Chapter 27
TWENTY-SEVEN
“And then, he just left.”
I jammed the fork into my avocado, trying to get it to mash down into a paste.
But of course, the fucking thing wasn’t ripe enough.
Stupid fucking fruit. Why the hell did you need a doctorate to figure out when to buy the damn things?
As my jabs became more intense, Chelsea came over and ripped the fork out of my hand.
“Okay… I don’t know what that avocado did to you, but I’m taking over. Unless you want Anna to eat pulp.”
Looking down into the bowl, I grimaced. Okay, so I’d taken out a little of my aggression on my daughter’s lunch.
Not fair, but it was all I had, considering that the person who irritated me was flying out to San Francisco for the next four days.
“I just…I don’t get it, Chels. Sure, I was nervous, but it wasn’t like I asked him to stop.
And then…poof. All those promises disappeared. ”
Relinquishing the fork, I moved over to the other side of the kitchen, and the couch came into view.
Fuck you, couch. I’d call it the scene of the crime from now on.
Every time I walked into the living room, it was like Jace was there, Anna sleeping on his chest. They looked so perfect together, and when he asked to hold her a little longer?
I’d melted right into a puddle. But that spell broke when I’d walked into my bedroom and put Anna down in her crib.
Then, awareness spilled over me and made my entire body shake.
“I think I do.”
Chelsea’s voice broke through the fog, and my eyes narrowed. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”
“Oh, if Jace was in the wrong, you know I would be. I’d be the one holding the pitchfork. But I think, in this case, he made the right move.”
“What?”
She set the bowl between us. “Be honest, what would have happened if you hooked up with Jace that night?”
Panic. Pure panic. All night, I’d dared him, teased him—led him on.
However, when I stepped out of my room, the reality terrified me.
It was like standing on the edge of a cliff, staring out into the deep waters below.
Sure, jumping might be the most freeing, exhilarating moment of your life, but there were also so many risks.
And as much as I wanted to let go of that fear and jump in with Jace, every time I tried to take a step forward, my feet refused to move.
Chelsea shook her head, already knowing the answer.
“You would have freaked out and then spent the next week avoiding him, forcing him to have to chase you down. And that can’t happen, Kins.
Not with Anna. So, yeah, I think he’s right.
You need to decide what you want before you two get any more involved. ”
That was the question, wasn’t it? What did I want with Jace?
My body craved him. There was no denying that fact.
Even after years apart, the memory of our night together was still there.
How he moved inside me, all that brute strength commanding my body like no one else could.
Even when I’d been by myself, fantasizing about that night, it never compared, only a whisper of what Jace brought out in me.
But beyond that—I’d never allowed myself to think of that as an option.
I’d shoved Jace into a box when he returned.
Anna’s dad. I’d tried to draw lines between us, keeping us in the safe co-parent zone.
However, every time he came over, my heart beat faster, as if it had been waiting for him since the moment he left.
When he was around, I laughed more freely, felt less alone, and seeing him with his friends—his family—showed me another side of him.
When Brianna told me how he helped Damien, how he always stepped up behind the scenes, it clicked for me.
Jace might show the world one side of himself, but behind closed doors, he cared deeply for the people surrounding him, wanted to be someone they could rely on.
My throat tightened, unsure how to handle this influx of emotions.
Since my mom died, I hadn’t let many people get too close, instead focusing on Anna and building a better life for her.
But what if, just this once, I took something for myself?
Let Jace in and take a chance that we could be so much more. That we could be everything?
My hands shook, so I clasped them together.
Glancing up at my friend, I cleared my throat.
“H-how am I supposed to let him in, Chels? He’s Anna’s dad.
That has to come first. And if I do anything to mess that up?
” My eyes met hers. “They’ve already lost too much time.
If we start something and it doesn’t work out—I can’t be selfish and risk it. ”
“Oh, Kins.” Chelsea came around the counter and wrapped her arms around my shoulder. “It’s not selfish to want love, even with Jace. You keep looking at this like it’s bound to fall apart.”
“It probably will,” I said, forcing my fears out into the world.
Why would Jace be the one to break the curse?
My dad had left—I never even learned his name.
My mom hid her illness from me for months, not bothering to tell me until she had only weeks left to live.
