Chapter 22
TWENTY-TWO
I loitered by the door of my bedroom, unsure how to take the step into the next room. Jace was here. In my home. The past forty-eight hours seemed like the worst kind of fever dream, and, no matter how hard I pinched myself, I couldn’t wake up.
“What are you doing? Get out there, Kins.” The monitor in my hand shook as I reached out to the doorknob, giving Anna one last glance before leaving the quiet comfort of my room.
The moment I walked outside, Jace’s scent hit me.
Woodsy, warm—like being wrapped up around a campfire in the middle of a summer night.
It was soothing but also jarring, out of place inside my home.
He wasn’t supposed to be here, wasn’t supposed to be a part of my life again.
But from the moment he spotted Anna, that was no longer an option.
Jace failed to notice when I slipped out of my room, and I studied him.
He paced the length of my living room, his hand running through his dark blond curls.
My fingers itched to do the same, remembering how soft it had been years ago.
Not an option, Kinsley. Jace might not be the villain in our story, but that didn’t mean I was ready for anything more than co-parenting between us.
We’d shared a bed for only one night, but he was a part of Anna’s life—we were linked forever.
Well, if he wanted to be a part of Anna’s life.
God, I hoped he did.
The idea of him—of anyone—choosing to walk away from my daughter made my jaw clench.
My dad choosing not to be a part of my life left lasting wounds, and that was the last thing I wanted for her.
It was hard enough knowing she had so little family already, but if my mom were still here, she would have been the best grandmother.
She would have spent every waking hour doting on Anna, teaching her family recipes and what blooms to plant for the spring weather.
Suddenly, Jace stopped moving, his feet stilling on the dated carpet.
I took a step back. Please tell me he didn’t notice me watching him like an obsessed fan.
Instead of turning to face me, he walked over to the bookshelf and crouched down on his haunches.
My heart lurched as he picked up a photo album, the one Chelsea had put together for Anna’s first birthday.
I opened my mouth to stop him, but Jace thumbed through the pages, landing on the very first one.
Oh, God. Not that one. Of course, Chelsea just had to put a picture of me over nine months pregnant.
I’d been huge, almost fifty pounds heavier thanks to all the water weight.
She insisted I was glowing—liar. There was nothing glowing about that picture.
Jace stood, keeping his eyes on the photo.
His thumb swiped over my belly, and my chest constricted.
What was he thinking when he saw that? Pregnancy was one of the worst experiences of my life.
The books lied when they said the nausea passed after the first trimester—it took almost six months for mine to subside.
My legs swelled, my lips doubled in size, every part of me felt like an over-inflated balloon, but I’d do it all again in a heartbeat for Anna.
As he moved toward the couch, Jace looked up, meeting my waiting gaze. His eyes gave nothing away, a blankness I couldn’t decipher. He cleared his throat, holding up the album. “Sorry, I—”
“It’s okay,” I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. “My friend Chelsea made that for Anna’s birthday. Sort of a commemoration of her first year.”
Another nod. God, I’d give anything for one of his cocky smirks right now. A little quip. Anything other than this silent brooding that overwhelmed the space between us. He moved to the couch and glanced up at me, waiting until I motioned for him to take a seat. “Is it okay if I keep going?”
Now, it was my turn to nod. His jaw clenched as he flipped the pages, moving from my baby shower to Anna’s delivery. My pale face frowned from the picture, tubes and monitors linked up to every part of me. Jace stared at me with a question in his eyes.
“It was a rough delivery,” I said as I moved to his side. Heat from his body bombarded my senses, making it hard to focus on anything but Jace. “Should I…”
“Please,” he whispered.
“What do you want to know?”
He turned and searched my face, and my heart thumped louder in my chest. “Everything.”
I inhaled slowly. I hated talking about that day.
It was one of the scariest moments of my life, terrified something was going to happen to Anna, that I wouldn’t be around to raise her, to be her mother.
