Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
“Remind me again why this is a good idea.”
My hand clutched the phone as I stared at the building, keeping the soothing motion of the stroller with the other. God knew the minute I stopped moving, all hell would break loose, and I wasn’t ready to deal with a crying baby on top of my already fraying nerves.
Chelsea sighed into the phone, keeping her tone soothing.
She must have memorized this speech after giving it to me several times last night and this morning.
“Kins, you and I both know you and Anna need this. She should spend more time with other babies, especially now that she’s starting to talk and walk.
And we love Anna, we really do, but with the bar being so busy and our late hours—”
“You’re right,” I sighed, running my hand over my face. “God, why is this so hard?”
“Because it's something new, and that can be scary. Especially with Anna. But I promise, it’ll be okay. This place gets amazing reviews. All the other parents raved about it.” Chelsea said. “Now, repeat after me: this will be great for everyone.”
“This will be great for everyone,” I grumbled.
I stared down at my daughter sleeping in her stroller, taking in her chubby cheeks and long eyelashes. Her pale blonde curls stuck out from underneath her pink knitted beanie, a handcrafted gift from Chelsea on her first birthday last month.
They’d stuck with me for my entire pregnancy; Chelsea came with me to every appointment, and Mark helped me get my mom’s condo ready for a newborn. In the end, it only seemed right to raise my daughter in the place my mother had raised me, keeping a piece of her alive with us.
But Chelsea was right. Now that Anna was getting older, she needed to be around other kids, needed to develop essential social skills we couldn’t teach her.
The sign outside the daycare center glowed, the words Sunshine Academy painted in a deep gold.
Flowering trees and bushes lined the path from the parking lot, making it as welcoming as possible.
Plus, it was only three blocks from our house, which meant I’d get here quickly if needed.
“Kins?” Chelsea called through the phone. “You still with me?”
“Yeah,” I answered, swallowing the lump in my throat. “I’m trying here, Chels, but I’m leaving my daughter with strangers. What does that say about me as a mother?”
“That you’re trying to provide the best life possible for Anna,” she said. “Now, get in there before you’re late for the tour.”
“Fine,” I huffed. “But at the first sign of anything strange or fishy, I’m getting out of there.”
“Please,” Chelsea scoffed. “No one is going to ever hurt my niece, not while I’m around. The first sign of something fishy, and we’ll all be there, knocking down the door.”
Without another word, she ended the call, and Anna stirred in her stroller.
I pushed her forward, moving toward the front door of Sunshine Academy.
I’d hoped she’d sleep a little longer so I could ask my questions uninterrupted, but as we approached the entrance, her dark blue eyes blinked open.
Her little gloved hand reached up to wipe her face before she smiled up at me and motioned for me to lift her.
“Soon, baby. Give Momma a couple minutes, and I’ll snuggle you for the rest of the day.”
As my daughter babbled to herself, a brunette woman with a bright grin pushed open one of the glass double doors. “You must be Kinsley and Anna. I’m Victoria. We spoke on the phone.”
I held out my hand as I tried to direct the stroller inside. “Yes, hi! It’s so nice to meet you in person.”
Victoria moved to the side to help me, showing me the entryway to the center.
It was cozy, set up with a couple of lounge chairs and a bunch of toys for the children.
Murals lined the walls, making it seem like we’d stepped inside an enchanted forest, from the wooden shelves to the faux branches, leaves, and fairy lights lining the ceiling.
The entire place seemed magical, and it even mesmerized Anna.
I unbuckled my coat and tucked it under the stroller, and Victoria smiled down at my daughter.
The moment of peace broke, and her face crumpled as she let out a loud wail.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered. “Anna gets a little fussy if her nap gets cut short. I also should check—she might need to be changed.”
“No problem,” Victoria beamed, pointing to the other side of the room. “There’s a table in there if you need it.”
Grabbing my bag, I changed Anna into a dry diaper and then rejoined Victoria out in the hallway.
As I approached the center’s director, her youthful appearance stood out even more.
How old could she be? Not much older than me, that was for sure.
She pulled her dark hair into a tight ponytail and wore casual yet professional slacks and a flowy shirt.
Victoria seemed effortlessly stylish, and it made me tug on the hem of my shirt, praying there wasn’t a hole in the armpit.
My insecurities wrapped around me like a sweater three sizes too small, especially when Victoria beamed down at my daughter.
Anna reached out, making grabby hands she usually only reserved for me.
Don’t get me wrong, she adored spending time with Chelsea and Mark, but I was used to being her person, the one she wanted to hold her at all times, the one she searched for in every room.
“Do you mind?” Victoria said as she stepped a little closer, holding out her arms. “The best part about this job? The extra baby snuggles.”
“Oh,” I said, holding Anna a little tighter. My little girl didn’t like that one bit and squirmed to get closer to this new woman. “No, that’s okay. You don’t have to.”
Victoria nodded in understanding. “It’s hard, isn’t it?”
I blinked back at her. “What do you mean?”
“Letting someone else in. A stranger.” Victoria let out a long breath, pushing a couple of errant hairs away from her face. “I own this place, and it was still hard to drop off my son. Literally went into my office and cried for an hour.”
Her honesty made some of my defenses drop. “You’re a mom?”
“Yup,” she answered. “I have a daughter, Emilia, and a son, Zachary. If you decide to enroll Anna, she’ll be in class with my little guy.”
Anna started fussing again in my arms, desperate for a bit of freedom. She couldn’t walk yet, but the girl was determined to be as independent as possible. Victoria waited by my side, and I sighed. “Do you mind taking her for a little bit?”
“Not at all.” Her resulting grin told me she spoke the truth. I passed Anna over, staring as my little girl’s face morphed from a tear-filled frown into an all-consuming grin.
