pulling my hands away from my face.
She tried to soothe me, but nothing worked.
I was too in my head to take a breath. I need my mom.
Just the thought of her being here made the tears fall even harder.
How would she feel about all this? She always talked about being a grandmother one day, constantly teasing me about using her plants as practice.
But this was not how she would have wanted it to happen—right?
Would she be disappointed in me? Angry? When I was a teenager, she’d given me a box of condoms, not wanting me to repeat her mistakes.
Not that she ever called me one, but she also didn’t want anything to alter my plans.
Well, jokes on me, Mom.
“What do you want to do?” Chelsea asked, breaking me out of my mind.
“Huh?”
She frowned down at me. “You have options, Kinsley.”
Options I never thought I’d have to take.
It was so easy to make that choice when it wasn’t actually in front of you.
When I’d talked about it in the past, I’d been so sure I’d end an unwanted pregnancy.
Right now, my career was my priority—there would always be more time for everything else, like having a family.
But if losing my mom taught me anything, it was that there was never as much time as you’d like.
“I mean, I have to end it, right?” I asked, searching her eyes, but they betrayed nothing.
“My bills are already piling up, and I can’t afford to live on my own in the city.
I mean, shit, Chels, I’m not exactly a functioning adult.
How can I be someone’s parent?” Shaking my head, I pulled my hands back and planted them in my lap. “It’s the best choice for everyone.”
“If that’s your decision, you know I’m with you,” Chelsea breathed. “But I think you should still give it a little bit more time. You just found out ten minutes ago. Let the shock wear off before you make such a major life decision.” She paused, and my stomach twisted with nerves.
“What?”
She sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “What about the dad?”
Color bloomed over my cheeks, and I stared down at my fingers, toying with the edge of my chipped nail polish. “We’re not together. It was a stupid, reckless one-time thing.” With way too lasting consequences.
Jace’s face popped into my head, and, for a moment, I pictured a baby with his traits. Dark blond curls and blue eyes so dark, they almost seemed navy. Would they have his smile? That almost shy one he reserved only for me? Or would they take after me, all warm tones and full curves?
Chelsea let me stew in my silence as we waited for the technician, and when she knocked on the door, we both jumped a little. The wheels squeaked on the linoleum floor as she pulled in a mobile ultrasound machine, and I sucked in a sharp breath. This was getting way too real.
But despite the nerves overtaking me, when she asked me to lie back, I complied.
The cold gel made me tense, staring at the panels on the ceiling.
My thoughts raced as she tapped buttons on the screen, and Chelsea stood by my head.
“Do you want me to go?” she whispered as the tech prepared the machine.
“No,” I said, snapping my hand to hers. “Please…I don’t want to do this alone.”
Chelsea nodded. “Then I’m not going anywhere.”
Later that night, Chelsea reluctantly headed back to her place, giving me some space to process. As much as I loved her, I needed to soak in everything on my own.
Well, processing might be an overstatement.
Denial was still my best friend. The moment I got home, I flopped onto the couch, not even bothering to turn on the television or any music.
Instead, for the past two hours, I’d stared down at the black-and-white image, the one the tech snapped of my growing baby during the ultrasound.
They said everything looked good, but to me, it looked like nothing at all.
A little bean—nothing that should be enough to shatter all my plans.
I was officially about eleven weeks pregnant.
Every rational part of my mind screamed that I should end my pregnancy.
I only had a few days to make the call. But even as I searched for a local clinic, the heartbeat still pounded in my ears, making it all too real.
It was probably the right choice, but now, the idea soured my stomach even worse than the morning sickness.
Since the moment I lost my mother, I’d been alone in the world, desperate to have her back with me.
And while my baby wasn’t the same as having her with me, it was a piece of the family I’d lost. A chance to shower my child with love, just as my mom had with me. A chance to rewrite my future.
I could do this.
It wasn’t logical—if I looked at it from an outsider’s perspective, they’d probably think I was making a huge mistake. However, as I stared at the image, my mind cleared and the answer became obvious. The baby had already burrowed itself into my chest.
Probably should stop calling the baby an it.
“What do you think?” I said. “Little bean? Yeah, I think I can work with that. What do you think? Should we see if your dad wants to be involved?”
The only answer was a gurgle from my stomach.
With a groan, I forced myself to my feet, rummaging through the snacks Chelsea and Mark had brought by earlier.
My stomach still couldn’t handle any dairy—just the idea turned me green—but the strawberries made my mouth water.
After I pulled out the container and started washing them in the sink, I grabbed my phone, forcing myself to go to Jace’s social media page.
Okay, so maybe I’d checked it a time or two, trying not to think too much about his hands on my body.
My heart sank when I saw he hadn’t updated anything in a while.
The last post was a joint message from him and the Hawks stating he’d be heading back down to the Triple-As for the next season.
Ignoring the empathy wriggling through my chest, I tapped on the messaging icon, trying to debate what the hell I should say.
Oh hey, hope you’re good. By the way, your baby is growing in my uterus.
Not exactly subtle. Did Jace even remember me?
While I’d seared the memories of our night together into the back of my mind, for Jace, it was another in a long line of hook-ups.
The strawberries suddenly smelled rotten, and I pushed the bowl to the side.
Even if that were the case, it didn’t matter; he deserved to know about our little bean. After that, the choice was up to him.
With a long sigh, I typed and deleted an ungodly number of messages before pressing send.
Jace, it’s Kinsley. We met at The Skyline and spent the night together. It’s been a while, but I need you to call me. Please. It’s important.
In the next message, I left my number, hoping he would see it soon.
When the message went through, I closed the app and then rushed into the bathroom, vomiting my meager dinner into the toilet.
Fuck. How was I supposed to do this? Easy to say I wanted to stand strong, but actually doing it was another story.
When presented with the choice, I’d always been more of a flight than fight kind of girl.
After I rinsed my mouth out, I returned to the living room, scanning through the jobs Shannon had sent my way.
She really wanted me to stick around, and I had asked the universe for a sign.
Would have settled for a billboard or a job offer, but I guess a baby was a pretty big one.
Most of the listings were at other bars, which didn’t seem like the best choice.
Glancing at my LSAT practice books in the corner, I let out a long sigh.
I might not have to put the test off for more than a couple of months.
In the meantime, I needed to find something with better health insurance before I gave birth.
Just the idea of not having enough to help cover the hospital costs made me nauseous all over again.
I kept staring at my phone, willing Jace to call me, but with each passing hour, it seemed less likely. By the time midnight rolled around, my fear had morphed into anger. I picked up the phone and pulled up his profile, leaving yet another message begging him to call me.
Nothing. No response.
Opening the app back up, I clicked on my inbox, and ice rushed through me when I saw the message was marked read.
What the hell? I refreshed the page, wondering if I’d accidentally deleted his response or sent it to spam.
But as I checked each folder, not finding it, I typed his name in the search bar, ready to resend it if that’s what it took.
But when I pressed search, his profile was there, but I couldn’t access it.
Bile rose in the back of my throat. It had been there only minutes earlier, with years of pictures. Had Jace blocked me?
Oh my God, he blocked me.
In all the worst-case scenarios I’d imagined, the idea of Jace blocking me never even crossed my mind. My hand clenched around the phone, in complete disbelief I’d read him so wrong.
“Fuck him,” I muttered as I stood from my couch, staring out at the city surrounding me. Jace might have been a mistake, but he’d done one thing right.
He’d given me something to live for, a reason to push myself out of my grief. Even if our paths never crossed again, I’d keep a piece of him with me.
Always.