Clearing my throat, I shifted on the couch.
“I’d gone in that day for my regular appointment, but my blood pressure had sky-rocketed.
” I frowned at the memory of the doctor’s face, paling with each tick of the blood pressure machine.
Numbers higher than I’d ever seen blinked back at me, and the room spun around me as the beeps came closer and closer together.
“By the time I got to the hospital, I was a wreck. They put me in this tiny little room and attached so many monitors, I couldn’t move.
“They tried to induce me.” I shook my head.
“It didn’t work, and my blood pressure stayed high, so they gave me a choice—give the induction more time to work, or have a c-section.
” I reached over to Jace’s lap and turned the page to the next picture, the one of Anna being held by my head.
Jace’s finger stroked Anna’s light blonde curls.
“I didn’t want to wait; I needed to see her for myself and make sure she was okay.
” I leaned back on the couch. “From there, everything moved so fast. I was out of it from the meds, but it felt like only seconds later, she was here. My perfect, healthy little girl. But I still panic every time she gets hurt or sick. Brings me right back to that moment: the not knowing.”
Jace kept turning the pages, sitting silently as I explained each one.
He never said a word, never blamed me for him missing out on these moments in his daughter’s life.
Could I blame him if he hated me? Not really.
If the roles were reversed, I’d never be able to forgive him for keeping this massive secret.
I should have tried harder, should have found other ways to contact him, but we couldn’t change the past. When he reached the end, I didn’t want to close the album, wishing there were millions more pictures to give him.
“Jace, I—”
He cut off my apology when he snapped the cover closed and stormed over to the bookcase, sliding it back into place with a little too much force. He turned back toward me and ran his hand over his face. “Not trying to be an asshole, but I have to ask. You’re sure she’s mine?”
My face blanched. Of course, he needed to know. He had no reason to believe me about my lack of sexual partners before he crashed into my life, upending everything. I forced my chin to dip. “There was no one else, Jace.”
His eyes darted to the bedroom door, and my throat tightened. He didn’t believe me. I continued, “We can do a paternity test. I get it. There’s no reason for you to trust me.”
“No.” The force of the word made me jump.
No? Why not? It was the smart play. I should have asked—no, demanded—for a test before we moved forward, if only to erase any questions that might come up later.
But before I could argue, Jace held up his hand.
“If you say it was only me, then I believe you. I don’t need a test.”
“Are you sure—”
“Kinsley.” His voice was so soft, so compassionate.
I had never been very fond of my name. Too many syllables and room for mispronunciation.
But the way Jace breathed it out, it was all I wanted to hear for the rest of my days.
Jace stepped closer. “I’ve missed too much already.
I’m not going to waste any more time with Anna. ”
“Are you sure?” I chewed on my lower lip, stealing a glance at my closed bedroom door.
As much as I wanted to sink into this thing with Jace, there was someone else who mattered more, a little girl who didn’t ask to be thrust into the middle of our drama but needed us to be the best parents possible.
By the time our eyes connected again, steel reinforced my spine.
“Because you need to be, Jace. Being a parent means you need to be there, even when it’s inconvenient.
You can’t come in and out of Anna’s life when it suits you. ”
“Is that what you think?” His voice came out sharp, and I flinched. He cursed under his breath and stared up at the ceiling. “You really think I’m not gonna stick around?”
“I don’t know,” I breathed. “This—all of this—is new to me. A couple days ago, I assumed we’d never see you again.
And now, you’re standing in my living room, and I just—” Jace’s stern gaze met mine, and a little of my ire deflated.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen next.
Jace, we don’t know each other, not really.
And that little girl is my life. I’ll fight for her, even if that means making you upset.
So before you decide anything, think really hard about if this is what you want. ”
He stared at me for so long, I closed my eyes, waiting to hear his footsteps rush out the door, but they never came. Instead, the space next to me on the couch sank down, and fingers brushed along the apples of my cheeks.
“I’m in.”