“How did you—”
Victoria beamed back at me. “Oh, trust me, my son’s the same way. I can hold Zach for hours, and nothing will soothe him, but my husband walks into the room? The kid’s a goner.”
As Victoria led us through the hallways, I couldn’t help but steal peeks at Anna curled up in her arms. A tug-of-war broke out in my chest, stuck between wanting to retrieve my daughter and studying Victoria to learn her soothing ways.
The woman was a natural with the kids, and all the ones at the center seemed to adore her.
Even the teachers welcomed her into their rooms, and she answered every question I asked, no matter how ridiculous.
When I found out we were meeting with the director, I almost expected some buttoned-up suit who spent their days locked behind their desk, but from the way Victoria entered the rooms and joined the activities, she clearly spent more time interacting with the kids than anything else.
That eased a bit of my nerves, glad to see how each classroom held so much joy.
Art projects covered a wall, all sloppily done but hung with pride.
Even the babies’ room had decorations that the students must have made, different hand and footprints lightening up the otherwise neutral tones.
And the entire time, Victoria swayed with my baby, talking to her in a cheery-sing-song voice.
Anna’s eyes searched the room, especially when the other children came around to greet us.
The familiar nudge of motherly guilt overwhelmed me as she stared at them.
Had she ever hung out with kids her age before?
Thinking about it now, she was always with adults.
It wasn’t like we had a large extended family with cousins and friends to play with.
God, Chelsea was right, and she would never let me live it down.
After we toured all the rooms, Victoria brought us to a quiet office at the end of the entryway, lined with pictures of children and enough drawings to fill a museum. I took it all in as I sat in the chair opposite the desk, soaking up the positive energy buzzing around me.
Don’t get me wrong—I loved being a mom. From the moment Anna was born, she became my everything.
But it was also hard fucking work, especially doing it on my own.
I’d never regret my decision, but as I stared at the framed family photos behind Victoria’s desk, I couldn’t help the jealousy that crept over me.
“Okay,” Victoria cooed to Anna in her lap. God, this woman’s ability to multi-task put everyone else to shame. “On your application, you left Dad’s information blank. I have to ask—is he involved?”
My throat closed as my eyes darted to my daughter, taking in the features I knew all too well.
She was a clone of Jace, from her blonde curls to the deep ocean depths of her eyes.
Even her smile made me think of him, remembering how it shifted from his crowd-pleasing smirk to something secret—genuine—just for me.
The memories were still ones I held close to my heart, even though a bitter resentment washed over them when I thought about what happened afterward.
Oh, well. I’d tried to contact him, and, barring showing up at the stadium and shoving Anna in his face, there was nothing more to do.
After all, he was the one who blocked me and didn’t even want to listen to what I had to say.
It was his loss. Anna deserved a family who wanted to be around her; if Jace didn’t, it was on him.
Forcing away my resentment, I shook my head. “No, it’s just the two of us.”
God, please let that be the end of her questions.
Just the thought of Jace brought my anxiety flaring back to the surface.
I couldn’t handle talking about the circumstances that left me pregnant and alone.
When people found out I was a single mom, they either gave me a pitying smile or asked invasive questions.
But Victoria shocked me when she did neither. She marked something on her paper and then returned her attention to me. “And what about allergies? Has anything come up since we last spoke?”
My eyes blinked slowly, unsure if I had heard her correctly. “That’s it?”
“What do you mean?”
“About her dad. People want to know every detail. Find out why he’s not in the picture, even if it’s our first conversation.”
Victoria rolled her eyes. “That’s no one else’s business.
If you want to tell me, you can, but I get the whole judgment thing.
” She spun in her chair, pulling out a photo of a young girl in fourth or fifth grade.
Victoria smiled at the frame before handing it over to me.
“That’s my daughter, Emilia. I had her when I was only nineteen.
” My eyes must have widened, because she chuckled.
“Yeah, I get that look a lot. Luckily, her father is very hands-on, but plenty of people thought we were making a mistake.” After she placed the frame back on the shelf, she reached out with her spare hand and placed it on top of mine.
“It’s been our mission here to support all families, no matter their circumstances.
I have to ask right now, but trust me, this is the last time it’ll ever come up if you decide to enroll Anna at our school.
” She grinned at my daughter, who looked at Victoria with a wide, drool-filled grin.
“As a fellow mom, I promise, this is a safe place for both of you.”
Her words lifted a heavy weight off my chest. Until she spoke, I didn’t know how much I needed to hear them.
Judgment was a familiar friend, and it seemed like it had only gotten worse when I became a mom.
Every choice I made, someone thought it was the wrong one, and no matter how hard I tried, I felt like a failure.
My eyes stung with the threat of tears, which had been happening too much since Anna was born.
Goddamn hormones. I tried to blink them back, to will my vulnerable side away, but it was too late. The bastards slid down my cheeks.
Victoria passed me a box of tissues, sitting in silence with me as I got myself together. She bounced Anna on her lap, making my daughter giggle. It was just what I needed.
“All good?” she asked when I wiped the last of my tears into the tissue.
I forced myself to smile. “Better.”
As Victoria continued to ask me easier questions, I sat back in my chair, letting a small ember of hope build in my chest. It might only be the first visit, but I already had a good feeling about this place, especially with Victoria at the helm.
She filled me in about her partner, Hadley, who was out for the week.
Apparently, both their partners had jobs that required travel, so they took turns running the place.
For two hours, Anna and I sat in that little room, embraced by the Sunshine Academy community.
She’d gotten brave about halfway through, shakily crawling over to the other kids playing.
Just the sight of her laughing with other kids made the choice easy when Victoria leaned over and asked, “So, what do you think?”
“I think it’s perfect. It’s going to be a great fit.”
For both of us.