After a lifetime of being left behind, I was so fucking tired.
I shrugged. “You’re the only one who has stuck around, Chels.
Everyone else leaves, even my mom when she got sick—I lost so much time because I was too busy to notice all the signs. ”
Firm hands gripped my cheeks, forcing me to face her. “Don’t take that on, Kins. Your mom made that choice, decided she wanted you to live, not dwell on her.”
My tears started out slow, but they quickly morphed into body-shuddering sobs.
My hands gripped my best friend as she held me close, her hand stroking my back as I let go of all the regrets I’d held on to for so long: the pain of losing my mom, the anger of her keeping such a devastating secret, the overwhelming regret of wasting so much time focusing on work instead of the people who mattered most.
At least we’d had twenty-four years together—not nearly long enough, but it was more than some people got.
And as tempting as it was to curse the universe for taking her away from me, it might have been time to shift my thinking.
Instead of being so angry, I paused, choosing instead to be thankful for the years we shared.
She showed me how to be a mother and left me a place to raise my daughter.
My tears started to slow, and a slight smile formed on my lips.
When the last of my tears dried, I pulled back from Chelsea’s shoulder and brushed my cheeks with the back of my hands. She kept rubbing my arms, running her hands along the sleeves of my sweater, waiting for me to exhale before she shifted away, but she kept her eyes on me.
“God, I’m such a mess.”
“Nope,” Chelsea answered. “All of us need to let it out, Kins. You’ve kept everything bottled up for too long. But…” Her voice trailed off, and she leaned back in her seat. “You need to talk to Jace, even if it’s to keep things platonic for now.”
My spine stiffened. Platonic? Was that what I wanted? Everything inside me screamed out no. The idea of him being with someone—of me being with anyone else—twisted my stomach.
Wasn’t that all the answer I needed?
The tears had seeped into the thick walls around my heart, bypassing the rocky, hardened surface to let in a little hope.
It wasn’t enough to break them down—I had to choose to do that—but for the first time, I didn’t want to run away from it, didn’t want to hide behind my fears and let them control me.
Not anymore.
I paced the living room hours after Anna fell asleep, staring at my phone on the coffee table. Post-game interviews played on the television in the background, but I paid them no mind, counting down the minutes until Jace got away from the crowd.
All night, I practiced the words I wanted to say, tried to figure out the best way to be honest but not overwhelm him.
As much as I wanted to trust him when he said he wanted more, I couldn’t ignore Jace’s past. No serious relationships.
But could I hold that against him when I’d never been in a relationship either?
While he’d been out, spending most of his days with social media models and other beautiful women, I’d been at home, my nose buried in textbooks and study guides.
Not that it got me anywhere—they still sat on the bottom of my bookshelf, a layer of dust covering the spines.
When my phone rang, I jumped out of my skin, my hand trembling as I answered the call. Jace’s face filled the screen, his hair darker and damp from the shower. His hotel room was in the background as he propped himself on the bed, his chest and shoulders bare.
“Hey,” he said. “Sorry I missed bedtime.”
“It’s okay,” I answered. “How are you feeling about the game?”
“Like shit.” Jace sat up. “Knew it would be a tough one, but we should have done something. Couldn’t catch for shit tonight either.
” He wasn’t wrong. As much as I wanted to argue with him, the Hawks hadn’t been at their best tonight.
They’d lacked that usual chemistry on the field, missing too many catches and striking out far too easily.
“Don’t want to talk about it, if that’s okay.
I’d rather focus on better things. How was Anna today? ”
“Good,” I mumbled, trying to figure out how to broach the topic I’d been weighing for hours.
Jace frowned, shifting closer to the phone. “What’s going on, Kins? Is Anna alright?”
“Yes, yeah,” I mumbled, looking up to the ceiling as if it held all the answers.
“Then what’s going on?”
With one last, unsteady breath, I turned to meet his worried scowl. “I’ve been thinking…”
“And?”
“IthinkIwantmorewithyoutoo.” My words came out jumbled and in a rush, almost a match to the pounding in my chest.
Jace’s face didn’t shift, but, even through the screen, the tension radiated off him. “Say that again, Kins. Slow this time.”
“I think…” Deep breath in. “You asked me to be sure, and I am now. I want you, Jace. I w-want to be with you.”