48. Loveleena
LOVELEENA
By the time Loveleena had returned to her dorm room, the sun had long set in the sky.
She had eaten the biggest meal of her life after going the entirety of the day without any food and was ready to crawl into bed for the night.
But her plans were interrupted when she found Kumani sitting up in bed, reading. Waiting… for her.
“Where have you been?” Kumani’s accusation filled the room, despite her attempt to be casual.
Loveleena flopped down on her bed, exhausted. “Please. Not this again. I’ve had a long day.”
Kumani snapped her book shut. She could feel Kumani’s glare without looking. “You come to the Academy on a whim, with no luggage or possessions, might I add, all to copy my assignments and run around in secret? You’ve been gone all day. Nowhere to be found.”
Loveleena sat up, finally meeting Kumani’s eyes. “How’d you know? About the assignments, I mean.”
“You’re not that good at hiding things, you know.”
“I didn’t think I would be here this long…” The truth caught in her throat, fighting to escape. She thought she would have reunited with Park and returned home by now. At the very least, she thought she would have found out what happened to him.
Kumani scoffed. “You thought you’d come here for whatever privileged delusional self-centered reason and just return home?
Like nothing happened?” Kumani’s accusation smacked her in the face.
Hearing it out loud made it sound incredibly foolish.
“You can’t just have whatever you want and then abandon it when you’ve had your fill.
You know that’s not how the world works for regular people. ”
Loveleena opened her mouth to speak but shut it again.
“Can you just be straightforward with me? For once?” Kumani pleaded. “I know you. I know you go on all these crazy side adventures just to fill the void left by Park. You drink excessively, sleep around—”
“—Hey! What happened to being pro-female sexuality?”
“I am, but not when you use it to escape reality. To feel like he’s still here. To feel something. You can’t keep running from your grief.”
“I’m not running!” Loveleena spat, suddenly defensive.
“Park went here last year. He was a student, K, and then he just vanished and everyone here is acting like he never even existed.” She hadn’t meant to raise her voice, but she was so tired.
Tired of trying to force information out of people who were determined to keep quiet.
Tired of looking for clues. Tired of wondering if Park was even still alive.
It was a reality she had pushed down for so long.
Reverently denied. But he had been missing for so long, no one knew where he was, and the chance of him still being alive was…
Tears formed in the corner of her eyes, and she willed them back into her tear ducts.
“I came here to find out what happened to him,” she coughed out, her voice thick.
When Kumani finally spoke, her words were gentle. “I know. I heard about what happened in the mess hall. Everyone heard about that. Have you found out anything? I mean, since you’ve been here?”
She shook her head. Truthfully, what had she really found? That Park had run off into the forest? That everyone seemed to be in on some sick joke of covering up what happened to him? What had coming here done for her search other than pour salt on a fresh wound?
“You’re here now. It might take some time, but you will find out what happened to him.” Kumani’s lips pressed together. “But even once you do, you know there’s no going back, right?”
Loveleena met Kumani’s eyes. It was a truth Loveleena had been avoiding. She knew there was no going back once you came to the Academy, and yet...
Maybe, somewhere deep down, she thought once she found Park things would return to normal. Her and Park would return to normal.
“He’s alive,” Loveleena said, unable to accept any other possibility. She believed it, and she needed Kumani to believe it too.
Kumani’s frustration had softened, and she studied Loveleena thoughtfully. “You know, when I first saw you here I thought it was the worst possible thing that could happen.”
“I really didn’t mean—”
“—I’m not finished.” Kumani cut her off, and Loveleena shut her mouth.
“I thought I was cursed or something. But as the days went on, I actually grew to enjoy our friendship.” She chuckled, mostly to herself.
“And then I was even more frustrated that you were keeping things from me. If you would have told me about Park I could have helped. I would have been on your side.”
Loveleena nodded. “I guess I kept you at a distance because I didn’t want to hurt you again.”
“Excluding me actually feels worse,” Kumani offered, and Loveleena got up from her bed to sit beside her.
“You know.” Kumani crossed her legs underneath her. “Even without copying me, you have a natural talent for defense. Would it be so bad if you just… owned it?”
“Nevermind, I’m going back to my bed,” Loveleena grumbled, standing back up, but Kumani grabbed her wrist and pulled her onto the bed.
“Come on. You know you’re good.”
“Maybe,” Loveleena said, lost in thought. They sat in silence for a few minutes, before Loveleena finally said what she had been holding in since the morning after she arrived in the mess hall.
“He didn’t even tell me he was coming here. I’m his best friend.”
Kumani sucked in a breath before letting out a deep sigh. “Whatever reason Park had to come here in secret, he would want you to fight. To be the best you could be here, whether it’s to become a Defender or not.”
She contemplated Kumani’s words as they lay beside each other, staring up at the ceiling.
She knew in her heart that Kumani was right.
Park would want her to do more with the opportunity she was given at the Academy than she had so far.
There was no going back, and she was here for the long haul whether she liked it or not.
She decided right then and there that she would be the best damn Defender the Academy had ever seen.
For Park.
“He’s alive, K, and I’m going to find him.”
“Then I’ll do whatever I can to help.”
“Friends?” Loveleena offered.
Kumani’s smile was all the confirmation she needed. “Friends. As long as you’re honest with me.”
Loveleena nodded.
For the first time, Loveleena contemplated the possibility that she might actually enjoy being a Defender—might even be well suited to it.
The problem was that it went against everything she was.
Not just her noble roots, but the fact that she had grown to hate this place for the way it glossed over Park’s life like it was nothing.
Maybe, the life of a Defender was her true calling.
Or maybe, it was simply a means to an end.
Either way, it was time to fight fire with a blazing, angry, vengeful fucking torch.